Dear Alferd Packer – answers to newbie Coloradan's FAQ’s about the Centennial State

[Suzatlarge]

^^ +1. The only thing missing was "small town feel."

[reed303]

Originally Posted by Suzatlarge

^^ +1. The only thing missing was "small town feel."

What about "walking distance to a pot dispensary" ?

[Suzatlarge]

Well, oops, it did say "small town." My bad. Good catch about the pot dispensary!

[Colorado Rambler]

Dear Alferd Packer:

Originally Posted by johnjohn81101

The real deal...... Well all I can say is most of these Post's are wrong, miss information and jumping the gun assumption. Don't mean to be rude but some people that dont live here or the longest you've stayed here is 30 days think its cheap so its junk land. No to clarify 35 acres can provide well water to one acre now yes 5 acres is only for home use but if you think theirs no water in the valley your wrong. And you can alway file for special permit .You just haven't gone down there and attempted it. You can hit water in 30f to 180f worse 200s feet $30- $40 per feet is the cost and move on people about the water. If you don't believe me call some local stores and ask questions now before I leave the issue of water the valley is big I would consider for better groundwater Alamosa blanca and fort garland area those are areas I can vouch for now land has gone up in the last 2 years so good luck now crime not as bad as you guys are making it look. Drugs, some just like everywhere eals. now alcohol problems is what most people get into problems for. Now the people are wonderful well at lease most people, 1 or 2 here and there just like everywhere eals but most people are helpful and carrying and you should be to if you come out to the valley if you think someday you won't need some type of help you'll be surprised. The county building department are very helpful costilla and Alamosa. Now they won't direct you to a well driller or a home builder because everyone else won't make any money. Now I wouldn't build anything without a permit because sooner or later someone could give you some fines that might cause you to loose your property. The good thing is if you pull permits build by code you can build yourself it might run you $15,000 $25,000 $30,000 or $50,000 if you don't buy a mobile home or prefab. I'll run it down for you. Building yourself #1 address permit # 2 survay site plan and soil testing not expensive only survey 600-1500 depending on 5 or 40 acres site plan don't have to be certified you can draw it yourself (fallow the guidelines) or $100- $150 soil testing around the same. Slab foundation is the cheapest leveling clearing of shrubs 1500sq ft. $7,000 well another $6,000-$7,000 you should hit water around blanca and alamosa 30 - 60 feet but good water in 120 -180 (I would pay attention and watch drillers) but remember the depper you go the better
Now septic know the size you need ask questions. septic system will run you from $1,500 $3,500 average, to $5,000 very high mostly highs are with someone manageing your project like a general builder. Now the rest is up to you build your house from $10,000 $20,000 $30,000 $50,000 it all depends on you. But if you go with builder a $30,000 house will become $120,000- $150,000 do your research you'll see. Now concrete block wall structure no windows doors tile kitchen cabinets or appliances baths or sinks or major plumbing or electrical. Just blocks 45 x 45 square house, 8 walls 10 foot high cost less then $6,000 at $1.22 per blocks. Well moving on, now if you don't find something magical about mnt. Blanca and the stars being so close and your not comfortable with ufo's then this place is not for you. Yes this place is extremely cold and extremely windy some days. Please keep warm. Advice you need two form of transportation in case one breaks. if you move to blonca 14 mile towards Alamosa is Walmart blanca also has a small store. Phone signal is good maybe not so good in some places metro t mobile sprint work really good. Now people test the valley out before you buy and move make sure the land welcomes you, if it do not run back home or prove yourself to it. Well goodbye and welcome to freedom, and good luck.

My Dear Mr. johnjohn81101 -

First let me thank you for posting about your real life experiences in the SLV. You have no idea how often members here just post what amounts to a pack of lies. In the interests of full disclosure, I would like to clarify my own position on some of the subjects you bring up. The SLV does indeed have all sorts of water supplies. My favorite is the farm near Crestone which includes alligators/reptiles/snakes and whatever other critters they've added since I last was there. Let me tell you; no one gets into a fight with an alligator over water rights, aquifers or anything else to do with water. That alligator outfit has been there since the late 70's and no high faluting water lawyer has ever been down from Denver to read those gators the riot act. If you are a large, ill-tempered creature with a proclivity for water, the SLV is THE place for you!

As for the amount of acrage that can be used to provide the water supply for dwellings, potato farms, old land plats from Forbes Trinchera days and various and assorted yurts, TP's, and genuine old log cabins abandoned back in the early 2000's; the formula is quite simple really (my keyboard doesn't have those cool scientific symbols, so this is an approximation):

XLobatos,t h0h + 1hXch,t + 2hXch,t = the amount of water that the SLV owes New Mexico each year

So don't worry about county building departments or special permits, etc. Just get together with all your other neighbors who also have been flim-flammed by the Great SLV Land and Water Hoax and either declare war on New Mexico or else threaten to shut down the State Legislature of Colorado until you get your way, including all the water you want. Hey, it works for Congress (sort of).

As for the criminal element around Fort Garland, I wouldn't pay them much attention. They're just low riders with an attitude who like to spread rumors about UFOs landing in Antonito. Hah! Everyone knows that the UFOs always end up in Conejos, but some people just never learn. Oh, and I'd stay away from Mount Blanca, myself. Everyone knows that it was cursed by the Navajo back in 1823 to get back at Kit Carson for not including Kentucky bluegrass when he ordered the landscaping plans for the suburbs in the greater Fort Garland metroplex.

