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Old 06-19-2017, 04:56 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,697 posts, read 4,333,575 times
Reputation: 10278

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Alferd Packer here. In the shameless self promotion department, seems like my "Newbie"s Guide to Colorado" here on the forum is getting blitzed by worried newbies who fear that their cute little "hidden gem" of a Colorado town has been "DISCOVERED" and will be going the way of Aspen or Vail any day now. Well, bless your little Texan, Californian and everything elsean hearts! We Coloradans welcome everyone except for Democrats, of course. Still, if you're worried that all your exes from Texas and everywhere else may be converging on your once sleepy little Colorado town, here are the early warning signs:

*All major cross-roads are replaced with those continuous circle of hell things where cars orbit around endlessly, trying to figure out where to exit; while others drive madly into the ongoing tilt a whirl, seemingly at random. I've seen them in Europe and I hated them there, too. Aspen and Vail are especially notorious in this regard.

*Main Street becomes NOTHING but high priced tourist shops - $500 purple tights with patterns like tiny white ice-skaters or cute snowflakes and $4,000 genuine, turquoise, alligator skin, fake smoke jumper boots in every window. If there is a grocery store, it's in-your-face organic with prices to match.

*When you slouch into town in your jean jacket and old tennies, everybody you meet addresses you in Spanish assuming you must be the illegal who cleans Hunter S. Thompson's mausoleum. The REAL Hispanics laugh at you because you look like such a loser.

*Suddenly no less than 57 art galleries selling over-priced junk painted by "Real Cowboys" and/or "Real Indians" spring up within a 1/2 mile of one another. You can tell the "Real Cowboy" paintings because they're all the ones of Chief Joseph with a tear in his eye. Self-appointed cowboys in tourist traps like to silently gloat over their wins in the old Hollywood movies back in the 50's. Real Native American paintings are almost always of a cowboy sitting discosolantly on Old Paint, staring at a barbed wire fence. The Natives can also spot a loser a mile away.

*Your town which once consisted of a gas station and two bars - one of which featured a local CW band every other week (plus once every 5th Tuesday of the month at the gas station) - suddenly becomes the summer classical music festival capital of the nation. There are bassoons in the park, tubas on the street corners, and guitars lamenting under every window. The guys from the old CW band either fold up the metal chairs after the performances (Aspen) or wait tables and make a cool $1,000 in tips every night at a yupped up ethnic restaurant which used to be called "Good Eats!" Rocky Mountain Oysters are still on special, though; only now they cost $50.00 each instead of 50 cents (Telluride).

*You start sharing your ride up the ski-lift with businessmen dressed in aubergine colored ski-wear with the fake mink fur turned tastefully inside and the price of just one their ski's would have sent your youngest child to Western State for a full year.

Friends, if you notice signs of any of the above, there's only one thing you can do. Put in your application to be a food vendor and paint up your Rocky Mountain Oyster cart and prepare to get rich (or priced out of your rental) NOW before someone else corners the oyster market. And if you're interested in purveying even more exotic fare, send me a DM and we'll see what we can work out.

Tell your county commissioners Al sent you.
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Old 06-19-2017, 07:10 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
3,181 posts, read 7,025,414 times
Reputation: 6539
Can't rep you again, so thank you!
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Old 06-19-2017, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Washington Park, Denver
6,905 posts, read 6,499,225 times
Reputation: 7355
Alferd never disappoints
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Old 06-24-2017, 04:25 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,697 posts, read 4,333,575 times
Reputation: 10278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogmama50 View Post
Can't rep you again, so thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyDog77 View Post
Alferd never disappoints
Thanks for the kind words, folks! I'll make sure Alferd gets your feedback without you having to lose any fingers or toes!
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Old 06-24-2017, 10:01 PM
 
3,806 posts, read 3,991,054 times
Reputation: 2566
What qualifies as a "hidden gem" in 2017? Probably not Salida or Lyons. Maybe Buena Vista, Kremmling, Bailey, Fairplay, Colorado City, LaVeta, Westcliffe, Del Norte, Mancos and Meeker? What else?




Gone glitz? Certainly Telluride. Durango? Most of the glitz is in hidden inside houses. Houses that typical you can't see from the road because of the acreage. In town in a lot of settings it is often kinda hard to tell the working professional from the multi-millionaire of the son / daughter or grandkid thereof, unless you look / listen carefully. Occasionally folks give it away, if that is their style / need by talking too much about other homes, 5 cars, boats different places, private schools or some multiple of annual vacations to Mexico, Costa Rica, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Las Vegas, back to home AND someplace new & exotic. The private plane might not get mentioned. Either to "hide" or because it should be assumed.

