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The happy medium would be to stay in the area, but not live at home. Of course, if you are needy and always go to your parents house anyway, then it might not matter for developing independence.
I liked your post - your concerns and feelings are legit. I think in the long run you'll be happy. At least try it for one year. It is good to expand horizons, meet new people, see new things. And, if your true friendships should be able to withstand your moving away. They may take on a different dynamic, but they should persist. The girlfriend - ouch. Aaah, to be young and in love - it's so hard to see the big picture.
You don't understand how much I adore her. I'm not planning on doing that. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not ditching this girl for anything. I want her there through thick and thin.
I believe this is what is bothering you the most. I have seen this dozens of time. If it is meant to be, the GF will be there. Is she still in highschool? I would bet this is one of the main reasons your parents are insisting that you live on campus. They want both of you to experience life. What will your girlfriend be doing after high school?
I know you think this relationship will last, and for your sake I hope it does. But do you have any idea how many college freshman say the same thing?
My husband of 20 years and I survived most of the college years apart. Like another poster said, if it's meant to be than it will be. In my case our relationship was put to the test many times, but once we made it through we knew we could get through anything and have a good marriage. It's much better to put these strains on your relationship now than after you're married and already have kids.
I will be going away to college as a freshman this fall, and I really want to commute. I wanted to commute from the start, but my parents insisted that I go away, so I relented and am now doing it. As it approaches now, I really wish I was staying home. I have great friends at home that are a few years older than me, so they have finished college and will still be here, a wonderful girlfriend who I was good friends with at first that I adore so much it hurts, and a great family and a job where I am very comfortable and know everyone there. Plus, I go out to dinner with my mom on Monday nights and my dad on Thursday nights, which I really enjoy. The rest of the time I spend with my friends and girlfriend. I really don't want to leave. I don't want to share a room with a stranger and not be able to see my girlfriend on a whim and be away from my close friends and quit my job and not have dinner with my parents two nights a week. I want it to be just like high school, where I would go to school and come home and hang out with my girlfriend or friends or even my parents. I want to still be able to work at my job on days I don't have class and sleep in my own bed every night. An ideal day for me would be to go to class, hang out with friends at college, and then come home, have dinner with my parents or girlfriend and come back to my own comfortable room. I am now in a binding contract and in the process of preparing, so it's too late. My parents asked me how I felt about going away the other night and I told them the harsh truth, but they tell me it's too late, which is the truth. My college is 50 minutes away, which is easily commutable, and I'm going away and leaving everybody behind just to please them. I love the college I chose, I just want to commute there and not have anything change. I know I will have to get my own place eventually, and that is fine with me because I will have more control of things in that instance, unlike this. I am not counting down to the day I leave like most college freshman are, I am trying to make the summer go as slowly as possible. Any words of advice guys to make me feel better? And please only words of encouragement, no wise cracks. This is a very upsetting thing for me.
Congratulations on getting in to college and going away!
Even if you stay at home while going to college, your life is going to change. College is not high school. your classes are offered when they are offered, there is no 8-4/9-3 set schedule in college. You'll have morning and evening classes, maybe even some weekend ones. Depending on what you major in, there might be labs and other supplemental courses that you'll need to take. You'll need time to study as well and maybe get a part time job, take part in college activities (sports/parties/etc.). With all this and your commute if you stay at home- do you really think that you'll have much time to spend with your friends. parents and girlfriend? By the way, how old is your girlfriend and is she not going to college as well? Did your older friends go away to college and come back or did they go to a local college?
Your world is changing and it is scary. It's scary not to have the familiarity of the routine (hanging out with your friends and girlfriend, going to a job where you know everyone, eating dinner with the parents and sleeping in your own bed). But as scary as it seems, you have to try and do this. It's easy to get comfortable and not challenge yourself but you won't grow unless you do. Try it out for a year and see how you feel. The worst that can happen is that you move back home again (but remember, things might be different at home next year). Perhaps your parents sense that you are a little too comfortable with
things and want to push you a little so that you will take a chance and develop your full potential.
Things will also change after college- what if you can't get a job locally and have to leave the area or your job transfers you to another state? What if you and your girlfriend break up? Life is full of uncertainties and you'll need to know that you can cope with them.
Congratulations on getting in to college and going away!
Even if you stay at home while going to college, your life is going to change. College is not high school. your classes are offered when they are offered, there is no 8-4/9-3 set schedule in college. You'll have morning and evening classes, maybe even some weekend ones. Depending on what you major in, there might be labs and other supplemental courses that you'll need to take. You'll need time to study as well and maybe get a part time job, take part in college activities (sports/parties/etc.). With all this and your commute if you stay at home- do you really think that you'll have much time to spend with your friends. parents and girlfriend? By the way, how old is your girlfriend and is she not going to college as well? Did your older friends go away to college and come back or did they go to a local college?
