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Old 07-08-2010, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Duh mountains
483 posts, read 428,744 times
Reputation: 389

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Quote:
Originally Posted by soscrewed View Post
OK, yes I am venting.

My soon to be ex-wife and I are both 45 and have been married for 25 years. We have two grown children.

My wife has a BS in Engineering, and worked for the first ten years of our marriage as an EE, making $110K a year at one point. We decided it would be better for the kids if she stayed home. She quit her job and volunteered, and did other stuff for ten years, then five years ago she decided to get her Master's in social work. This was fine with me, because she is the kind of person who can help others. She has been a substance abuse counselor for three years now, making about $35K. I am in management and make $110K.

She dropped a bomb on me three months ago: she was having an affair with one of her drug-addicted clients, and wanted a divorce. WTF? 25 YEARS, TWO KIDS, and now she wants to pitch it all away for a coke addict 15 years her junior?

I moved out immediately and contacted a lawyer. We have been in mediation, and guess what? Not only is there nothing I can do to stop the divorce, I am going to have to pay her $2150 a month in alimony FOR LIFE, in addition to giving her half of my 401K, and half of all the other assets in the marriage.

I have seen two different lawyers plus the mediator. I just can't believe this can be true. Apparently Colorado is absolutely the most backwards state in the union when it comes to Alimony. Colorado is still clinging to the notion that women are helpless creatures, and must be supported for the rest of their lives "in the manner to which they are accustomed", even if they have Master's degrees and $400K in the bank from the divorce.

WTF is up with this? Does ANYONE (other than the lawyers who run the system) think this is a valid concept in this day and age? I would like SOMEONE to give me a valid argument that this makes sense.

BTW, I asked both lawyers and the mediator what would happen if our positions were reversed, in other words, if I made $35K and she made $110K. They said it all depended on the judge who heard the case, that some judges would never order alimony to a man, but that some might give a few years. NONE would order lifetime alimony for a Master's degreed, gainfully employed male coming out of the divorce with $400K in the bank.

I know a lot of people look at these forums when deciding where to move, so here is the moral of this story: STAY OUT OF COLORADO if you make more than your spouse, especially if you are a man. You are essentially dangling a winning lottery ticket in front of your spouse, and because Colorado is a "no-fault" divorce state, they can cash that ticket at any time, for any reason whatsoever, and nothing they have done in the past matters one iota in the settlement. If you have been married longer than ten years and you are a man, you may be forced to pay alimony for life, and apparently if you have been married more than 20 years, you WILL be forced to pay for life, regardless of your ages or your spouse's ability to support themselves.

NO OTHER STATE is this way. Some states only allow alimony for a short period of time until the lower earning spouse can get a good job, and even in the few states left in which lifetime alimony is possible, the amount awarded is usually lower than in Colorado.

One of the lawyers I talked to asked me if I had been to a wedding recently. I have not. He then said "Now you know why!". Apparently the rate of marriage in Colorado, especially the rate at which people remarry, has fallen off a cliff. Things like this are a major reason...

The state of wedded bliss is the worst state. Also Colorado is not the only state where this can happen. I almost forgot to add she can ask the judge to ORDER you to buy a huge life insurance policy (to cover these payments if you die) with her as the owner and beneficiary and YOU as the payer. And the judge will grant this.

http://www.nomarriage.com/
www.theghostnation.com/forums/
www.the-spearhead.com/

Last edited by Galagaone; 07-08-2010 at 04:53 PM..

 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Duh mountains
483 posts, read 428,744 times
Reputation: 389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretzelogik View Post
The Anglo American male....the most discriminated against class in modern 21 Century society
Yep, females have more than equal rights in everything excpet when it comes to picking up the tab. Then we're back in 1950. NEVER get married. Don't sign that paper.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,660 posts, read 6,524,420 times
Reputation: 2428
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galagaone View Post
Yep, females have more than equal rights in everything excpet when it comes to picking up the tab. Then we're back in 1950. NEVER get married. Don't sign that paper.
That's funny because most of the male politicians and men in the justice system are white. They're discriminating in their own race of men and men in general.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:31 PM
 
9,816 posts, read 18,911,287 times
Reputation: 7531
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Im going to go out on a limb here and assume you have never been a mother. That aside, alimony and child support are designed to protect the spouse that has little or no income or earning potential from poverty and having to live off the state in the event the breadwinning spouse leaves the marriage. If one gives up their education, career and earning potential to take on the responsibility of caring for children and keeping up a home, I believe there should be compensation in event of divorce.
None of that applies here.

