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A few years ago I spent six months sitting in on AA/NA (Alcoholics Anonymous -Narcotics Anonymous) meetings for a writing job in L.A. Sitting in those circles were teachers, firefighters, cops, actors, housewives, young, old, you name it. Most of them had been in rehab at one time or another. Many more than once. Some were there on their own. Some had been ordered to be there by a court.
I talked to a lot of them about their life stories and not one planned on becoming an alcoholic or druggie. Most of them were solidly middle class and were well educated. Listening to them I realised just about anybody, especially those with a predisposition to the disease, could end up in rehab and sitting in those chairs.
One thing that six months did for me was make me violently anti-drug/drinking. I saw a lot of perfectly nice lives that had been ruined. And I saw people working hard to put them back together. They will all be addicts the rest of their lives.
This teacher made a big step in his own life by admitting he had a problem and seeking help for it. I'm a lot more worried about the teacher who is taking a handful of legally-prescibed Vicodin (probably a lot more) every day and teaching the class while stoned.
A few years ago I spent six months sitting in on AA/NA (Alcoholics Anonymous -Narcotics Anonymous) meetings for a writing job in L.A. Sitting in those circles were teachers, firefighters, cops, actors, housewives, young, old, you name it. Most of them had been in rehab at one time or another. Many more than once. Some were there on their own. Some had been ordered to be there by a court.
I talked to a lot of them about their life stories and not one planned on becoming an alcoholic or druggie. Most of them were solidly middle class and were well educated. Listening to them I realised just about anybody, especially those with a predisposition to the disease, could end up in rehab and sitting in those chairs.
One thing that six months did for me was make me violently anti-drug/drinking. I saw a lot of perfectly nice lives that had been ruined. And I saw people working hard to put them back together. They will all be addicts the rest of their lives.
This teacher made a big step in his own life by admitting he had a problem and seeking help for it. I'm a lot more worried about the teacher who is taking a handful of legally-prescibed Vicodin (probably a lot more) every day and teaching the class while stoned.
Absolutely spot on post. That's exactly what I meant when I said alcohol is an equal opportunity destroyer. It's an eye opening experience, to attend one of those meetings, and quite humbling.
Everyone's done a pretty good job summing things up.
The professor is most likely in no danger of losing his job. Even if he showed up drunk to class, he would have received at least one chance to complete rehab and clean himself up. Employers are required to offer substance abuse and recovery assistance. He should be commended for confronting his problem and getting help. No need for him to lose his job or face undue criticism.
On the other end, if this was something the boyfriend overheard, then he could face issues if it the rumor spread. If this was something that the professor directly told him, then there was no assurance of confidentiality and he was free to tell someone else. The line is crossed when the telling turns into something far more directed and crosses the line into slander.
The best advice for the neice and the boyfriend is to just keep the information to themselves and not give it another thought.
I have never personaly known an alcoholic that I know of. I guess I just have a picture of a sloppy drunk like you see on TV. I didn't think he would be able to teach, think straight, or talk staight if he is an alcoholic. I admit I know very little about how an alcoholic would be able to hold down a job. I guess I need to educate myself a little more on that.
At least you admit that you're clueless on the subject.
My father was a strong functioning alcoholic who was very successful. He was high level officer of a fortune 500 company.
Made amazing money throughout his career. Retired with the utmost respect and a full pension.
It's very possible you know alcoholics, but simply do not know they are alcoholics.
The school couldn't necessarily fire him quickly even if he didn't do his job well. The Americans with Disabilities Act requires employers to provide employees with unpaid time off for treatment (under specific circumstances). It's a one time shot. If the employee screws up again, the employer is under no obligation to keep the employee; however, it could be more difficult to get rid of a professor if the college has a union. Again, it's all subjective to certain circumstances. I'm just sharing that alcoholism can be complicated for a employers.
Regardless, I agree with everyone who says that it's nobody's business if it doesn't interfer with his teaching. I'd tell the neice to find a new boyfriend.
College Profs don't have unions. They do have tenure if they have performed well and were on the tenure track. At any rate, I too agree that this is no one's business.
One more thing to keep in mind:
Her school may have a code against slander.
Should she even repeat that info to anyone on campus it could end up costing her more than anyone else. She needs to speak with someone in her school's EEOC or Student Affairs office to cover her back because should it come out down the line she had knowledge and could still be punished. A statement in her record could save her academic career.
ADA/504 case law does cover alcoholism and the University may have knowledge (if he's receiving EAP services) but that does not stop either party from suing the other should something go wrong.
Excellent advice. The daughter needs to be warned that she could be kicked out of school if she gossips about him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
Alcholism runs in my family. That is why I don't drink. Why even take a chance.
That's the same reason I don't drink. I can't imagine taking a chance. None of my siblings drink for that same reason. BUT my cousins drink. They share the same risks because the alcoholism comes from our shared grandfather. It just makes absolutely no sense to me that they took that risk. I remember warning my cousin who is closest to my age when we were in our early 20s. He just waved his hand as if it wasn't a concern. Most of my cousins from THAT branch of the family struggle with alcoholism as mature adults. My siblings and cousins from other branches of the family chose to not drink. We raise our children to understand the importance of the risk. It's a HUGE risk that can go on for generations.
College Profs don't have unions. They do have tenure if they have performed well and were on the tenure track. At any rate, I too agree that this is no one's business.
