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My daughter is a sophomore at college 40 minutes away. We are extremely close. She is very happy at
school. She has a lot of friends, in a sorority, has a nice boyfriend and enjoys her major. She always wants
to come home but hasn't had as much time this year but still tries for once a month. I go up and meet her
for lunch once a week usually and my husband takes her for coffee because he works in the same town.She wanted to commute originally but we get a lot of snow so we had to say no because of the safety issue.
We moved to this state years ago and we are the only family I know of like this. Where we moved from everyone was pretty much like this. Kids lived home until they were married.None of this 18 and out stuff Everyone is close and nothing magically happens at 18 to change that. When you get married well thats just more people in the family not the ending of the parent/child relationship. . Im assuming its a cultural thing for us .We weren't anything strange in the state we used to live in She gets a lot of strange looks from friends because shes not looking to run away from us. We all just actually enjoy each others
company and have a lot of fun together. I dont control her life and she still makes her own decisions. Theres no helicopter parenting going on. Shes 20. When she needs advice I give it. Shes not obligated to take it. She has a full life at school and we have our lives here.
After
Christmas break she didn't want to go back either but she obviously went and is having fun but still facetimes me regularly and I still see her once a week. It works for us and tbh I dont think you need to explain why you feel the way you do. You're allowed to enjoy spending time with your family. I have no real advice except to say college is necessary and you're getting your degree to help further you in life. It will be over before you know it and you can decide to move back with your parents at that point if its the right thing for you.
For the people saying you're not doing it right because you get sick of being there...According to my daughter she gets sick of the food and living in her dorm, being on the campus and socializing. Shes always out with friends and her bf and having fun but she loves to come home and be in her own bed and hanging around her parents and sister. She said school is great but you always have to be "on" Home is where she goes to decompress and relax and be herself. There i s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I think if your parents came up for dinner maybe once a week for a couple of hours it would help a lot. It helps my daughter. Hang in there,
Thank you. You ought to teach most of these other posters a lesson. They think if I don't do college their way, I'm doing it wrong and will become a hopeless, latch key adult living in his parents basement at forty years old. Ridiculous.
Thank you. You ought to teach most of these other posters a lesson. They think if I don't do college their way, I'm doing it wrong and will become a hopeless, latch key adult living in his parents basement at forty years old. Ridiculous.
Don't reinvent history.
You have been complaining, since your freshman year, about the struggle you continue to have with missing your parents, friends, car, etc. while you are away from them, and at college.
The posters on this board who have responded to the threads you have started aren't your parents who won't let you live at home and commute. There is a reason why your parents won't allow you to. I don't know what it is, only they & you do, & why.
No one has ever said it's not okay to have a close family/good friends & miss them, or miss the comfort of home. No one has ever said it's not okay to visit home once a month, or have lunch with your super close kid once a week, or coffee with your kid b/c you work in the same town as the college the kid attends...but your reasons for doing so aren't "Hey, just want to check in, get a home cooked meal, do some free laundry, then head back to school".
As this thread title states, "Why am I longing for home all the time even though I am so busy?".
This is why you have been given the advice you have & are perceived as someone who will never be happy until you move back home & in with your parents.
My daughter is a sophomore at college 40 minutes away. We are extremely close. She is very happy at
school. She has a lot of friends, in a sorority, has a nice boyfriend and enjoys her major. She always wants
to come home but hasn't had as much time this year but still tries for once a month. I go up and meet her
for lunch once a week usually and my husband takes her for coffee because he works in the same town.She wanted to commute originally but we get a lot of snow so we had to say no because of the safety issue.
You live in PA, yes? PA isn't exactly the only state on the EC to get snow.
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We moved to this state years ago and we are the only family I know of like this. Where we moved from everyone was pretty much like this. Kids lived home until they were married.None of this 18 and out stuff
In Pa? I doubt it. Where do you hail from where kids live at home until they get married off, as a "culture"? Do the parents pick who their kids marry, too? ?
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Everyone is close and nothing magically happens at 18 to change that. When you get married well thats just more people in the family not the ending of the parent/child relationship.
Who said it was?
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Im assuming its a cultural thing for us .
What culture would that be?
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We weren't anything strange in the state we used to live in She gets a lot of strange looks from friends because shes not looking to run away from us.
.
Being raised to be independent & catching up with your parents/family is very different than "Why do I miss home every minute of every day?". That's what this thread/OPs saga is about.
Quote:
For the people saying you're not doing it right because you get sick of being there...According to my daughter she gets sick of the food and living in her dorm, being on the campus and socializing. Shes always out with friends and her bf and having fun but she loves to come home and be in her own bed and hanging around her parents and sister. She said school is great but you always have to be "on" Home is where she goes to decompress and relax and be herself. There i s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
And so many are time zones away from their own beds and hanging around their parents/siblings...when they miss home.