Last edited by NW Crow; 06-24-2017 at 10:19 PM..
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Old 06-25-2017, 12:37 AM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,697 posts, read 4,333,575 times
Reputation: 10278
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW Crow View Post
What qualifies as a "hidden gem" in 2017? Probably not Salida or Lyons. Maybe Buena Vista, Kremmling, Bailey, Fairplay, Colorado City, LaVeta, Westcliffe, Del Norte, Mancos and Meeker? What else?




Gone glitz? Certainly Telluride. Durango? Most of the glitz is in hidden inside houses. Houses that typical you can't see from the road because of the acreage. In town in a lot of settings it is often kinda hard to tell the working professional from the multi-millionaire of the son / daughter or grandkid thereof, unless you look / listen carefully. Occasionally folks give it away, if that is their style / need by talking too much about other homes, 5 cars, boats different places, private schools or some multiple of annual vacations to Mexico, Costa Rica, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Las Vegas, back to home AND someplace new & exotic. The private plane might not get mentioned. Either to "hide" or because it should be assumed.
My Dear NW Crow,

"Hidden gems" are in the eye of the beholder. My hidden gem might be your diamond in the rough. For example, not everyone can discern the charm of downtown Egnar which is probably just as well. Hint: It is the only town in Colorado which boasts a Rare Lizard and Snake Instant Study Area. Bizarre but true as any lizard (or snake) lover will be quick to inform you. Does Durango have a Rare Lizard and Snake Instant Study Area? Sadly, the answer is "no," although the biology department at Ft. Lewis College does house a rather charming collection of stuffed tarantulas. Still, it's just not quite the same.

I lived in Durango during the 80's. Even back then I assumed my colleagues on the faculty of Ft. Lewis all had their own private jets, and I felt it in rather poor taste to bring up the brand new Learjet my husband and I had acquired for a song at a distress sale down in Aztec. *sigh* But those were the good old days when Highway 160 over Wolf Creek Pass was still only two lanes with no guardrails and Highway 666 still ran through the Four Corners between Shiprock and Monticello. Telluride was a quaint ghost town whose major claim to fame was the number of toxic contaminants it poured into the Animas and San Miguel Rivers from its old abandoned mining operations.

However, even in these modern times, Durango is still not for the faint of heart. From Moderator cut: Link removed, linking to competitor sites is not allowed

Is Durango going/already gone "resort glitz"?

The cost of living in Durango is 15% higher than the Colorado average.
The cost of living in Durango is 23% higher than the national average.
The cost of housing in Durango is 80% higher than the national average.

Downtown Durango is one high priced tourist shop after another. When I visit Durango wearing my scruffy outfits which allow me to blend right in here in Cortez, strangers on Durango's sidewalks will give me wary looks and sometimes even cross the street to avoid me.

Them: ¿Todavía trabajo en el mausoleo de Hunter S. Thompson?

Me (with great sadness): No, estoy siendo deportado a Juárez.

And then there's the fact that the Ballantine Communications the media mafioso giant which has the monopoly on all the local papers in the Four Corners refuses to sell the Durango Herald in Cortez anymore. I guess they figure the trip over is too dangerous and we're all illiterates here, anyhow. Durango gone glitz? Nah, not them!


Attached Thumbnails
Dear Alferd Packer - Is my town going ski resort glitz?-cartoon-durango.jpg  

Last edited by Yac; 06-30-2017 at 06:28 AM..
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Old 06-25-2017, 11:49 AM
 
5,318 posts, read 2,759,690 times
Reputation: 9853
Shhhhh. If people think Durango, Telluride, Aspen, the I-70 ski corridor, et al are the poster children for CO mountain country, let them flock there! Besides, the selection of fine apres-ski dining and shopping blahblahblah is much better there.

Seriously, the proximity of high-falutin consumer opportunities makes them a better match for people who want upscale suburban living near ski resorts. Methinks they would rather smell pot plants and smoke than livestock manure.
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Old 06-25-2017, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,796 posts, read 4,899,143 times
Reputation: 17151
How to cook those Rocky Mountain Oysters

Rocky Mountain Oysters Recipe - Deep-fried.Food.com
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Old 06-25-2017, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,325 posts, read 1,788,290 times
Reputation: 3284
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
How to cook those Rocky Mountain Oysters

Rocky Mountain Oysters Recipe - Deep-fried.Food.com
On my prom I invited two lovely ladies to the penrose room for our dinner. I tricked them into eating "sweet bread" . I never told them the ingredients .
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Old 06-25-2017, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,796 posts, read 4,899,143 times
Reputation: 17151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
How to cook those Rocky Mountain Oysters

Rocky Mountain Oysters Recipe - Deep-fried.Food.com
My wife tricked me into trying them.

I ate one and then she told me what it was. I crossed my legs.

Then I fed them to the dog. He loved them!
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