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Everyone is not white in CT.
I'm 75% African American 25% Native American and I live in CT.
There is a lot of crime in Hartford, Enfield, Brigeport, New Haven (That's right, the same city as Yale University), Waterbury, just like there's crime in Los Angeles and almost any city. And there are also sexual offences, robberies and murders that happen in Cheshire as well as a lot of other suburban places.
So she's not exactly moving into heaven, there's no heaven on Earth and no perfect place. Cheshire is full of a lot of snobby prejudiced people. Unfortunately, this is not an opinion, this is a fact. The jobs aren't "blue collar" at all... Very "white collar" with a sense of pride too strong to handle.
Diverse or not, race doesn't make a place better or worse, it is the handling of the people which I see failure in CT for that. The rich areas are very snobby and racist, while the poor areas are very trashy and crime ridden. (Reminds me of West Palm Beach, FL You seem to have to be either really rich, or really poor to live there... No happy medium)
I personally don't like CT for this very reason (I do enjoy the weather however) and will be moving to FL in the next 5-6 months.
It seems like your kids have a good head on their shoulders, and I do admit, suburban CT does have excellent schools. (I attended an inner city high school and unfortunately, the teachers would only teach 10% of the time and the latter 90% would be spent disciplining students. Therefore my high school education, though decent, was not 100% excellent at all.) If your ex does raise your children up to be racist, as soon as they go to college, the racism definitely will disappear. (Cheshire is about 4% black and 3% spanish)
I guess it's okay to blanket good natured hard working people as racists...the only "racist" comments I see here are in your post.
How can you say the people of Cheshire are "snobby and racist" when you post this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger_beauty
I plan on moving to South Florida and I don't want to live in the ghetto or anything even close to it.
I'm 75% African American (25% Native American) and have grown up around low income people who didn't want to do anything with their lives.
Yes Ginger, everyone in Cheshire are snobs just like everyone in Connecticut (note I am being sarcastic). Come on now, that is not even close to reality. Jay
While I appreciate your opinions, you paint a bleak picture and transfer it to other people based on your own experience.
#1 I cannot move at this time. I cannot give up the income I'm making because my X makes very little, and it is vital to the children's well-being that I maintain my income and pay my child support. I also work in an extremely narrow career field and it would be almost impossible to get a job beyond saying "Paper or plastic?" from 3000 miles away.
You can't take care of your children as a divorced parent if you don't take care of yourself first.
#1A There is no guarantee that this relationship she's entered into will last. She has a track record of bouncing from relationship to relationship over the period of her life. What I'm trying to do is establish a sound foundation AND home here in California so IF the relationship collapses, I'm here for the children. I am certainly hoping it does not collapse and works out for the best.
#1C There is no guarantee that she won't move again in a couple of years, and its silly to chase someone around the country in a fruitless effort to stay close.
# 2 Um, I can't disagree with your assessment more, because I have a GREAT relationship with my kids despite the distance. I talk to them on the phone almost daily. I send them letters every week. Their mother, despite our differences, does nothing to hamper my relationship with them and vice-versa. From everything I've seen on the during our visits, the phone, and their mother's reports, while its not an ideal situation, the children are doing well. They're on the honor roll at school, they are not problem causers in the classroom, they're doing fine at home with their mother. In other words, they are not exhibiting any of the symptoms of a divorce, and it certainly sounds like your ex being a "jerk" may have a lot more to do with it.
# 3 She has agreed that visiting during the summer as much as is possible is a good idea. This summer, given that they'll be transitioning to living in a much different situation with no relatives close by like the large extended family they have in Savannah, we are actively discussing the optimal schedule. We want to make sure they have plenty of time to adjust while having a good visit as well.
# 4 I toss back the question, what about the children of divorced parents that attend residential boarding schools? Many of these kids are away from schools months at a time.
# 5 I've been reading a lot of studies on this topic and the evidence suggests that Dads who remain actively involved - that do make an effort, when they can, to attend functions and take full advantage of as much visitation as they can have successful post divorce relationships with their children. My children tell me lovely stories over the phone, and we talk about what they're going to do when they come to visit. I do have some advantages, if you read the posts earlier in the thread, in that their mother is an airline employee, loves to fly, and actually, in moving to Hartford/Cheshire, she has more flight options out this direction than she had(s) from Savannah.
Once she is settled in Cheshire, we are both going to install webcams on our Internet connection and that will be an additional way to stay in visual contact.
But that also requires the active participation of both parents, and the one thing that the children pick up on is if the parents continue to have an acrimonious relationship in front of them. If you can't stand your X, fine, but limit the trashing to outside the time that you are around your children. And being angry over the long run doesn't help anyone. There are ways to deal with difficult people.
I am sorry that your son's relationship with your X did not turn out well.
LOL no surprise to me that alot of other factors now get mentioned when all you said in your OP was: I do not want to move, because I don't want it to look like to the children that their mother is dictating my life choices.
I don't think I could stand it between the weather and the overcrowding on the East Coast, and while I might see my children more often, constantly fighting with my X over every single issue does not seem appealing to me.
