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Of course I have lost loved ones.....and they were publicly memorialized with obituaries and headstones in a cemetery.....isn't that enough?
Should I have put up a display in my front yard so my neighbors could be reminded of my loss everyday?....for months?.....years?
Would that have made my loved ones, my grief, more special and sacred than anyone else's?
You have your way of dealing with grief, (obituaries and headstones in a cemetery which, to you is "enough") and others have different ways of coping with a devastating, sudden loss where their loved one likely died in the street. I'm sorry that other people's coping abilities are not more in line with your own and you are seemingly disturbed by that. Grief comes to us all and we all deal with it in different ways. Your ways are not wrong. And the person erecting a roadside memorial is not wrong. We're all just human.
I agree that sometimes, usually with younger people, the roadside memorials can get a bit out of hand. If I owned the property in front of the memorial, I'd eventually want all the stuff to be gone. A simple standard plaque/sign should suffice after some time. I believe some states have standard signs that are all the same and allowed to stay up in a more non conspicuous uniform fashion.
I understand the moms grief, actually I don't, can't even imagine, BUT eventually the memorial has to be dismantled or at least simplified and you have to try to move on the best you can.
I'm also not a fan of crosses, why not a sign or plaque? Was someone crucified there?
I do like the ghost bikes. I have seen tacky huge ones, but my favorite is a nearby one. It's a very small kids bike, like smaller than usual, designed for a 2 year old maybe. The girl who died was older but I thought just the very small simple design is classy and a good reminder without being outlandish and over the top.
Hopefully none of us ever have to make a roadside memorial for a loved one.
Seems like somebody has a perfect life & is unable to understand tragedies in others life. First off "pile of junk" is not going to make any positive progress.
I see these sometimes & I don't think much of it.
Only way I could see this being an issue is if the memorial was on private property OR very close to private property & the stuff from the memorial was coming into my yard and making it look trashy. Only then after probably waiting awhile might I reach out and ask if they could please make sure nothing is going on the memorial that is going to come off & come into my yard. Hopefully they'd understand where I'm coming from and work to solve the problem.
We had some kids drag racing on a back road and the worst happened. Four kids died. There was a memorial up, and six months later the whole thing was down. But someone keeps putting up a red bow on the fence. I think about those kids every time I go past the bow.
And that's not bad.
BUT. Grief is something to get through, to work through. (Note -- did not say get over, you don't ever get over it) I don't see how this constant reminder helps with it. Like the people who have stickers made for their car, or tattoos... how to do you work through the grief with a constant reminder that's so in your face?
And if it were on my property, I would get mighty tired of dealing with the people who come to tend it... and then what if they didn't? I got to see this when we found an ancestor's graveyard on private property. We called to make sure it was okay to visit and the owner thanked us, but said -- by law we aren't allowed to stop people from coming to visit the cemetery. But, we won't be here when you come. And we don't know anything about the people buried there... so it seems that a lot of people assume a relationship that doesn't exist in these cases. (by the way -- the family cemetery was immaculately kept, so the owners must care a little)
I like to think I would be kind about a memorial, but I would be realistic. When the furor had died down, and it always does, I would remove it. I wouldn't make a big thing out of it. And if people come back and put up something on the anniversary... I'd take it down in a month.
"How long are you going to keep piling junk on this beautiful Bellevue roadside?
What obviously started as a simple cross and 1 bouquet is now in plain terms, illegal littering.
The cross cannot even be seen and an enormous shiny red something that will never decay is hung up in the tree. PLEASE clean this up, for respect for the neighborhood AND your departed loved one."
While it's pretty crass, I don't entirely disagree with the note writer's sentiment. I'm fine with a tasteful memorial, but there IS a point at which these things can cross the line of good taste and respect (not to mention them being a driving distraction).
I dislike the type of "memorial heap" described in the OP; t think they look like piles of junk in a very short time; however, as others have said, I think the note was very heartless and insensitive.
In Colorado, relatives can choose to have an official road sign where a fatality has occurred; this is just a sign stating the person's name that is attached to a fairly tall stake upon which artificial flowers can be hung. (There is one close to where I live, and it is touching to see how faithfully the family or whoever will change the flowers according to the season.) These are very simple and not distracting. Something else that I like very much are the "memorial benches" in Colorado parks and along hiking trails with a plaque similar to what one would find on a tombstone. (John Doe, Beloved husband, father, and son, December 2, 1984 - January 18, 2015.)
I think they should be illegal and removed should someone ignore the law and put one up anyway.
If it were in front of my home I would put it all in a trash bag then spread manure on the ground to keep them from doing it again.
you would spread your post on the ground?
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