Why do people get stereotyped when their parents pay for college? (Ivy, dental school)

[sheena12]

Jealousy. If I had the money to pay for my children's entire education, through graduate school I would, That was how I was raised, and I am grateful that my parents felt this way.

I have no idea why parents who have the means to pay, would not gladly do so.

If you had to fight for what you have, I would think that it would be natural to want to make life easier for your children, and not to create artificial obstacles where they do not exist.
I know this approach seems to be in favor today in some circles. I view it as mean spirited.
I have also known people to drop out of college loaded with resentment, after realizing that other people's parent's were joyfully paying as much as they could, while they struggled with two jobs and "C" averages. Created false scarcity as an object lesson, and making your child the object, strikes me as odd, and perhaps a bit sadistic.

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Jealousy. If I had the money to pay for my children's entire education, through graduate school I would, That was how I was raised, and I am grateful that my parents felt this way.

I have no idea why parents who have the means to pay, would not gladly do so.

If you had to fight for what you have, I would think that it would be natural to want to make life easier for your children, and not to create artificial obstacles where they do not exist.
I know this approach seems to be in favor today in some circles. I view it as mean spirited.
I have also known people to drop out of college loaded with resentment, after realizing that other people's parent's were joyfully paying as much as they could, while they struggled with two jobs and "C" averages. Created false scarcity as an object lesson, and making your child the object, strikes me as odd, and perhaps a bit sadistic.

What I CAN understand is parents expecting a certain grade point average/performance.

I went to an affordable, state university, and my parents had enough saved up for my brother and I. We got a couple small scholarship money, but AS LONG as we retained a B average, then my parents paid our way.

Graduate school was a different story. My dad was certainly willing to help, but I got a Teaching Assistantship and I took care of whatever living expenses and whatever leftover fees/books, etc. with savings I earned while working and living at home for a year between undergrad and grad.

So, as a tool to make sure kids in college stay on track, I think expectations of high enough grade average is a great idea. It wouldn't be fair to parents if they are paying and their kids are partying and getting a C average at most. Because then its not really an investment into their kids.

[Tex?Il?]

So in conclusion, while everyone is entitled to their own opinions and way of doing things,

What makes sense to me, is that if parents are able to afford their childrens college tuition, then a better way to teach them a lesson in responsibility is for them to stipulate a certain minimum grade point average, B average, straight A's whatever. A minimum grade just makes more sense to me.

It just seems to me that any parent who is able to afford sending their kids to college, but choose not to, I wonder what value they place on education.

I knew kids that I went to college with, whose were on their that still partied, drank, etc. Maybe they are taking out loans, etc. but they still want to be geograhically away from their family, where they can breathe.

It is not ALWAYS the case, that just because people have to work for the college education, it doesn't mean they always make the right decisions.

[Cav Scout wife]

Originally Posted by ambient

Yes, and this is what the next leg of the debt collapse will be about in this country.

Eh, I don't buy it.

Our country has a vested intrest in the education of it's citizens.

Besides, in the "grand scheme" of debt, 10% repayment failure for sutdent loans is MUCH less than CC debt, or mortgage forclosure, or any numver of other debts people reneg on.

Yes, 10% sounds bad, but think about the 90% that are paying their loans back, that's really good.

[drsmiley06]

Why would your parents pay for college? Just a simple question that's all. I mean think about it, why wouldn't you pay for it yourself? And don't say "well, my parents put away money for me when I was younger into a fund, blah blah blah." I guess I'm alittle old fashion and heck I'm only 37 years old but I never considered asking my parents to pay for college. I also put myself thru 6 years of military service, came out and put myself thru college working a part-time job and having the G.I. Bill. So when I tell people I did it the old fashion and the hard way, I really mean it. So my real question is this, who's name is on the degree when it's all said and done, mom/dad or yours? Because let's face it, going to class is easy, paying for it is alittle harder. And I went to dental school too and came out well over $100K in debt and that's also including undergrad, and you think I would've asked my parents to help pay for the tuition. Let me tell you this, I sat next to people in dental school whose parents were doctors and even they couldn't afford to pay their tuition, not even close! Nope, you want to go to school and a vocational school, you'll need to pay for that yourself. Sorry, but that's how guys like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught. You learn alot when you have to pay for things yourself. Asking my parents to pay for college, that's a good one! Do you want them to wipe your ass and butter your toast in the morning too?

