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Old 02-18-2013, 12:15 PM
 
Location: NJ
18,677 posts, read 16,523,681 times
Reputation: 7274

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry10 View Post
I wouldn't get a shrink either. So lemme play shrink for you, just like everybody else:

1- I think you started this with the tail wagging the dog -- you did not put your career at focus. You got distracted with other things, lifestyle things, as more important than your career.

2- Secondly, you may be suffering from over-confidence. Over-confidence can hurt us as much as low self-esteem. We think that a great resume and acing interviews is plenty enough. They may be, but in this economy things might just happen slower.

3- You seem to think that based on your early success, you've made it. So now it's time to enjoy life!!

With these things you come across as a "spoiled brat", with weak work ethic, and lacking the willingness to sacrifice your comfort, and unwilling to make an investment in your future. You also seem to think that things come easy, because they have come easy in the past for you.

Ironically, I think that many people have the same problems, and moralize with you from rather their illusion of how things should have been for themselves. I for one, have had and still have some of the same problems you have. Over-confidence is one for example. So you're right -- when you put your job front and center, and have the attitude "hey look, I will do a great job" -- most problems will disappear.
, especially point #1.

 
Old 02-18-2013, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,046 posts, read 1,301,889 times
Reputation: 1126
And now we're off to a fetish with yet a different place - Is Glens Falls nice?
 
Old 02-18-2013, 10:59 PM
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11,386 posts, read 9,936,119 times
Reputation: 6581
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogerAnthony View Post
And now we're off to a fetish with yet a different place - Is Glens Falls nice?
And here we go.
 
Old 02-18-2013, 11:16 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,716,843 times
Reputation: 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
So, I have spent the last 6 weeks traveling the entire U.S., since I quit my job in Nov and I have NO regrets! What an unfathomably amazing, amazing country. With that said, one of the purposes of the trip was to visit various places to see if I may want to live there. I put 10,000 miles on my car and spent over $4,000 on this trip. It was totally worth it though.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I have thought long and carefully about where to live. Right now I'm staying at my parents' house in Granby, and I can't say I'm thrilled or appreciative to be back home in north central CT. It's lame, lame, lame for single gay men who are 28 years old. On the flip side, it's phenomenal for families and married couples. I lost all motivation and desire to stay here any longer. It's gotten to the point where I keep deleting e-mails from recruiters with jobs in the Hartford area.

So, I have my choices narrowed down to two places. I will either make a small move down to the New Haven area, or make a bigger move down to the Charlotte, NC area. Based on my research, New Haven county has about 50% more gay men that meet my criteria than Hartford County. Cost of living is about the same, as well as job opportunities. And I would be a 1-hour drive from family. It's also better for singles and gays.

Charlotte, on the other hand, would only be a 2 hr flight to Bradley, and the job opportunities there are exciting for a young professional. There are many more young people in Charlotte than New Haven and it's more transient, and half of the population there are transplants from other regions of the country. NY and NJ plates can be seen EVERYWHERE over there. I appreciate the mix of northern and southern culture. Makes things interesting. And, the gay population in Charlotte is about three times that of greater New Haven. Not to mention, the cost of living is WAY less, which works well for a single person. It would free up $9,000 a year in disposable income for me, therefore allowing me to spend more money on flights to visit family in CT! I also found the area to be more gay friendly than people would think. I openly admitted I was gay to a random shopper at Food Lion down there and she smiled and said I was cute and we had a good time chatting. My gay friends there are out with everyone and they never had an issue. It's also not as conservative as people think. I mean, the metro area as a whole voted in favor of Barack Obama. The climate is ideal for me, too. Four seasons with an emphasis on summer, mild winters, and mountains nearby for hiking. That's when I crossed Florida off the list. I have friends in the area, and this guy is looking for a roommate for just $500 a month in his brand new house. It would make it easier for me to get started up and look for a job. Plus, the industries in Charlotte are matched closely with my background in financial services and utility industries. Duke Energy is the largest utility in America. Bank of America is also headquartered there, among other companies. I'm not crazy about the sprawl, but no place is perfect, right? I'm sure it will take some time to adjust to the culture, too. But it just seems like it would work better for a young single gay person who is business minded and favors quality of life over nightlife and partying. I'm just glad that I know the pros and cons and have realistic expectations, if I do decide to move there.

Otherwise, New Haven / Milford is the choice for me.

My decision will be made within a day or two. What do you guys think?
CT is lame for young single men..

Its a state for the older population.

Do yourself a favor and get out.

I did a month ago and the only I regret is not leaving sooner.
 
Old 02-19-2013, 07:47 AM
 
5,065 posts, read 13,331,204 times
Reputation: 3507
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
The job market is better in CT, and having done 10,000 miles worth of traveling, I can now see CT in a new way....a good way, at that. If I do have to return to CT, I am confident that I can find a job within about 100-miles of Hartford. And at least I can look back on this experience and know that I tried.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogerAnthony View Post
And now we're off to a fetish with yet a different place - Is Glens Falls nice?
Oh boy, here we go indeed. Nep, haven't you already been unsuccessful in finding employment in Ct.?
 