Try to convince me I'm wrong, and no, I'm not trolling, I just want honest opinions. Thank you.
Whatever....you are BOTH in the wrong as I said. Somehow if you both put those kids first you could end up living in the same state or at least close by not on opposite coasts.
Finally to suggest that I'm a sociopath and lousy father is a violation of the TOS of this forum - in terms of a personal attack - and since you don't even know me personally aside from some posts on the internet... that is making a lot of assumptions based on your own experiences and gluing those to me. Again, I'm sorry that you are unhappy with the way the situation turned out.
My own mother grew up in Iowa with her father living in Chicago and was raised by her grandmother, and still had a good relationship with her father, and her parents had an acrimonious relationship. There are so many variables, but she loved visiting him in Chicago. Loved it.
I didn't say you were a sociopath I said that my ex was... and I hoped that you didn't fit that description.
If you want to discuss your mothers generation, that's a different story. My mother too was raised by grandparents there was a DEPRESSION and it was quite common to spread out the families. You may notice, too, that their generation happens to have some issues with family and openness and security. It all comes from surviving a difficult period between the late 20's up until about the late 40's. A war right after a depression was no way to grow up feeling secure.
Unlike now, after the yuppy Reagan 80's until today...where me, myself and I are everything.
(Reminds me of West Palm Beach, FL You seem to have to be either really rich, or really poor to live there... No happy medium)
isn't exactly appropriate if you've never been here or lived here. Florida is a large state and the population is spread out so perhaps there is not the same density of AA people by traditional definitions...but you're going back to the early part of the last century to say Palm Beach area is a class warfare type place LOL. Now we have a ton of people who CAME HERE from OTHER COUNTRIES with no skills, education, English or anything else you can think of for success.
Yes, it would be MUCH BETTER to not admit them, I grant that.
Now as far as your charges of WPB being class war......In fact, the black population living in poverty is much greater in Fort Lauderdale at 35% and Miami at about 25% than West Palm Beach at 23% if you read city data's city pages.
And by far the largest demographic of poor is female no husband present at a whopping 54%.
Then check out the large number of children living in poverty and you get the picture of what's going on.
The largest number of VERY POOR RESIDENTS are FIVE YEARS OLD.
I don't see where this is anything to do with class wars OR JOBS for that matter since 5 years olds can't work. Not having children would be a good start for our young women in any city.
BY the way, the poverty stats get even more interesting when you see that 84% of the born here population is ABOVE the poverty line. This takes us full circle to my immigration comment.
If you don't live in Florida you don't have much to go on. You can be a Liberal and have tons of poor people in your cities, working lowest of the low jobs or not working at all and not even speaking english.....or you can enforce "logical" immigration policies that enable the immigrants who are admitted their chance for success to be greater. They are mutually exclusive scenarios as we see from WPB on down through Miami.
BTW Ginger_beauty, read about Dunbar VIllage the despicable rape and assault of the Haitian woman and her kid a couple years ago. By a bunch of YOUNG teenagers whose crackhead mothers and aunts said it was the city's fault "there is nothing to do after school". Meanwhile their kids don't even GO to school let alone the after school programs that exist for them to attend.
So because that hell hole Dunbar, is a scourge to it's own residents the city wanted to level it, move the residents to better housing, and the residents REFUSED and made it a political issue saying Dunbar was part of their heritage and they wanted it to stay in tact.
Yes it's a complex issue and not for use to say we know the solution. However being a dumb ass who refuses better housing and not getting your kids out of the area with the rest of the dumb asses still makes one a dumb ass, regardless of rightousness of historical "blame".
I think what the poster meant when mentioning WPB was that there is very little middle class - poor folks work the service jobs, rich folks don't work (because they're all snowbirds).
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors
You can be a Liberal and have tons of poor people in your cities, working lowest of the low jobs or not working at all and not even speaking english.....or you can enforce "logical" immigration policies that enable the immigrants who are admitted their chance for success to be greater. They are mutually exclusive scenarios as we see from WPB on down through Miami.
I agree with you regarding immigration policies, but just know that most in CT towns label themselves as Republicans, though tend to lean left socially. I have found that while they are dubbed "Bloomberg Republicans", many still support other Republican policies in Washington. That said, it's interesting how you connect being Liberal with having "tons of poor people" when the liberal states have the highest income, highest net worth, most progressive and solid schools - and New Haven's public high school was recently ranked among the best in the U.S. because of the endless educational opportunities offered to students who put forth their best effort. If you aren't aware, New Haven is a poor city which consists of mostly minorities. If you don't think most poor people in FL are in the cities, then I suggest you look around your state a bit more. FYI - I have spent many, many days in FL sunshine and feel I know the state well enough to give an opinion.
That would be odd, in one of the 'bluest' states in the country.
"Towns" being the operative word here. The cities have the bulk of the population and they are Democrat. The towns definitely trend toward Republican.
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Unfortunately, this is not an opinion, this is a fact. The jobs aren't "blue collar" at all... Very "white collar" with a sense of pride too strong to handle.
