[so-cal so-confused]

Hello. I was hoping someone very familiar with Connecticut could direct me to the perfect town, with the perfect elementry schools and middle schools for my kids. I am having somewhat of an anxiety attach over possibly having to move from where I grew up and had my children, San Diego, to the total opposite world. I lived in Connecticut for five months a few years back and I absolutely hated it. My husband tells me that it was due to the area we lived in. We lived in New Haven on Whalley Ave. It was pretty traumatizing to me and my children and never thought I would have to go back there again. I am trying to do more research this time around so it is not a complete culture shock again, but there are so many little towns and I'm just not quite sure which is the best for my family. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

[skytrekker]

so-cal

New Haven while an interesting city for its cultural attributes, is one part of the diversity that Connecticut offers for a small state.

It is of course very different then San Diego. Its gritty in some sections, very old (1638)
And there is indeed an eastern -New England 'persona' that is very different then southern California. New Haven has improved in recent years, but still has some dicey/undesirable areas , its Public schools are not so good, and there are some areas of elevated crime.

There are many areas of Connecticut that offer great schools, very low crime, New England Charm that oozes, access to much culture and recreation- and close proximity to New York, Boston, Western Mass, Vermont, Maine and Cape Cod and the Islands.

I feel the one issue you might experience as a native Californian is this; It is very different here- the cultures are poles apart. This is the one issue you will need to understand and overcome- and that may not be easy, at least at first. Also, The weather here has 4 distinct seasons- we have a winter- and even though this winter has been 'easy' and relatively mild- for you it will still be a big change. Summers here can bring periods of unpleasant humidity-tough for some Californians. People here tend to be more conservative with their money-though they are liberal politically. The populace here tends to look & act 'conservative' and not' shop till you drop' and eschew mass consumerism- like flashy cars, SUV's etc.

People here tend to be more reserved- and at times 'aloof' but will have more depth in most cases then in California.

Best step number one; where will you/your husband be working working?- Once we know this location we can begin to identify the best communities you so described above, that are a reasonable commuting distance to your home and place of employment.

I know of some Californians who loved New Haven. but for you it was not your thing. Believe me there are many areas of Connecticut that are enchanting and wonderful- you and your family will find inner peace and a high quality of life you desire- now we have to begin to identify those areas (and there are many)

Welcome back!

[Rich Lee]

Originally Posted by so-cal so-confused

Hello. I was hoping someone very familiar with Connecticut could direct me to the perfect town, with the perfect elementry schools and middle schools for my kids. I am having somewhat of an anxiety attach over possibly having to move from where I grew up and had my children, San Diego, to the total opposite world. I lived in Connecticut for five months a few years back and I absolutely hated it. My husband tells me that it was due to the area we lived in. We lived in New Haven on Whalley Ave. It was pretty traumatizing to me and my children and never thought I would have to go back there again. I am trying to do more research this time around so it is not a complete culture shock again, but there are so many little towns and I'm just not quite sure which is the best for my family. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

My younger brother will be in San Diego next month as he prepares to move there permanently. He is going to get a feel of the landscape. His anticipated price range is $750,000. He has been on blood thinners for almost 20 years (he's 37) and is having a real difficult time with our humidity and winters.

As for moving here, give some thought to the following:
climate (shoreline is typically warmer)
population density (3 of our counties account for 75 percent of population; about 900,000 per county)
rural vs. suburban vs. small city/urbanized area (we have no large cities)
amenities (proximity to retail, cultural attractions, etc.)

Connecticut has 169 towns/cities. Fairfield and New Haven Counties have more of a Mid-Atlantic versus New England feel meaning that there are a lot of subdivisions, expanses of strip malls and auto dealerships, and, for many, a tie to New York City. Litchfield County and the four eastern counties (clockwise: Windham, New London, Middlesex, and Tolland) have a definite New England feel and lower population densities.

