[JViello]

Originally Posted by usmcfamily

I'm one of those in the middle! Sunny and 70's equals perfection.....San Diego weather! But I lean more towards summer! Love Fall and the first crisp evenings and the romantic notion of winter but thats about it!

Totally...I"m sitting here sweating and I don't like bitter cold, nor "sweat standing still" hot. (Which seems to be more of a function of humidity than temp)

I don't fit either category and I also fit them both perfectly.

I just deal with the heat and deal with the cold and don't whine. What else can you do?

Hmmm....maybe Baja Mexico is the ticket since it's affordable too. lol

[vvolin]

Where are your children in your priority list? If they are high up, then you have your answer. Say goodbye to California and welcome Connecticut. If you don't like the guy, I assume you have good reasons. And the mother is a racist, apparently. Then your kids need you, independently of where they live. Fighting your x on a daily basis may not be fun, but picture looking at your children in 10-15 years and not liking the way they will have turned out... Much worse than a lot of bickering.

The parent factor is, in my opinion, so overwhelmingly overpowering the effect of all other factors together, including the environment where children are raised, that the difference between Georgia and CT will be minimal in shaping the kind of adults your children will be.

I like to think that one day my children will be an asset to the world rather than a detriment. I will measure my success as a parent on how they will be able to contribute to humanity. Where I do my parenting job has nothing to do with it.

Wait for your x to make her move. Then follow. Not her. Your children.

[wavehunter007]

Originally Posted by JViello

Totally...I"m sitting here sweating and I don't like bitter cold, nor "sweat standing still" hot. (Which seems to be more of a function of humidity than temp)

I don't fit either category and I also fit them both perfectly.

I just deal with the heat and deal with the cold and don't whine. What else can you do?

Hmmm....maybe Baja Mexico is the ticket since it's affordable too. lol

From reading your posts I think you really would love the climate from SOCAL down to Baja: 9 months of the year the days right on the coast are from 60 to maybe 78 F. The humidity is low, and there is little rainfall. The Pacific of course is freezing cold however. The currents come right from Alaska.

Sorry to say, if you don't like humidity, the East Coast, especially south of Boston...is not the best place. Keep in mind the humidity/dew points were on the low side over the last 4 or 5 days (although,today it will feel a bit more humid)...as we push into the summer and the SW flow deepens more often - that will not be the case.

Anyway, in looks like a moderation in the coming days, highs back near 65 F or so, and the humidity will be low.

[HeadedWest]

Originally Posted by wavehunter007

Then you’re on the wrong side of the mainland boys and girls

I quite agree. I'm doing my best to remedy that, but it's complicated.

[JViello]

Originally Posted by wavehunter007

From reading your posts I think you really would love the climate from SOCAL down to Baja: 9 months of the year the days right on the coast are from 60 to maybe 78 F. The humidity is low, and there is little rainfall. The Pacific of course is freezing cold however. The currents come right from Alaska.

Sorry to say, if you don't like humidity, the East Coast, especially south of Boston...is not the best place. Keep in mind the humidity/dew points were on the low side over the last 4 or 5 days (although,today it will feel a bit more humid)...as we push into the summer and the SW flow deepens more often - that will not be the case.

Anyway, in looks like a moderation in the coming days, highs back near 65 F or so, and the humidity will be low.

I hear you...I just can't afford to live in San Diego. lol

I've interestingly been doing some reading on the PNW such as Olympia. I don't mind the rain really, and do enjoy green and gardening etc.

I've also found this neat little place in Washington state that has a somewhat arid climate smack in the middle of all the rain up on the NE slope of the Olympic mountains. Problem is, it's pretty rural.

Oh well, I'll just keep drinking my 2 gallons of water a day and wash the salt off my face and neck several times a day to avoid a rash. LOL (I do sweat that much in my work...it runs off my chin. Kinda sucks.)

[HeadedWest]

Originally Posted by JViello

I hear you...I just can't afford to live in San Diego. lol

Roughly, the line of demarcation is the Continental Divide. Any place west of that will sport far lower summer humidity than places east of that line.

Go to the detail weather maps in summer and look at the Dew Point. That is the ultimate measure of comfort. Dew points below 60 (in summer time) are comfortable, and dew points at or over 65 are uncomfortable for most people.

