[Limbo]

My wife and I moved our entire family to Leland, NC two years ago. Leland is along the coast between Wilmington and Southport. We are having a VERY difficult time deciding on going back or staying in NC.

Both states have pros and cons.

CT (Cons) - high taxes, long winters and honestly we worked to pay our mortgage.

CT (Pros) - Our family lives in CT, higher paying jobs, people are better educated, and the quality of life is higher: parks, topography, musuems, fine dining, hay rides etc. etc. Basically, all the things that make New England, New England.

NC (Cons) - a lot of crime, lower standard of living, education, humid summers, alligators, snakes, bugs, rednecks (comparable to Stafford Speedway on race night) and tons of illegal immigrants. I'm not a person that ever distinguished between black and white, asian or hispanic until I moved here and honestly I feel like a minority. Plus, being a very conservative Yankee from the North doesn't seem to endear you to the locals.

NC (Pros) - Weather, beaches, low taxes and life is more affordable - giving us more time to spend with the kids.

THESE ARE MY OBSERVATIONS and not meant to anger anyone. I've lived in CT for 9 years and lived in NC for 2 years and am simply giving my impression of the differences between the two states. I have people living next door that love it here so I may simply be a malcontent.

I just want to do what is right for my kids and I'm not sure spending more time with them outweights the advantages that I feel CT has to offer. Down here we don't know a soul so we don't have to worry about impressions or what the kids are wearing. In CT it always seemed to matter how much you made, where you lived etc.

I own my own business and my wife works for PPD (largest company in the area) so income doesn't really factor into this decision for us. Also, the schools may be better in CT but our kids are all Honor Roll students and doing extremely well (that is because I have the time to spend on their education).

Ok, based on what I've written or based on your own experiences vote.

Would you go back to CT or stay in NC.

Thanks - any and all input is welcomed.

[Ronin909]

I had a similar decision when I moved back to CT from Texas about a year ago. Since I don't have kids my choice was much simpler and easier to undo, but still I saw some of the same factors you write about.

The thing I liked about living in the South, aside from the better weather, was the more positive outlook people had. Let's face it, CT is a state under a lot of pressure from a lot of different angles. People here are always talking about how bad taxes and prices are, and how certain jobs are moving out of state. Down south, in many cases, things are advancing and buliding up - in Conn it seems that, in many cases, people are just trying to stop things from slipping away or getting any worse.

So one thing to consider is which place really holds a brighter future for your kids? Will your kids be able to find work that suits them in or near Conn? Maybe they will have to move away in the future anyway. And if you're looking for the place where you will eventually retire, I think NC has to win that category.

So to sum it all up - obviously I made my choice and came back to CT. Something about it has gotten into my blood and I like it in spite of all the difficult things which we could generate a huge list of. One big thing for me is that I fit in better with the people here. Like you said, I am somewhat of a conservative northerner.

[mels]

Sure the winters here are longer than in NC, but let's be honest. We usually don't get snow until late December and it is usually done with by March. Not exactly a lengthy winter by northern standards. I am with you on the taxes, they certainly are high in CT as are utility costs.

Maybe it is just me, but I never got the impression that people in CT really care about how much you make or where you live. Actually I did get that impression when I lived in Fairfield County, but that is more metro NY than it is CT. There are many affordable towns in CT, I think people just get stuck on wanting to live in Avon or Glastonbury or some other affluent town then throw their hands in the air when they won't pay $400K and up for a house.

I know for me the answer would be CT, but I moved around the country and ended up back here. I guess the real question is does NC feel like home to you? After two years if it didn't feel like home I would move on.

[kd83]

I'd learn how to make a decision for myself and not base my decisions on what other people think. Also I would not come on here (whether or not it was your intent does not matter) and start YET ANOTHER NC vs CT thread that turns into 15 pages of bickering like every other thread. You've experienced both places. They are your kids. They are your pros and cons. Like you said your neighbor loves it there, which just proves everybody will have different opinions and all that matters for YOUR move is what YOU think. Unless you feel like you are very uninformed or missing some pros/cons on the two states, there really is nothing someone should be able to tell you that will make your decision for you. Sorry I'm an A-hole, but I cant take another one of these threads starting up. I dont personally think theres a "right or wrong" solution. The only right or wrong is created by false regret in your own mind. Dont let it overcome you, just enjoy whichever decision you make and dont think about "did I make the wrong decision."

[Erin1264]

Hi there,

Since "neither" isn't an option, I'd vote to go back to CT. I've lived in both CT and NC and have chosen a different state.

Both states have varying areas in which to live, but if your family is in CT, then that is reason enough. Especially if your children have grandparents to bond with or aunts and uncles, etc. You need that family support network.

What really struck me about your post is you say "down here we don't know a soul." To me, that is your answer right there. After 2 years, you should. You don't seem to be "settled in." That is one reason why we got out of NC. I feel your pain and I understand what it is like by what you wrote here.

[Limbo]

I realize the choice is for my wife and myself to make but sometimes it helps to have other people's input. I know this sounds corny but every reply actually helped in some fashion. The person who wrote "if you've lived in NC for 2 years and it still doesn't feel like home," hit the nail on the head. I've never thought about it in that perspective but I guess the truth is we never really left CT.

My wife and I always joke NC is a great place to vacation but we wouldn't want to live here.

Anyways, I'm honestly not trying to stir the pot but I'm smart enough to realize that I don't have all the answers and sometimes an unbiased opinion from a person helps a lot. Call it a dose of reality.

I sincerely appreciate everyone's comments, even from the person who thinks I'm a dink (which for the first time in my life I feel like I).

I've lived all over the country but I always knew when it came time to raise my kids I would want them born and raised in CT and I think my wife feels the same way.

I better get back to work...

[JViello]

Born and raised in CT - moved to NC, realized it was a mistake, moved back home to CT.

I didn't just walk around and say "nah, this sucks I'm leaving". I gave NC a very fair shot and explored it from border to border and in the end it just wasn't for me.

Good luck to you.

[BigHouse9]

In NC now, can't wait to move back to CT. I find NC to be soulless and I am certainly not finding it cheaper. We just had a better life in CT overall. A lot to be said for that.

[Iska]

"I'm not a person that ever distinguished between black and white, asian or hispanic until I moved here and honestly I feel like a minority."

Feeling like a minority? Think how Asians and Hispanics and blacks feel everyday. Get used to an increasingly diverse world. You probably didn't intend for to come across the way you came across with that statement. Makes you sound like you are looking for a place where you'll be in the majority again and life would just be wonderful. There are many such places in the U.S. (even in NC) and if that's what you're looking for, more power to you. To each his own. Ignoring this, I think all of your other observations have you trending back towards CT.

[JViello]

Originally Posted by Iska

"I'm not a person that ever distinguished between black and white, asian or hispanic until I moved here and honestly I feel like a minority."

Feeling like a minority? Think how Asians and Hispanics and blacks feel everyday. Get used to an increasingly diverse world. You probably didn't intend for to come across the way you came across with that statement. Makes you sound like you are looking for a place where you'll be in the majority again and life would just be wonderful.

How do you know he/she is not Asian, Hispanic, or Black.

What I took from that is, "I AM a minority and actually feel like one down here vs back in CT"...but I could be wrong.