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Old 11-01-2010, 09:03 AM
 
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Asking this for a friend of mine who is a divorced father of three. Legally he is not required to pay for college, but his ex wife thinks he has a moral obligation. Does he? His oldest son is starting to apply for college, and is very resentful his father isn't kicking in.... dad could, but it would set dad back a few years on his own retirement. For all of son's life dad has worked, the ex did not.... ex moved the kids when they were little so dad isn't all that close to his kids. Mostly he feels like a wallet.

Do kids these days expect parents to pay for college?
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Old 11-01-2010, 09:11 AM
 
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I don't expect parents to pay for college, and in fact think that kids should pay for it themselves. That said, I believe both the FAFSA and the colleges assumes that parents ARE going to pay, so if your parents aren't contributing but do make good money than the student may have trouble getting some grants or subsidized loans. (although I think if parents are divorced the salary of only one parent counts, not both, so that argument may not work in this case anyway)

In any case, I don't think students have a right to expect that their parents will pay the bill. (although I don't think that just because he doesn't live near his kids means that he can shirk the moral obligations of being a father, even if he doesn't like the ex or he isn't close to his kids.)
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Old 11-01-2010, 11:33 AM
 
28 posts, read 36,155 times
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Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
I don't expect parents to pay for college, and in fact think that kids should pay for it themselves. That said, I believe both the FAFSA and the colleges assumes that parents ARE going to pay, so if your parents aren't contributing but do make good money than the student may have trouble getting some grants or subsidized loans. (although I think if parents are divorced the salary of only one parent counts, not both, so that argument may not work in this case anyway)

In any case, I don't think students have a right to expect that their parents will pay the bill. (although I don't think that just because he doesn't live near his kids means that he can shirk the moral obligations of being a father, even if he doesn't like the ex or he isn't close to his kids.)
That is pretty much how I feel too. His son on the other hand is acting resentful about it and even told his dad he was "hurt" that he didn't "plan better for his (sons) future". My friend is not hurting financially but would have to put off some of his own future plans if he had to kick in for college, I guess some kids expect that?? Colleges too... he did have to fill out info for financial aid as the non-custodial parent. That is when he started feeling guilty and we started talking about the norms. EFC includes his income, and even his second wife if I'm not mistaken. To be honest I was surprised, but then again when my son went to college he was in his 20's and already out of the house. He also didn't "expect" me to pay for college, and I'm glad he felt that way. I kicked in to help when I could afford it and wanted to, but didn't give up the traveling my husband and I wanted to do, places we wanted to go in our late 40's not 60's.
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Old 11-01-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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We have told our kids that they will be expected to pay for as much of their schooling as they possibly can, which includes taking out student loans. They can take care of the rest by getting good grades and scholarships, etc., working in the summers and during the school year. If they are putting forth a good effort to do this, we will take care of the rest. Our oldest made enough this summer to take care of everything after his scholarships and loans. He is working a part-time, on campus job for extras and to save for the semester abroad that he wants to do, probably next year.

Our next two will probably get a good chunk of their schooling paid for through scholarships since they have put forth a lot more effort in high school then #1 did. Our DD is also most likely going to be getting some golf scholarship offers which will help as well. They will be expected to work in the summers, etc. too.

Most of the people I know that had a financial interest in their schooling did just fine where almost ALL of those that had mom and dad pay 100% went on the 6 year plan or floundered and never really finished.
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Old 11-01-2010, 07:11 PM
Status: "On Break" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
We have told our kids that they will be expected to pay for as much of their schooling as they possibly can, which includes taking out student loans. They can take care of the rest by getting good grades and scholarships, etc., working in the summers and during the school year. If they are putting forth a good effort to do this, we will take care of the rest. Our oldest made enough this summer to take care of everything after his scholarships and loans. He is working a part-time, on campus job for extras and to save for the semester abroad that he wants to do, probably next year.

Our next two will probably get a good chunk of their schooling paid for through scholarships since they have put forth a lot more effort in high school then #1 did. Our DD is also most likely going to be getting some golf scholarship offers which will help as well. They will be expected to work in the summers, etc. too.

Most of the people I know that had a financial interest in their schooling did just fine where almost ALL of those that had mom and dad pay 100% went on the 6 year plan or floundered and never really finished.
My experience is quite different from yours. We paid for our own two kids, minus scholarship and summer earnings. We did not require our kids to take out student loans for undergrad. One paid for her grad school that way, and the other will too, if she goes to grad school. Both finished in four years, even though the second one transferred colleges after two years. The majority of their friends finished in four years as well, regardless of who was paying.
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Old 11-01-2010, 07:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CasaChichi View Post
Asking this for a friend of mine who is a divorced father of three. Legally he is not required to pay for college, but his ex wife thinks he has a moral obligation. Does he? His oldest son is starting to apply for college, and is very resentful his father isn't kicking in.... dad could, but it would set dad back a few years on his own retirement. For all of son's life dad has worked, the ex did not.... ex moved the kids when they were little so dad isn't all that close to his kids. Mostly he feels like a wallet.

