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Old 10-20-2008, 05:33 AM
 
5,239 posts, read 6,523,213 times
Reputation: 11301

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that was a funny read. i have a friend that lives in the rural area, nearest real town would be montrose. she says the pple are all really weird out there. so i wonder what a barbie from there might be like. a little scary and psychopathic i think.
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Old 04-18-2010, 12:01 PM
 
20,326 posts, read 37,840,000 times
Reputation: 18113
Default Rules of rural colorado

Rules of rural Colorado are as follows: Listen up city slickers!!!


1. Pull up your droopy pants, you look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' no matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes east and west, I-25 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in rural Colorado waves. We think of it as being friendly, try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. We fry our fish after 'catch in' 'em'. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. We like chow smothered in green or red chile. Yes, it's spelled right--if you don't know the difference between chile and chili, you don't belong here. "one's a country" is not the right answer to this.

9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of big game season. It's a religious holiday held some saturday in october. "Big game" does not refer to the World Series or Big Ten football.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. There's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: Meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: Salt, pepper, hot sauce and chile. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in New York call that stuff you eat...it ain't real chile!!!!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'mary jane' into my house, she better be cute, and have long hair.

15. Somebody besides criminals and police have guns here. We do. We carry guns because cops are too heavy.

16. College and high school football is as important here as the Redskins and the Ravens, and a dang site more fun to watch.

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks the fish.

18. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, state colleges, community colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

19. We have a ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us if you do, you will get whipped by the best.

20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

21. A blizzard isn't 4 inches of snow - it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.

A true Coloradan will send this on, and, unless you're some midwestern transplant, you'll say "Coloradan," not "Coloradoan." after all, we don't call people from Mexico "Mexicoans," now do we?

Special Thanks to JazzLover and Double H for fine tuning this aye-dap-tay-shun from back east.
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Last edited by Mike from back east; 04-18-2010 at 02:36 PM..
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:11 AM
 
Location: playing in the colorful Colorado dirt
4,486 posts, read 4,336,967 times
Reputation: 6937
Mike, that was almost perfect! May I suggest a couple of additions to the list? 1) while driving your dusty Lexus down OUR dirt road, do the speed limit. We live here and don't need to take the 15mph scenic tour and we're not too fond of having to clean up blood and car parts after those wannabe race car drivers FAIL rural driving 101. 2) stay the **** out of my yard. Sure the elk and deer are cute, but this isn't a petting zoo. These 'cute' critters , if threatened, are capable of doing things to you that plastic surgery cannot fix. Besides, how would you feel if I wandered around your yard?
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:17 PM
Status: "Not politically correct" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Western Colorado
10,562 posts, read 11,661,819 times
Reputation: 24261
Default Colorado Girls!

This is cute! (MOD NOTE: Some bad language in this video)


YouTube - ‪Colorado Girls‬‎

Last edited by Mike from back east; 08-06-2010 at 03:20 PM..
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Old 08-06-2010, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,131 posts, read 26,284,209 times
Reputation: 6816
Durango Barbie is the hottest, even without make-up and can rope Ken from on horseback or skis.
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Old 08-08-2010, 01:27 AM
 
Location: The 719
13,710 posts, read 21,527,400 times
Reputation: 13320
American-Furniture-Warehouse! Ha Ha!

Last edited by Mike from back east; 08-08-2010 at 12:12 PM..
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Old 08-09-2010, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,131 posts, read 26,284,209 times
Reputation: 6816
That vid was enough to turn me into a jazzlover.
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Old 08-09-2010, 04:25 PM
 
331 posts, read 867,612 times
Reputation: 336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike from back east View Post
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
Mine actually is... I constantly have to keep adjusting my cap when I wear one. I hate the crooked-cap look, but the way my head is shaped, it happens naturally. I fix this by not wearing caps. ;-)
However, sunglasses always sit unevenly on my face, and if I wear earbuds, the one on the right always falls out after walking a few steps. My head doesn't look awkward, but these signs let me know I was probably dropped multiple times as a child.
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Old 08-10-2010, 03:51 PM
 
Location: 5500 feet
41 posts, read 86,715 times
Reputation: 32
ex-pat Texan Barbie (Colorado edition)
extra blonde hair, extra tall heels and cowgirl boots.
Comes with designer purse and sunglasses, horse with western saddle, Ford Pick up and case of hairspray.
Ex-pat Texan Ken comes with beer belly, large hat, toothpick in corner of his mouth, dwindling oil lease payment checks, Ex-pat Texan Skipper as a mistress. Optional accessory: Mama.
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Old 11-25-2011, 08:18 PM
 
20,326 posts, read 37,840,000 times
Reputation: 18113
Default Chippie, the furniture dealer from Silverton, COLO

Chippie, a furniture dealer from up at Red Mountain, near Silverton decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Chippie couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.

After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner.....after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a 4-poster bed.

To this day, Chippie has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
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