Kids are raised. She is well educated. She is employed. There is 800K in assets to split from what the OP said.

The asset split is their life up to now. Each pulled their part up to that point. Split the assets and have a nice life. If the man earned more than her in the 25 years then that gets equalized by the asset split.

There is no reason for her to be paid every month for eternity for being a tramp. Period.

I've seen this before when I was going up with another military family. It was quite a tragedy I bore witness to. Turned out the woman was also snorting coke with the guy she ran off with.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Duh mountains
483 posts, read 428,744 times
Reputation: 389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
no more unbelievable than my own posts about divorce on CDF. people hear and see just what they want to.
we all struggle with disbelief, my own struggle has to do with beautiful mysterious women that refuse to post their pictures on CDF, i have a terrible premonition that they are 6 ft 4 truckdrivers who are coming out of the closet on castro st in SF.
They mostly put up pics of clowns and pets. I think that says a LOT..
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 76,712,057 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by galagaone View Post
they mostly put up pics of clowns and pets. I think that says a lot..
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:52 PM
 
23,831 posts, read 30,857,940 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by soscrewed View Post
It is not only "rich" people getting the shaft here The lower earning spouse (often the woman but not always) gets a free retirement REGARDLESS of whether the other spouse is rich or not. That is the hell of it. You could be making $50K a year and if your spouse made $30K, you would pay alimony. It is literally a lottery ticket waiting to be cashed.

I know a couple of women paying alimony to their ex-husbands in CO, but neither one got screwed nearly as badly as I look like I am going to be screwed. The courts are definitely not gender-blind.
I don't know anyone who has experienced such unfairness. I don't mean that I don't believe you, just that it's not how things have gone for myself or those that I know.

At no time during my marriage did my spouse make more than I did. When we split, our son was still very young. I asked for no child support, until we actually divorced. In fact I had that put right in the agreement. Of course, that is most likely the main reason we did not divorce for 5 years. So my ex got a sweet deal, I assure you.

Alimony was not even a question...and never would be. I can't believe anyone that could work and earn a decent living wage would even ask for it. People have no pride anymore. We've taught everyone to stand in line and hold out their hand.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 04:58 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,182,620 times
Reputation: 20183
I can't believe any self respecting woman would hold out her hand and accept alimony when she is perfectly capable of working. It's just disgusting and another reason why total equality is so important. Neither a man nor a woman should have to support their ex.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 05:06 PM
 
367 posts, read 919,138 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
I can't believe any self respecting woman would hold out her hand and accept alimony when she is perfectly capable of working. It's just disgusting and another reason why total equality is so important. Neither a man nor a woman should have to support their ex.
The problem is, so many people are no longer self respecting. We're constantly fed messages that nurtures a false sense of entitlement. Why are shows like "The real house-wives of....pick your city/state/county" so popular? It's perfectly in line with today's society. You are rewarded for not being responsible. It is truly sad.
Pride, responsibility and respect are things we'll soon have transported into history class.

But kudos to all of you who are still responsible and have self-respect! I admire you sincerely.
 
Old 07-08-2010, 05:16 PM
 
6,104 posts, read 6,149,494 times
Reputation: 6429
Quote:
Originally Posted by Union Federal View Post
Aren't they also HER kids and HER home?

Isn't choosing to be a stay at home mom a joint decision, and isn't that decision sometimes preferred over a career? Are you also forgetting that she cheated on him? Should there be no repercussions for that? People like you, who break down a marriage into nothing more than dollars and cents, make me cringe.

You must be either a robot or a divorce lawyer.
Agreed. Women choose to stay home and presumably receive some sort of benefit for that (not having to work, being with the kids, etc.). There are sacrifices that have to be made for that and a career is one of those sacrifices. Women shouldn't be martyrs for making this choice, just like men shouldn't be viewed as special for "babysitting" their own kids.

I have no sympathy for women who choose to stay home and not keep up with their job skills, especially the ones who stay home after the kids are in school. There's no reason they can't at least work part time to keep a foot in the door, so to speak. They could also use the time spent staying home to get an education. Women need to make sure they CAN take care of themselves because there just might come a day when they have to.

I don't agree with alimony laws, especially lifetime alimony. That's just ridiculous. It is situations like the OP's that make me ashamed to be a woman sometimes.
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