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Old 07-22-2015, 11:52 AM
 
Location: I am right here.
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Once they start, you will no longer have access to their grades, unless THEY give YOU permission (even though you are paying).
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Old 07-22-2015, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustelid1971 View Post
I've worked at colleges, as well as attended them. Especially concerning undergraduate colleges-> They are attended by children.
And, of course, all of the parents who insist their children are kids and not responsible for their own actions or inactions. Everything is always the fault of someone else. The accepted and expected abdication of personal responsibility is significant; it is refreshing when a parent holds their child to task.
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Old 07-22-2015, 01:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton View Post
And, of course, all of the parents who insist their children are kids and not responsible for their own actions or inactions. Everything is always the fault of someone else. The accepted and expected abdication of personal responsibility is significant; it is refreshing when a parent holds their child to task.
I don't know what parents you know, but just because they are children, doesn't mean their parents don't hold them responsible for their actions. That isn't the parent - child relationship I experienced or see among my friends and neighbors, or the students I've encountered.
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Old 07-22-2015, 01:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustelid1971 View Post
I don't know what parents you know, but just because they are children, doesn't mean their parents don't hold them responsible for their actions. That isn't the parent - child relationship I experienced or see among my friends and neighbors, or the students I've encountered.
For the most part I agree with you, we do know some people that think their children are above the rules and thus, blame everyone else for anything that isn't perfect with their child, but that is the exception vs the rule, at least with the people we know...almost all of whom have college age children.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:01 PM
 
11,616 posts, read 19,760,598 times
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Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
Good luck. That's the way it used to be but over the last couple decades has changed. Why? I don't know but have some theories.

One would be the perceived tendency of helicopter parenting.

Another is, quite honestly, is the general immaturity of high school graduates.

I saw the above first hand in my teaching career which just ended. As the decades wore on the students became more infantile and unable to transition to being young adults.

I was even "counseled" about calling them that (I taught mostly seniors) and was advised my vocabulary describing them be changed to children.

In the last ten years I saw parents who wouldn't allow their kids to have part time jobs or even learn to drive. Not because of finances but just because. The parents would haul their 17 and 18 year olds everywhere, to shopping, on dates, to school functions. Some wouldn't even let their kids ride the bus to other schools for athletic events but would take them themselves. They, of course, wouldn't let them ride the bus to school either.
My middle son is dating a young woman who was a sophomore in college last school year. Her parents called her EVERY DAY at college and went over all of her classes, asked her her assignments and went over her schedule for the next day. No wonder there are so many young adults who can't manage their lives.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustelid1971 View Post
I've worked at colleges, as well as attended them. Especially concerning undergraduate colleges-> They are attended by children.
A big part of this is self-created.

People generally rise to the level of what is expected of them.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
It was my experience that kids can still do all those things with parents in tow.

I went on all the tours. After all, if my dollars are going to be sent there, I want to see the facility. Plus, when my kids were talking about things on campus, I knew what they were talking about. I saw many a cool thing along the way too!

But I stayed in the back of the pack, with all the other parents. The kids did all the talking, we did all the listening.

You CAN be present without interfering!
My parents attended the tours, as well, because they were also curious about the facilities, having never been to most of the colleges I toured. They took an interest. *shrug* It wasn't because their dollar were going there, though. Those dollars were ones I earned and borrowed in my own name. I don't recall my parents being particularly involved in the tours, just along for the ride, seeing the sights. Most tours I did were one-on-one, and it was me conversing with the student guide. Individualized attention was big at nearly all the schools I toured, and certainly the ones to which I went on to apply.

Parents did not attend an orientation at my school...they stuck around to help with move-in, and then said goodbye. No idea if there is an orientation for parents there these days...there may well be. I'd have to ask classmates of mine who are now on faculty there and do a lot with student affairs.

Re: frequent phone calls, I also talked a lot to my parents on the phone (and do to this day, as an adult, still living hundreds of miles away from them. This isn't really an indication one way or another of not being able to manage one's life. In my case, it's an indication of really enjoying talking to one's parents, and vice versa.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
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$$$$

They know who's paying the bills. That's all they really care about.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Doesn't really apply if one's parents AREN'T the ones paying the bills.
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Old 07-22-2015, 03:53 PM
 
11,616 posts, read 19,760,598 times
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Originally Posted by Unsettomati View Post
I’ve just graduated my two oldest children from high school this past June. They are bound (he says, proudly) to Hamline and Macalester this fall. Needless to say, I’ve had a lot of interaction with colleges and universities over the past year – taking the kids for visits, interviews, orientations and so forth. And it’s been a great experience.

But I’m getting a little fed up with the tendency of the colleges to treat my children as though they are still children. They’re not. They’re adults. Colleges are attended by adults. I’m regularly getting mail from those colleges addressed TO THE PARENTS OF [MY CHILDREN’S NAMES]. There’s billing information. There’s what to send off with the adults to college. Frankly, it makes it sound like my kids are still minors in high school.

And this works counter to what we’ve tried to do with our children. Especially in this strange three-month twilight zone between high school and college, we’ve really tried to impress upon our two oldest that they are not children – they are adults living with us until they leave for college. My son asks if he can go for the evening, and I tell him patiently that he does not need to ask. I say that I appreciate if he would keep us informed as to his whereabouts but that he is an adult and need not ask to spend the evening out. Our daughter asked if she could spend a week in Florida in August with her boyfriend and his family. Again, I sat her down and told her that she is an adult and does not need our permission.

When we did all those college tours, I never went on them with my kids. I took them to the colleges, and I poked around on my own as they went on the tours. I took notice of the fact that most other kids had parents in tow. I told my kids flat-out – where to attend college is your decision, not mine. You need to make that decision, not me. You need to ask the questions that need to be asked, not me. You need to learn how to negotiate your way through college, not me.

It’s not that I don’t want to do these things – I want my children to develop life skills, not to further hone their 'I’d better go ask Mom and/or Dad' skills (they’ve got those down pat). I want them to be personally responsible for their presents and their futures. I've been fully available for questions and advice and general guidance. But it needs to begin with them, and they need to muddle through as much as they can. That's life. Mostly, they've been good about this. We've raised children manage their own affairs because they can and because they've been allowed to do so.

And I think colleges and universities should do a little more to treat incoming freshman (whom are virtually all adults) as the adults that they are. Being an adult is an essentially skill, after all.
I generally agree with you. In order for young adults to act like adults they need to be treated like adults.

I have to say I did go on college tours with my kids. I liked seeing the schools with them. They chose where they went but since I was there with them I went on the tours also.
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