[bluevelo]

Originally Posted by GregW

Calm down AND THINK ABOUT THIS! You are reacting to the fear your kids will get hurt in this new situation. Remember Fear is the Mind Killer! It sounds like you are emoting, not thinking. I still think you are more concerned with giving up control than with what happens to the kids. Look to your own issues. If nothing else think what would happen if your ex's relationship works out and they stay together forever. It does happen. I have been married to the same woman for 41 years.

BTW - a really skilled bureaucrat can finesse the Federal gov't into working anywhere. Rhode Island is really neat even if smaller then LA.

The job has already closed. So its a no go.

Boston is a possibility - there's always stuff there, but like NYC, its hideously expensive. Forget ever owning a house there.

[Stratford, Ct. Resident]

Originally Posted by JViello

I think you just posted the real issue. Maybe it would be good to go talk with someone about it. I'm not being a "jerk" either, I'm serious.

Best of luck to you.

I couldn't come up with the right way to say it last night(without seeming insensitive).

[jp03]

Originally Posted by JayCT

My impression of California is that it is full of selfish, obnoxious free-thinkers. It has earthquakes and wildfires everywhere; traffic is horrible with miles of traffic jams and is VERY expensive to live there. Is that true??? Of course it isn't. That is why your impression of Connecticut is WAY OFF. I am not sure why you think that what you experienced in VA is anything like Connecticut. Maybe parts of it are similar but certainly not the whole state.

Cheshire is a beautiful upscale town. Its schools are considered excellent and there are many very nice neighborhoods with friendly people. As he noted, our own Rich Lee lives there. That said, I can not tell you if there will be problems with your ex's BF or not. There is not much you can do about it. Good luck, Jay

Wow//talk about a biased point of view...whew...

[JViello]

Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident

I couldn't come up with the right way to say it last night(without seeming insensitive).

I'm learning...slowly

Originally Posted by jp03

Wow//talk about a biased point of view...whew...

Uh, this is what he wrote:

Originally Posted by JayCT
My impression of California is that it is full of selfish, obnoxious free-thinkers. It has earthquakes and wildfires everywhere; traffic is horrible with miles of traffic jams and is VERY expensive to live there. Is that true??? Of course it isn't. That is why your impression of Connecticut is WAY OFF. I am not sure why you think that what you experienced in VA is anything like Connecticut. Maybe parts of it are similar but certainly not the whole state.

Read the italics and bold again and warm up your apology.

[bluevelo]

Originally Posted by JViello

I'm learning...slowly




Uh, this is what he wrote:



Read the italics and bold again and warm up your apology.

Well, we do have a problem with the saucers that are flying out of Area 51 buzzing our houses from LA to NorCal, but its only mildly annoying.

[JayCT]

Originally Posted by jp03

Wow//talk about a biased point of view...whew...

I was being sarcastic trying to make a point that you can't judge an entire state by a few people or general impressions. If you read the entire post you would understand the point I was trying to make. Jay

[jp03]

Originally Posted by JayCT

I was being sarcastic trying to make a point that you can't judge an entire state by a few people or general impressions. If you read the entire post you would understand the point I was trying to make. Jay

You're right! I'm very sorry

[LuckyTheKing]

Hey Bluevelo,

First a quick question, You were divorced in MS, you now live in CA, but you are from IA, You have lived in VA, your ex in currently in GA but possibly moving to CT. Man, in how many states have you lived?? perhaps, your job situation allows you to move which is good, and is definitely a good experience to move around, but I guess for the sake of kids you guys have to choose a place to stick around a bit.

I do not know much about GA, but passing thru, I am pretty sure the kids will be more than okay in CT (I am currently living in MA) Schools are better, is a very beautiful states and is safe.

I have been in your shoes, sometimes you come across as you still have feelings for your X, but I know that is not the case. Is just that when you divorce your wife, you do not want to divorce your kids, and you want to be present 24/7, you want to see their teeth fell out and you want to take them to school, you want to spend the weekends with them.

