[Dockside]

Originally Posted by movingin 960

Dont get me wrong, i love CT but why do people here act this way? I've never been to a place where the population is so alike and distinct.
i'd love to hear other's opinions on this, esp people who moved here from outside of the northeast.

CT, NY and northern NJ. But it's nothing new. In the '50s and '60s I was an oil-brat, grew up everywhere, came back for a month every summer to visit my grandparents in lower Westchester County. I hated it. The people here are much colder and stand-offish than other parts of the country.

Maybe it's too crowded and people need their space. Maybe people have to work too hard. Maybe it's a "New England" thing, whatever that is. Maybe this area attracts a certain kind of person.

I've lived in places, where, the second you move in the neighbors come visiting with enough food so you don't have to shop for a week. This area, the moving truck leaves your driveway and the neighbor stops by to let you know he hates dogs and will call the police the moment your dog strays.

Your concerns are valid, it's not the friendliest part of the country. But I agree with westguy, take it in stride and enjoy what CT has to offer, it's a fascinating state, including good schools ( and a Dinosaur State Park, very neat). People aren't going to throw themselves at you, but hang in there, you will make friends. Also, many towns have newcomer groups.

[JViello]

A lot of it does depend on the area of the state. Are you closer to NYC or the quiet corner? That can change a lot. Small town vs mill town vs larger city. That too is a factor.

I am definetly a friendly person and do strike up conversations a lot BUT I have my moments...perhaps I am a Yankee at heart. Let me explain a bit more.

We here in NE sometimes consider personal space and privacy a thing to respect and don't just get in your face and space with conversation. I've been in the South many many times where I am just "zoning" out from a hard day or whatever and don't feel like chatting and some person "being nice" wont' leave me alone to the point I have to start answering with one and two word answers and all of a sudden - I'm a rude Yankee. I'm not, it's just sometimes I dont' want to be bothered. It's that simple.

You see this attitude a lot on the commuter trains. Sometimes people in a very busy hectic place have their own thing going on and don't really want to chat about the clouds. It's nothing personal.

I have a neighbor who is a very nice guy - not from this area. I can't get away from saying hello without a 15 minute conversation. I can recall a summer evening last year when I got home after working a 12 hour stressful day in one of the hottest days of the year. I pulled into my driveway and he came over to tell me something small that happened during the day - great thanks for the info. BUT he then ignored my filthy shirt and pants, filthy sweaty grimy face and the fact that I stunk - bad and the fact that I told him I had a migrain the size of Montana and just needed to get into the AC and take a shower. Nope, he kept jabber jawing for 10 minutes while I stood there ready to pass out until I just "rudely" said "Bob, I have to go before I pass out - no offense" as he gave me a strange look. So who was rude there? Me?

Another example would be a "Subway" or whatever. Sometimes I just want or need my lunch sandwich to be delivered quick and accurate so I can get on my way and not sit and talk about the latest "thing" for 10 minutes making other people late and/or wait.

Germany is the same way. Once you get to know the people, they are wonderful but they actually consider it being kind to not invade your space which makes them seem cold.

As for the door thing, yea it happens and it aggravates me too - but there are many many many larger things to worry about in life than that IMO. Some people here (Especially in the more wealthy areas) can tend to have a bit of an elitist attitude which translates to things like not saying thank you for holding a door.

Signals? That's a bit over the top IMO.

The attitude in the NE regarding driving is that it's sometimes better to just hit the gas the get the h#$% out of the way instead of stopping in the middle of the road to wave someone out of a parking lot. It keeps a busy area flowing better and frankly why I think a lot of the areas in the South have traffic. Hit the gas, not the brakes. It keeps things moving.

I used to blow a gasket sitting in Atlanta traffic and having a lady stop DEAD in the BLVD in front of me to let someone out of a parking lot while 1400 cars pile up behing me slamming on their brakes.

So in short, sometimes we feel we are being more respectful by giving you you space than just rudely getting in your space uninvited. Hope that explains things a little bit.

[KirbyJRT]

I would largely agree with that. I think there is an "over" friendliness that can occur also. I know living in West Hartford, Simsbury and then Colchester. I was definitely on speaking terms with our neighbors and held conversations and they came over for parties, etc... But when we were out working in the yard or busy. I quick hi and then move on. That part of CT I do appreciate. So, there is a time and place for politeness and conversation and a place to say, You know what, He/She is busy and I should let them get to getting.

Of course, I've run into starting a conversation with some freak and I think. Damn why did I start this That's when being rude was definitely the better alternative.

