U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > North Carolina > Coastal North Carolina
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 01-10-2008, 07:14 PM
 
22 posts, read 84,629 times
Reputation: 15

Advertisements

Your family and friends, that is? My husband and I lived in Wilmington for 2 years and left for many reasons, mostly due to the guilt we felt from family about taking our 2 kids away from them. Now, we long to return to NC. It is what we both want, but are not ready for the backlash of others.

For those of you who have relocated, how do you deal with leaving family and the guilt of leaving everyone?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-11-2008, 07:33 AM
 
107 posts, read 253,764 times
Reputation: 37
we came from NE ohio 13 yrs ago, our kids were 10 & 8. we always talked about moving south to get away from the cold and snow, but dont think we really discussed moving away from family. For me it wasnt to bad to be away, I did miss my grandmother greatly, but my wife threatened to leave just about every month for ten years. And we probably should have while the kids were still young, but as they got older it got harder to uproot them. we would go back like twice a year, summer and xmas. and have our hearts torn out everytime we pulled out of my grandmothers driveway waving goodbye to her at the door, and imediatly making plans to sell everything and come back, but as usual life takes over you go on back to your routine. We have a good life here in NC, kids are off to college and things have worked out pretty good. Would they have if we stayed in ohio? dont know, probably. Always felt guilty for moving away till this day, but we have a great understanding family that did make it easy for us to be away. Having kids helped because we were able to get involved pretty quickly in the community, so for us I know we made a good decision to be here and it has made us a strong family, the 4 of us, and makes us cheerish the times we do spend with families that so many others take for granted.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-11-2008, 10:58 AM
 
22 posts, read 84,629 times
Reputation: 15
Thanks MJinNC. It's nice to know you don't regret the move looking back and that your kids were successful there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-11-2008, 01:43 PM
 
Location: OH, NC
20 posts, read 54,624 times
Reputation: 22
I've never felt "guilty" about not living near family, however, I was homesick a lot of the time, and as my parents aged and I had a young family it was difficult to return to help them out. I wish we had lived nearer to my family so my kids could have know their grandparents better and perhaps they would have a better sense of "family." As MJinNC said, we too went back holidays and a week or two in the summer but it's not the same as living about an hour away. Now that the kids are out of the house it's easier to see my Dad, but the time with my MOM is gone forever. I think if I had a chance to do it again I would try and live closer to my family but sometimes job opportunity makes it difficult. You need to do what will be best for you and your current family, not the extended family! HOpe this helps. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2008, 07:31 PM
 
Location: NC, USA
7,088 posts, read 13,044,384 times
Reputation: 3984
You have the right to live where ever you choose. If others are pressuring you to stay someplace you would rather not be, they do not have your best interest at heart. Explain to them that they can come visit in your new digs. I am not sure why anyone would feel guilty for leaving family, the object is for a parent to raise their children so well that the parents are no longer a necessity, the child will become self-sufficient. With luck the parents and child will also be friends and friends do not impede in one anothers' emotional growth..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2008, 07:49 PM
 
Location: yep i made it to wilmington!
40 posts, read 203,553 times
Reputation: 40
Anytime you endeavor to follow your heart or make a move for the better, you will undoubtedly face opposition. Sometimes it comes from the people closest to you such as family and friends. It's never easy to deal with, but it is a part of life. You will never be able to keep everyone happy all the time, it's just impossible. If you and you husband are in agreement, that is all that matters.

Good luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-13-2008, 08:17 PM
 
Location: NC's southern coastline
452 posts, read 2,127,632 times
Reputation: 351
You just do it. It sounds harsh, but you have the right to make the *right* decisions for yourself and your own family (kids, spouse)...don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Especially if you know where you want to live and know you'll be happy there.

All you can do is just let people know that you're moving to the best place for you, and that you're not doing it to be inconsiderate of them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-14-2008, 02:55 PM
 
22 posts, read 84,629 times
Reputation: 15
Thanks for all of your responses...they gave a lot of insight and encouragement.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2008, 04:19 PM
 
12 posts, read 125,076 times
Reputation: 31
I have lived overseas for 12 years. It was difficult at first. I had never lived more than a few miles away from my family and now I'm on the other side of the world!
I was homesick a lot but really loved my new home too. Family pressure was hard....my mom was constantly asking "when are you coming home?" There was a lot of guilt.
Eventually, they came to visit and when they saw that my husband and I were really happy, "when are you coming home?" turned into " we miss you, but we can see why you like living there."
We try to visit as often as possible and I call frequently and email, send photos, etc.
It DOES get better. Do what makes YOU happy. Everyone else will get over it in time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-20-2008, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Ellicott City, MD soon to be New Bern, NC
49 posts, read 250,677 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by McKendan View Post

For those of you who have relocated, how do you deal with leaving family and the guilt of leaving everyone?
I grew up in the military, then married into it, so being away from family was not traumatic until I moved to New Bern without my kids. The adjustment if hard, but a couple of my kids are in Va Beach where I grew up, so we see them often. My daughters in Maryland and my son in New York are making plans to move south, so it may work out for the best. I predict they will all be in Southern Va soon. In the meantime, I live in a new community that has a lot of social activity. We joined Newcomers' Club and have met a lot of nice folks. I still work, and probably will for a couple of years. But then I look forward to hoisting sail and traveling up the coast to see my kids. I love it here, and most of the "locals" are from somewhere else. I can't count the number of folks I have met who moved here to join family members that had moved before them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:



Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > North Carolina > Coastal North Carolina
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top