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Old 02-17-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,434,691 times
Reputation: 6770

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Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
Nep, I have tried to be supportive of your relocating. But you're not relocating ! You refuse to relocate. You're on your way back to Granby. To be looking for a job within a 100 mile radius of Granby is not relocation, it's just a local job hunt. That is because you've already crossed all those areas off your wish list of what you seek in life. They're nothing what you want as far as gay life, climate, home affordability, etc.

You've got a really bad case of what's called "failure to launch" ( can't truly get out and stay out of the parental house) or being a " boomerang kid" ( same thing- keep going back home ).

For whatever reasons, you're really not ready mentally or emotionally to fully relocate to those places that more truly suit you, like Charlotte. Relocating means staying put and putting down roots, not trying it for a year and then going back to where you started. So be it. At this point in time you're probably best off just looking in the New Haven area, which at least has some gay night life . Otherwise you'll wind up in Albany or something.

As others have suggested, try to get some counseling. You're book learning smart, but you have got other issues that are going to prevent you from moving forward with what you want in life.
Excuse me, but I have lived independently more than the vast majority of young Americans. At 22 years old, I started living alone in NYC and continued to live alone ever since then (with a few minor gaps here and there). I don't have "failure to launch."

As I've said previously, although I do really like Charlotte, I still do believe that it's possible that CT might be even better for me. But also because I'm starting not to care about things like gay community as much now. There is a certain level of sophistication and finesse that CT has, that Charlotte doesn't have. And I don't care about gay nightlife at all. I suppose this whole traveling/exploring experience has made me realize that I care more about my everyday quality of life and atmosphere instead of the size of the gay community. There are still some gays in CT...just not a lot.

I guess now I just feel like CT provides a better "prize" for one's accomplishments than a place like Charlotte would. For example, purchasing a nice home in a nice town in CT is a bigger achievement than purchasing a nice home in a nice area in Charlotte. If that makes any sense. It's a better accomplishment to brag about, if you will.

All of this travel and exploration has also made me realize that relocation is overrated. Now, more than ever, I am concerned about other things in life, such as career, family, health, relationships and quality of life.

Finally, please stop suggesting that I seek mental health or counseling. I don't have health insurance, because I'm unemployed! I need a JOB first!

 
Old 02-17-2013, 11:16 AM
 
3,720 posts, read 4,451,927 times
Reputation: 4741
Nep, why don't you just move back now? I don't see why you should wait two more weeks. If Connecticut is the place for you, start directing your job search here by calling some staffing agencies and pack your bags and come home. Why wait to see if you get a job offer in Charlotte at this point?
 
Old 02-17-2013, 11:58 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,804,826 times
Reputation: 12592
You still keep trying to spin this, but remember we're adults and can see through it.

You don't have a career and unless your attitude changes you never will. People whose prime concerns are working no more than 40 hours a week and how much vacation they get, do not have careers, they have mediocrity.

And no, buying a house in CT is no more an achievement than buying a house in Fort Worth or San Francisco or Raleigh or Rochester. If you think it is, then it's unmitigated snobbery. Being a New Englander does not make anybody better than anyone else. Pitiful that anyone would try to build up their self esteem simply by where they live in the country. Truly sad and indicating, to my way of thinking, a very shallow world view. CT may be the right spot for me and DH, but we've traveled the world too much to think that it's the center of the universe- lol

I'm done, no more comments from me, not worth the effort. Good luck Nep, you're going to need it.
 
Old 02-17-2013, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,434,691 times
Reputation: 6770
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
You still keep trying to spin this, but remember we're adults and can see through it.

You don't have a career and unless your attitude changes you never will. People whose prime concerns are working no more than 40 hours a week and how much vacation they get, do not have careers, they have mediocrity.

And no, buying a house in CT is no more an achievement than buying a house in Fort Worth or San Francisco or Raleigh or Rochester. If you think it is, then it's unmitigated snobbery. Being a New Englander does not make anybody better than anyone else. Pitiful that anyone would try to build up their self esteem simply by where they live in the country. Truly sad and indicating, to my way of thinking, a very shallow world view. CT may be the right spot for me and DH, but we've traveled the world too much to think that it's the center of the universe- lol

I'm done, no more comments from me, not worth the effort. Good luck Nep, you're going to need it.
Um, I said I am willing to work more than 40 hours per week, but there is a point where it can become excessive. I've seen many successful people in my profession move up the corporate ladder without having to work 50+ hours a week. It's about one's contributions to the company/department. There are MANY people who stay in the office past 5:00 just to "look good" to managers, but they're not necessarily a good employee. Even my manager had this discussion with me. It's about quality, not quantity.

And you misunderstood my comments on vacation time. I simply meant that going from 3 weeks to 2 weeks is a disappointment. Any reasonable person would agree. Who would be excited about having LESS vacation time? And I said that if the opportunity is right, I would be willing to accept 2 weeks of vacation.

