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Old 04-22-2010, 08:16 PM
Location: Connecticut
24,615 posts, read 40,185,826 times
Reputation: 6984


Please stick to the topic and do not make personal attacks or support those that do. They will be deleted. Thank you, JayCT
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Old 04-23-2010, 06:35 AM
Location: Fairfield
588 posts, read 1,627,915 times
Reputation: 275
Originally Posted by jacktravern View Post
Its funny how when one spits out the truth on CD, people get mad. Also funny how all of the heat comes from those who also got married early and didnt find college to be important.
Did I really say any lies
-Is it practical to get married at 22 nowadays?
-Is it a good idea to skip college?
-Is it a good idea to follow someone else across the country and then call it hell when u get there?
-Do the wheels turn slow in the south?
I didnt make this stuff up. The OP said she made 13 an hour in FLA and most Northeasterners understand that that isnt much cash. She just sounded like she was a bit out of her element and if that was the case, MOVE BACK!

Your comments were obviously antagonistic, especially considering I've never seen you post on the CT board before. What this board (and its members) should be doing is giving people some positive reassurance, not berating them for a life decision that you know nothing about. People come on here to help each other, and if you are here to pick a fight then you will just be ignored from here on out.

As for getting married at 22 - why not? I know plenty of couples that were together throughout college, and after graduation got married at 22. Most are still happily married more than 12 years later, with families and good jobs. Yes, it's young, but still later than prior generations had done it. For most people, particularly those looking to work in an office environment, having a college education is a huge benefit. It gives you an advantage over those without. However, there are plenty of jobs that do not have the need for a college education, and spending money on it would be a huge financial waste for them.

The "someone" the OP posted about following is her husband... it's not an easy world to start out in, and even harder if you are young and don't have a lot of resources, and if her husband found a good job far from home then it's great that she is supporting this. In this case it's easier on her husband, as he has a built-in network at his job. The OP has to work harder, as her job is somewhat temporary and she might not have as easy a time building a social network. Telling her to just go home isn't helpful or productive.

Back to the OP - hopefully you've found some helpful postings on here... don't get scared off by the negativity that sometimes pervades these types of places. There are plenty of people willing and able to give some advice and support. Good luck with getting started here....
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:08 AM
511 posts, read 1,552,094 times
Reputation: 187
Hey Jack,

I got married at 22, my wife at 20. I grew up in Enfield, but moved to Northern NJ, perhaps one of the hardest places to make it, but we now have a small house, 2 kids (a 3rd on the way), and plenty of friends.

You'll be OK. If you're church goers, you may find a lot of friends that way.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:34 AM
Location: Windsor, CT
15 posts, read 186,524 times
Reputation: 12
Cara, another suggestion would be to look into temp agencies. If you have as much office experience as you suggest then your foot is already in the door. With the economy hurting it doesn't happen as frequently anymore but sometimes temp jobs turn into full-time. And if anything you'll build up a local network of contacts and experience.

Trust me when I say that I know what it's like to struggle in a new location far from everyone you know. I came to CT from LA almost on a literal shoestring to be with my now wife (don't laugh but we started as a long distance relationship). I worked earning around 9/hr at Macy's for six months before landing a local IT job and even stayed on there a few weekends afterwards during the transition. But here I am 10 years later and doing fairly well. Mad props to you for supporting your husband during move. Everything will fall into place, just be patient.

And again don't sweat the negative comments about education. Is a college education a good thing? Of course it is and if it makes financial sense in your career plan do it. Will it help get an office job? It certainly can't hurt. It really depends on where you're applying. In the end college mostly will affect what you get paid more so than actually getting the job. And if you get on, prove your worth, there's always raises. By no means though am I condoning not getting a good education and thats not what this post is all about anyways. I bring this up again as reassurance... You came here for help and advice not for judgement. Just ignore their attacks and let the mods deal with it. I haven't been here long but from what I can tell there are plenty of good people here willing to help. Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. And in my experience in online communities I can guarantee you there's ALWAYS one... Ignoring them and move along.

My events were good fortune and a lesson in the "not who you are but who you know". Network! That's the key thing here... Networking!
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:18 AM
Location: Central Virginia
834 posts, read 1,943,426 times
Reputation: 636
Is it a good idea to follow someone else across the country and then call it hell when u get there?
I do agree that this is a recipe for disaster. I've known people to do this and sometimes they NEVER adjust. They are always homesick. I've said it before and I believe it with all my heart...Florida people should stay in Florida. They are a brand all their own. They simply cannot adjust anyplace that is not 85 and sunny every day. You have to have lived in Florida to understand the mentality. The people who love it there cannot fathom that it's possible to love anyplace else. They are as bad or worse than Texas with thinking their state is the ONLY state one could be happy in. To them, the "north" is North Carolina. People from Florida have the hardest time adjusting to new places. I don't mean that to sound condescending. It's just the truth. You are going to have to work harder than the average transplant to adjust here because it is so, so different from Florida.