If you ever get the chance to experience a summer day in the Rockies, you might not ever want to return to the east.

Some time in July when you're miserable, pull up the local forecast for Ouray, Silverton or Durango, Colorado. You'll weep with envy. Even the late summer 'monsoon' thunderstorms don't bring enough water vapor to make the climate damp.

[JViello]

Originally Posted by HeadedWest

Roughly, the line of demarcation is the Continental Divide. Any place west of that will sport far lower summer humidity than places east of that line.

Go to the detail weather maps in summer and look at the Dew Point. That is the ultimate measure of comfort. Dew points below 60 (in summer time) are comfortable, and dew points at or over 65 are uncomfortable for most people.

If you ever get the chance to experience a summer day in the Rockies, you might not ever want to return to the east.

Some time in July when you're miserable, pull up the local forecast for Ouray, Silverton or Durango, Colorado. You'll weep with envy. Even the late summer 'monsoon' thunderstorms don't bring enough water vapor to make the climate damp.

Thanks for the info, I do realize this. CO has one of the driest climates in the country. I have been there in the Summer. It was nice, but way to dry for me on the other end.

I also have to be within a few hours of ocean or I go stir crazy...I also do not like arid/desert climates. The lack of rivers and lakes in I25 corridor in CO for recreation and personal use really concerns me.

I know I know...you can't have green and dry - sort of, which is why I mentioned the PNW. Green with relatively low Summer humidity. (50ish I believe)

But then the complication of being 3000+ miles from family comes into play.

Oh well...I sweat. There are worse things in life to worry about.

[Ginger_beauty]

Originally Posted by bluevelo

Short story, I'm divorced, 47, live in Sacramento, my children, who are 9 and 7, are moving to CT with their mother from Savannah, GA. Ostensibly because the schools are better, but the real reason is Delta had a transfer open and she wants to be in Cheshire with her BF (LDR) of four years.

The guy does have two older teenage sons, but he's a former jock and really has no idea how to deal with kids. My son is 9, a nerd, very bright and totally non-athletic. This guy does triathlons (quite well) and races constantly. My daughter who is 7 is also very bright.

I lived on the East Coast for better than a decade, in Northern and Central Virginia, and my impressions of it overall are pretty negative. All I've heard about NE from people who have lived there is that between the weather, high prices, and rude, unfriendly people that they're glad they're not there anymore. I think she believes she's moving them into some kind of upper-class heaven. While I agree that the schools in suburban CT are better than in Georgia, I have really strong misgivings about this, especially since one of her reason for moving to CT is that 'everyone is white', and she talks about how horrible California is because of its diversity.

Everyone is not white in CT.
I'm 75% African American 25% Native American and I live in CT.
There is a lot of crime in Hartford, Enfield, Brigeport, New Haven (That's right, the same city as Yale University), Waterbury, just like there's crime in Los Angeles and almost any city. And there are also sexual offences, robberies and murders that happen in Cheshire as well as a lot of other suburban places.
So she's not exactly moving into heaven, there's no heaven on Earth and no perfect place. Cheshire is full of a lot of snobby prejudiced people. Unfortunately, this is not an opinion, this is a fact. The jobs aren't "blue collar" at all... Very "white collar" with a sense of pride too strong to handle.
Diverse or not, race doesn't make a place better or worse, it is the handling of the people which I see failure in CT for that.
The rich areas are very snobby and racist, while the poor areas are very trashy and crime ridden. (Reminds me of West Palm Beach, FL You seem to have to be either really rich, or really poor to live there... No happy medium)
I personally don't like CT for this very reason (I do enjoy the weather however) and will be moving to FL in the next 5-6 months.
It seems like your kids have a good head on their shoulders, and I do admit, suburban CT does have excellent schools. (I attended an inner city high school and unfortunately, the teachers would only teach 10% of the time and the latter 90% would be spent disciplining students. Therefore my high school education, though decent, was not 100% excellent at all.)
If your ex does raise your children up to be racist, as soon as they go to college, the racism definitely will disappear. (Cheshire is about 4% black and 3% spanish)

Originally Posted by bluevelo

I do not want to move, because I don't want it to look like to the children that their mother is dictating my life choices. I don't think I could stand it between the weather and the overcrowding on the East Coast, and while I might see my children more often, constantly fighting with my X over every single issue does not seem appealing to me.

