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I grew up as a perfectionist myself, I don't know what caused it. But I can look back on my teenage years and realize how hypersensitive I was to the sort of treatment and criticism this kid got. A few otherwise minor issues from those years scarred me for life. If something like this had happened to me when I was 16 a similar result could have resulted, and being a "coward" would have never crossed my mind.
Calling him a coward is the same as criticizing me now for being a perfectionist when I was 16. It isn't something one recognizes at that age.
Being around zero-tolerance policies and hard-nosed, strict authority figures, like those who believe that even smelling like mj should be a crime, is very dangerous for kids like the one coolgato so elegantly described.
This is just one more example of how the war against mj causes much more harm than it prevents.
Yes, kids that are perfectionist aren't even aware of being one at that age - all they do is strive hard to achieve those top grades and live by the mantra that failure is not an option. It is a hard and difficult way to live, but that's the way they go through life, never making a mistake. The kid wasn't a coward - his mind processed what happened as the end of his life because those adults in charge were saying things like his life was over, he believed it. Kid probably made few mistakes if any so he really doesn't have any experience with mistakes, failure, etc. Just the way he succeeded in school by logically going through what you needed to succeed, he used that same logic and applied it to his future using what those school officials said to him. He respected and looked up to these adults and what they said must have had an exaggerated influence and weight on his decision.
Since so many people are calling me out and insulting me, it has to be obvious to me that I was wrong. Therefore, I am issuing a public apology to anyone I offended here and to the deceased victim himself. I was always taught from my parents that anyone who commits suicide is a coward. With that instilled in my head and having dealt with the suicide of my best friend many years ago, I parroted that comment here. Times, and therefore views change with time. I really need to give this some thought. In saying all that, I really wish the kid had looked for help. This is a tragedy that could have been prevented.
I am not some terrible person who doe not have a heart. I was wrong as I wished I never called him a coward. Again, I am sorry.
With love,
Katie
I did not insult you, and your apology seems sincere. It is just that many people suffer from depression and mental illness, and they do not see any way out except suicide. We mentally healthy people know there are other options, but they don't. They are not cowards, but they are struggling with things most of us cannot understand. I know someone who struggles daily with feelings of helplessness, self-loathing, and this person has contemplated suicide many times. They are getting help, but it is a slow go, and I worry about them constantly. That is where many of us are coming from, and to call a child who saw no other option but death a coward just seems heartless.
Since so many people are calling me out and insulting me, it has to be obvious to me that I was wrong. Therefore, I am issuing a public apology to anyone I offended here and to the deceased victim himself. I was always taught from my parents that anyone who commits suicide is a coward. With that instilled in my head and having dealt with the suicide of my best friend many years ago, I parroted that comment here. Times, and therefore views change with time. I really need to give this some thought. In saying all that, I really wish the kid had looked for help. This is a tragedy that could have been prevented.
I am not some terrible person who does not have a heart. I was wrong as I wished I never called him a coward. Again, I am sorry.
With love,
Katie
Wow I was all set to jump on you like the others until I read this post. Thanks for what is clearly a sincere apology, that is rare on a message board.
I too have been touched by suicide, 2 of my best friends early in life and my mother when I was 18. I can say that nothing is more insensitive and upsetting than to hear others claim that suicide is the coward's way out when they don't really understand their situation.
That goes double when the victim is 16 and scared needlessly by the school officials.
"Coward??!!" He's 17 and his brain hasn't even fully developed yet. Shame on you for continuing to shame him!
This is a vulnerable age group for suicide. They can have such extreme emotions which they haven't learned how to deal with yet. After this "speech" he was probably paranoid, humiliated, ashamed, depressed, felt hopeless and worthless, etc.
Some kids (and adults) are also much more concrete than others. I mean, if I was taught to listen to everything authority figures say, was a very concrete thinker and/or was on the autism spectrum, and then they basically told me at 17 that my life is over, I probably would have killed myself too!
These people should be "ashamed of themselves." "Ruined your life by smoking weed?!"
Yes, Obama, Steve Jobs, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, etc, all "Ruined their lives."
Since so many people are calling me out and insulting me, it has to be obvious to me that I was wrong. Therefore, I am issuing a public apology to anyone I offended here and to the deceased victim himself. I was always taught from my parents that anyone who commits suicide is a coward. With that instilled in my head and having dealt with the suicide of my best friend many years ago, I parroted that comment here. Times, and therefore views change with time. I really need to give this some thought. In saying all that, I really wish the kid had looked for help. This is a tragedy that could have been prevented.
I am not some terrible person who does not have a heart. I was wrong as I wished I never called him a coward. Again, I am sorry.
With love,
Katie
I just saw this before I posted. Hard to tell if someone is sincere or not on a message board but I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt.
I understand that such BS about being a "coward" is usually rooted in underestimating the devestation of depression and/or mental processing. I'm not surprised your parents would say this. I've heard some otherwise very intelligent people talk like this about suicide.
It's very "American" to praise those who can "suck it up" and never show vulnerability. But not everyone can. And frankly, sometimes, people just wanna feel better about themselves by putting others down no matter how disgusting those thought are.
(*My own family also felt this way about suicide so when there was one in the family, they went out of their way to hide it. My mother went around telling people at the funeral, "i don't know what you heard, but this was not a suicide! He died because of XYZ LIE."
I was so ashamed to be related to her that day. She also once tried to antagonize me by screaming "you hate me because I'm stronger than you! " To which I replied, "yes, you ARE stronger than me, thank you for finally aknowledging this!" She stared at me blankly and her jaw literally hung open. In "her world" it's taboo to even think something like that about yourself, or *admit* that you do. In "my world" I'd rather be honest and upfront about my strengths and weaknesses so I can work on them.)
That's a mighty high perch you are sitting on while judging a teenage suicide victim a " coward."
The kid probably already had depression, and this was just a trigger. But please, carry on.
This. I hate when people judge people who commit suicide as cowards. Many times they are anything but. To those people, I say, you don't know what was going on in their head. Life is hard enough as it is. Suicide victims deserve our empathy, not our condemnation. Many times, they commit suicide after years of depression and other mental illness has worn down their will to live. And I refuse to judge a person for that.
The OP apologized, so I think we should move on from jumping on her for her mistake. She sounds young, and she learned her opinion from her own parents. Life, sadly, will teach her that suicide can touch us all.
Since so many people are calling me out and insulting me, it has to be obvious to me that I was wrong. Therefore, I am issuing a public apology to anyone I offended here and to the deceased victim himself. I was always taught from my parents that anyone who commits suicide is a coward. With that instilled in my head and having dealt with the suicide of my best friend many years ago, I parroted that comment here. Times, and therefore views change with time. I really need to give this some thought. In saying all that, I really wish the kid had looked for help. This is a tragedy that could have been prevented.
I am not some terrible person who does not have a heart. I was wrong as I wished I never called him a coward. Again, I am sorry.
Yet, I soldier on. What I would give to have switched places with this boy. I guarantee you what I am going through is 100 times worse than what this kid was dealing with.
Wow. Way to judge everyone based on yourself. Narcissist much?
It's utterly foul to call this child a coward. You never once walked in his shoes, yet you condemn him. Foul.
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