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Did you visit Hartwick? That was on the short list for my son, but he didn't feel it was strong enough in his intended major. They also gave generous merit aid. I loved their alternative residential campus at Pine Lake.
RIT has a totally different feel then the small liberal arts colleges but their co-op program for all majors is impressive. They have a wonderful program for students during the summer between junior and senior year. RIT College & Careers Homepage Both of my son's did it and it really helped them narrow down career and major choices. My youngest was accepted to RIT with a small scholarship but felt the college was a little too large and intense. My nephew is going into his third year (they are a five year college, so freshman, soph. etc. doesn't work) and has little time for social life, but he's in a very demanding major. I really liked the college and thought the summer program was excellent.
My husbands Uncle taught at Bowling Green for a number of years and I think both he and his wife still do some adjunct work there. I've never visited there.
Toobusytoday, thanks so much for the information about the RIT summer program!
We have only visited one school at this point.
It is amazing how many of the connections you have to the schools that I mentioned.
You have been a great help!
~Sheena
My son was raised on Long Island where the norm among good students was and is to go away to college. I went away to college for my undergrad work and it was an enriching and life changing experience.I still have friends from college but really none from High School. I didn't dislike High School, for me it was just where you prepared to go to college. Not a defining moment in my life.
College was where I blossomed and made life long, like minded friends.
My husband also went away to college as did my parents and my siblings.
Now we live in an area where the norm seems to be to go to a commuter school. All of my son's life we spoke about going away to college and my children were excited by the prospect of living in a dorm and meeting new friends. My younger children still want to go away to school.
Suddenly, my son does not want to leave home. He says all of his friends are going to local colleges and he said that he "is not a fan" of going away to college. This is so strange because my kids have gone to summer sleep away camp and they always enjoyed meeting diverse people and new experiences.
I am concerned that my son is becoming provincial and too connected to his friends at the expense of his education. Also too connected to his new home town.
There is a nearby college that has a good program in what he wants to study, however there are better colleges that are further away that offer the same degree and program.
I really don't know what to do.
I AM aware that commuting to college is an option for some people and I am not up for a debate about what is better.
I would like to hear from others who have advice about how we can re-interest him in this experience.
No offense, but you are totally overreacting. There's another thread here about College - there are plenty of people who didn't like College or it was not as glamorous as always portrayed here. My College years are/were ok. I liked High School better. And honestly, who cares where you go to College. Some want to leave, some don't. I never made any friends in College. We were only what I call "class friends". Talk before or in class, e-mail each other if we need help, but after the end of the semester everybody moves on.
I actually can't believe that this is a problem for you. It's like " My son wants his bread toasted, not raw. Help!".
You are only the parent, you are not him. If he likes it better, just let it go and don't worry about it. I do not like it when parents try to steer their children into some direction just because they think it's better. I have to agree with others who criticized you. I'm sorry. I don't have much to say about the "son is becoming provincial". huh?? That's one odd statement, to say the least.
By the way, I did enjoy going away for College. I moved overseas. I really just hate it when parents think they must push they children into something. You are much older than your children. What worked 25-30 years ago won't work today. Times change.
Quote:
I appreciate the help given by people who took the time to read my post and addressed my questions without judgment or name calling.
You posted this on a public forum. Thinking you won't be judged is a little naive. You basically asked to be judged. I think you just wanted people to confirm that you are right and your son is wrong, and you don't really want any other opinions. Otherwise, I don't think you would have said this.
"You posted this on a public forum. Thinking you won't be judged is a little naive. You basically asked to be judged. I think you just wanted people to confirm that you are right and your son is wrong, and you don't really want any other opinions. Otherwise, I don't think you would have said this."
My son was raised on Long Island where the norm among good students was and is to go away to college. I went away to college for my undergrad work and it was an enriching and life changing experience. I still have friends from college but really none from High School. I didn't dislike High School, for me it was just where you prepared to go to college. Not a defining moment in my life.
College was where I blossomed and made life long, like minded friends.
My husband also went away to college as did my parents and my siblings.
Now we live in an area where the norm seems to be to go to a commuter school. All of my son's life we spoke about going away to college and my children were excited by the prospect of living in a dorm and meeting new friends. My younger children still want to go away to school.