Do kids these days expect parents to pay for college?
College used to be a privilege. Now it's pretty much a necessitiy. It's basically an extension of K-12. This is a tough one. I personally had very little help from my parents save for them cosigning loans for me. My mom to this day is still begging me to get her name off my college loan so she doesn't have the responsibility. I had to beg my parents to send me money when I was in college. And I was working as much as I could at menial hourly wage jobs, trying to pay for car insurance, food, bills etc. My father was an immigrant from France. There was no such thing as financial aid. In Europe if you are qualified to go to college society pays for it. If not you get out there and work or learn a trade. All my mother's side of the family was college educated. My three brothers and I put ourselves through college pretty much by working and taking out loans. Even 20-30 years ago you could pretty much work while you were in college and not go into debt. But like healthcare costs college costs have sky rocketed. So it's easy for baby boomers and their kids to sit there and say "you're going to pay for your college" when they themselves didnt have to pay anywhere close to what kids are paying nowadays for tuition, books, etc.

I DO NOT want my kids to go into debt for a college education. I plan on setting them up for success and helping them as much as I can and hopefully covering most of their tuition. So to answer the question......should parents pay for their college education? I don't know.....but I do know most kids cannot afford it on their own if they are middle class short of taking out loans. If seems to me even poor kids make out better than middle class kids as far as college these days. I think if you are going to bring a kid into the 21st century society in America you need to set them up for success and that means helping them pay or paying for college. This is especially true if the parents can afford it. If they can't they can't. College and higher education in the USA is nothing but a business and a racket. These colleges and universities are spitting out kids like a corporation. They don't care if kids go into debt and they don't care if they have jobs or not. They exist to make a profit and make money to pay all those fancy tenured prof salaries and multimillion dollar sports complexes and stadiums.

Only in America do you have professional athletes that are college grads that can't speak English correctly let alone read or write. Maybe if America was less obsessed with sports at the college level our society would get it's priorities straight. Also government is a huge problem. They've created a bubble and all this money in the form of debt they throw at students and colleges has created a huge racket.
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Old 11-01-2010, 07:29 PM
 
2,413 posts, read 2,401,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CasaChichi View Post
Asking this for a friend of mine who is a divorced father of three. Legally he is not required to pay for college, but his ex wife thinks he has a moral obligation. Does he? His oldest son is starting to apply for college, and is very resentful his father isn't kicking in.... dad could, but it would set dad back a few years on his own retirement. For all of son's life dad has worked, the ex did not.... ex moved the kids when they were little so dad isn't all that close to his kids. Mostly he feels like a wallet.

Do kids these days expect parents to pay for college?
Oh and I don't feel too sorry for dad. He's a big boy and made his bed and should sleep in it. He was the one decided to spread his seed three times in the same woman and bring three human beings into this world. I can understand how his son feels resentful. My parents were the same way. My oldest brother was an unplanned pregnancy. My middle brother wasn't. And I was an accident. My parents loved all of us and provided for us the best that they could. They were divoced after 30 years of marriage as well. I don't blame them for anything but that still doesn't excuse their own dysfunctional lives and poor choices in life.

Why bring life into this world just because you can? As a parent its your job to nurture that life, provide for that life, and groom your kids to be successful. And yes that includes all the expenses 21st century American society has to offer. I love hearing parents, some of this thread, sit back and say my kids are going to pay for this and pay for that.......they obviously can't understand simple concepts like inflation or how much value the dollar has lost since they themselves were in college or younger. Times are different. Let's face it most of the parents in this thread that have kids lived in a time that for the most part was cheaper. A math or biology textbook back in the 80s was hardly the $150 book it is nowadays. The dollar has lost ~ 70% of its value in the past 50 years. And it's only getting worse. Parents need to learn basic economics before they try to send their kids off to the school of hard knocks. After all it was the baby boomers and their kids who have created our debt based economic system not my generation (30 year olds).
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SoCalCroozer View Post
Parents need to learn basic economics before they try to send their kids off to the school of hard knocks. After all it was the baby boomers and their kids who have created our debt based economic system not my generation (30 year olds).
This is a joke, right?
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:52 PM
 
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Well, there is a difference between a child who lives at home, goes to state college, and works part time, and one that lives out of state, goes to a private college, and expects a free ride. So, there is not enough information in the post to make any type of guess...If a child is living at home, goes to state college, and is working part time, there is nothing wrong with offering to pay for books, or split on tuition, or paying for car insurance. But, if the kid is going to a college that costs way too much for the family to pay...is outrageous...let the kid pay for it himself...as that is a choice.
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Old 11-01-2010, 09:05 PM
 
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If I hardly knew my father because of a divorce that wasn't my fault, I asked for a contribution for college, and he responded "sorry, that would put me a few years back in retirement," what do you think would be the response?

I think I would prefer he just made at effort at being a dad, if that's too much for him, kicking in some money for college is probably the least he could do. Not necessarily an open checkbook, but a reasonable contribution isn't outrageous. If he feels like he is just a wallet, that's his fault that allowed the relationships to deteriorate that way.
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