Best Wishes, etc.
Al

[Colorado Rambler]

Originally Posted by Mike from back east

Any new cards and letters in the Alferd Packer mailbag?

Originally Posted by hollyt00

So true, Rambler, so true! It's one of my favorite threads to lurk in.

OK, already - I'll check my e-mail... the things I get myself into... Now what's my password again? *grumble grumble* Here you go!

Dear Alferd Packer,

What do you think of Greenland? We are a young couple from Arlington and are planning to move to Colorado within the next week or two. We have 4 dogs and a cat and we like an active nightlife combined with a laid-back mountain living life-style. Oh, and our cat is allergic. Are people in Greenland friendly? Would we fit in there? We want to build a tiny house and buy a llama.

- Rearin’ to go in NOVA

Dear Rearin’

Greenland would be a perfect fit, I’m sure. It’s got an on ramp to I-25 south and is located equal-distant between Colorado Springs and Denver. You never know when you may need to make a quick get-away since there’s been reports of gang activity in Larkspur lately and highway 85 to Palmer Lake can be iffy in the winter months. Palmer Lake is where you’ll want to go party, BTW since Greenland lacks an actual bar. As I recollect, there’s also a culvert near-by exit 167 where you could build your tiny house out of anyone’s sight and not have to worry about any tomfoolery with the Douglas County zoning commission. I find that a stiff shot of Old Grand Dad fixes my cat’s allergies right up, but I don’t know what you could use to dose them new fangled llamas. Maybe let ‘em browse in your recreational marijuana patch.

Stay off any more hallucinogens,
- Al


Dear Alferd Packer,

It’s been getting pretty desperate out here at the wildlife refuge, but then I thought of you. I know them city slickers in Denver ain’t good for much except target practice, but I bet you along with a posse of Colorado ranchers from the Western Slope would be perfect to set them FBI and the rest of the gubbermint robbers around here straight on the run. When do ya’ll think you could get here? Do you have any snacks?

- Ammon Bundy

Dear Ammon,

Thanks for the invite, but I don’t expect me and the boys could get out to Oregon in time to do you much good. The Western Slope folks are planning to take over Mesa Verde National Park or maybe it was the new dog park they built in Durango. I forget which. Anyhow, we got our own problems with grazing rights, plus we’re gearing up to detonate that damn tunnel that sucks all the water out of the Colorado River and diverts it to water Josseppie’s lawn in Pueblo. As for snacks, expect an autographed copy of my new book “Colorado Finger Foods” to arrive tomorrow via a rogue Amazon drone. You yuppie wussie boys out there in Oregon or Nevada or where ever the hell you’re from need to man up same as I did and fix your own damn snacks.

Keep on with the entertainment,
- Al


Dear Alferd Packer,

Moving to Denver from LA
Moving to Denver from Philly
Moving to Denver from Alaska
Moving to Denver from Flint
Moving to Denver from NYC
Moving to Denver from Mars
Moving to Denver from DC area
Moving to Denver from Florida
Moving to Denver from La La Land
Moving to Denver from San Antonio
Moving to Denver from Syria
Moving to Denver from Boston
Moving to Denver from Cuba
Moving to Denver from Gitmo
Moving to Denver from ISIS
Moving to Denver from Spokane
Moving to Denver from Maine
Moving to Denver from the 5th parallel universe over
Moving to Denver from Denver
Moving to Denver from Ohio
Moving to Denver from your wildest nightmare

Dear Moving to Denver,

1) Yes, Denver is a good fit for you, whoever you are

2) The cost of housing is ridiculous

3) Yes, everyone in Colorado is stoned at all times

4) You will have to learn how to drive in snow

5) The schools are OK compared to the schools in Lake Woebegone

6) It’s hell trying to go into the mountains on weekends

7) The altitude sickness goes away if you wait long enough

8) Forget micro-waved popcorn

9) There are no beauty shops in Fort Collins

10) No, I can’t recommend a contractor for your tiny house. Have you considered moving your
family into a dog crate, instead?

11) Yes, you will get skin cancer the moment you step outside. I suggest wearing full purdah all the
time even if you’re a guy

12) How the hell would I know if you’ll come to regret it?

13) Yup, tastes just like pork


Keep on Moving - love,
Al

[StarrySkiesAbove]

Welcome back Alfred, hopefully this winter has not been too hard on you and you've left at least one Hinsdale County Democrat intact!

[Colorado Rambler]

^^^

Thanks. The winters in Colorado are getting pretty tame now-a-days due to that global warming thing. The old folks home ain't located in Hinsdale County no more either, but I did send Bernie Sanders an invite for dinner. Expecting an RSVP any day now.

[StarrySkiesAbove]

I noticed the folks in Lake City have not forgotten you. Make sure you tenderize ole Bernie first, he looks a little tough...

[pikabike]

14. The people are friendly. But they are getting less so with every damn fool with stars in their eyes and air between the ears who asks if they can have everything for nothing.

[6.7traveler]

Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler

OK, already - I'll check my e-mail... the things I get myself into... Now what's my password again? *grumble grumble* Here you go!

Dear Alferd Packer,

...

I haven't laughed this hard on city data, well ever! The Ammon bundy and reply number 10 are classics!