Suddenly, my son does not want to leave home. He says all of his friends are going to local colleges and he said that he "is not a fan" of going away to college. This is so strange because my kids have gone to summer sleep away camp and they always enjoyed meeting diverse people and new experiences.
I am concerned that my son is becoming provincial and too connected to his friends at the expense of his education. Also too connected to his new home town.
There is a nearby college that has a good program in what he wants to study, however there are better colleges that are further away that offer the same degree and program.
I really don't know what to do.
I AM aware that commuting to college is an option for some people and I am not up for a debate about what is better. I would like to hear from others who have advice about how we can re-interest him in this experience.
No, the OP is NOT asking to be judged. She is asking for advice on how they can re-interest her son in going out of the area for college. Got any suggestions about that?
I have 2 kids in college now. They were raised with the idea that they would go away to school, as were most of the kids they went to school with. Keep in mind this was in Texas, where even staying in state can be several hundred miles away. We moved to Oklahoma while they were in high school, to an area where most of the kids stay local to go to school. We are in a town where we are about 45 minutes from both of our states 2 largest universities, and we live only about 2-3 miles from the 3rd largest university in the state. Here virtually no one leaves the state to go to college, and going away to school isn't but a short drive from home. While most of the kids choose to move to the dorms on campus, most of them still come home on the weekends, at least during the first year or so. Actually, I believe that it's a state law here, that unless your family lives in the same town as the university, you have to live on campus as a freshman.
Both of our boys chose to go out of state, while almost all of their friends stayed in state. Virtually none of their friends could even fathom why our boys wanted to leave. It's just not the mindset here. The only other kids that went out of state were others that moved here while in high school from other states. Even some of the brightest kids in their classes, who had offers from all over, chose to stay here. The thought here seems to be, that there are very good universities here, why would you pay more to go out of state?
Some of our kids friends chose to live at home and commute to the local university, while most chose to go to one of the larger universities and live on campus or in an apartment nearby, but still came home on the weekends to do laundry, hang out with friends, etc. Now, as they are entering their later years of college (all juniors and seniors in college now) none of them has quit and they don't come home as often, and have slowly but surely begun to find their niche in college. Even the ones that lived at home have done study abroad semesters. I have seen two very different things happen with these kids however. The ones that quickly got involved in organizations (fraternities, clubs, whatever) in college seemed cut the ties at home much more quickly and developed new friendships and bonds. The ones that just went to class, work and home everyday, took much longer to widen their circle of friends. They all still see each other, but not like they used to. Even the ones that still live at home have developed new friends and interests.
Also, since your son is just a junior, he could still change his mind. I have a niece that is a junior, and was really not getting the whole "college thing", even though she was raised just like your son, with the expectation that she would go away to college, just as both her parents did. However, over spring break this year, my SIL took her on several college visits. It seemed to change everything for her. She visited a couple of schools without anything special clicking. Then she visited a school which she really fell in love with. SIL says that since finding the school she thinks she wants to go to, she's got a whole new mindset. SIL says she's now excited about going away to school and is more focused on making sure she does what she has to to get accepted. Maybe try to encourage your son to at least apply to some "away" universities and see what happens. That way, if he changes his mind, and wants to go away, its not too late.
Another thought...
You could just do what a friend of mines dad did. When it was time for all the kids to start looking at schools, he told them that he would pay for them to go anywhere they wanted, as long as it was far enough away that they couldn't come home on weekends! He gave them plane tickets to fly home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If they didn't want to leave, they were on their own. They could live at home, but they had to pay their own tuition, rent, insurance, everything. I guess it worked, because all 3 kids ended up going away.
debzkidz, I really appreciate your thoughtful insights into my situation! Your experience truly parallels mine!
Oklahoma, or at least your region of OK, really sounds so much like North Eastern Pennsylvania. The students in the area, even the stellar students, stay at the commuter schools - overwhelmingly. There is even resistance among some of the families to their children leaving even if the student wants to do so, and there are huge scholarship incentives! And the attitude is the same, "There are so many good colleges in the area, why go away?" The other thing I most often here is "Kings, Wilkes, Scranton, Marywood (fill in the blank) was good enough for my wife and me, so why does she need to go away?"
This is culture shock for me! Although we are not Catholic, we chose to send our kids to a Catholic High School because we felt it was better educationally. The school is very college oriented, offers many AP courses, more foreign languages, and in general has a better educational and social atmosphere than the local public High Schools do. However, while it is geared for the college bound student, and 99% of each graduating class goes directly to college relatively few choose to go away.
