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Old 08-27-2017, 02:16 AM
 
785 posts, read 327,523 times
Reputation: 2050

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Any man who sees the warning signs all around him and still chooses to get married in this day and age deserves any and all things that he gets.

Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.

 
Old 08-27-2017, 02:31 AM
 
Location: Left coast
2,321 posts, read 1,002,138 times
Reputation: 3211
Quote:
Originally Posted by soscrewed View Post
OK, yes I am venting.

My soon to be ex-wife and I are both 45 and have been married for 25 years. We have two grown children.

My wife has a BS in Engineering, and worked for the first ten years of our marriage as an EE, making $110K a year at one point. We decided it would be better for the kids if she stayed home. She quit her job and volunteered, and did other stuff for ten years, then five years ago she decided to get her Master's in social work. This was fine with me, because she is the kind of person who can help others. She has been a substance abuse counselor for three years now, making about $35K. I am in management and make $110K.

She dropped a bomb on me three months ago: she was having an affair with one of her drug-addicted clients, and wanted a divorce. WTF? 25 YEARS, TWO KIDS, and now she wants to pitch it all away for a coke addict 15 years her junior?

I moved out immediately and contacted a lawyer. We have been in mediation, and guess what? Not only is there nothing I can do to stop the divorce, I am going to have to pay her $2150 a month in alimony FOR LIFE, in addition to giving her half of my 401K, and half of all the other assets in the marriage.

I have seen two different lawyers plus the mediator. I just can't believe this can be true. Apparently Colorado is absolutely the most backwards state in the union when it comes to Alimony. Colorado is still clinging to the notion that women are helpless creatures, and must be supported for the rest of their lives "in the manner to which they are accustomed", even if they have Master's degrees and $400K in the bank from the divorce.

WTF is up with this? Does ANYONE (other than the lawyers who run the system) think this is a valid concept in this day and age? I would like SOMEONE to give me a valid argument that this makes sense.

BTW, I asked both lawyers and the mediator what would happen if our positions were reversed, in other words, if I made $35K and she made $110K. They said it all depended on the judge who heard the case, that some judges would never order alimony to a man, but that some might give a few years. NONE would order lifetime alimony for a Master's degreed, gainfully employed male coming out of the divorce with $400K in the bank.

I know a lot of people look at these forums when deciding where to move, so here is the moral of this story: STAY OUT OF COLORADO if you make more than your spouse, especially if you are a man. You are essentially dangling a winning lottery ticket in front of your spouse, and because Colorado is a "no-fault" divorce state, they can cash that ticket at any time, for any reason whatsoever, and nothing they have done in the past matters one iota in the settlement. If you have been married longer than ten years and you are a man, you may be forced to pay alimony for life, and apparently if you have been married more than 20 years, you WILL be forced to pay for life, regardless of your ages or your spouse's ability to support themselves.

NO OTHER STATE is this way. Some states only allow alimony for a short period of time until the lower earning spouse can get a good job, and even in the few states left in which lifetime alimony is possible, the amount awarded is usually lower than in Colorado.

One of the lawyers I talked to asked me if I had been to a wedding recently. I have not. He then said "Now you know why!". Apparently the rate of marriage in Colorado, especially the rate at which people remarry, has fallen off a cliff. Things like this are a major reason...
First mistake is that you moved out (that was mine)- you stay and fight, have the other person move out-

watch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfRDZ4iOnSo

sadly this documentary, which focuses on the egregious nature of divorce court- was the one our divorce was held in.
It was awful=

Because I didn't move to boot my partner out IMMEDIATELY when they decided to quit their job ( we lived in separate apartments- house had an inlaw) for four years while I was trying to make it work-

I ended up being the one to pay ALIMONY-

SO please save all the SHE crap- these days its all about who is the higher bread winner- and in our case the MAN got awarded alimony (married 13 years)- we settled with a buy out-

so not sure if thats an option in CO but consider a lump sum settlement- I thought it worth it to be done with the whole mess and not have to deal with the crazy ex....
 
Old 08-27-2017, 02:39 AM
 
Location: Left coast
2,321 posts, read 1,002,138 times
Reputation: 3211
also I would like to hear from people who married spouses who have similar income brackets-

it doesnt matter the gender -

if you are well off, educated, and end up hooking up with a cute young thing- well what do you think you are setting yourself up for?

How many of you guys married women making $140, 000 or more?
too challenging?!
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