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Hi- I moved up from the city to Westport, CT.. We have a toddler now..I no longer work. We go out and about each day to school twice a week, events at the library, music classes. I'm an older mom.. in my 40s now but don't feel it! I can't seem to make one friend here..Not one. I joined a new mom group when my son was born and found it to be rather clique. The Westport moms group I went to a few events for I find the women constantly just talk about themselves. I went to one playgroup and the other mom asked me to set up, serve the food and clean up after the kids after the 2 hour group. I felt more like a servant than a mother joining the group. I'm afraid I'm facing another winter with not one friend around. I find the people in Fairfield, CT to be friendlier than Westport. Have stuck to events in Fairfield lately but still no luck.
I actually found it much easier to make friends with people in NYC. I don't want to bash. I am just wondering if anyone else can relate to his isolated feeling living in Fairfield County? Thanks.
Nothing new or groundbreaking with your experience Lisa. When your toddler is in Elementary school you will meet many more friends through Birthday parties, playdates, and school related activities. SO many friends that you yourself will probably want to avoid some at some point.
We know people a bit on the lower end of our very wealthy town who act like they're all that and then some.
Then we have have much wealthier friends who couldn't care less if we lived in a van under a bridge.
You get all kinds, hang in there and be patient, remember, Elementay School is where it really starts.
Fairfield County is a wonderful place to live, you just have to take it all with a grain of salt.
We are also in 40s with 5 and 3. It is tough. Nothing you are doing wrong but age is factor as you meet mom's 10 years younger with different mindset and maturity.. We are in Fairfield and my wife feels same way. It is tough and quite hurtful process when you meet people then they drop off face of earth. All you can do is put yourself out there. If people don't respond the move on, sometimes it is rollercoaster and nothing personal. Life is very hectic. Sometimes you might not see or hear from people for months and then suddenly reconnect. It is not always natural with kids either. You might like mom but kids don't gel. Keep trying.
Hi- I moved up from the city to Westport, CT.. We have a toddler now..I no longer work. We go out and about each day to school twice a week, events at the library, music classes. I'm an older mom.. in my 40s now but don't feel it! I can't seem to make one friend here..Not one. I joined a new mom group when my son was born and found it to be rather clique. The Westport moms group I went to a few events for I find the women constantly just talk about themselves. I went to one playgroup and the other mom asked me to set up, serve the food and clean up after the kids after the 2 hour group. I felt more like a servant than a mother joining the group. I'm afraid I'm facing another winter with not one friend around. I find the people in Fairfield, CT to be friendlier than Westport. Have stuck to events in Fairfield lately but still no luck.
I actually found it much easier to make friends with people in NYC. I don't want to bash. I am just wondering if anyone else can relate to his isolated feeling living in Fairfield County? Thanks.
Do you have any interests or hobbies?
I was born and raised in Stamford but now live in Trumbull. I am an artist and musician. I have friends in all walks of life. In fact some of my closest friends through the years were from Westport but they were artist and musicians too. I also have good friends in Norwalk and Bridgeport too etc.
Try to take yourself out of the box of Westport and Fairfield. In fact I have something for you to try. One of my acquaintances from Trumbull (who is the nicest lady) has a studio and art space in Bridgeport. She has classes and all kinds of people go from working class, middle class and above. It always looked the people have a wonderful time. She is somewhat of an Art Therapist. You do not need to be an artist. https://www.facebook.com/pg/BESTILLS...=page_internal
NYC is AWESOME! If I had the money I would have a pied-a-terre in Greenwich Village. I went to Pratt when it was in the Puck Building in SOHO and the 1990's and then again when it was on 14th street about 10 years ago. If I had a place in Greenwich Village I would probably have thousands of friends on Facebook so I know what you mean about making friends in NYC.
For music go down to SONO in Norwalk. Everyone always has a good time down there and you can make a lot of friends from all walks of life (getting out of that Westport/Fairfield box).
Things get much better when your kids go to grade school. Crazy how your kids feed your social life. Of course you have to show up to volunteer, coach sports, etc.
That said you have to get out of your comfort zone perhaps and try new things etc. We're all interviewing each other every day!
I live in Wilton and IME, pre-school was when we really started developing solid relationships with other parents. It also helped that our pre-school hosted lots of social events and fundraisers for parents to attend and get to know each other. And as the kids get older, you will meet even more people through school and activities. But I would also suggest getting involved in the community - get on a board of a local non-profit, volunteer to help coach youth sports etc. I've met lots of great people that way too.
Its interesting that most of the parents are younger in Westport. I found the opposite to be true in Wilton. When our oldest was in pre-school we were both in our mid to late 30s and most of the parents were a good 5 to 10 years older than us.
I live in Wilton and IME, pre-school was when we really started developing solid relationships with other parents. It also helped that our pre-school hosted lots of social events and fundraisers for parents to attend and get to know each other. And as the kids get older, you will meet even more people through school and activities. But I would also suggest getting involved in the community - get on a board of a local non-profit, volunteer to help coach youth sports etc. I've met lots of great people that way too.
"But I would also suggest getting involved in the community - get on a board of a local non-profit, volunteer to help coach youth sports etc."
I volunteered for Habitat in Bridgeport after I moved to Trumbull and I met one of my best friends that way. And I have to tell you....when you work on a house and you see the keys get handed to a deserving family it gives you the chills. My good from Easton used to be on the board of Habitat.
Nothing new or groundbreaking with your experience Lisa. When your toddler is in Elementary school you will meet many more friends through Birthday parties, playdates, and school related activities. SO many friends that you yourself will probably want to avoid some at some point.
We know people a bit on the lower end of our very wealthy town who act like they're all that and then some.
Then we have have much wealthier friends who couldn't care less if we lived in a van under a bridge.
You get all kinds, hang in there and be patient, remember, Elementay School is where it really starts.
Fairfield County is a wonderful place to live, you just have to take it all with a grain of salt.
I agree. This is what happened with us too. Once our kids got into preschool and then regular school, we made a lot of friends that we are close with to this day. Just be patient and continue to be out there.
Don’t stop going to those mom and play date events. Use the work and tasks they give you to build friendships. Others were likely given the same tasks when they started. It takes time to move up the social ladder.
And stop worrying about your age. I highly doubt you are much, if any, older than most mothers in this area today. Many just like you put off motherhood to focus on careers. It’s more likely the rule these days rather than the exception. Jay
Thank you all so very much for the very helpful and kind responses! I know I must not be the only one feeling this way, and I am glad to hear that once my little one is in elementary school it can all change. His new preschool had a coffee/breakfast for the moms the other day so I went and only 2 moms showed up! Both who were talking with each other the entire time and didn't exactly talk much back to me when I tried. Making new friends in your 40s sure is a lot harder than in your 20s. It used to come so easily. I'll just keep enjoying each day as it comes with all this beautiful weather we are having, stay out and about and realize new friends will happen some day. Thank you all again!
Might be unconventional advice, but If you're into the whole fitness scene join a popular barre/pilates/yoga class in town. I am almost certain there will be mothers with young children in those classes. At least here in the city, quite a few people I know have formed some great connections through their fitness studios (a lot of these places regularly host social events as well).
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