[JayCT]

So-Cal - In addition to knowing where your husband's job will be, it will be helpful to know what you like and don't like in a community. Do you want a town that is more urban (though judging from your experience in New Haven, I would guess no), suburban or rural? How far from your husbands job will you want to be? I believe you should live as close as possible to minimize commuting. To me this is important for relocations with children. Another question to answer would be how much would you want to spend and are you buying or renting?

Assuming that you are returning to the New Haven area, there are many nice towns to consider. East of New Haven are the wonderful shoreline communities of Branford, Guilford and Madison. These are nice mid-sized suburban to semi-rural towns with nice downtown areas and very good to excellent schools. There is train service into New Haven (and on to New York) from these towns and most shopping needs are nearby.

West of New Haven is Milford which is a nice small city with good schools and a lot of shopping, restaurant and entertainment options. Milfordhas a wide range of housing options from modest apartments to large waterfront homes. To the northeast of Milford is Orange which is a very nice more upscale suburban community with very good schools. Adjacent to Woodbridge which is a more rural type suburb with vey upscale homes. Any of these towns would be excellent choices to live in. Let us know more information and we can help. I am sure with our help, your experience in Connecticut will be a lot better. Jay

[Schatze13]

I just moved from Orange County, CA last January. I am in New Haven at the moment, actually kinda close to Whalley Ave. I am looking to move out of this area asap. We are looking in the Wallingford/North Haven/Cheshire area.

I hated CT at first too, but then once it got warmer out I started to like it more! There are tons of places to see and things to do. Just give it time.

[jjbradleynyc]

I would find out where your husband/yourself will be employed first and foremost, then search that city or surrounding area towns/suburbs. Connecticut is a gorgeous state with a tremendous location for its residents--meaning the close proximity to Vermont skiing, Catskill Mountains, Long Island Sound and Atlantic beaches, New York City/Boston and all the exciting cultural opportunities they provide. Connecticut--in my opinion--offers a respite from these big cities, for the most part. The ideal CT life is a "country getaway house" with a lush yard and trees (in my opinion).
CT has several large towns/small cities such as Hartford, Bridgeport, and New Haven. Of these three cities, each has its own pros and cons, but each of them do have bad neighborhoods and gritty areas. You mentioned you lived on Whalley Avenue in New Haven--that is a main thoroughfare running through a couple of seedy neighborhoods in New Haven. It sounds like you didn't live in the most ideal neighborhood in New Haven. Give it another chance. New Haven has some gorgeous, historic neighborhoods and for a city its size, New Haven offers tremendous culture and restaurants! I am growing to like this city very much. I get there a couple times a month.
You may want to consider a smaller town outside of Fairfield County--since it's quite expensive. But, if you choose Fairfield County, there are some amazing areas that are considered some of the best in the country.

[so-cal so-confused]

Thank you all for your promptness and great advice. My husband will be working back in New Haven on Whalley Ave. We will be renting, preferably a house, townhome, or condo (if there is such a thing in Connecticut). When I was there last time my 19 year old, who at that time was about 11 years old went through major depression and I had to fly him back to San Diego to live with my mother. I now will be moving there with my other three children , my 19 year old refuses to move back there with us. The oldest one going with us now is 12 years old. I am just worried that if we move to a not so great area he will go through the same thing. The schools that I saw and actually put my son in, at that time he was in kindergarten, the now 12 year old, was absolutely shameful. School School School, very important to us. That being said we can't really move too far from my husbands job, it just would not be practical. Sorry if I have affended anyone with all my negativity towards Connecticut, but as humans we learn from our past experiences and I'm sure you can tell we did not have the best time there the first time around. We are not rich people, we do not own expensive or flashy "anything", but we do like to go to the zoo, sea world, disneyland, or even just "out" all year long. We are not artsy fartsy people, we rarely go to museums here, and shopping is not are main priority. Thanks again for all your input.

[Rich Lee]

Originally Posted by so-cal so-confused

Sorry if I have offended anyone with all my negativity toward Connecticut, but as humans we learn from our past experiences and I'm sure you can tell we did not have the best time there the first time around. We are not rich people, we do not own expensive or flashy "anything", but we do like to go to the zoo, Sea World, Disneyland, or even just "out" all year long. We are not artsy-fartsy people; we rarely go to museums here and shopping is not are main priority. Thanks again for all your input.

