Tortoise Militia from SW Colorado considers joining Bundy protest. (Denver: house, college)

[Colorado Rambler]

From High Country News

Citing grievous damage to their homeland, a militia composed of endangered desert tortoises has commenced a hostile occupation of Cliven Bundy’s ranch in southeastern Nevada. The heavily armed reptiles have vowed to remain until the scofflaw rancher recognizes their right to exist — however long that takes.

Ten endangered tortoises living in undisclosed locations in Montezuma County have heralded the occupation of the Bundy Ranch as a giant step forward for the normally slow moving desert tortoise activists. Meeting at a secret location near an abandoned Kinder Morgan pumping station, local tortoises are calling upon residents of towns from Rico to Dove Creek to Cortez for support during this latest manifestation of the West’s Reptilian Rebellion. Spokestortoise Shelly Slowfoot is sending out a manifesto which states in part:

“For too long the desert tortoise has sustained continued assaults from all sides of the political and private spectrum. Public lands officials refuse to issue grazing permits sufficient to maintain a tortoise family of four above the poverty level. Young tortoises are forced to either attempt to graze on cheat grass or go to bed hungry. When the time arrives for major tortoise migrations that have gone on for thousands of years (and take thousands of years) the desert tortoise is all too often faced with daunting obstacles put in place by carbon based energy corporations. The tangle of pipelines, noisy pumping stations, and enormous trucks traveling at high rates of speed have so far proved fatal for countless numbers of tortoises with the result that more and more tortoises have joined the militia and are determined to make a stand.”

Local farmers and ranchers have expressed their support for the tortoise militia’s actions. “Big Government and Big Ag are destroying smaller family farms and ranches. Denver and Phoenix want to steal our irrigation rights in order to water lawns and fill swimming pools. First it was the desert tortoise, next it will be us,” stated Art Badtimes who owns a small family farm outside of Telluride.

Shelly Slowfoot is requesting that supporters send snacks c/o General Delivery at the Cortez Post Office. “We may not pick up the packages right away, but we will pick them up – eventually,” promised Slowfoot.

[Mike from back east]

I really have to hand it to these brave tortoises for sticking their neck out for what's rightfully theirs. They must have a pretty hard shell to put up with the abuse they've taken all these years. No doubt they've an ally in Senate Majority Leader McConnell.

I have a hard time spelling tortoise, can we use 'turtle' instead .... dumbing down of 'merika, and all that stuff.

[Colorado Rambler]

Originally Posted by Mike from back east

I really have to hand it to these brave tortoises for sticking their neck out for what's rightfully theirs. They must have a pretty hard shell to put up with the abuse they've taken all these years. No doubt they've an ally in Senate Majority Leader McConnell.

I have a hard time spelling tortoise, can we use 'turtle' instead .... dumbing down of 'merika, and all that stuff.

Well, it's really not PC to call a tortoise a turtle. You'd risk angering the SW Biologists' Freedom Fighters Group - a little known but nasty offshoot of the Eco-terrorist Groups inspired by Edward Abbey (God bless you, Ed - where-ever you are). A turtle lives in water while tortoises live on land. You could just call the tortoises "torts" for short. I don't think they'd mind.

PS Do you really think America can become even dumber? Now that's a spooky thought!

(note use of emoticons to help our beloved mod understand the post. )

[davebarnes]

I think this is all fake. I have perused all the recent issues of the National Enquirer and see no mention of this bale.
I am more concerned about Tortoise Liberation Army as I am pretty sure they have infiltrated myriad college campuses.

[Colorado Rambler]

^^^

Hey! I;ve been posting on this board for 5 years (gawd, do I ever know how to waste my time), and now YOU don't take my every written word as the gospel truth? That article was printed in a highly respected source - The High Country News - and I have met with members of the Tortoise Militia here in the Four Corners personally. You guys on the Front Range are just jealous cuz you exterminated your own population of desert torts 40 years ago. Now all you have left is horned TOADS and who wants to live in a town filled with THEM? I will say that you are wise to be concerned about Tortoise Liberation Army and its infiltration of Academe - especially at CU/Boulder. Did you know that the biology department at CU actually gives classes in herpetology where students are brainwashed into thinking that the entire class of animals known as Reptilia (includes torts and turts) are worthy of further study and conservation? Sad, but true. Those biology students could be getting drunk with their pals and shouting insults at people from Fort Collins just like everyone else in Boulder does. Is this too much to ask? I certainly hope Donald Trump rectifies this horrific situation soon!

[davebarnes]

Oh, High County News.
We get it.
Have you seen the 420 Liberationist establishments in the Socialist Paradise of the City & County of Denver?

[Colorado Rambler]

No, but I noticed today that the IFA Country Store which caters to local farmers and ranchers had a tasteful display of various types and styles of number plaques that you can stick up on your fence or house or whatever and every single one of them used the numbers 420 in their examples. Dang! Cortez might actually be going Socialist Paradise, itself. That should prove humerous at the next town hall meeting.

[SkyDog77]

Just back from a river trip in Westwater Canyon and have a field report.....

Apparently an offshoot of the Tortoise Militia has progressed over the past few months from Cortez towards Grand Junction, but have been faced with an identity crisis as they hit the mighty Colorado River. You see they refuse to be the "takers" and use the government funded bridges to cross the river, but made it very clear that they DO NOT want to take to the river to cross for fear of being labeled "turtles". The entire movement is at a standstill while members decide how to slowly proceed next. The spokestortoise issued a statement for the group stating that we should expect a period of deliberations while the herd decides their next steps. In the interim, please send lettuce.

[davebarnes]

Originally Posted by SkyDog77

while the herd decides their next steps

You are in serious trouble.
The collective name for a group of tortoises is 'a creep'.
And, of course, I get to join you in the penalty box because I thought is was 'bale'. But that is the term for turtles. Oops.
Maybe we should ask the moderator to correct our posts before the Tortoise Lives Matter organization attacks us.

[suzco]

Can we hope it's not so bad the hares of the dog need to be called in to help?