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Old 07-07-2008, 11:14 PM
Status: "I welcome Fall!" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Lakewood, CO
2,612 posts, read 1,751,844 times
Reputation: 2432
Unhappy Convincing the wife for the move

Okay, so here it goes, I will try not to make this intro long as I will keep in touch every so often with new details, but my question is for making the move to Colorado.
As stated in previous forums I live in Texas and plan to move to CO, at first I thought my wife WANTED to move, but she hesitated recently, so I made a compromise of living up here for one year to experience the seasons and see if we don't like it (more her since I fell in love with what little I saw of Colorado) we'd move back. I want to hear anyones experience with making the move with a non-supportive/willing spouse and see what convinced them to move/stay? Was the one willing to move regret their decision to try or what? I want to hear the good and bad experiences and get advice.
The main reason she wants to stay is mother and sister live here (even though I have more family to "lose") and she's content with her life, doesn;t want to leave the comfort of home. People say to make a move when you have no job or lost everything, but with a great job in which her and I can transfer, our life is great, now is the time to move!
Sorry it was long, but still want to hear from ya! Thanks in advance for any help.
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Old 07-08-2008, 06:25 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,362 posts, read 53,793,335 times
Reputation: 16295
Quote:
Originally Posted by j96g View Post
so I made a compromise of living up here for one year to experience the seasons and see if we don't like it (more her since I fell in love with what little I saw of Colorado) we'd move back.
So what's wrong with this idea?
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Old 07-08-2008, 06:39 AM
 
Location: 80919 Rockrimmon yO!
2,738 posts, read 4,549,169 times
Reputation: 1196
HA! I guess i'm no help! My wife and I argued so much about moving here that I eventually divorced her because she refused to compromise with me.

I'm better off now anyway.
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:34 AM
 
104 posts, read 246,598 times
Reputation: 52
You don't want to move without your spouse's support. Make the compromise and a yearly trip or something and keep the peace..............
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:48 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 7,056,066 times
Reputation: 4362
It's always been a mutual decision to move in my family. I would never strong-arm my spouse into up-rooting our lives, and he feels the same way. We both hold veto power.

Bloom where you're planted, because the grass is not greener on the other side, even here in beautiful Colorado. And, if your wife is resentful, no mountain vista is going to heal the chasm in your marriage.

Alternate a Colorado vacation with somewhere your wife loves to visit. Marriage is an exercise in compromise.
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Old 07-08-2008, 01:04 PM
 
Location: San Marcos
345 posts, read 929,970 times
Reputation: 123
I have to agree with formercalifornian and Solidwood.

I too moved from Texas to Colorado and did so willingly because, well, I love my DH (and he is the sole breadwinner) and it was always in the back of my mind that leaving Texas someday was something I wanted to do. However once I got here I had a hard time adjusting to there being no family or friends here. And the weather! Being in McAllen I know you don't see much cold there let alone snow so that in itself could add to the strife. If your wife isn't willing to make the move of her own free will, it could backfire terribly on you.
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Old 07-08-2008, 05:19 PM
Status: "I welcome Fall!" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Lakewood, CO
2,612 posts, read 1,751,844 times
Reputation: 2432
thanks keep the stories coming. I was born in Harlingen and raised in Mission/Mcallen, but I hate the hot weather. I CAN tolerate it, but I love the cold. I sleep with the temperature at 65 in the house, except in winter when it gets down to 55 sometimes. I do keep it at 80 in the day, but for me to get a good nights rest I lower it to 65, sometimes it's so hot here it doesn't seem to get down to 65 till the last few hours. I visited Colorado on January where I experienced the coldest temp of 5 one morning, but I didn't mind scraping the ice off the windows, I know it gets colder and there are things to get used to, but that's why we will do the one year (renting in apt.), but I want to know if someone didn't want to move and what changed their mind. I know some have no choice, but to move because of a job transfer or stuff, but I'm not being made to move. She has a brother who lives in California (army) and SHE DID move from Florida when she was young, but to not want to move or grudginly doing it now, seems unfair.
My family thinks it would be nice and they would have a place to visit. It just takes one person to move out so others will do it.
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Old 07-08-2008, 06:10 PM
 
Location: 80919 Rockrimmon yO!
2,738 posts, read 4,549,169 times
Reputation: 1196
Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
It's always been a mutual decision to move in my family. I would never strong-arm my spouse into up-rooting our lives, and he feels the same way. We both hold veto power.

Bloom where you're planted, because the grass is not greener on the other side, even here in beautiful Colorado. And, if your wife is resentful, no mountain vista is going to heal the chasm in your marriage.

Alternate a Colorado vacation with somewhere your wife loves to visit. Marriage is an exercise in compromise.
The mountain vista sure healed my chasm!! I'm so glad that I get to see pikes peak every day instead of my ex wife's attitude. I hope she's really happy living in **** hole Ohio.

I know I might come off as a big jerk, but formercalifornian is right. Marriage is about comprimise. She didn't know the meaning of the word. I even suggested moving somewhere SHE would like, but she wouldn't have it, just because "she couldn't leave her mother"

What is it with women and their mothers, that they have to be attatched at the hip?
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Old 07-08-2008, 07:04 PM
 
Location: San Marcos
345 posts, read 929,970 times
Reputation: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryanek9freak View Post
What is it with women and their mothers, that they have to be attatched at the hip?
Pssst! Not all of us are like that. I love my Mom, but for me that was one of the benefits of leaving TX
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Old 07-08-2008, 08:13 PM
 
94 posts, read 327,034 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by j96g View Post
As stated in previous forums I live in Texas and plan to move to CO, at first I thought my wife WANTED to move, but she hesitated recently, so I made a compromise of living up here for one year to experience the seasons and see if we don't like it (more her since I fell in love with what little I saw of Colorado) we'd move back. I want to hear anyones experience with making the move with a non-supportive/willing spouse and see what convinced them to move/stay? Was the one willing to move regret their decision to try or what? I want to hear the good and bad experiences and get advice.
The main reason she wants to stay is mother and sister live here (even though I have more family to "lose") and she's content with her life, doesn;t want to leave the comfort of home. People say to make a move when you have no job or lost everything, but with a great job in which her and I can transfer, our life is great, now is the time to move!
Sorry it was long, but still want to hear from ya! Thanks in advance for any help.
It appears that you married the whole family. The opinion of how great your life has been in the past is now coming forward.
If you said to your wife who obsessives over you, "hunny, pack your bags..." and she asks you were the TWO of you are going. That shows high interest level. When the wife wants to be with you. Her actions tell you that she loves you and wants to be with you. "Mother and sister" are no 1 and 2 in the wife's world. Talk about being the third leg...
"Now" might be the time to move on...
At least you're in the great state of Texas. Divorce is better there for males than most states. Bill Murray got taken by his wife. X-Ms. Murray got both of the homes and then some.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ryanek9freak View Post
HA! I guess i'm no help! My wife and I argued so much about moving here that I eventually divorced her because she refused to compromise with me.

I'm better off now anyway.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ryanek9freak View Post
The mountain vista sure healed my chasm!! I'm so glad that I get to see pikes peak every day instead of my ex wife's attitude. I hope she's really happy living in **** hole Ohio.

I know I might come off as a big jerk, but former californian is right. Marriage is about compromise. She didn't know the meaning of the word. I even suggested moving somewhere SHE would like, but she wouldn't have it, just because "she couldn't leave her mother"

What is it with women and their mothers, that they have to be attached at the hip?
It's their attitude, culture beliefs and the amount that they love their significant other.
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