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Old 01-21-2013, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Mystic
6 posts, read 7,474 times
Reputation: 10

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I've been married most of my adult life and now I'm single for the first time in 20 years. I took a couple of years to re group and now I'm finding it difficult to find places to meet people. I'm not a kid and the bar scene was never big on my list. So, where do all of you single over 40 people socialize? Thanks
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Old 01-21-2013, 03:46 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,787,064 times
Reputation: 12592
You could also post this in the city data- relationship forum or the city -data non-romantic relationship forum. Or maybe one of our mods will move it over there for you. Maybe you'd get more replies from people who have been there.

You might want to check out the various Stats about all US cities - real estate, relocation info, crime, house prices, cost of living, races, home value estimator, recent sales, income, photos, schools, maps, weather, neighborhoods, and more groups.com I'd suggest a "singles over 40" meetup. If you still have children in school, you check out the meetups for " parents without partners".

Other things would be joining dance classes, a dine out group, a gym, anything related to a hobby. Good luck
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Middletown, CT
627 posts, read 826,425 times
Reputation: 181
Yeah, not sure why willow wind's link is all messed up but Meetup.com is a pretty good place to meet people. Individual groups are run independently, so you may need to try a few out to find one you click with.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
1,268 posts, read 3,642,345 times
Reputation: 886
You sound like you're in the same boat as me. I've been divorced for almost 4 years. My kids are both adults now and I have entirely way too much time on my hands at the moment. I took a couple years to regroup as well. I've dated a couple of people, but I hate to say that it was nothing fantastic. I did tried online dating and didn't have any luck as a lot of the people I met seemed to be either looking for someone to fill the void of a recent relationship, or just carried way too much baggage that I was willing to consider taking on. I'm 40 also, and I'm not impressed with the bar/club scene. Most of my friends now are also married.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:25 PM
 
Location: New Haven, CT
1,033 posts, read 3,246,733 times
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Ive never been married. But I could try to help anyway..

For starters, I could see how difficult it could be getting back out there and seeing what the single life is like.. its probably comparable to getting out of prison...well not really.

I would start off by seeing what your buddies/co workers do for recreation first. Do any of them have a weekly poker game or something, something where its "boys night out"

Also you could just be going to the wrong bars. Theres bars that I go to that I feel are just a bit too upscale for me and the crowd looks like they are generally older than me, im 26 btw.

But then theres a bar that i like to go to where there are quite a few older men and women and they mix right in its not a big deal. No ones going to be gawking at you.. Just dress your age, no jeans no tee shirt no sneakers. This place happens to be a very musically oriented bar.

The online dating sites are ok I guess and a great expansion of your resources. There are other people just like you that feel lost and I bet this is the first thing they go to because its all there other ideas sound like bad ideas like youve stated yourself
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
1,361 posts, read 3,717,612 times
Reputation: 790
I actually met my husband at one of these dances when I lived in CT. "for SINGLES only..."

Not everyone dances at them, but you can meet other single people and just talk and socialize. I really enjoy them.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Lexington Park, MD
27 posts, read 34,577 times
Reputation: 20
Default Dating, etc.

I met my current partner, when I was just looking for friends, on a free dating site, or it was free last February, called PlentyOfFish.com, it's POF is you have an iphone, at least that's what the app is on there. It's nice that you took the re-group/decompress time. I was married at the end of 2009 to a partner, and by mid-2010 we both knew it wasn't going to work, we jumped into it way too fast.

I am going to be 36 soon, my partner is going to be 30. Dating is rough, IMO, it's like a facade of arbitrary interviews that more than likely lead to no where. I guess that's the point to get to know someone, however, I find it interesting when a lot of my friends, and even some past partners-I am friends with all 3 of my ex's-say you always allowed me to be myself. I, personally, wouldn't want anyone to be anything but, I'm gonna be me!

Recently moved to CT from MD, and I must say I do see what people mean now, when they say it's difficult to meet people here. I have met a lot of people here, but that's because I've made an effort, I joined meetup.com, and have been to a few different meetups and made friends I now text and chat with and hang out with now and again.

Craigslist is a bit scary IMO, it seems no one is real there. If you are looking for friends in the platonic section, it starts off innocent, then by the time you get to the second sentence, it states.....don't want hubby to know about this friendship, or you must be height/weight prop. It's interesting. I've made two really nice friends from there, after contacting maybe 8 people since October.

Regardless the venue you seek, keep your head up and tread through, I always say if relationships and marriage were easy, everyone would have one! LOL, we'll all human and we all make mistakes, at least now, you know you are ready, you know possibly what you do and don't want, that's half the process! Good luck!
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:31 PM
 
751 posts, read 1,515,692 times
Reputation: 360
I met my 3+ year girlfriend through OkCupid.com - it's a free service like PlentyOfFish. It's not easy meeting people through online dating though, for reasons you can probably guess.

Craigslist developed a negative taboo because of all the adult requests and news stories (e.g. Boston Craiglist Killer), but meeting someone through there is no different than meeting someone through Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, etc. As long as you have a good sense of awareness, I wouldn't discourage the possibility of at least examining that avenue.


Here are some other random ideas.
  • MeetUp.com (as Willow Wind mentioned) is GREAT because you can join social groups where everyone shares an interest in a specific hobby. You join the MeetUp group to meet/discuss/do that hobby. You can potentially make awesome friends (men and women) who may introduce you to that special someone, or perhaps you'll meet that special someone at the MeetUp itself!
  • Volunteerism is great; I've met some really cool people doing volunteer work through Habitat for Humanity or soup kitchens. It also reduces awkwardness since everyone is expected to perform a certain task, so people are less guarded about themselves.
  • Academia is a great way to meet other people. Whether you go back to school for a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree, a Certificate, or simple training for work, it is a great avenue to meet other people. Plus, you get to accomplish something that may help your professional life!
  • Town Fairs are a popular thing-to-do in Connecticut. Each town seems to hold at least one public event each year (e.g. Milford will hold one on its town green seemingly every weekend during the summer). Each event will differ, but whether you are into art, or sailing, or food, etc., you and a few friends can attend these events. They serve as a great way to satiate your hobbies and curiosities while potentially meeting that special somebody.
  • I've never heard of anyone that has met via Speed Dating, but occasionally, I will see signs for it around town. It's worth at least checking it out.
Being single and looking for someone is not easy (regardless if you've been married or not). It's such a cliché quote, but as Wayne Gretzy once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Mystic
6 posts, read 7,474 times
Reputation: 10
Great ideas everyone, thanks. BTW I loved the prison analogy. ;-)
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Old 01-30-2013, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Westchester, NY
148 posts, read 439,106 times
Reputation: 33
If your single for the first time in 20 years why on earth would you want to meet somebody new now? You should take some time and gain some inner perspective, perhaps travel and get on your own track. I can tell you multiple stories of friends that have rushed right back into a serious relationship straight after divorcing, and remarrying within the same year. ALL OF THEM regret that they didn't take a longer breathing period and find some inner peace after divorcing. I've been married for 12 years and if I ever get divorced, there is no way in hell you'll find me on any of those online dating sites.
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