Following one's spouse to a place they hate is sure to breed resentment down the road. He has the great job and new buddies at work and you're home by yourself.
You have two choices here: make every effort to go back to Florida where you'll be happy or seriously, seriously, attempt to build a life here. It's going to take effort on your part. It is possible to be happy here but you have to make it happen. If not, people move away and move back all the time. I mean, those really are your options. I moved here a year ago from the south and I've had no trouble making friends. But I'm friendly and I wanted to be here. If a person is miserable, it kind of repels other people.
Best of luck.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:40 AM
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
1,788 posts, read 2,491,820 times
Reputation: 2760
Here's my suggestion...hope it helps Noone wants to befriend someone who thinks their town is "hell" so...if you are serious about making friends you really have to do your very best to find some positives. I lived in Fl for over 25 years and it was a huge adjustment at the beginning. I produced a commercial about how great Fl was and I watched my own commercial so many times I actually started to believe it! LOL...I'm not suggesting producing a commercial but an attitude adjustment is a must before you venture out to make friends...imo! I also suggest as others have to find activities you enjoy doing....horseback riding lessons, art classes, golf, anything that you will enjoy no matter if you make friends or not. Chances are if you get involved in fun activities you WILL meet like minded people! I also suggest giving it time and I'm sure you will be happy! Good luck!
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:42 AM
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
1,788 posts, read 2,491,820 times
Reputation: 2760
I want to add volunteer work! That's a GREAT way to meet new people!
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:47 AM
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,617,547 times
Reputation: 354
Yankee and LiveLove are right. You need to really make any effort. You could be anywhere new and if you sit in your house you will meet no one. Even in Florida! It will be up to you how to react to your move and your new surroundings. You can take it in as a learning experience, or hate every minute of it and be miserable.
If there is no hope of moving back then you need to figure out a way to make it work. If you can't find work then volunteer, or get out and walk your neighborhood. You may have to strike up a conversation to get things going but it's got to be better than living in "hell". Right?
You are young, you seem mature, do what you can to help yourself. This board is a start. Now take everyone's suggestions and run with it!
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Old 04-23-2010, 01:20 PM
56 posts, read 118,863 times
Reputation: 67
WOW! Thank you so much guys! I've read so many wise and helpful advices here. First off, by any means I've tried to belittle CT by calling it hell..I was just very depressed and I'm still adjusting to the move. I know changes come with challenging beginnings and I'm having some hard time coping with it.
As some of you pointed out -Toddb, Yankeerose00-, maybe I'm focusing on finding people my age who are engaged or married instead of actually looking for people who share the same interests as me regardless the age.

I'm very surprised to find out there are so many people living here from Florida -Fbam- Jviello- Yankeerose, I thought I was one of the few. Even though I lived in South Florida , I had friends living in Tampa and Orlando.Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

KateNY- Congrats on your wedding! Thank you so much for the link you've sent me and yes I'm still looking for a better paying job. I have planned and taken care of my wedding from head to toe. I have plenty of wonderful websites that can help you. I'm going to send you a private e-mail.

Richlee: I took this job in the midtime until I find something better. I'm majoring in psychology so working again as an administrative assistant is not career related but better than being an hostess.

Jay CT-Mrs. carly-Silli-Livelovelaugh-Oc2ny-Terrormaster; Thank you so much for your warm welcoming and taking the time to reply to my post.

Jactravern: I've noticed that you're more interested in my marriage life and education rather than what my post is about. 1st: it's none of your business and if you had paid attention to my post instead of jumping to criticisms,you would have seen that I'm still in school . I'm doing online classes from Florida International University completing my Bachelor degree. Please do yourself a favor and don't waste your time posting nonsense!
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Old 04-23-2010, 01:23 PM
490 posts, read 1,560,365 times
Reputation: 257
Hi Cara,

Four months is a very short time to get used to a new state. It took me two years to get used to CT and I just moved from NY. Give it some time.

You should continue looking for employment. The suggestion of being a temp is great, temping in an office pays at least $10 (which is very low) but up to $23. Register with several different agencies and test your computer skills so they call you when they have something. Fairfield County Jobs - jobs in Connecticut CT may be a good resource to at least get some agency names. Also, check OfficeTeam - Home. They seem to have jobs everywhere.

You can pursue your hobbies/likes...that may be a great way to meet people of all ages. For example, I love dogs and by getting a dog, I not only not feel alone anymore but, I met many other dog lovers I am now in contact with. You can also look into volunteering.

I hope your situation becomes easier as time goes by.
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