Buying a house in a high cost of living area certainly is a bigger achievement, if one has worked toward it. It's more challenging. Anyone could purchase a home in say, Akron, Ohio. How can you say that purchasing a home in Akron, OH is an equal achievement to purchasing a home in Greenwich, CT? Please.
 
Old 02-17-2013, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,434,691 times
Reputation: 6770
Quote:
Originally Posted by trishguard View Post
Nep, why don't you just move back now? I don't see why you should wait two more weeks. If Connecticut is the place for you, start directing your job search here by calling some staffing agencies and pack your bags and come home. Why wait to see if you get a job offer in Charlotte at this point?
Well, I did pay rent for the full month. There's only 11 days left, so I might as well actively job hunt, for what it's worth. I'm meeting with a second recruiter this week, and applied to six jobs so far. Plus, it's a good idea to start practicing meeting recruiters and practice interviewing anyway.

If I don't find a job here then I will have to head back up to CT on Thursday of next week. I will be out of money...literally. Well, except for my savings, which I don't want to touch anymore. Why should I bother staying here if the job market is very bad here?
 
Old 02-17-2013, 12:55 PM
 
Location: CT
1,933 posts, read 3,182,367 times
Reputation: 1419
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
I already have multiple recruiters contacting me with opportunities that I'm well qualified for. They LIKE my job history and are willing to work with me.
Well then, it sounds as if you have everything well in hand. May I ask a simple question? Have any of these recruiters who've contacted you had an offer for you? Niggling little detail I know, but are the offers filling up your inbox?? Ya think it may have helped if you had networked a little more effectively so you had an "inside edge"? Seeing the light yet?
 
Old 02-17-2013, 01:03 PM
 
8,780 posts, read 16,292,014 times
Reputation: 5219
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetto View Post
Well then, it sounds as if you have everything well in hand. May I ask a simple question? Have any of these recruiters who've contacted you had an offer for you? Niggling little detail I know, but are the offers filling up your inbox?? Ya think it may have helped if you had networked a little more effectively so you had an "inside edge"? Seeing the light yet?
Not to mention that the more he posts on here, the more he'll sabotage his chances of finding something in CT if he comes back. He's put so much information out here on C/D that it will be super easy for HR people to identify him if he applies.
 
Old 02-17-2013, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,434,691 times
Reputation: 6770
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident View Post
Not to mention that the more he posts on here, the more he'll sabotage his chances of finding something in CT if he comes back. He's put so much information out here on C/D that it will be super easy for HR people to identify him if he applies.
Not really, because my identity on C-D has nothing to do with my real life identity. It's impossible to link my personal information to City-Data forums. I tried it.

Besides, internet identity is something that ALL job candidates have in common.
 
Old 02-17-2013, 01:12 PM
 
8,780 posts, read 16,292,014 times
Reputation: 5219
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Not really, because my identity on C-D has nothing to do with my real life identity. It's impossible to link my personal information to City-Data forums. I tried it.

Besides, internet identity is something that ALL job candidates have in common.
They can't figure out your age, your past employer, where you've been living over the past 5 years, etc., etc.???

I have some bad news for you nep, you've provided all of that here on this board.
 
Old 02-17-2013, 01:12 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,766,605 times
Reputation: 20198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetto View Post
Well then, it sounds as if you have everything well in hand. May I ask a simple question? Have any of these recruiters who've contacted you had an offer for you? Niggling little detail I know, but are the offers filling up your inbox?? Ya think it may have helped if you had networked a little more effectively so you had an "inside edge"? Seeing the light yet?
Forget offers - has he even had a single interview? For all his talk about what he knows is good business, what isn't, what he wants, what he's not willing to accept, what he's willing to wiggle with - he is unemployed. He talks about what his manager tells him - he doesn't HAVE a manager. He's unemployed. He has no income, he's had no interviews, all he's done so far is show up and submit 6 resumes.

I can submit a few hundred resumes right from the comfort of my own home, and not have to spend a single dollar in gas, or a single hour in traffic, to do so. There's nothing resourceful about driving 6 states away and handing over resumes to a recruiter. A recruiter doesn't even have to -meet- you in person to recruit you for a job. I was recruited over the phone for a job and was placed the same week, and I never met the recruiter. I don't even remember how he explained that he got my name. I wasn't in the market for a job at the time - the offer was a sweet one though so I interviewed for it and got it.

No interview = no prospects. Handing out resumes means -nothing- in the world of employment searching. Nothing, zilch, nada. And if a recruiter is telling you otherwise, he's selling you a bill of goods and wasting your time and (and money, since you have to pay for the privilege of BEING there) just to keep his list fluffed up with "potential candidates."
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