However, you have to realize that, you and your wife went different ways and unfortunately, you cannot have both ways. When I divorced my wife I was pissed, I want to see my daughter all the time, and I use to hate when it was my weekend and I would drive to her house and they were gone. We use to have so many fights about it, and the she remarried another guy (a complete jerk) I hated the guy, I still hate is guts up to this day. However, I realized that I was wasting my time fighting with my ex all the time and not enjoying my time with my kid.

Then one day, I realized that this was stupid and just stopped fighting with her. I would call her and she would say "this weekend you cannot pick up Camila" and I still mad inside but I would not show to her "fine". I just kept being the good father that I am, I would call my daughter, email her and whenever I was able to see her, we would have a good time.

Conclusion: My X treats my better, we do not fight anymore and we actually get along great, I still don't liker her husband, but we keep it civilized, He minds his business I mind mine, My daughter never replaced by him by the way, she loves me and she always asks me when are we going to be able to live together. Sometimes she is with me, she gets home sick, and that is okay, I will just take her back to her mom's. Her mother is a great mother by the way, and that's was never an issue. If your ex is a good mom, maybe is time for you to let go, and just enjoy your kids when they are around and keep it touch with them. They will never replace you, and even if the guy turns up being a good "replacement father to them" wouldn't you want that? Instead of him, being a jerk? There are things that is beyond your control once you are divorced and you need to learn to accept that....and when you accept your reality, things will be okay.

[bluevelo]

Originally Posted by LuckyTheKing

Hey Bluevelo,

First a quick question, You were divorced in MS, you now live in CA, but you are from IA, You have lived in VA, your ex in currently in GA but possibly moving to CT. Man, in how many states have you lived?? perhaps, your job situation allows you to move which is good, and is definitely a good experience to move around, but I guess for the sake of kids you guys have to choose a place to stick around a bit.

I do not know much about GA, but passing thru, I am pretty sure the kids will be more than okay in CT (I am currently living in MA) Schools are better, is a very beautiful states and is safe.

I have been in your shoes, sometimes you come across as you still have feelings for your X, but I know that is not the case. Is just that when you divorce your wife, you do not want to divorce your kids, and you want to be present 24/7, you want to see their teeth fell out and you want to take them to school, you want to spend the weekends with them.

However, you have to realize that, you and your wife went different ways and unfortunately, you cannot have both ways. When I divorced my wife I was pissed, I want to see my daughter all the time, and I use to hate when it was my weekend and I would drive to her house and they were gone. We use to have so many fights about it, and the she remarried another guy (a complete jerk) I hated the guy, I still hate is guts up to this day. However, I realized that I was wasting my time fighting with my ex all the time and not enjoying my time with my kid.

Then one day, I realized that this was stupid and just stopped fighting with her. I would call her and she would say "this weekend you cannot pick up Camila" and I still mad inside but I would not show to her "fine". I just kept being the good father that I am, I would call my daughter, email her and whenever I was able to see her, we would have a good time.

Conclusion: My X treats my better, we do not fight anymore and we actually get along great, I still don't liker her husband, but we keep it civilized, He minds his business I mind mine, My daughter never replaced by him by the way, she loves me and she always asks me when are we going to be able to live together. Sometimes she is with me, she gets home sick, and that is okay, I will just take her back to her mom's. Her mother is a great mother by the way, and that's was never an issue. If your ex is a good mom, maybe is time for you to let go, and just enjoy your kids when they are around and keep it touch with them. They will never replace you, and even if the guy turns up being a good "replacement father to them" wouldn't you want that? Instead of him, being a jerk? There are things that is beyond your control once you are divorced and you need to learn to accept that....and when you accept your reality, things will be okay.

All good points. Thanks for writing, its always good to hear from someone that's Been There (and still is).

[Aylalou]

I don't know much about this. But is she legally able to take them out of state away from their father?

And many fathers who are divorced can't afford houses. Then end up in apartments. Just responding to your saying you can't afford a house in NYC.