That's not true for all universities. They have a union where my daughter attends school. If you do a google search, you'll find that her school isn't the only one.
You are absolutely right in saying "that you know of", SuzyQ. I don't want to sound like some kind of hokey pubic service announcement here, or all preachy, but the fact is alcoholics really do come from all walks of life and social and economic backrounds. Chances are you do know someone who has or is struggling with addiction of some sort. I think most people would be shocked at the number of high caliber people who are in recovery.
The sloppy drunk as seen on tv is only one side of the story. People are indeed able to hold down jobs and function in society, some very well. Up to a certain point. Unfortunately there will come a time, if the drinking is not dealt with, where the alcoholic can no longer function physically without alcohol in their system and will suffer horrible and sometimes fatal withdrawal symptoms if they go longer than 12 hours without a drink. It really is not a matter of willpower any longer. That's why alcoholism is so frustrating to the people close to the alcoholic, they keep imploring them to stop but mostly, (not always) on their own, they cannot.
Going to detox is the first step to recovery. It's a place where the alcoholic can safely withdraw from alcohol, usually with medication and under medical supervision, to make sure the withdrawals do not take a fatal turn. Detox is not rehab, btw.
Ok lecture over! I think it is great that you are being open minded and would like to be more educated about this affliction. Your niece really likes this teacher, and it's not a reflection of his moral character that he's going through this.
Your nephew, on the other hand, really does "need to keep his big mouth shut" as you said. Being labeled alcoholic can really damage someone's reputation, and it will really be a disservice to the teacher's recovery to be gossiped about. He's going to have a difficult time for a while as it is. Your niece sounds like a caring and compassionate young lady, good for her.
You beat me to it. I was astounded one time to hear a woman tell that she did not know HER OWN HUSBAND was an alcoholic until he tried to commit suicide. Having had lots of experience with drunks, I still find that difficult to believe, but this woman was honest and intelligent and had no reason to make up such a story at an Al-Anon meeting.
But some people really do hide it. My sister was for years an ER nurse, and every so often they'd get some guy in, a businessman or pillar-of-the-community type, with chest pains or some other problem, admit him, and after some hours had passed he'd start having symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. His family wouldn't know, and often the person himself didn't consider himself an alcoholic.
Excellent advice. The daughter needs to be warned that she could be kicked out of school if she gossips about him.
That's the same reason I don't drink. I can't imagine taking a chance. None of my siblings drink for that same reason. BUT my cousins drink. They share the same risks because the alcoholism comes from our shared grandfather. It just makes absolutely no sense to me that they took that risk. I remember warning my cousin who is closest to my age when we were in our early 20s. He just waved his hand as if it wasn't a concern. Most of my cousins from THAT branch of the family struggle with alcoholism as mature adults. My siblings and cousins from other branches of the family chose to not drink. We raise our children to understand the importance of the risk. It's a HUGE risk that can go on for generations.
I can drink but can take it or leave it. One of my sisters, however, is an active alcoholic and my brother died from cirrhosis. Neither of our parents drank except perhaps occasionally on a holiday, but once they hit their 50's and developed high BP and diabetes, they didn't even do that because it interferes with the medication. I believe it comes down from a great-grandfather from hearing stories about him.
Meanwhile, I married and divorced an ordained, dyed-in-the-wool committed alcoholic from a family with a heavy history of alcoholism. My daughter struggled socially in college last year because she will not drink and drinking is such a big part of college life. She has seen too much and fears that if she ever decides to try drinking, she will become an alcoholic, too, and the possibility is a real one. She'll be all right--she just had to learn to stick to her guns and find people of like mind.
A few years ago I spent six months sitting in on AA/NA (Alcoholics Anonymous -Narcotics Anonymous) meetings for a writing job in L.A. Sitting in those circles were teachers, firefighters, cops, actors, housewives, young, old, you name it. Most of them had been in rehab at one time or another. Many more than once. Some were there on their own. Some had been ordered to be there by a court.
I talked to a lot of them about their life stories and not one planned on becoming an alcoholic or druggie. Most of them were solidly middle class and were well educated. Listening to them I realised just about anybody, especially those with a predisposition to the disease, could end up in rehab and sitting in those chairs.
One thing that six months did for me was make me violently anti-drug/drinking. I saw a lot of perfectly nice lives that had been ruined. And I saw people working hard to put them back together. They will all be addicts the rest of their lives.
This teacher made a big step in his own life by admitting he had a problem and seeking help for it. I'm a lot more worried about the teacher who is taking a handful of legally-prescibed Vicodin (probably a lot more) every day and teaching the class while stoned.
Absolutely true. Good post. An recovery-alcoholic friend of mine used to attend meetings in a very wealthy area. Almost all of the alkies there well-to-do people with huge houses and well-paid careers who almost lost everything because of their drinking. The stories are fascinating. One guy used to secretly take a day off from work the week before he took his family to their summer home so he could drive up there in advance and hide a week's worth of bottles. This way he wouldn't have to explain to his family that he needed to go to the liquor store wh
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They share the same risks because the alcoholism comes from our shared grandfather. It just makes absolutely no sense to me that they took that risk. I remember warning my cousin who is closest to my age when we were in our early 20s. He just waved his hand as if it wasn't a concern. Most of my cousins from THAT branch of the family struggle with alcoholism as mature adults. My siblings and cousins from other branches of the family chose to not drink. We raise our children to understand the importance of the risk. It's a HUGE risk that can go on for generations.
