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Old 05-04-2018, 03:43 PM
 
25,419 posts, read 24,195,752 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
Well, they (experts on the subject) say men are usually attracted to women who remind them of their first nurturer - and this man was raised by his grandmother, according to the story. Food for thought?

I once mentioned this to my brother, who is married to a Filipina woman, and he was all "but our mother isn't anything like her." Then I reminded him that we had a Filipina nanny, to whom he was VERY attached in his early years, and it was like whoooosh *MIND BLOWN*! His wife thought that was hysterical.
This horrifies me, but...more than once my husband has made a casual reference to me being like his mother. Even more horrifying, he's been right every single time. MIL and I are both serious about what we do for a living, kind of overprotective of and prone to worrying about the children, have a tough time letting certain things go, read constantly...there are a few other things. We even both wear studious glasses, LOL.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:03 PM
 
3,429 posts, read 2,135,517 times
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In theory, I think it's great. Realistically, he's more than likely using her for something, money, shelter etc. or maybe he has some sort of unresolved parental/mother issues. I'm sure she feel flattered by the attention and likes his company.

IMO it's human nature to want to believe that "true love" triumphs over everything and that this will work but I can't imagine it will.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:15 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,151 posts, read 11,887,918 times
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Who's to say what's right or wrong as we crossed out DOMA some time ago.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Colorado
9,824 posts, read 6,301,009 times
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I guess I just feel like plenty of relationships where there is NO age difference of any significance, also feature someone taking advantage of someone else.

Maybe someone has money, and someone dazzles them with good looks to get access to it. Maybe someone wants a lifestyle where their partner takes care of them and they can sit on arse at home and play video games all day. Like I've seen enough abusive, toxic, users, sucker in completely normal but gullible or vulnerable people, plenty, to think this kind of thing is so very much more likely just because of an age difference.

But after really reading the article though? I'm not convinced one bit that she is more vulnerable than him. My biggest concern about those two, as I said, was he's just so young, what's going to happen when he hits his mid-20's and "grows up?" But you know, at least, one good thing, is that by that point, unlike someone HIS AGE, she can't be pregnant or have had his babies, which would perhaps otherwise trap them both in what could by that time be an unhappy relationship. If he finds in a few years that this was all a terrible mistake, he can just bail.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:40 PM
 
2,224 posts, read 760,072 times
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The article did say that he was raised by his grandmother. That may be how he imprinted on older women. Idk, just guessing.

Also, they first met at the funeral of her son. And she had recently lost her husband of 43 yrs (I think it was). I wonder why he was at the funeral. Family friend, or obit reader? I only hope she doesn't get hurt.

"The couple had previously described how they had first noticed each other at the funeral of Almeda’s son, before meeting again at a birthday party."

Last edited by mlulu23; 05-04-2018 at 05:00 PM..
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,227 posts, read 43,505,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camaro69 View Post
Who's to say what's right or wrong as we crossed out DOMA some time ago.
I know you were trying to be snarky, but you're correct... it is not up to anyone to decide what's "right or wrong," outside of the obvious parameters like age of consent and species. If two consenting adult humans want to be together, it's not our (or the government's) job to determine if their relationship is "normal" or not. Two men, two women, age/race/religion differences, who cares?? Worry about your own life, and let people live theirs in peace.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,227 posts, read 43,505,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
This horrifies me, but...more than once my husband has made a casual reference to me being like his mother. Even more horrifying, he's been right every single time. MIL and I are both serious about what we do for a living, kind of overprotective of and prone to worrying about the children, have a tough time letting certain things go, read constantly...there are a few other things. We even both wear studious glasses, LOL.
See? It's true! Sometimes it works the other way too (women going for men like their fathers), but it seems to be more common in hetero men... they need to be nurtured, generally speaking, and attach to the woman who first gave them that. Makes sense that my brother imprinted on the nanny, seeing as our mother was never really that nurturing. She is/was a good mother, don't get me wrong - but not exactly the "hugs and kisses and chicken soup" kind of mom. More like a "stop whining and get it yourself" type.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Colorado
9,824 posts, read 6,301,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
See? It's true! Sometimes it works the other way too (women going for men like their fathers), but it seems to be more common in hetero men... they need to be nurtured, generally speaking, and attach to the woman who first gave them that. Made sense that my brother would imprint on our nanny, seeing as our mother was never really that nurturing. She is/was a good mother, don't get me wrong - but not exactly the "hugs and kisses and chicken soup" kind of mom. More like a "stop whining and get it yourself" type.
I don't consider it an unhealthy degree of "Daddy issues" or the like, to have some natural attraction to people who in some manner share a similarity to those who gave us our first healthy and loving experiences in life. It's more a matter of our brains saying, "This is what love is like, and these are the kind of people who are able to give you that." on a fundamental, instinctive level. It's only unfortunate when we pick up code written into us that unhealthy or even abusive behaviors are what normal loving relationships look like, and repeat those patterns.

I have never gone for a man who is like my father, because my father was distant, when he wasn't drunk and terrifying...but older people in general? Yes. And while I'm more likely to be sexual with a man than a woman, mostly because men make the process of getting there an awful lot easier for me, I am drawn to older women and men, both, and develop affectionate bonds and friendships more easily with older people.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
28,227 posts, read 43,505,244 times
Reputation: 18679
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I don't consider it an unhealthy degree of "Daddy issues" or the like, to have some natural attraction to people who in some manner share a similarity to those who gave us our first healthy and loving experiences in life. It's more a matter of our brains saying, "This is what love is like, and these are the kind of people who are able to give you that." on a fundamental, instinctive level. It's only unfortunate when we pick up code written into us that unhealthy or even abusive behaviors are what normal loving relationships look like, and repeat those patterns.
Yes, I think that is exactly it - and didn't mean to imply it was a bad thing, per say. Dogs (and probably other animals) are the same way to some degree, imprinting both positively and negatively on certain genders/appearances of humans. For example, they can be aggressive towards blond men if they were ever mistreated by one.

Quote:
I have never gone for a man who is like my father, because my father was distant, when he wasn't drunk and terrifying...but older people in general? Yes. And while I'm more likely to be sexual with a man than a woman, mostly because men make the process of getting there an awful lot easier for me, I am drawn to older women and men, both, and develop affectionate bonds and friendships more easily with older people.
My father is a great man, but he and I were never that emotionally close... plus he traveled a LOT for business, so we literally didn't see him from M-F most weeks. I guess that's why the men I date are typically nothing like him? I usually go for "ethnic" (mostly black or Hispanic) men, while he's a fair-skinned redhead, and none of my exes were exactly the white-collar professional types. Maybe they shared some of his inner traits, but at least on the surface I kinda go the opposite way. Maybe I should start a thread on the Psychology forum about this, as it would be an interesting subject to study further!
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Sinking in the Great Salt Lake
12,904 posts, read 18,471,181 times
Reputation: 13738
Default Grandmother, 72, Says She’s Found ‘True Love’ With 19-Year-Old Husband

I saw that movie once... what was it called? The rich kid who made his Jag into a hearse and the weird old lady who decided to commit suicide while she was happy and healthy?
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