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Not supporting the bullies, but, why still be online if being bullied? There is no law that someone must be engaged in their social media accounts. All she has to do is create new ones and that is it, lines of communication cut.
Seems she had other issues, as she went out of her way to be online, even going to self-harm groups.
Nothing in the article described the bullying, many people proclaim anything negative as bullying.
I think the online bullying thing is an excuse, she would have done this no matter what.
It's not that simple. Oh, that it were.
My former boss's daughter was bullied mercilessly. As a result, she didn't have any kind of social media account. That didn't stop other kids from photoshopping her face onto a topless body (quite convincingly) and spreading it around not only their school, but other local high schools as well with her phone number attached. Her mom started to keep her phone at night so she could monitor the INSANE texts she was getting. A lot of the numbers were spoofed numbers so they couldn't be traced. She was called into the principal's office for bullying other kids because of a fake Twitter account that someone else had made in her name. The online bullying followed her to school and to her after work job. Her job's social media accounts got spammed with this fake naked photo. Luckily, they handled it well and my boss's daughter had a LOT of support at home and from her friends. Even still, if you Google her unique name, you find photos and completely insane blog posts about her.
It's naive to say just turn off social media. That worked when we were in school. Get bullied? Just leave. It will be over when you graduate from school. Today's bullying leaves lasting trails, and cannot be escaped. Unfortunately, while some of the ringleaders of the bullying were caught, my boss reported that many of the parents said just what you said, "Why couldn't she just turn it off?"
There was a lot of other stuff going on in the case in the OP. But kids are often targeted because they have a lot going on. Boss's daughter has struggled with anxiety for years, and has been in treatment for it and seemed to be recovering. Then her grandmother had a stroke the same year that her best friend joined "the Mean Girls" and she had to find a new social group at school. Most kids would be able to handle a few speed bumps, but when they're all grouped together mixed with existing mental illness, it's a bomb waiting to go off. It seems like bullies can sniff out kids like this. The kids picked on the most when I was growing up were the nervous, anxious ones, too.
I also want to add that people have gotten BRAZEN. And it's not just kids.
I work at a university and one of our students tweeted something particularly stupid. It wasn't violent or threatening, but a stupid reference to a current news situation. It was reported on an alt-right news site and within days, both she and the school's accounts were flooded with thousands of death, rape, and violence threats (keeping in mind - what she said was stupid but not a threat), there was a Facebook group with 1000 people dedicated to getting her expelled from school releasing her home and school information (doxxing), and her on-campus jobs both had full inboxes of people calling threatening to come to the school unless she was fired. We had people show up on campus claiming to be there protesting from halfway across the country. All over a SINGLE tweet.
And those weren't even people who knew her. She deleted her account, but anyone who ever Googles her again will be able to find all of this.
I agree there was more going on than bullying. I think with suicide the tendency is to look for someone to place the blame on other than the person committing the suicide, they need a "reason" to try to understand it.
Bullies have been around forever and will always be around thus the need to work from the other side of the equation. If you can't eliminate the enemy, you build your defenses.
I feel for dad. Bullies are only a subset of the problem. There was more going on there. For whatever reason, it has become a 'thing' for teenage girls to attempt suicide. My observation is they take on some 'cause', jump in, become antisocial, and then when it goes against someone else's beliefs or they get too far 'out there', they are then bullied. The kids need to get away from the bullies, but they also need redirection in their lives.
Have you ever been through depression? Have you ever had a loved one commit or attempt suicide? Obviously not. Depression and suicidal tendencies aren't something you can "redirect." They're not feelings. Clearly you don't get it.
I agree there was more going on than bullying. I think with suicide the tendency is to look for someone to place the blame on other than the person committing the suicide, they need a "reason" to try to understand it.
Bullies have been around forever and will always be around thus the need to work from the other side of the equation. If you can't eliminate the enemy, you build your defenses.
But bullies have never been like this. It's never been so all-encompassing, following you everywhere. It's never been so brazen. Bullying used to be a lot more clear cut - you always knew who your bullies are. Imagine walking down a hall at school and having no idea which of the students you pass are the ones bullying you.
Someone who is already destabilized from depression is much more likely to be knocked completely off-kilter by this kind of treatment, but let's not make the mistake of thinking this is anything like bullying was when we were kids. And I remember bullying feeling pretty horrible then, too!
People who make excuses for bullying or dismiss it by implying that it is no big deal or attempt to blame the victim are just horrible people, imo.
Now, having typed that, I am now trying to think of ways to rationalize or excuse their actions, but I just can't think of any -- NONE.
(However, I will say that sometimes some people might, in an attempt to "fit in", might "join in" when their group bullies someone, but that kind of behavior usually results in feelings of shame, I think, and it usually disappears by the end of junior high, unless they are very immature and/or vicious. I am talking about the people who excuse bullying and/or make light of it. That is why I think stories of teens committing suicide need to be publicized; and I think every school should have an assembly solely to address this topic, and there should be ZERO tolerance. Not expulsion, but an in-school suspension.)
I feel for dad. Bullies are only a subset of the problem. There was more going on there. For whatever reason, it has become a 'thing' for teenage girls to attempt suicide. My observation is they take on some 'cause', jump in, become antisocial, and then when it goes against someone else's beliefs or they get too far 'out there', they are then bullied. The kids need to get away from the bullies, but they also need redirection in their lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OuttaTheLouBurbs
Have you ever been through depression? Have you ever had a loved one commit or attempt suicide? Obviously not. Depression and suicidal tendencies aren't something you can "redirect." They're not feelings. Clearly you don't get it.
