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Old 04-22-2010, 10:43 AM
 
54 posts, read 130,403 times
Reputation: 50

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I would suggest finding a hobby, club or church. I would also say that now is the best time to get out and hike or exercise. Great opportunity to meet active people or if you don't meet people you're at least staying in shape.

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com x2

Last edited by RiceCake; 04-22-2010 at 11:37 AM.. Reason: Reread thread and saw that Meetup was already mentioned
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Old 04-22-2010, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Cheshire, Conn.
2,102 posts, read 6,820,195 times
Reputation: 521
Cara,

Being mature for your age might require that you find friends who are a little (or a lot) older than yourself. That way, you'll have similar interests. However, due to your age, your work experience will probably not match.

Did you accept your hostessing job out of necessity and not because of its pay or your career path? If so, continue to look for a better, more rewarding job even if you have to work as a temporary. I believe our minimum wage in Connecticut is $8.25/hr. By the way, many entry level temporary assignments start at $12 or $13 per hour.

Good luck!
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Old 04-22-2010, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,620,620 times
Reputation: 354
First of all, good for you for finding this board and making an effort to solve your problem.

Yes, missing home can actually make you sick. I was married at your age and I could not imagine leaving home at that time. That was just me. We are all different. My daughter will leave for the east coast to go to college this summer at the tender age of 18, and we are on the opposite coast. She can't wait.
My oldest daughter is going to a state school and living at home. She has no desire to leave home. To each his own, right? So don't feel bad for being homesick. It's normal.

It is actually very mature of you to be so supportive of your husband as he is bettering his career. I am sure it will pay off for you both in the long run. Until then try to look at this as an adventure. It might not be forever so take in all there is to learn about the state. Keep trying to get a job, it will probably be your best bet at finding some friends your age. If there is nothing to do in your town try getting involved in a bigger town close to you. Yes, it can be hard to put yourself out there but you may need to push through your comfort zone.
Also, give it some time. Four months is nothing. Kids are still crying in college to come home after four months. No where will feel like home for at least a year, sometimes longer. Try shopping in the same stores, buying coffee in the same place, etc. Become familiar with people in your area. Introduce yourself and tell them your name and that you are new to the area. Hopefully they will be understanding and perhaps even give your some suggestions of how to get involved or things to do.
When all else fails get on your computer and Skype to your friends and family back home. Sometimes seeing a familiar face helps. Let them help you work through it. And communicate to your husband that even though you are very supportive of his work ask for his help in meeting people. Maybe he has friends at work who have wives that you might like. Take some day trips to Boston and NYC with each other. Explore your surroundings and give yourself sometime to feel more at home.

No matter how young, or old, we all get homesick. It's how you react to it that will make the difference.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 04-22-2010, 01:28 PM
 
498 posts, read 375,003 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiceCake View Post
I would suggest finding a hobby, club or church. I would also say that now is the best time to get out and hike or exercise. Great opportunity to meet active people or if you don't meet people you're at least staying in shape.

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com x2
Good advice Rice Cakes!!! In other words "welcome to connecticut"!!!
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Old 04-22-2010, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
1,268 posts, read 3,645,203 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiceCake View Post
I would suggest finding a hobby, club or church. I would also say that now is the best time to get out and hike or exercise. Great opportunity to meet active people or if you don't meet people you're at least staying in shape.

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com x2
I'll have to agree!

There are a lot of great outdoor activities within the area....beautiful bike trails, hikes as well as State parks.
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Old 04-22-2010, 01:52 PM
 
3,370 posts, read 3,293,119 times
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Many northeasterners are still in college/grad school at your age. People here often don't marry until past 26. Once you have kids, you will meet tons of other couples in the same boat, but before then, most people your age here are still in prolonged adolescence, getting their degrees. If you have any career aspirations, this is a great time for you to go back to school. If that's not your interest, you might be able to meet people through church, sports groups, special interest clubs. I don't think it's CT, per say, that's the issue. It's very hard to move to a new place as a young adult without school or work to provide a ready-made social life.
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Old 04-22-2010, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Central Virginia
834 posts, read 1,947,077 times
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I moved to Florida when I was 18 and at the time, I felt the same way. I was more interested in going to college and working to get out on my own, and all everyone cared about was partying. I went to FSU in Tallahassee and the school earned its reputation for being the #1 party school in the country. So believe me, it's not a CT thing. I think Florida had way more of a party/bar crowd than you see here.
But anyway, it is very hard to meet people as an adult. It happens to everyone no matter what state they move to. When you are in school, you have childhood friends and new friends. All of a sudden, in your 20's, meeting people is not so easy.
Do what people suggested and try to get out and meet some new people. But if your heart is in Florida and you are a die hard Floridian, maybe you can look into moving back in a few years. But if you are going to make a life here, you have to make a life here. And honestly, talking to people back in Florida will only make it harder for you to adjust. I lived in Florida 15 years. Whether they are natives or transplants, people who live in Florida have this inner need to bash anything from up north. So if you are talking to people who are telling you how horrible life is going to be up here, it's going to be that much harder for you to build a life here. Does that make sense?

