[ctmom14]

Thanks in advance for your time and valuable input.

We currently live in Stamford, ct in the Pepperidge area. We are of Asian origin. I have a daughter 10 and a son 6. My daughter is moving to middle school next year and we are districted to Rippowam Middle School. I have been hearing such negative remarks about the school and the district as a whole. I totally love Stamford (its diversity, neighbors, amenities, cuisines) everything. I cannot imagine why schools are considered so bad.

We looked at the neighboring towns in NY and CT. We are fairly well off to buy a home in New Canaan or Darien. However we are not into big brands or fancy cars. I don't want my kids to be raised like that or be pressured by materialism either. I have personally never felt being an Asian made any difference any where I have traveled in US. So not sure it makes any difference in these towns either.

Can anyone shed some light on

1. if there was any study done on the family make up of kids and the role on their performance on these towns? For example - Does it make a difference if a kid with both parents from good colleges and holding a good job - do they accomplish different just because they are in different school systems?
2. Are Stamford middle schools (especially Rippowam) safe? Is there bullying? Are there too many detractors?
3. If you were me, will you stay put or just move to New Canaan or Wilton (consider non-white).

[mrgmrg]

This is a question that I personally find interesting. I have read (and posted here) studies before showing that school inputs are very weak predictors of student performance compared to parental inputs. I.e., the overall quality of a school has a much weaker effect on success/failure of students than parental/home/family factors like education level, income, books in home, etc. Moreover, there are extremely strong correlations between standardized test scores and race/socioeconomic status--which largely explains why the high-performing schools in the state are, with little variance, its richest and least diverse. A fair conclusion to draw is that (1) high-performing schools are largely high-performing because of the students who attend them, and thus not necessarily higher "quality", and (2) your child's performance is ultimately much more dependent on you than on what school they attend. As a result of those studies, I think parents should (rationally) only care about safety, class size, and the availability of high-level coursework in making school decisions.

That said, I don't have a lot of personal experience with Stamford schools. I have a friend who graduated less than ten years ago (when I imagine Stamford was "worse", socioeconomically) who went to Michigan for undergrad and is now getting an MBA at NYU. But that's just one person.

I don't think you're going to face issues being Asian in any town in FFC. Yes, Darien and NC have reputations for being lily-white, but that doesn't mean that they're racist. Whether or not you would enjoy living in a largely non-diverse community is up to you.

[ctmom14]

Thanks mrgmrg for such a quick response. I appreciate your time and input!

[nonny]

Performance on tests is not the only factor to consider in educating a child. When children move to the upper levels, the influence of the peers is very very important. Teens will change their behavior to fit in with peer groups. (That's why kids don't have their parents accents and patterns of speech.) So.... if you're happy, and your child has good peers, you're probably better off staying where you are, and avoiding the stress. If, OTOH, you have concerns about your child's social life, you might want to look elsewhere. Some people think that children don't need friends. That's just not true.

[Stylo]

It's a really tough question. I have personally not heard anything bad about Stamford schools. Most people I know that went through them or have kids in them said they are not bad environment at all, and a lot of it is what you make of it.

Another thing to consider is the price difference. Will buying in one of those much more expensive towns mean having additional financial stresses? Will those stresses weigh on the family at all now or in the future? Will you have to sacrifice space? Current conveniences? Etc.

Those other towns will also probably be more high pressure for your kids. Are they high achieving now? Are they in any accelerated/honors classes or programs?

[ctmom14]

Thanks Nonny. I would say they have a good group of friends. There are also a lot of distractions in the class at 5th grade level. Again there may be detractors in other towns as well I can't tell unless I experience on my own.

Thanks Stylo - You are making very valid points. We are definitely going to have to stretch buying in New Canaan. Almost doubling the mortgage for a 2000 sqft home will sure be harder. I also love the convenience Stamford offers and I didn't like Bedford or Pound ridge as it felt rural for me.

As for as the performance goes they have been high achievers and are in advanced classes in their school and have been on ton of extracurricular activities and doing very well. Again, this is a relative speak. I am not sure what high achieving could mean in neighboring towns. I am also not into pushing kids way hard. After all in the big scheme of things I feel 7th grade GPA is not going to matter at all. Again its just me.

I worry more about safety, peer groups and doing well at school and not being influenced by unwanted behaviors.

[AMSS]

It's been my experience that few schools are as bad as people say they are. Are the people you speak with parents at a private school or a different town school? You'd be surprised how even the best of people need to justify their school decisions by putting down the local option. If you love Stamford (and I get why you do), then go with your gut. Also...middle school (middle school kids especially) sucks no matter where you are. If you listen to my eighth grader, she'll tell you she as the worst school imaginable - hardly - and every teacher is "just not very good and not very nice". I've become immune to the b****ing.

[mrgmrg]

If you're going to stretch to be able to afford Wilton or New Canaan, and you like where you currently live, I think you've answered your own question. If you take some of the money that you'd be putting into a mortgage in Wilton or NC (almost doubling the mortgage), you should be easily able to set aside money for private school after the first year of high school if things change. (An additional $300k mortgage, for example, is about an additional $24K per year.) An excellent private school is going to be better than the best public schools in terms of class size and college relationships anyway.

[ctmom14]

Thanks AMSS. I do know parents who moved away from Stamford once the kids hit middle school. I can't help but wonder because there are a few. Some of them in fact moved after the kids finished 6th grade. I do agree the age is a huge factor. I will keep that in mind !
@mrgmrg: You are making very compelling points. I have to think this thru a bit. Stretch is a little tricky. A 15 year mortgage on $700k may equal 30 year for $1.5MM, wilton may be cheaper. It will be a longer term loan and more interest payments. I explored the private schools as well and are extremely expensive (other than sectarian schools) and for two kids it is not something we can afford. I will do the math and see. Thanks for helping !

[Wilton2ParkAve]

Private school is much more expensive than stretching for an extra $300,000 in mortgage. Most folks would find it easier to cover $1,200 a month on their mortgage rather than quarterly (or worse- annual) bills of $6-8,000. For families with more than one child and close in age, you could be looking at paying $50k or more. You are also essentially writing off 70% of your property tax, since this figure generally towards the public school system.