Aren't even home for the lead up to Easter Sunday.
They aren't whining about it.
Based on everything I've read on this thread? It sounds like those who have some idea of a "close family" and how it is supposed to function, really screw with their kids ability to live in any world too far away from their mommy/daddy/family.
Thank you. You ought to teach most of these other posters a lesson. They think if I don't do college their way, I'm doing it wrong and will become a hopeless, latch key adult living in his parents basement at forty years old. Ridiculous.
If this is how you feel about it, why did you start this thread? There's no need for the thread, if you're ok with your preferences and situation. Are you simply trolling us, with the same topic, over and over again, as you progress through your college career? When you react angrily, that's what people are naturally going to wonder.
OP, see someone in the campus counseling center about this. We can't help you, and you don't want our help anyway, so go see a professional. The campus health or psych center has plenty of experience with cases like yours. You're not the only one in your college who gets homesick. And btw, have you talked to your parents about your feelings? They might have some useful guidance.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-02-2018 at 09:24 AM..
Thank you for being so supportive. Again, I do not hate being there, but I enjoy being home also and being involved in the family. My uncle had the whole family over for Palm Sunday dinner tonight, and if I hadn't been home for break, I would've not been a part of it. So it's not such a faux pas to hate missing out on those types of things when living away from home.
Is this an uncle you rarely get to see? If he lives in the area, why would missing this be a big deal? I think that's one thing some people here don't understand. If you want to see your uncle, call him, and drop by on your next visit. Did you hav e spring break for Easter week? There were probably similar gatherings that you participated in, right? Probably involving your uncle? Or not? OP, we're trying to understand this neediness to be present for every family event.
For the people saying you're not doing it right because you get sick of being there...According to my daughter she gets sick of the food and living in her dorm, being on the campus and socializing. Shes always out with friends and her bf and having fun but she loves to come home and be in her own bed and hanging around her parents and sister. She said school is great but you always have to be "on" Home is where she goes to decompress and relax and be herself. There i s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I think if your parents came up for dinner maybe once a week for a couple of hours it would help a lot. It helps my daughter. Hang in there,
That may be a very good suggestion. I think the OP should talk about his feelings with his parents.
Is your daughter in a small school in a small town? That can definitely get claustrophobic. College students in bigger cities generally do a lot of their socializing off-campus, and enjoy the city amenities, going to concerts, etc. Also, is she required to live in a dorm? She could create her own home-away-from-home perhaps by renting with a couple of friends. Then she can set up her very own bed, and cook her own food (mom's recipes!).
I resent all of this advice. None of you are going to change my going home habits. Every 3 weeks isn’t even that often. And on the weekends I go home, I make sure I get my studying done during the week or bring the books home and put in some time. So nope, sorry, I’m not changing my ways one bit. And no, I consider seeing the family every few weeks better. Plenty of adults I know commuted or went home as often, or more often, than I do and still have very successful careers and lives. So I don’t want to hear that the problem is me going home and taking a break every few weeks, but that is not the damn problem. I spend 29 days on campus every month and 2 at home. If that’s not good enough for anyone here then that’s just ridiculous.
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Originally Posted by xxblue100
Because they're nice people and not a piece of trash like you. That's why. They're not typical,society that tells me how I have to live my life when I'm old enough to make my own decisions. Low life.
OP, I'm sympathetic to you missing your family, but the bolded post is ridiculous and unnecessary. You asked a question and people are trying to offer insight and advice. There's no reason for you to respond the way you did.
My daughter is a second-semester freshman going to school about 3 hours from where we live and is still
very homesick. At one point I thought she was going to move home but she's determined to stick it out. She's busy in a sorority and is making good grades, but she misses us a lot and comes home frequently. I'm not sure why she misses us so much, but she does. I would never in a million years forbid her from coming home, but I have encouraged her to find ways to be happy where she is and she's working at it.
I moved out at 18 and was homesick, but stayed gone except for visits until I was in my early 30s. The entire time I had a good life, but missed my parents and eventually moved back home. Some of us are just wired that way. I took care of them when they got older and was glad to be here to do it.
Do your best to get the most out of college that you can, and plan on moving back home when you graduate, assuming you can get a job there. Your plans might change, but there's no shame in wanting to be close to family.
Last edited by toobusytoday; 04-02-2018 at 10:17 AM..
Reason: removed the insult
Moderator - Lehigh Valley, NEPA, Harrisburg, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Education and Colleges and Universities.
When I post in bold red, that is Moderator action and per the TOS can be discussed only via Direct Message.
Last edited by toobusytoday; 04-07-2018 at 01:35 PM..
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