I asked my son's guidance counselor about this and she too was puzzled - even after working there for 20 years. She told me of a student who was given a very comprehensive financial aid package at a prestigious college in state, only two hours away from home, and she elected to stay home and actually pay more, when you factor in the price of an automobile and all that entails. Another student who was a football player, turned down Notre Dame for a local school because his parents thought it was "too far"
The guidance counselor shared with me that she is able to get some of the students to apply, but even after being accepted few choose to leave!
With my back ground in sociology, I have done a great deal of speculation as to why this might be.
My conclusions are as follows:
1. In this area, people seem to have large extended families who also live here. The families get together often - not just on Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving,- for Sunday dinner, a second cousin's birthday, varies religious milestones, Memorial Day, you name it. What they call "family" I would more term "extended family" or "relatives" Grandparents also figure big into the lives of married couples with children.
Older people, retired Grandparents, do not travel, golf, have hobbies or associate with contemporaries the way that seniors do in my former region. There whole life seems centered around their grandchildren and their needs are secondary or just non-existent.
These "Strong Family Systems" could be contributing to a reluctance to leave the area.
2. Greater ethnic identity. The people in my region are mostly white Europeans.Most of them identify strongly with their ethnic roots, although they have been her for a hundred years, some groups even longer.
3. The general homogeneity of the area along racial and ethnic lines. This might lead to fears that students going away to college will marry outside of their religion or ethnic back ground.
Churches here are still very ethnic. I have seen Welsh Presbyterian, Slovak Lutheran, Welsh Baptist, Polish Catholic etc.
3. Fear that the child may not return to the area.
4. Conversely, family connections and ties in the area that would lead to employment during
and after college.
Have you found any of this to be the case in OK?
I am not saying that any of these things are "bad" or "wrong"
However, they don't bear any similarity to my family structure. We DO NOT have a strong network here. In fact, we just relocated here in 2010.
If my family did have a business, they would not look to the family tree while hiring. In fact, they might avoid it! There is so much nepotism in this area, another thing that I have never experienced.
I am thinking realistically about what the "pros" are in sticking close to home, and for our son from our family - there are none.
The other thing that some of the posters forget is that he does not want to stay home - he wants to live at the dorm of a very small private college, and on weekends, visit various friends - not us.
That is not his interest. He also wants a car at the school so that he can come and go at will. The college is very remote and it clears out on the weekends.
The thing is almost every weekend at least a few of his friends have some sort of family gathering, to which he will not be invited. Then what will he do? Go back to an almost empty college? Drive to NYC or back to Long Island to see friends? Well that won't be an option, because except for on major breaks from school ALL of his friends will be gone! All of them!
I am also uncomfortable with all of the driving involved in this half-baked plan of his. (no I do not say this to him, I am just venting) I am not comfortable with it at all.
I would rather that he was safely ensconced on a campus, than doing all of this driving and visiting.
I am going to do the following:
1 ROAD TRIP! ASAP! I am going to arrange to visit several colleges,
2. Explore summer programs, especially in his field, to give him a taste of college life. If one really clicks for him, the problem will be solved.
3. Take the car out of the equation. We promised him one of of our cars for his senior year. The thing is, I never said that he could take it to school with him. I will not renege on our promise, but we will say that the car stays home. Where I went to college Freshman were not permuted to have cars, it was a privilege for upper classmen. No car for the first year. Final.
I am very grateful for several replies and suggestions.
I have to say that for some reason, my initial post touched a nerve with some other forum members. If you want your children to commute, or to "just be happy," I am not here to judge. Perhaps that's normative where you live or in your family. It is not for mine.
I have read posts from parents who want to dictate their child's major. I have sometimes replied to such people that in the long run, if your student does not like the field, he will not do well.
But I have never called these parents names or attempted to tell them that they were ruining there kid's lives. I feel sure that their hearts were in the right place.
I am a loving and involved parent. I know my son, and historically how he has responded to different situations. I don't know all of the answers, that's why I came to the forum. But that he will do better in a residential environment is not a question, it's a fact.
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That's one odd statement, to say the least.
Heads would have probably rolled if I went out of state though. 