Offended...no. I don't think anyone would blame you for not wanting to go through the same unpleasant experiences a second time. For that matter, there are probably native nutmeggers who would feel the same about New Haven but are very happy in their current town.

With that being said, we now know that your husband will be working on or near Whalley Avenue. What is the maximum distance that he would want to commute (time and/or distance). NOTE: our current gas prices are $3.11 (Mobil in Wallingford as of yesterday) to $3.27 (Mobil in Cheshire's South End) for the low-grade. Also, what do you children like about their current school, their social network of friends, their neighborhood, etc.? Lastly, and this is a biggy, what is your anticipated price range?

[Skatergirl]

Your perfect town doesn't exist--anywhere, so you know you're going to be settling no matter where you go. Especially when it seems you're not wanting to go willingly. Where are you at in S.D.? I used to live in San Carlos, O.B., La Mesa and La Jolla. I loved La Jolla the best, but it was the most expensive as you know. The obvious trade-off will be weather. You'll have Dec. through April in Ct. where the weather will be cold/freezing/miserable or raining constantly. San Diego wins hands down for weather and outdoor opportunities.

Do you HAVE TO move? I mean, is it just that your hubby wants to move? Can you stay and just make due with the income/job? I think you shouldn't ignore your motherly instincts with your older son, btw.

Neighborhoods: Again depends on where you are in S.D. if you're in a family type area or a place with condo's and has more young working people. In Ct. you're going to have a more difficult transition with getting to know your neighbors. People keep to themselves in Ct. If you're born and raised in S.D. you may not like the idea that most neighbors keep to themselves and the ones they've known forever. There are also many pockets of Jewish communities that do not want to mix with non-Jews. They will not let their chidlren play with your children. Granted, there will be some transplants that won't ignore you, but I stand my ground when I say that Ct. has been the most unfriendly place I've ever lived. Parts of Rhode Island run a close second--Newport, specifically. Schools will probablly be good, but don't discount private as some public schools just don't measure up--depends on the neighborhood.

Taxes and utilites will be high. I think it's either Hawaii or Ct. that has the highest electric rates.

Housing costs won't be as bad as Cali, so that's a plus for Ct. I don't remember propety tax costs for us in S.D., but Ct. has pricey, but we had a big yard.

On the plus-side, I've heard--as another poster wrote--good things about Milford.

Don't discount your inner voice and your negative experience in Ct. It is what it is. I sucked it up, but am glad to have left!!

Originally Posted by so-cal so-confused

Hello. I was hoping someone very familiar with Connecticut could direct me to the perfect town, with the perfect elementry schools and middle schools for my kids. I am having somewhat of an anxiety attach over possibly having to move from where I grew up and had my children, San Diego, to the total opposite world. I lived in Connecticut for five months a few years back and I absolutely hated it. My husband tells me that it was due to the area we lived in. We lived in New Haven on Whalley Ave. It was pretty traumatizing to me and my children and never thought I would have to go back there again. I am trying to do more research this time around so it is not a complete culture shock again, but there are so many little towns and I'm just not quite sure which is the best for my family. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

[JayCT]

So-Cal - No offense taken. I can understand it being a tough change but if you and your children give it a chance, you will like it here. There is so much to offer.

Since schools are a high priority, I would suggest that you not live in New Haven, Hamden, East Haven or West Haven. The schools in these towns do not have the best reputation with test scores under the state averages. Let me assure you though that public schools in this state are very good. They are commonly considered to be the best in the country. Since your husband will be working on Whalley Avenue, I would suggest living north or west of the city. Towns to consider include Milford, Orange and North Haven. These towns do have apartments and condos for rent.

I would also suggest that you look into joining a local Newcomers club when you move here and to get out and meet people with the same interests as you. That should help this time to like the area better when you move here. I would also suggest that you encourage your children to make new friends here and that the family gets out and see the state and all it has to offer. Jay