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by drsmiley06

Why would your parents pay for college? Just a simple question that's all. I mean think about it, why wouldn't you pay for it yourself? And don't say "well, my parents put away money for me when I was younger into a fund, blah blah blah." I guess I'm alittle old fashion and heck I'm only 37 years old but I never considered asking my parents to pay for college. I also put myself thru 6 years of military service, came out and put myself thru college working a part-time job and having the G.I. Bill. So when I tell people I did it the old fashion and the hard way, I really mean it. So my real question is this, who's name is on the degree when it's all said and done, mom/dad or yours? Because let's face it, going to class is easy, paying for it is alittle harder. And I went to dental school too and came out well over $100K in debt and that's also including undergrad, and you think I would've asked my parents to help pay for the tuition. Let me tell you this, I sat next to people in dental school whose parents were doctors and even they couldn't afford to pay their tuition, not even close! Nope, you want to go to school and a vocational school, you'll need to pay for that yourself. Sorry, but that's how guys like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught. You learn alot when you have to pay for things yourself. Asking my parents to pay for college, that's a good one! Do you want them to wipe your ass and butter your toast in the morning too?

Well, its kind of obvious why kids straight out of high school wouldn't pay for their college - because they have no money. Since children are not part of the labor force from age 0-15, they can't work for it. And even part time jobs in high school and college, are only going to pay minimum wage. While often parents have a career

Graduate school and medical/dental school is different. You are right, only those fabulously wealthy could have families that could support that. That could really only be done through loans.

Most graduate programs, (as well as medical programs) have assistantship programs that include tuition waivers and living stipends.

However very few undergrad programs have programs that give students this opportunity.

In any case, I don't think anyone really asks their parents. Yes, many parents do a college fund set up for their children when they are young, because they want to invest in their children, and that is what they value. They want to do what they can.

Like I said, I don't see anything wrong with that, but as long as parents set standards on grade performance, I don't see how paying or at least helping to pay, breeds ungrateful, slacker young adults. Just "keep your grades up, or you are cut off.

I truly, truly am impressed by how you have come by your success. I really am. It goes to show that anything is possible.

And wiping ones ass and buttering ones toast have nothing to do with paying for ones education.

[TonyVaz1009]

Originally Posted by drsmiley06

Why would your parents pay for college? Just a simple question that's all. I mean think about it, why wouldn't you pay for it yourself? And don't say "well, my parents put away money for me when I was younger into a fund, blah blah blah." I guess I'm alittle old fashion and heck I'm only 37 years old but I never considered asking my parents to pay for college. I also put myself thru 6 years of military service, came out and put myself thru college working a part-time job and having the G.I. Bill. So when I tell people I did it the old fashion and the hard way, I really mean it. So my real question is this, who's name is on the degree when it's all said and done, mom/dad or yours? Because let's face it, going to class is easy, paying for it is alittle harder. And I went to dental school too and came out well over $100K in debt and that's also including undergrad, and you think I would've asked my parents to help pay for the tuition. Let me tell you this, I sat next to people in dental school whose parents were doctors and even they couldn't afford to pay their tuition, not even close! Nope, you want to go to school and a vocational school, you'll need to pay for that yourself. Sorry, but that's how guys like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught. You learn alot when you have to pay for things yourself. Asking my parents to pay for college, that's a good one! Do you want them to wipe your ass and butter your toast in the morning too?

Wow, you're 1) really misinformed, and 2) bitter. I'll respect your point of view a little more if you come back with a better attitude and put away those false accusations.

Signed, someone who's way younger than you...

[harrison21]

I think the bigger stereotype here is that people who party aren't getting good grades or are "just goofing around." I partied a lot in college and graduated with a 3.9, and completed two majors and a minor in 4 years. You can have fun and still do academics too. I knew if I was out until 4 in the morning, I still had to go to class at 8 the next day and I went, every time. If I had a big paper or assignment due the next day, I made sure it was done early so I had time to go out at night. I don't see how "partying" has anything to do it with it. Pretty much everyone I knew in college was the same way I was.

