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Old 02-27-2015, 11:36 AM
 
5,445 posts, read 4,425,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no1brownsfan View Post
Sadly there isn't a lot of that going on these days considering how high the divorce rate is. Marriage is and investment so to speak, and it isn't always going to be rainbows and unicorns, but these two are proof that it can work. When my grandparents reached 60 years of marriage, I told my wife that I hope we live long enough to reach that milestone. We both come from families where our parents divorced, but we took the vows of marriage very seriously. This year we will have known each other 20 years, been together 19 years, and going on 15 years being married. It hasn't always been easy, and you have to work at it, but I look at it this way, in the end.... you have to be friends. If you can't look at your spouse and in the end despite all of the struggles you may encounter, and say that your spouse is your best friend it just isn't going to work. When I would DJ weddings back in the day, my advice to the bride and groom was you have to be friends!
I've always thought about the divorce rate and I wonder if it is higher because the values of people are different. In the past, a woman's place was supporting her husband no matter what he did and she was considered a lesser person than her husband (couldn't vote, etc.). Now these roles are different. Women now vote and women now hold senior positions in major corporations all over the world. No longer are they dependent on their husband and no longer are they confined to the kitchen or in the living room with a vacuum in their hand.

I also wonder how many of those marriages that did not end up in divorce ended up with one or both of the spouses completely miserable and unhappy with their lives all because divorce was taboo and they didn't want to be 'those people' who divorced.

I think people now realize that there is more to life than being miserable stuck in a marriage for the rest of your life.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:46 AM
 
5,561 posts, read 4,419,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by headingtoDenver View Post
I've always thought about the divorce rate and I wonder if it is higher because the values of people are different. In the past, a woman's place was supporting her husband no matter what he did and she was considered a lesser person than her husband (couldn't vote, etc.). Now these roles are different. Women now vote and women now hold senior positions in major corporations all over the world. No longer are they dependent on their husband and no longer are they confined to the kitchen or in the living room with a vacuum in their hand.

I also wonder how many of those marriages that did not end up in divorce ended up with one or both of the spouses completely miserable and unhappy with their lives all because divorce was taboo and they didn't want to be 'those people' who divorced.

I think people now realize that there is more to life than being miserable stuck in a marriage for the rest of your life.
Yep! Women didn't have a choice. Of course there were good marriages.

I had a great uncle and aunt that died on the same day within minutes of each other. She threw herself on him after he died at the hospital and BAM - had a stroke and died.

It is even on her death certificate.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:52 AM
 
5,445 posts, read 4,425,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Yep! Women didn't have a choice. Of course there were good marriages.

I had a great uncle and aunt that died on the same day within minutes of each other. She threw herself on him after he died at the hospital and BAM - had a stroke and died.

It is even on her death certificate.
Sad and happy at the same time for your Aunt and Uncle just as it is sad and happy for the two people the OP posted about. Long term love and commitment does exist and I hope everyone finds it at some point in their life because it really is an amazing thing.
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:59 AM
 
5,664 posts, read 2,521,589 times
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Thanks for posting this sweet story.
Not referring to the death part, but the sweetness of the couple.
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:07 PM
 
1,694 posts, read 2,789,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy View Post
I will probably be the one to go first, but in the event my wife becomes the first to go, I surely hope I follow suit very soon after. I mean, really, we've built our life together, and if she's gone, I know I'm going to be too sad and depressed the rest of my life to be useful to anyone or accomplish anything further, and I don't care to live very long in that state of mind. Nor do I want to burden others with my despair and depression. Hopefully that doesn't sound to morbid, it's just how I feel.

SS
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:09 PM
 
Location: CA
2,544 posts, read 856,274 times
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Ok, I'm trying not to cry now but it's also sweet
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:29 PM
 
Location: A great city, by a Great Lake!
15,908 posts, read 9,668,570 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by headingtoDenver View Post
I've always thought about the divorce rate and I wonder if it is higher because the values of people are different. In the past, a woman's place was supporting her husband no matter what he did and she was considered a lesser person than her husband (couldn't vote, etc.). Now these roles are different. Women now vote and women now hold senior positions in major corporations all over the world. No longer are they dependent on their husband and no longer are they confined to the kitchen or in the living room with a vacuum in their hand.