Try to convince me I'm wrong, and no, I'm not trolling, I just want honest opinions. Thank you.

You must convince yourself Sir.
It's definitely good to weigh out the pros and cons.
Also, talk to your kids about it and see what would be best for them.
Plus, see how much your ex is going to let you see your kids. It's not worth going to another side of the country and make a ton of sacrifices if she won't even let you see them often enough, or if she picks up and moves again, or if the fights between you and her (or her new boyfriend) may increase.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[bluevelo]

Originally Posted by Ginger_beauty

Everyone is not white in CT.
I'm 75% African American 25% Native American and I live in CT.
There is a lot of crime in Hartford, Enfield, Brigeport, New Haven (That's right, the same city as Yale University), Waterbury, just like there's crime in Los Angeles and almost any city. And there are also sexual offences, robberies and murders that happen in Cheshire as well as a lot of other suburban places.
So she's not exactly moving into heaven, there's no heaven on Earth and no perfect place. Cheshire is full of a lot of snobby prejudiced people. Unfortunately, this is not an opinion, this is a fact. The jobs aren't "blue collar" at all... Very "white collar" with a sense of pride too strong to handle.
Diverse or not, race doesn't make a place better or worse, it is the handling of the people which I see failure in CT for that.
The rich areas are very snobby and racist, while the poor areas are very trashy and crime ridden. (Reminds me of West Palm Beach, FL You seem to have to be either really rich, or really poor to live there... No happy medium)
I personally don't like CT for this very reason (I do enjoy the weather however) and will be moving to FL in the next 5-6 months.
It seems like your kids have a good head on their shoulders, and I do admit, suburban CT does have excellent schools. (I attended an inner city high school and unfortunately, the teachers would only teach 10% of the time and the latter 90% would be spent disciplining students. Therefore my high school education, though decent, was not 100% excellent at all.)
If your ex does raise your children up to be racist, as soon as they go to college, the racism definitely will disappear. (Cheshire is about 4% black and 3% spanish)



You must convince yourself Sir.
It's definitely good to weigh out the pros and cons.
Also, talk to your kids about it and see what would be best for them.
Plus, see how much your ex is going to let you see your kids. It's not worth going to another side of the country and make a ton of sacrifices if she won't even let you see them often enough, or if she picks up and moves again, or if the fights between you and her (or her new boyfriend) may increase.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Ginger, thanks for your input. One of the things *I* really like about Sacramento is that has been recognized for a long time as one of the most diverse and integrated cities in America.

I plan on making sure they see and experience that diversity when they're here. I am even thinking about putting them in summer camp where they would be integrated with a lot of bilingual Latino children in a very safe environment.

I can pretty much have them as much as I want during the summer and she is fine with bringing them for Spring Break and Christmas (we split Christmas). There are actually more flight options from Hartford to SMF than from Savannah, which will make bringing them out easier.

As to your secondary point, I think its really better for us to have distance from each other. The new BF has made it very clear, based on VERY misrepresented info on me that she's soaked him with, that I'm some sort of weird psycho. That's OK, I don't really care what he thinks as long as he treats my children well.

We are getting along civilly on the phone but I just simply want to pick them up at the airport and escort them to meet the plane at the gate - and spend as little time in her presence as possible. She has made it VERY clear she does not like California at all for a whole host of reasons... and if it wasn't California, it would be something else that was wrong with me, or where I was living... she's a BPD that just picks, picks, and picks. LOL

It only took me 10 years to figure that out.

I talk to them almost daily, they get regular mail from me on a weekly basis, I send them pictures, I tell them I love them, we have wonderful conversations (particularly with my daughter, who loves to talk period).

Its important, I think, for them to know that their father IS there for them, regardless of whether I'm 3 blocks away or 2500 miles away.

But the most important thing is for them to NOT see their parents fighting, because eventually they won't want to be around either of us.

On your second

[seven of nine]

Can I be honest and tell you I have only scanned all the posts?
Honey believe me, stay close to your children, no matter what the cost, and I mean stay physically close. Move to where they are. Ten or fifteen years from now don't you want to be able to say to yourself, "no matter what I was there"?
Jobs and materials things pass and fade away.
When you are in your coffin what memories do you want them to carry. It takes two to argue. Learn some buddhist mantra to chant when she is goading you, good luck.