Old 02-19-2013, 08:20 AM
 
431 posts, read 200,281 times
Reputation: 318
Okay, so you obviously don't need counseling (insert eyeroll here)...so if that's the case....

My advice would be to suck it up, and go through with your actual move. You are already down there. Dip into your savings. You set yourself up for disaster but i think you CAN make this work, if you actually allow it to. Your expectations are so unrealistic, a move anywhere isn't gonna work if you don't give it time. You are already down in Charlotte, so follow through, SUCK IT UP, and make this work. What a waste of time and money if you spent all that money on your six week trip, moved down there, and then you just give up after a month and move home.
 
Old 02-19-2013, 08:26 AM
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11,386 posts, read 9,936,119 times
Reputation: 6581
Quote:
Originally Posted by meg31816 View Post
Okay, so you obviously don't need counseling (insert eyeroll here)...so if that's the case....

My advice would be to suck it up, and go through with your actual move. You are already down there. Dip into your savings. You set yourself up for disaster but i think you CAN make this work, if you actually allow it to. Your expectations are so unrealistic, a move anywhere isn't gonna work if you don't give it time. You are already down in Charlotte, so follow through, SUCK IT UP, and make this work. What a waste of time and money if you spent all that money on your six week trip, moved down there, and then you just give up after a month and move home.
Couldn't agree more. He says he doesn't want to dip into his savings, but that's part of moving without a job. Something he knew and made sure of several times on here before making the jump.

He sounds like he just doesn't want to put effort into a relocation. Hence only giving Charlotte a month and then finding a job in CT while he stays for free at his parents house.
 
Old 02-19-2013, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,464,304 times
Reputation: 6770
The reason I made a thread about Glens Falls, NY is because it's drivable from family in CT. I'm trying to get a head start on my job search for if/when I return to my parents' house in CT. What's wrong with that? I just have a feeling that I won't find a job soon enough in Charlotte, unless I dig into my savings, which I do NOT want to do any further. Enough is enough. I want to cut my losses. What's wrong with that? Besides, I'm not necessarily attached to Charlotte anyway.
 
Old 02-19-2013, 09:56 AM
PDF
 
11,386 posts, read 9,936,119 times
Reputation: 6581
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
The reason I made a thread about Glens Falls, NY is because it's drivable from family in CT. I'm trying to get a head start on my job search for if/when I return to my parents' house in CT. What's wrong with that? I just have a feeling that I won't find a job soon enough in Charlotte, unless I dig into my savings, which I do NOT want to do any further. Enough is enough. I want to cut my losses. What's wrong with that? Besides, I'm not necessarily attached to Charlotte anyway.
So you're basically saying that you only want to look for jobs within a reasonable drive from your parents house in CT, AKA live for free while looking for a job.

What was the point of searching for other destinations across the country then? Only going to give a place a month? I just think it's crazy for someone trying to find permanent settlement move somewhere without a job but only give things a month because they don't want to dip into their savings.

Do you just want things to be handed to you?
 
Old 02-19-2013, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,040 posts, read 13,464,304 times
Reputation: 6770
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDF View Post
So you're basically saying that you only want to look for jobs within a reasonable drive from your parents house in CT, AKA live for free while looking for a job.

What was the point of searching for other destinations across the country then? Only going to give a place a month? I just think it's crazy for someone trying to find permanent settlement move somewhere without a job but only give things a month because they don't want to dip into their savings.

Do you just want things to be handed to you?
Just because I spent 6 weeks traveling the country doesn't mean that I have to settle in a place other than in or near CT. Traveling the entire country could also have the benefit of making me realize that maybe the Northeast is actually the best place in the country for me to live. So, it doesn't mean that I must settle in a new region.

As I've said earlier, although I do like Charlotte, I may not be able to stay here beyond one month, due to my reluctance to use more of my savings to continue staying here. The reason I came here in the first place is because I wanted to get the hell out of my parents' house; it's a retreat. So, while here, I'm making the best of it and actively seeking employment. But the reality is that the job market here is very competitive and challenging, and I'm on a month-to-month rental deal with my roommate. I have been meeting with several recruiters and applied to multiple job openings, but no interviews as of yet. Again, the main reason I'm here is because I just wanted to escape my parents' house.

Now, the bottom line is this. I have the following two options:

(A) Continue spending money on rent and living expenses, and dig into savings more, in a place with very high unemployment and a competitive job market; a place that's not necessarily better than other places in the Northeast.

(B) Temporarily stay with parents with no rent expense and minimal living expenses; maybe sell a little stock to keep me afloat without having to touch my savings; in a place that has drivable access to many other cities with better employment opportunities and less job market competition, etc.

Option B just seems to make better sense to me, but like I said, while I'm here, I will continue to seek employment and make the best of it.
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