A little morning humor for the group, this is priceless!!
MEMBER2MEMBERNEWS
I GOT THREE FOR YA
Numero Uno -- Brian Walker, Head Professional at Founders, was taking inventory
recently and opened one of the Callaway shoe boxes. Guess what? The brand new
Callaway shoes were missing and a crusty old pair of Adidas was in the box. Some
dude came into Founders, tried on the new Callaways, liked them, and placed his
old shoes in the Callaway box and walked out with brand new free golf shoes.
Numero Dos -- One of our residents routinely buys and listens to books on CD
while driving his car. When he finishes listening to a few CD's he drops them
off at the St. James Library for others to share. Nice guy. He has left dozens
of CD's and when he goes back to the library he never sees any of the CD's he
left there. So recently, he dropped off a bag of CD's, some of which were on the
NY Times Best Seller list, and this time our friend secretly marked the boxes.
Guess what? He went down to the Used Book Store in Southport and two of CD's he
had marked were on the shelf in the store. Some dude is stealing the CD's from
our Library and trading them in at the Used Book Store.
Numero Tres -- I had dinner at Members last night and Melanie Hopkins from the
wait staff told me about the missing Sunday newspapers. It seems that for the
last eight Sundays, Members has not been receiving their Sunday Star News. The
paper stays at the bar area for customers to read and share. The gentleman that
delivers the paper assured us that he has put the newspaper in the box at
Members each Sunday. Bill Franko wrote to me and told me that he was at Members
yesterday and Shane from the cart staff said he saw the Sunday paper in the box
at 7:30. Guess what? Someone is coming up to Members and stealing their paper.
You can't make this stuff up! So, be on the lookout for a dude eating the free
breakfast at the Comfort Inn -- he will be carrying the Sunday Star News and he
will have on brand new size 11 ½ Callaway golf shoes, white with black trim, and
he will have a couple of CD's in one pocket and some doggie bags in the another
pocket. Our only hope is that he uses one of the doggie bags to bring home some
sausage links and gets them mixed up with his dog's sausage links.
Someone always figures a way to beat the system. But, what for? A few dollars?
POTPOURRI
How about this weather? Spring is in the air -- daffodils are blooming and the
forsythia bushes are getting ready to burst, and the Jimmies were out walking,
jogging, biking and gardening. It's been gorgeous. It's great seeing gofers in
shorts and golf shorts again. We have had a couple of weeks of good weather, but
this week-end it turned nice. We really live in paradise -- golf, boating,
tennis, beach club, etc. And to all you folks who are waiting to move down here
-- don't wait too long, because those dreaded "Special Announcement" emails will
keep coming from Just Judy.
Aiming points and Fruit Loops. Remember a few months ago when I wrote about
touring our new Community Center and how obsessed Walt Madsen was about the
Men's room and the aiming spots that were in our new urinals? This is actually a
great idea because when men go to the bathroom they don't care what they hit as
long as they hit something. So aiming spots should help to keep stuff were it is
supposed to go. Shortly after I had written about the aiming spots I heard from
Jim Carey about what he does at his house for aiming spots in his toilet. Fruit
Loops. Yup, fruit loops. Jim keeps a supply of Fruit Loops in his bathroom and
when it is time to go he drops a half dozen in the bowl and fires away. Jim
writes, "The Fruit Loops are so colorful when they explode......................................."
Dude, in your dreams!!! Hey, folks, I don't make this stuff up! It really kinda
sounds like fun though. Except I don't have Fruit Loops -- I guess I could use
some dumb old dull Cheerios.
This Fruit Loop Jim Carey is a St. James resident, not to be confused with the
actor Jim Carrey. If you recall, I went to a party at actor Jim Carrey's house
in LA about 1 ½ years ago and at the time he was living with one of my current
squeezes, Jenny McCarthy (the other is Paris Hilton). It wasn't long after that
party that Jenny moved out. It hasn't hit any of the tabloids yet, but I am
pretty sure I was the cause of their breakup. Jenny and I really hit it off at
the party and I think Jim was jealous. Oh well -- he's a nice guy too. The
coughing Rabbi gets around!
Need a new flag? Team St. James is one of Brunswick County's Relay of Life Teams
and they are selling a 3' by 5' US Flags of Hope for $50 (tax deductable) and
this includes the rebar, PVC pole and gold cap and personalized memorial to a
loved one. Money raised goes to the American Cancer Society -- get full
information about this endeavor from St. James resident's John and Chris
Keilman, 253-3326,
jckeilman@ec.rr.com
Bobby got a hole-in-one. Bobby Sherwood. He calls me on Sunday afternoon, all
excited, telling me he got a hole-in-one. Big deal. God, he's annoying! I never
write about anyone getting an eagle or a hole-in-one (unless, of course, it's
me) -- this stuff is for Just Judy. But I think this hole-in one is noteworthy.
I asked him what his score for the 18 holes was, and he told me 91. I said that
is not too bad for a 6000 yard course. Bobby said no, that he played the senior
tees. His hole-in-one was from the green tees. Bobby is in his 60's and can
drive the ball 210 yards so he doesn't need to be playing form the senior tees.
Does this hole-in-one really count? I'll leave it up to you. I vote no. Here is
the worst part. When he finished his round, do you think he went into the
clubhouse and bought a round of drinks? Hell no, not even for this 3 playing
partners. He jumped in his car and went directly home -- the man has short arms
and deep pockets and a lot of money.
Bunkers. Rake um. If your ball is in a bunker you need to go get a rake and
bring it with you when you go in to hit your ball. Don't go in the bunker, hit
you ball and then look for a rake -- it is a time saver to get the rake first,
and you will never forget to rake the bunker when you have the rake with you.
Speed of play. You finish putting out and there is a group of players in the
fairway behind you waiting to hit to the green. In your hand you have your
putter, a wedge, and a seven iron. You walk to your cart and what do you do? Do
you wipe off each club and then put them in your bag before you get in the cart
and drive to the next tee? NO. You need to get in your cart with your clubs in
hand and take care of your business at the next tee. The group behind you is not
going to hit to the green until you move your carts. And don't even think about
sitting in your cart next to the green and writing your scores down. Big deal?
Not really. But it is common courtesy. It might take an extra 30 seconds to wipe
and put your clubs up and write your scores down. Let's see, 30 seconds times
18 holes...........................
Personal stuff. Many of you have asked me how Judith's Mom is doing in FL. A
week ago Saturday her Mom went from her nursing home to the Hospital with double
pneumonia. Yesterday she went back to the Nursing Home still hooked up to an IV
that goes directly into an artery, and she will have the IV in for 2 weeks. She
is feeling better, but from time to time she tries to pull out the IV. At night
she is sedated, but in the daytime Judith will keep an eye on her for the 2
weeks the IV is in. Not an easy deal. You all know that women live longer than
men -- is this a good thing?
I have a big birthday later this week -- I will be collecting Social Security
and Medicare - talk to you all next week.
Bill McCormack
Member2membernews@gmail.com