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My parents attended the tours, as well, because they were also curious about the facilities, having never been to most of the colleges I toured. They took an interest. *shrug* It wasn't because their dollar were going there, though. Those dollars were ones I earned and borrowed in my own name. I don't recall my parents being particularly involved in the tours, just along for the ride, seeing the sights. Most tours I did were one-on-one, and it was me conversing with the student guide. Individualized attention was big at nearly all the schools I toured, and certainly the ones to which I went on to apply.
Parents did not attend an orientation at my school...they stuck around to help with move-in, and then said goodbye. No idea if there is an orientation for parents there these days...there may well be. I'd have to ask classmates of mine who are now on faculty there and do a lot with student affairs.
Re: frequent phone calls, I also talked a lot to my parents on the phone (and do to this day, as an adult, still living hundreds of miles away from them. This isn't really an indication one way or another of not being able to manage one's life. In my case, it's an indication of really enjoying talking to one's parents, and vice versa.
I attended tours with my kids. I was paying but that's not why I went on the tours. I was already there and touring the school was much more interesting than just sitting there doing nothing.
Many schools do have a parent orientation. I'm not sure why. We did not go to the parent orientation for our older son. He was playing football and had to be on campus earlier than the general student population. We took him to school, helped him set up his room, took him to dinner and left town. We skipped the parent orientation at our middle son's school and went out to dinner instead (the kids had an activity).
Regarding talking to parents, my kids call me and sometimes I call them. My oldest has been living away from home for the past two summers. He seems to manage just fine but he likes to talk to us. I agree that talking to your parents isn't really an indicator of being able to manage one's life. My son called me last night. We talked about the woman coach who won the NBA summer league, his girlfriend's experience in her new grad school program, and whether my son will work or attend grad school after he graduates. All pretty normal stuff.
I attended tours with my kids. I was paying but that's not why I went on the tours. I was already there and touring the school was much more interesting than just sitting there doing nothing.
Yeah, I don't really know why, as a parent, you WOULDN'T do the tour, unless you are just completely uninterested, or you work at the school and don't really need one, or something.
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Regarding talking to parents, my kids call me and sometimes I call them. My oldest has been living away from home for the past two summers. He seems to manage just fine but he likes to talk to us. I agree that talking to your parents isn't really an indicator of being able to manage one's life. My son called me last night. We talked about the woman coach who won the NBA summer league, his girlfriend's experience in her new grad school program, and whether my son will work or attend grad school after he graduates. All pretty normal stuff.
Yep. I've just always really enjoyed conversations with my parents. In fact, my relating to them on the level of an adult child, versus as a dependent adolescent, really began while I was away at school. I've lived away from them for years, now, and continue to really cherish our talks. They don't really do social media, so phone it is. They're just good people.
....But I’m getting a little fed up with the tendency of the colleges to treat my children as though they are still children. They’re not. They’re adults. Colleges are attended by adults. I’m regularly getting mail from those colleges addressed TO THE PARENTS OF [MY CHILDREN’S NAMES]. There’s billing information. There’s what to send off with the adults to college. Frankly, it makes it sound like my kids are still minors in high school. ...
When I was in a university in the 50's there was nothing like this. You dropped your kids off and that was that, everything was oriented toward the students. There were no parent orientations, just handshakes from the grad students who acted as resident advisers of each floor of a large dorm, or one per small dorm. My parents were quite surprised they didn't get a "report card" in the mail at the end of the first semester.
I can remember in my junior year there was a big upheaval in our family, and my father - quite amazingly - drove down to the university to kick my ass, etc. When he got to the cottage (small dorm) where I lived, no one had any idea where I was (I had gone away for the weekend.) He bullied the grad student who was the resident adviser for not knowing where I was. And then was directed to take his problem to a particular dean.
He went to this dean, and was from what I gather, icily informed that the university was not a high school and that the administration did not monitor the personal movements of its twelve thousand students, and if that was the extent of the problem then would he please leave because the dean had business to attend to.
I learned later that my father was furious about how he had been treated, felt he had been humiliated.
When I got back in a day and a half, I was asked to see this same dean. He was a bit aloof, but otherwise fine, and told me that if my family had problems they needed to be settled by the family, and that the university only expected to assist parents in emergency situations, which this clearly was not.
When I was in a university in the 50's there was nothing like this. You dropped your kids off and that was that, everything was oriented toward the students. There were no parent orientations, just handshakes from the grad students who acted as resident advisers of each floor of a large dorm, or one per small dorm.
My dad went at the height of the Vietnam war. He got dropped off, moved himself in, and his parents told him not to call too much (from the pay phone in the dormitory hall, naturally), because it was expensive.
I went to college, did the applications, arranged funding, etc. all on my own. There was no way my mother (dad was dead) would have had any piece of it. I did sit out after high school and worked in a factory. That made me go to college.
In fact, for the first year or so she thought I was working at the college and not attending. When my grades got sent to her house, I had moved out when I turned 18 since it was cheaper to live on my own than pay her rent and buy groceries but parents still got the grades back then, she accused me of making up the grade sheets and sending them to her.
I attended tours with my kids. I was paying but that's not why I went on the tours. I was already there and touring the school was much more interesting than just sitting there doing nothing.
