Ex-Cop from Chicago and a gf who won't move? :-/ (where to live, airplane)

[SkyDog77]

Originally Posted by FitnessEnthusiast55

Well, we had "the argument" last night. She has stated plain and simple that she will NEVER move. So it looks like I will have to choose. While there are plenty of Lifetime Fitness gyms here, what's not here is good weather. I sweat like Patrick Ewing in game seven. When summer hits it is hard for me to enjoy because the humidity is so high. I want a true 4 seasons. Not two brutally ones with some weird 2 months limbo of winter/summer as my spring and fall. Maybe I have rose colored glasses on. Maybe Colorado isn't everything I am making it out to be. I don't know at this point. The only thing to do is gut up and make the move. I'll find out after living there for a year if it's where I want to be.

We have 4 seasons in one day sometimes. I once saw someone on here describe our weather as a constant battle between summer and winter. I think that's pretty accurate. What you do get here is plenty of dry sunny days compared to Chicago.

[Sonic_Spork]

I think that a visit first wouldn't be a bad thing, but honestly...the relationship element here is more troubling. With a lady like this one, if you married her, you'd be marrying her family. So you need to ask yourself, not only do you love her enough to stay in a place you really don't feel happy, but do you love her family enough to marry them.

Because make no mistake, when a person is that attached to their family...that's how it is. They come first.

You might be cool with that or not, but you really need to consider it.

Best wishes, hope that wherever you land, you land on your feet.

[lurtsman]

Part ways. You having this conversation is proof that you're not prepared for getting married and choosing to have a short term marriage (the kind that ends in divorce) is just stupid.

She has a reasonable grounds for saying that she is determined to stay and you have reasonable ground for wanting to move. The last thing you two should do is become more attached to each other since neither of you understands how to be flexible nor believes that their would be spouse is as important as their personal goals.

I live in a local paradise with my wife, but if she absolutely could not live here, I'd help her pack the boxes and we would look for a different location. My wife absolutely comes first. Bottom line, if you won't take a bullet for a woman, don't marry her. There is nothing wrong with not being to that point in an 8 month relationship, but people shouldn't make absolute ties to a location and expect to have a happy marriage. If she ever does have a happy marriage, when she places city over love, it will be a lucky event for her. I understand her desire to be near her brothers and sisters, but by choosing that her family of origin is the most important family in her life, she won't be ready for a marriage. She can live with someone, love them, and [expletive] them, but marriage is an entirely different endeavor.

You can move on as you see fit. She won't.

[ryanek9freak]

I've never understood those who refuse to leave their families. I love my parents, but they don't pay my bills.

[Harpaint]

I personally wouldn't marry someone who was still excessively connected to their birth family. The family always wins and will characterize you as wrong, oddball, etc etc. This sounds like a good time for you to move. Believe me, there is no deficit of educated and attractive available women in the west. I know quite a few!

[Harpaint]

Originally Posted by FitnessEnthusiast55

Well, we had "the argument" last night. She has stated plain and simple that she will NEVER move. So it looks like I will have to choose. While there are plenty of Lifetime Fitness gyms here, what's not here is good weather. I sweat like Patrick Ewing in game seven. When summer hits it is hard for me to enjoy because the humidity is so high. I want a true 4 seasons. Not two brutally ones with some weird 2 months limbo of winter/summer as my spring and fall. Maybe I have rose colored glasses on. Maybe Colorado isn't everything I am making it out to be. I don't know at this point. The only thing to do is gut up and make the move. I'll find out after living there for a year if it's where I want to be.

And if it isn't, you can try someplace else! The west is huge!

[6.7traveler]

I also choose geographic location first... Jobs and relationships second. Luckily my wife is really cool and follows me wherever I go . Being self employed doesn't hurt either. Anyways there is no comparison between IL and CO. Colorado wins hands down in every single department. I have done several temporary work assignments of 3 months at a time in CO an it is arguably the best outdoor state in the nation. I also spent 8 years against my will in the suburbs of Chicago as a youngin. I agree with the other posters, send her a postcard . Let her have her fun in miserable grey humid wasteland that is the state of IL and don't look back. If she's smart she'll come join you sooner than later. It not, CO isn't exactly lacking in the female department. Good luck.

[lovely40]

I agree with everyone who says send the gf a postcard and make the move. Although, I have to slap you on the hand for getting into a relationship knowing all along how you were feeling about Chicago. Highly likely this misery you're describing about the area didn't just creep up. Poor gf probably feels like you strung her along this whole time. Can't fault her for standing her ground. Anyway, this shows that you both are on each other's low priority list. Probably best to part ways while it's still rather new. Enjoy your move to Colorado. It is EVERYTHING you're making it out to be.

[lovely40]

Originally Posted by 6.7traveler

I also choose geographic location first... Jobs and relationships second. Luckily my wife is really cool and follows me wherever I go . Being self employed doesn't hurt either. Anyways there is no comparison between IL and CO. Colorado wins hands down in every single department. I have done several temporary work assignments of 3 months at a time in CO an it is arguably the best outdoor state in the nation. I also spent 8 years against my will in the suburbs of Chicago as a youngin. I agree with the other posters, send her a postcard . Let her have her fun in miserable grey humid wasteland that is the state of IL and don't look back. If she's smart she'll come join you sooner than later. It not, CO isn't exactly lacking in the female department. Good luck.

Totally agree!! Because if the location doesn't work for you, everything else will suffer. I'm living this reality right now as I prepare for my next move. I wish more people would embrace this thought.

[lurtsman]

Nothing wrong with geography first, but getting married when the spouse isn't priority #1 is disrespectful to the institution of marriage. I really hope the vows were "as long as its convenient" rather than "til death do us part".