I think another big part of it is the actual financial ability of the student's parents. My roommate always acted a little "holier than thou" because she was paying for hers and she knew mine was paid for. However, her EFC from FAFSA was literally 0 dollars and she got tons of financial aid. My EFC was over 60K- my parents both worked middle class jobs, but were good with their money and had saved up. I did not qualify for a dime of financial aide. Had my parents decided to make me pay for it to teach me some kind of lesson, I would not be in the same position that most students are since they're getting all that FA money and loans. I also think as a previous poster mentioned that since everyone is getting loans and not really paying "up front", the responsibility won't be any different than a kid whose parents pay. Yes, down the road they'll eventually have to start paying for the loans, but while they're actually in school they don't have to worry about it.

[SuperSparkle928]

Originally Posted by drsmiley06

Why would your parents pay for college?

Because, after giving you life, a place to live, food, opportunities, they want to make sure you start out life on your own well equipped for for the real world.

Just a simple question that's all. I mean think about it, why wouldn't you pay for it yourself? And don't say "well, my parents put away money for me when I was younger into a fund, blah blah blah."

Well, they did... anything wrong with that? I have done the same.

I guess I'm alittle old fashion and heck I'm only 37 years old but I never considered asking my parents to pay for college.

Physically 37.... emotion/maturity level... well....

I also put myself thru 6 years of military service, came out and put myself thru college working a part-time job and having the G.I. Bill.

Utilizing the G.I. Bill and 'paying for it yourself' is a little bit hypocritical...
You should be thanking us taxpayers.

So when I tell people I did it the old fashion and the hard way, I really mean it.

If you consider sponging off the government (i.e. the rest of us), the 'old fashioned way', then you are correct.

So my real question is this, who's name is on the degree when it's all said and done, mom/dad or yours? Because let's face it, going to class is easy, paying for it is alittle harder.

Don't know where you went to school, but 'going to class is easy' is not necessarily the case. When the admittance rate to some schools is between 6% and 9%, it isn't just a cakewalk. It was hard.

And I went to dental school too and came out well over $100K in debt and that's also including undergrad, and you think I would've asked my parents to help pay for the tuition. Let me tell you this, I sat next to people in dental school whose parents were doctors and even they couldn't afford to pay their tuition, not even close!

Sounds like rather poor planning on their part, but I don't know their situations.

Nope, you want to go to school and a vocational school, you'll need to pay for that yourself. Sorry, but that's how guys like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught.

Guys/siblings like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught 'choose what you want to do in life, and we, as parents will get your through college, so you can do the same for your kids'. The result was a whole pile of MD/PhD's, emerging with no debt. Yawn.

You learn alot when you have to pay for things yourself. Asking my parents to pay for college, that's a good one!

Personally, I feel sorry for your upbringing, if they could have paid for it.

Do you want them to wipe your ass and butter your toast in the morning too?

They chose to give us all the opportunities they could to make sure we were successful.

They also taught us not to be bitter and resentful.

Mine in green.

[Gatornation]

Originally Posted by drsmiley06

Why would your parents pay for college? Just a simple question that's all. I mean think about it, why wouldn't you pay for it yourself? And don't say "well, my parents put away money for me when I was younger into a fund, blah blah blah." I guess I'm alittle old fashion and heck I'm only 37 years old but I never considered asking my parents to pay for college. I also put myself thru 6 years of military service, came out and put myself thru college working a part-time job and having the G.I. Bill. So when I tell people I did it the old fashion and the hard way, I really mean it. So my real question is this, who's name is on the degree when it's all said and done, mom/dad or yours? Because let's face it, going to class is easy, paying for it is alittle harder. And I went to dental school too and came out well over $100K in debt and that's also including undergrad, and you think I would've asked my parents to help pay for the tuition. Let me tell you this, I sat next to people in dental school whose parents were doctors and even they couldn't afford to pay their tuition, not even close! Nope, you want to go to school and a vocational school, you'll need to pay for that yourself. Sorry, but that's how guys like myself who grew up in middle-class families were taught. You learn alot when you have to pay for things yourself. Asking my parents to pay for college, that's a good one! Do you want them to wipe your ass and butter your toast in the morning too?

You are a dentist and not middle class anymore. Feel bad for your kids because you will have money to help out but won't.