Many schools do have a parent orientation. I'm not sure why. We did not go to the parent orientation for our older son. He was playing football and had to be on campus earlier than the general student population. We took him to school, helped him set up his room, took him to dinner and left town. We skipped the parent orientation at our middle son's school and went out to dinner instead (the kids had an activity).
Regarding talking to parents, my kids call me and sometimes I call them. My oldest has been living away from home for the past two summers. He seems to manage just fine but he likes to talk to us. I agree that talking to your parents isn't really an indicator of being able to manage one's life. My son called me last night. We talked about the woman coach who won the NBA summer league, his girlfriend's experience in her new grad school program, and whether my son will work or attend grad school after he graduates. All pretty normal stuff.
My dad went to my college orientation with me because it was fun for him to re-live his own college experience (he went to the same college as well as my grandpa). When my younger sister had her orientation for a community college, I was the one that came along for support. I think I was the only sibling chaperone- the rest were moms. I notice that most parents who attend college orientation with there kids are moms, but that's another topic. It was just funny to see all those moms and then my dad!
I'm the kind of person that if there's a problem to be had, I would want to come up with a solution. I was raised in a household where my dad worked all the time and my stepmother worked as well and didn't want much to do with us. It's not like they had a lot of time to teach us life skills because they were too busy providing for themselves and us. That's where the board of education comes in. I believe schools should at some point include some kind of "life management" program. When I went to school I had a class that included nutrition, cooking, sewing, and other life necessities. I'm not sure if many schools have these kind of programs but it's detrimental if those students want to succeed as adults. Sure, I'm all for the "life experiences" thing, but seriously kids can't start acting like adults until they are taught how.
It's not bad on this forum but many forums have the "battle of the generations" thing going on where all they do is battle back and forth playing the blame game. If this is a generational issue, obviously there needs to be some mass programs that include learning life skills. Again, how can they know if they haven't been taught unlike their parents and grandparents?
I agree with the paraphrased statement of "if you want them to act like adults treat them like adults." When I was in middle school I was treated as a young adult and thought "hey, this transition isn't so bad! I can do this whole life thing!" That's where I learned the life skills.
Transition to high school, the setting is reverted back to elementary school standards. Kids are treated like children and that is the behavior they exhibit. I was shocked on my first days there- I was so used to being a young adult that I couldn't believe all those people older than me would act more childish!
So, in short, if you want to see the change be the change. Or at least demand some kind of change in the school system. They can't learn life skills if all they learn is how to bring the parent's permission slip in class to do something. Establishments are creating an environment of dependency. Yes, parents should teach their kids to be adults, but if the parents are paying for college, they have a right to interject when they see something isn't right with the system. If colleges are for adults, let's not let them cater to parents. Let's create an environment where they have the ability to transition into responsible adults.
I went to college, did the applications, arranged funding, etc. all on my own. There was no way my mother (dad was dead) would have had any piece of it. I did sit out after high school and worked in a factory. That made me go to college.
In fact, for the first year or so she thought I was working at the college and not attending. When my grades got sent to her house, I had moved out when I turned 18 since it was cheaper to live on my own than pay her rent and buy groceries but parents still got the grades back then, she accused me of making up the grade sheets and sending them to her.
She was a difficult woman to deal with.
Your mother is difficult . Now days, you need your parents to go college. There is so many much loan money,you can take out and you need your parents information for fafsa until you are 24 or married . Pell Grant is for poor people.
I really have had a different experience. Nearly all correspondence between the student and college was done on the students portal. I did receive a couple of letters and that's about it. Parents and students don't receive payment notices - it shows up on the students portal (and they have a calendar on line that indicates when payments are due). It's the kids responsibility to check their portal (and I will admit that I remind my kids when the fall semester payment is due since it's due in the middle of summer). The other payments (winter and spring quarter) are considered due when they select classes). Neither my kids nor I received notices on what to bring - all that info is on the college website (as well as dorm information, food plan information, etc). The college would like me to donate money - that letter I receive!
I did accompany my kids on college tours. I don't think it occurred to either my kid (or me) that I should find something else to do during that time. As far as I can recall, it appeared that nearly every kid had a parent with them (and sometimes it looked like the entire family came along).
Bills will be sent to parents unless your adult children tell them otherwise. Once your children step foot on campus, your involvement will pretty much end unless your child tells them otherwise. You will no longer be able to look at their grades, billing statements, etc. unless they give you permission. As for getting lists for shopping, etc. so what, they are trying to be helpful because most parents, at minimum, at least pay for their dorm supplies and like to know if they need to buy XL twin sheets or not, if dorms allow a microwave, etc. Your children will be getting plenty of information, probably via emails that you are not seeing, about the same things. Plus, most colleges have 3+ days of orientation on campus before classes start where they will also be getting information they need that you do not. Often there are activities for parents who choose to participate during move-in, but not always. Your participation level is up to you. Some parents, especially first time college parents want the information, others do not.
My children attended two major Big Ten schools. I do not believe that we, as parents, ever received a bill.
I love the letters soliciting finals' care packages for xx dollars. I rolled my eyes a bit there. :/
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