I also wonder how many of those marriages that did not end up in divorce ended up with one or both of the spouses completely miserable and unhappy with their lives all because divorce was taboo and they didn't want to be 'those people' who divorced.

I think people now realize that there is more to life than being miserable stuck in a marriage for the rest of your life.

It could be something to do with it. But I think a lot of people just don't take the time to get to know each other, or think things through. As I said, marriage is somewhat of an investment, and to me making that type of investment you'd better be DAMN SURE that it is the right one! Now having said this I don't treat my wife as less than me. In fact as it stands her base salary is higher than mine, though I have the potential through commission to make more. I don't really care honestly. My wife and I are a team, and we will support each other through thick and thin, and will pick up the slack for each other if need be. I am capable and do just as much work around the house as she does. In fact, it's been more lately, because of the fact that she has had some health issues. I am just as proactive in my son's life as she is, and did my fair share of late night feedings and changing of diapers when he was young. I've coached his flag football teams, and he and I do spend a lot of time outside in the summer.

As with anything, marriage is what you make of it. Sometimes it does not work. Being that both of us came from divorced families we've seen it first hand. The only difference is my parents split up when I was 3, in which my mom remarried shortly after and is still with my stepdad to this day who has been like a father to me, and my wife's parents split when she was 16. Her dad remarried, her mom didn't. My parents split due to my dad having an affair. Her parents split, because they were miserable (though I think it was more her dad who was miserable). My wife and I are each other's friend, and in order for it to work, that HAS to be the case! We also are making it a point to learn from the mistakes of our parents, so that we don't become a statistic. I'm not trying to gloat here, but it truly can be done. You have to work at it! And that is something that isn't happening a lot in a world where the "entitlement mentality" and the need for instant gratification is prevalent!

On a final note. My grandparents were wonderful people, and what you would call the typical stereotypical grandparents. As sweet, and as American as apple pie if you will! I can say with ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE that they were happy together! You could see it in their face, and the way they were together! I miss them dearly.
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:30 PM
 
Location: A great city, by a Great Lake!
15,908 posts, read 9,668,570 times
Reputation: 7449
Quote:
Originally Posted by headingtoDenver View Post
Sad and happy at the same time for your Aunt and Uncle just as it is sad and happy for the two people the OP posted about. Long term love and commitment does exist and I hope everyone finds it at some point in their life because it really is an amazing thing.

Yep. Once you find it, it truly is amazing.
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Old 02-27-2015, 12:37 PM
 
Location: southern kansas
7,666 posts, read 5,147,381 times
Reputation: 16521
Quote:
Originally Posted by no1brownsfan View Post
Sadly there isn't a lot of that going on these days considering how high the divorce rate is. Marriage is and investment so to speak, and it isn't always going to be rainbows and unicorns, but these two are proof that it can work. When my grandparents reached 60 years of marriage, I told my wife that I hope we live long enough to reach that milestone. We both come from families where our parents divorced, but we took the vows of marriage very seriously. This year we will have known each other 20 years, been together 19 years, and going on 15 years being married. It hasn't always been easy, and you have to work at it, but I look at it this way, in the end.... you have to be friends. If you can't look at your spouse and in the end despite all of the struggles you may encounter, and say that your spouse is your best friend it just isn't going to work. When I would DJ weddings back in the day, my advice to the bride and groom was you have to be friends!
I would have to agree with that. It's something basic that's often overlooked when people decide to marry. A simple question to yourself would be " would you really even like this person if you weren't married to them, or find them sexually attractive?" Not asked often enough perhaps.
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Old 02-27-2015, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Clown School
9,999 posts, read 4,250,295 times
Reputation: 11553
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShakenStirred View Post
I will probably be the one to go first, but in the event my wife becomes the first to go, I surely hope I follow suit very soon after. I mean, really, we've built our life together, and if she's gone, I know I'm going to be too sad and depressed the rest of my life to be useful to anyone or accomplish anything further, and I don't care to live very long in that state of mind. Nor do I want to burden others with my despair and depression. Hopefully that doesn't sound to morbid, it's just how I feel.

SS
Exactly how I feel as well.
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