[BigHouse9]

I played golf with a friend of mine last year and he and I laughed about the perception of people in New England and the fact that they are unfriendly. We both agreed that it is a misnomer. Maybe it is us and we are outgoing and just attract friendly people and the like. He has lived all over the country. I live in NC right now and my neighbors are nowhere near as friendly as the folks from New England.

[KirbyJRT]

We are generalizing an area, but there is a lot of truth to the generalizations. I would agree though. It all comes down to the individual.

[btm]

Dear Westguy,

I was born here and spent the first 12 years of my life here. I then moved out to Minneapolis and spent twelve years out there. Moved back here four years ago. God was that a mistake. People here are very cold and very rude. They let doors slam on you, tailgate, never smile. I am currently in grad school and can't wait to get out of this place. The rat race here has already eaten me up and spit me out. don't want to be a part of it.

On the plus sides Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire are nice. ALso check out Northhampton Mass. that city is awesome. I hope you find something that you like!

BT

[Dockside]

Originally Posted by btm

I was born here and spent the first 12 years of my life here. I then moved out to Minneapolis and spent twelve years out there. Moved back here four years ago. God was that a mistake.

It is different. I lived in Tucson for two years, Pittsburgh for six years, spent time in Terre Haute with grandparents, time in Ohio with friends, my wife and I explored the east coast of NC this summer. All had slower paces than this area, and people were much nicer and more relaxed.

I love the physical beauty of coastal CT, but the closer you get to NYC, it gets too congested, and it seems the more crowded people get, the more aggressive and annoying they get, myself included.

[Staceyjay]

I lived in Ct for 43 years - born and raised. We moved to metro-Atlanta in July last year. NOW I see how rude we are. Never have I met more friendly ppl, than here in the south - of course I really have nothing else to compare it to b/c I don't travel - but my husband does. From what I gather the rudeness - is rather unique to Connecticut. I lived in Watertown - close to Woodbury. It is difficult to admit but we are a very rude group. I'm now trying to change my ways. Funny thing, I met someone here from New Jersey. When she found out I was from Connecticut she said "OH yes, the land of the rude!"

[Ourdreamhouse]

I grew up SW Connecticut, later lived in NW Connecticut, then moved to SE Florida and central New Jersey. So, it's been a while since i've lived in CT, and i may not be current with how folks behave today. But....I can't wait to move back!

You haven't seen rude until you've experienced SE Florida or New Jersey. The people in those states set new records. How do I judge? By how customers treat the service people in restaurants and stores. By how the service people in stores and restaurants treat the customers. By how close the drivers hang on my rear bumber while going down the highway. (I've been rear-ended twice in the past six months here in New Jersey. Now i just take a deep breath and pull over to let the jerks go by.) By how offensively and flagrantly materialistic people are in their choice of houses, cars, and dress. (Whatever happened to the idea of quiet money, that you act like you've been here before? Is New England the only place where this idea survives?)

IMO there's a diference between being private (which some may describe as aloof or distant) and being aggressively rude. In CT, i believe that many people like their privacy (see the insightful post by JViello above) and avoid the cloying friendliness of some folks from other regions.

The problem for newcomers to any area, who are often disoriented, lonely and needing to be accepted, is that maintaining privacy ("good fences" as Robert Frost put it) can feel unfriendly or rude. It isn't meant to be. (None of this applies to lower Fairfield County, where New Yorkers and other arrivistes have transformed it into area less like New England than NYC.)

In general, I believe that New Englanders tend have a more wordly, well-educated, efficient demeanor compared to those in some other regions. Chatting away for hours on trivial topics can seem like a waste of time. On the other hand, once true friends, New Englanders can be loyal for life.

[JViello]

Originally Posted by Ourdreamhouse

By how offensively and flagrantly materialistic people are in their choice of houses, cars, and dress. (Whatever happened to the idea of quiet money, that you act like you've been here before? Is New England the only place where this idea survives?)

LOL I've been trying to put that into words for years! Well said!

That was something in Charlotte that made me laugh. People in a McMansion on a .3 acre lot, mortgaged to the teeth, with a lease special Mercedes in the driveway and big box furniture inside thinking they somehow have arrived. LOL

You want to see understated wealth? Head to SW CT. I had a client that was soooo down to earth, drove an older vehicle, was always in comfortable jeans, docksiders, and a t-shirt and flannel. Wonderful person with a wonderful down to earth attitude. Never once flaunted his worth. You would never ever know he "had it" without knowing his personal life.

One of his investments was purchasing a controlling interest in a company that does $75,000,000 annual gross sales. THAT's wealth baby. LOL