CT is a great place to live. There is a LOT to do here. Much more than most states have. There are many places that you can get to within an hour or two of driving. If you are just sitting in front of the tv moping, you are not going to build a life here but that would be true for any state. You have to try to make it work. Give it a shot. You may love it or you may not love it. But you have to at least try before you decide that it's hell.
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
24,699 posts, read 40,305,911 times
Reputation: 7001
There are many good points here. You are in one of the most interesting and exciting parts of the country. Go visit Boston. Go visit New York. Check out Mystic. Check out the casinos. Go to Newport. Go to the the mountains. Go to the beaches. Check out Northhampton MA. there are so many things within 2 hours of you I could go on and on. Jay
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Windsor, CT
15 posts, read 186,882 times
Reputation: 12
Cara, don't pay any mind to Jack... That was just rude and what he says has no basis in fact.

I moved to CT 10 years ago, came up from LA. Outside of family here I don't have much of a social life. Before coming up I used to be an avid gamer (role-playing, computer games, etc.) and had a group of friends with the same mindset which I hung out regularly with. Do I miss it? Yeah of course I do. But do I have any regrets? Nah! Despite the higher cost of living and tougher job market I wouldn't go back to Nawlins if ya paid me to. And gaming? No time, I have a family and a far more entertaining hands on hobby now - Halloween.

Enfield is tough as far as finding things to do and there isn't much more in Windsor either. But you'll find the further southwest and closer to NY you go the more hoppin it gets. Even though thats what others have been suggesting I gathered differently from your opening post. You're looking to hang with the more mature crowds and less with the college party crowds. We're out there... Just gotta look. As a few others have suggested, try Meetup.com. I admit some of the groups and conversations there move a little slow depending on what group you join. But it's better than nothing.

And don't sweat the job thing... Jack has it all wrong, it's NOT all about college degrees over experience. The economy is bad and the job market is tight right now. But lemme tell ya this. I have ZERO college experience... NADA... ZIP... NONE... But I'm working a really good job in IT trenches as a developer right now and get paid more than some of my friends in other states with manager positions. Would I get paid more with a degree? Maybe. But the lack thereof had NO impact on getting hired.

Find a hobby or group on Meetup.com; get out there and network... Because there is a lot of truth in "it's not who you are, it's who you know". Once you get your foot in the door in a career you'll meet more people.

-TM
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Old 04-22-2010, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines
1,871 posts, read 2,428,228 times
Reputation: 3386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Terrormaster View Post
Cara, don't pay any mind to Jack... That was just rude and what he says has no basis in fact.

I moved to CT 10 years ago, came up from LA. Outside of family here I don't have much of a social life. Before coming up I used to be an avid gamer (role-playing, computer games, etc.) and had a group of friends with the same mindset which I hung out regularly with. Do I miss it? Yeah of course I do. But do I have any regrets? Nah! Despite the higher cost of living and tougher job market I wouldn't go back to Nawlins if ya paid me to. And gaming? No time, I have a family and a far more entertaining hands on hobby now - Halloween.

Enfield is tough as far as finding things to do and there isn't much more in Windsor either. But you'll find the further southwest and closer to NY you go the more hoppin it gets. Even though thats what others have been suggesting I gathered differently from your opening post. You're looking to hang with the more mature crowds and less with the college party crowds. We're out there... Just gotta look. As a few others have suggested, try Meetup.com. I admit some of the groups and conversations there move a little slow depending on what group you join. But it's better than nothing.

And don't sweat the job thing... Jack has it all wrong, it's NOT all about college degrees over experience. The economy is bad and the job market is tight right now. But lemme tell ya this. I have ZERO college experience... NADA... ZIP... NONE... But I'm working a really good job in IT trenches as a developer right now and get paid more than some of my friends in other states with manager positions. Would I get paid more with a degree? Maybe. But the lack thereof had NO impact on getting hired.
-TM
Its funny how when one spits out the truth on CD, people get mad. Also funny how all of the heat comes from those who also got married early and didnt find college to be important.
Did I really say any lies
-Is it practical to get married at 22 nowadays?
-Is it a good idea to skip college?
-Is it a good idea to follow someone else across the country and then call it hell when u get there?
-Do the wheels turn slow in the south?
I didnt make this stuff up. The OP said she made 13 an hour in FLA and most Northeasterners understand that that isnt much cash. She just sounded like she was a bit out of her element and if that was the case, MOVE BACK!
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