I don't believe you get it. You have to get these kids out and away from the path they are on. They need support. Depression may need medication and/or a change of lifestyle. You can't keep on the same path and hope for different results.
People who make excuses for bullying or dismiss it by implying that it is no big deal or attempt to blame the victim are just horrible people, imo.
Now, having typed that, I am now trying to think of ways to rationalize or excuse their actions, but I just can't think of any -- NONE.
(However, I will say that sometimes some people might, in an attempt to "fit in", might "join in" when their group bullies someone, but that kind of behavior usually results in feelings of shame, I think, and it usually disappears by the end of junior high, unless they are very immature and/or vicious. I am talking about the people who excuse bullying and/or make light of it. That is why I think stories of teens committing suicide need to be publicized; and I think every school should have an assembly solely to address this topic, and there should be ZERO tolerance. Not expulsion, but an in-school suspension.)
I also think kids are tend to lack foresight and a sense of proportion. A lot of the online bullying I have heard about from friends with middle and high school kids is rude and mean, but ultimately not a big deal... individually. One or two of these incidents, whatever, crappy but part of growing up. Most of the individual kids probably don't even think of themselves as bullies. But when somehow that blossoms to dozens or even more than 100 kids (not that hard - my high school class was 800!), then it's a deluge that's hard to handle.
So even if the kids saying these comments are mostly pretty benign, pulled together into the whole picture - especially if there's a particularly mean person in the group (as in the photoshop example I gave), it seems unbearable. And remember the victim lacks proportion too. It truly does feel like the absolute end of the world to many.
I agree there was more going on than bullying. I think with suicide the tendency is to look for someone to place the blame on other than the person committing the suicide, they need a "reason" to try to understand it.
Bullies have been around forever and will always be around thus the need to work from the other side of the equation. If you can't eliminate the enemy, you build your defenses.
I couldn't begin to speculate on the other issues this girl had, whatever it might have been other than the stated "cyberbullying" that led her to commit suicide, so I won't try. But in regard to bullying and bullies, you're right in that they've been around forever, but cyberbullying is a whole 'nuther can of worms, or so it seems to me. Back in the days before the internet ruled our lives, bullies were face to face, you could see your bully and so could everyone else. You could react to your bully in ways that either encouraged more bullying, or you could stand up to your bully and fight back, many times showing the bully for the miserable coward he/she really was. While gossip and bad news has always tended to travel along the human conduit, the damage inflicted by the bully were much more limited to those who know the victim directly. And while it can be vicious, IMO the potential for confronting the bullies face to face may well limit how far the bullies will go to harrass their victim.
But cyberbullying, as we've seen all too often has the "advantages", so to speak, of allowing the bully (ies) to remain anonymous as they inflict their damage on their victim. The instant networking communication of social media allows them to encourage wannabee bullies to join them, to spread their gossip, "dirt", photoshopped pictures to a much wider audience, and as we have seen, their damage can
infiltrate virtually every aspect of the victim's life, both in the present and future as well (as in searches related to the victim showing those pnotoshopped nude pictures, rumors, accusations, etc etc.). And the glee with which some of these cyberharrassers go after their victims, makes it seem as though it's just a harmless game to them, or in some cases, they really are out to ruin the victim's life. IMO, being able to inflict this damage on a chosen victim in complete anonymity may well actually encourage such behavior among those
inclined to bully.
It's always been true that a bully is more successful at bringing down his/her prey in a mob setting-several bullies together can do this better than one alone. And when you think about it, in the right setting or among the right people, social media and the internet can
figuratively put this bullying on steroids!
Bullies have always gone for those they believe will not fight back, bullies are essentially cowards out to prey on those they think are weaker than they are, and we used to say that standing up to a coward, making the bully regret his actions towards the victim was all it took to make the bullying stop. But how does one stand up to the pervasive nature of cyberbullying, especially when the bullies are anonymous (or denying their behavior?). It's a whole 'nuther can of worms compared to historical bullying, and while we can say it's easy to just stop using social media, or curtail the use of the internet, the damage is still out there, and who do we confront if the source is not evident? Other than laws out there to prosecute those who use the internet to damage (not just annoy) others (and there is a slippery slope there, so much potential for abuse), I don't have any answers as to how to confront cyberbullies. I know I don't use social media or put out pictures or identifying information on the internet, mainly because don't want it out there for possible misuse by a soul motivated to do so for some reason.
I grieve for this girl and her father, regardless of the circumstances it's heartbreaking to lose a child, especially at her own hand. I'm not so sure, though, that showing publicly what should be an intensely private time with a dying child will have whatever desired effect the father intended when he showed the picture. Especially for those who engaged in the bullying of his daughter.
You do not have to have any social media accounts or participate online to be bullied.
Anyone can write anything about you anywhere. If your name is "JASOIDJ AWAKWABE" and I start to make endless websites about you, saying all kinds of horrible things, plastering your face where it doesn't belong, finding your phone number and texting you all kinds of things from all different numbers---yeah, guess what, you wouldn't love it. And that stuff can be forever---wouldn't you like your future employers Googling that stuff and finding out all kinds of things about you? Sure, if you're "JOHN SMITH" that's not problem but those of us with incredibly unique names? Yeah, not so much. Pretty easy to find out stuff about "JASOIDJ AWAKWABE."
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