Your world is changing and it is scary. It's scary not to have the familiarity of the routine (hanging out with your friends and girlfriend, going to a job where you know everyone, eating dinner with the parents and sleeping in your own bed). But as scary as it seems, you have to try and do this. It's easy to get comfortable and not challenge yourself but you won't grow unless you do. Try it out for a year and see how you feel. The worst that can happen is that you move back home again (but remember, things might be different at home next year). Perhaps your parents sense that you are a little too comfortable with
things and want to push you a little so that you will take a chance and develop your full potential.
Things will also change after college- what if you can't get a job locally and have to leave the area or your job transfers you to another state? What if you and your girlfriend break up? Life is full of uncertainties and you'll need to know that you can cope with them.
My girlfriend is a few years older than me and finished with college. After a wonderful day with her yesterday and intimate moments that I never want to forget throughout our whole relationship, the separation anxiety is punching me in the stomach. Plus my family will not shut up about moving away. Literally every time I see my grandparents, all they talk about is my move in date and what I need for school. And they are the types to tell me to buck up if I ask to change the subject.
I believe this is what is bothering you the most. I have seen this dozens of time. If it is meant to be, the GF will be there. Is she still in highschool? I would bet this is one of the main reasons your parents are insisting that you live on campus. They want both of you to experience life. What will your girlfriend be doing after high school?
I know you think this relationship will last, and for your sake I hope it does. But do you have any idea how many college freshman say the same thing?
This is what's really killing me. She told me the other day how much she is going to miss me when I'm away, and I said the same thing. I also had orientation the other day, where all the information hits at once, and I was even thinking about her while sitting in the auditorium listening to the lectures. I didn't see her at all that day when we had previously seen each other about 7 days in a row, and I missed her and couldn't wait to text her when we had a bathroom break. We were also great friends before we started dating, which has made the best relationship ever, and I hug her tighter every time I leave her house because it is now six weeks away. I didn't even want to come back to this post because I am crying as I type this. And my mom is the only family member who understands the extent of our relationship and how unbearable it's going to be for me to move 40 minutes away from her. My grandparents already talk about me dating other girls in college, which is no way happening, and I don't want to hear it. And my dad doesn't understand how I feel about her and how she makes me feel whenever I'm with her.
My husband of 20 years and I survived most of the college years apart. Like another poster said, if it's meant to be than it will be. In my case our relationship was put to the test many times, but once we made it through we knew we could get through anything and have a good marriage. It's much better to put these strains on your relationship now than after you're married and already have kids.
My HS boyfriend and I lived in cities that were 200 miles apart the first year that we were dating. We then dated on and off through college (100 miles apart) plus I spent a semester in Europe during college. If we were not dating we were still best friends. Then I lived in a different state for two years. We never even lived in the same city until after we were married eight years after we started dating.
We have now been married for 39 years. If your GF is truly the "love of your life" your love will wait in spite of being separated. In fact, since each of us dated other people in college each relationship with others verified that we truly were soul mates and our love was meant to be.
Heck, I even had three other men propose to me during that time and I still ended up marrying my HS sweetheart.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-13-2016 at 08:33 AM..
My girlfriend is a few years older than me and finished with college. After a wonderful day with her yesterday and intimate moments that I never want to forget throughout our whole relationship, the separation anxiety is punching me in the stomach. Plus my family will not shut up about moving away. Literally every time I see my grandparents, all they talk about is my move in date and what I need for school. And they are the types to tell me to buck up if I ask to change the subject.
Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag!
Hmmm, you just graduated from HS and your GF already graduated from college? What were your ages when you started dating? What were your ages when you first became intimate? In many states if you were only 17 and she was 21 or 22 she could be charged with rape and face serious, serious prison time.
Has it ever occurred to you that your parents may be trying to get you out of an abusive or manipulative type relationship with that woman?
The school is commutable, but they say in terms of the commute and traffic that I should live on campus. For the experience also. But I got very emotional the other night thinking about all that I am leaving behind and started crying, so this isn't just typical pre-college anxiety.
how do you know it isn't typical?
I cried and made rather a mess of the tissues just before I left for college. My Mom said then that the hardest thing she had ever done was to make me go but I was going to go.
And she was right. The first weekend in a new place was rough and it was hard to meet new people,but before I knew it this new place became the most exciting place of my life. And looking back it was really a great time.
So dry your tears and go. Give it a chance, give other people a chance, give yourself a chance to grow and learn. And don't worry, going home is so much sweeter when you return home the first time or years later.
This is one of those trust me, you will see things.
good luck. find someone sitting alone at a table and join. get into student government or something.
Hmmm, you just graduated from HS and your GF already graduated from college? What were your ages when you started dating? What were your ages when you first became intimate? In many states if you were only 17 and she was 21 or 22 she could be charged with rape and face serious, serious prison time.
Has it ever occurred to you that your parents may be trying to get you out of an abusive or manipulative type relationship with that woman?
Relax! I am 18, and I was 18 when we first started dating, so it's perfectly legal. And I am the one who asked HER out, so you can unclench your intestines.
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