[PriscillaHR]

Gotta agree with everyone else here, live with your husband near his work, visit with extended family on weekends. I've lived all over the place and one of the many things I have learned is that living close to where you need to be the most will give you MUCH more free time. In your case, living close to your husband's work will actually free time on weekends for you to visit your family in CT by allowing you to get more rest and more errands and chores done throughout the week.

[goldenband]

Would the OP's tax burden be less if she lived in the same state (RI) that her husband works in? I don't know much about tax issues where the HOH works out-of-state.

Either way, I would consider Blackstone. You'll be near Woonsocket, RI for shopping, and fairly near to Providence, which is a great city. And above all, don't get too overwhelmed! There's not a huge amount of variation in that part of CT/RI/MA, so the stakes aren't as high as they would be in choosing between (say) West Hartford vs. Hartford, or knowing where it's safe to live in Bridgeport.

[DarlaLogan]

Seems like everyone is trying to find the ideal midpoint for you, but you might have to accept that we can’t make both places easy to get to. I’m in the make-it-easy-on-your-husband camp. Once the novelty of frequent family visits wears off, it’s likely the number of visits will diminish. Hubby, though, will be slogging through traffic day in and day out.

I don’t know how familiar you and he are with snow, but unlike southern CA, it’s not something you glimpse on mountaintops miles away. It’s cold and wet and slippery. When you’re driving in it, every mile subtracted counts. The bulk of consideration really belongs with your husband.

Oh yeah, and I agree with goldenband about the taxes. I don't know much about it either, but I've heard about people having to pay taxes in both states ... something you should look into.

[Tetto]

I wouldn't discount Putnam, it's really a quaint little town. We have friends there and visit on a regular basis (although there is plenty of shopping in Putnam...). You'll get used to going to Worcester MA for mall shopping and Providence for entertainment. It is kind of isolated from what people would consider civilization, (Hartford, Manchester etc...) but it is a low tax town as well.