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Old 04-22-2019, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Seminole County, FL
9,233 posts, read 6,311,975 times
Reputation: 11472

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
So the mother was "too busy and self-centered" that's why this happened? WTH...Please quote where anyone said a parent should not hold a child's hand? I said it was pathetic to insinuate it was the parent's fault, and that one cannot hold a child's hand every second, very tightly, to keep a crazy full grown man from grabbing him. It is the fault of the man who did this. What's so hard to figure out?
I'm sure that's not what was being said. Tamiznluv simply replied to my comment, which was a response to posts I skimmed through, some of which CLEARLY stated that 4-5 year olds need not be held by the hand in public places, including shopping malls -- which I absolutely disagree with. But that's just my style of parenting I guess.

I don't think anyone is blaming the mother here.
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Old 04-22-2019, 10:20 PM
 
6,996 posts, read 2,768,799 times
Reputation: 11592
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arcenal352 View Post
I'm sure that's not what was being said. Tamiznluv simply replied to my comment, which was a response to posts I skimmed through, some of which CLEARLY stated that 4-5 year olds need not be held by the hand in public places, including shopping malls -- which I absolutely disagree with. But that's just my style of parenting I guess.

I don't think anyone is blaming the mother here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk View Post
Is it too soon to ask why a five-year-old in a mall wasn't holding someone's hand?
Those posts were in response to the person saying the mother should have been holding the child's hand. And that he always held his child's hand. What else could it possibly insinuate except an accusation?

The mother very well may have been holding the boys hand, instead of skimming and wrongly guessing, not knowing whats going on and having others agree and throw this off the track like the last thread... just read the thread....
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Old 04-22-2019, 10:37 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,167 posts, read 69,090,831 times
Reputation: 74645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vasily View Post
There's a real difference between being cautious and being so paranoid that one thinks there's an abductor hiding behind every bush. When I was a kid, my mother was neurotic and when my father was at work would wring her hands in the living room whenever she heard a siren -- my sister and I were not supposed to ride our bikes past the end of our block, and when we did mom freaked out. This had a lasting effect on me: I ended up developing anxiety disorders years later. But as paranoid as mom was -- she didn't lock hands with us every time we were in public. Of course, back then there was no such thing as abduction of children, pedophilia, and child murders. Yeah, right.
Sorry, I just don't think holding a small child by the hand when you're out and about town is a big deal. It can actually be a nice bonding experience. It doesn't mean anyone's wringing their hands, but kids can easily get lost in a big, crowded department store, or wherever.

Oh well. Diff strokes for diff folks, I guess.
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Old 04-22-2019, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Seminole County, FL
9,233 posts, read 6,311,975 times
Reputation: 11472
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Those posts were in response to the person saying the mother should have been holding the child's hand. And that he always held his child's hand. What else could it possibly insinuate except an accusation?

The mother very well may have been holding the boys hand, instead of skimming and wrongly guessing, not knowing whats going on and having others agree and throw this off the track like the last thread... just read the thread....
I hate to call people out, but I wasn't guessing. I responded to what I read. This post, among others, made me post what I did: (sorry ClaraC)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Exactly. Very few kids need to be on leashes, or have their hands held in public.

It seems really disingenuous to suggest that a kindergartner should be held by the hand at the mall, and so, the parent was guilty of negligence when a crazy man grabbed that child and tossed him over the railing.

Let's blame the man who threw the kid over the balcony, and not the mother who wasn't grasping her child elementary school kid needlessly.
This wasn't the only such post either. Clearly, some don't think 5 year olds need to have their hands held in public places including the mall. I saw posters state this repeatedly, and so I responded the way I did. At no point is this "blaming the parent" for anything. If others feel the need to blame her, well that's on them. It just brings to attention how differently adults parent their children.
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:05 PM
 
6,996 posts, read 2,768,799 times
Reputation: 11592
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arcenal352 View Post
I hate to call people out, but I wasn't guessing. I responded to what I read. This post, among others, made me post what I did: (sorry ClaraC)



This wasn't the only such post either. Clearly, some don't think 5 year olds need to have their hands held in public places including the mall. I saw posters state this repeatedly, and so I responded the way I did. At no point is this "blaming the parent" for anything. If others feel the need to blame her, well that's on them. It just brings to attention how differently adults parent their children.
As I already posted, those statements were in response to the post indicating the child in the story (not yours or mine) should have had his hand held: at all times. I think everyone is in agreement that they hold their children's hands at SOME point or even a lot of the time, as this mom probably did too. No one is physically capable of doing that every second, gripping so that no one unexpectedly grabs their kid, they aren't prepared! We are posting in context to the subject of the thread, aren't we? This parent, this boy, at this time. What happened to these 2 people when one crazy man attacked them.

You may not feel like you're blaming the parent by repeatedly pointing out the children's hands should be held, but picture sitting in the hospital room with her. Would you say: "Well I always hold my boys hands, if thats not your style, that's just how different we are." Think about it. Blame is exactly what it is.
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Old 04-23-2019, 06:00 AM
 
6,996 posts, read 2,768,799 times
Reputation: 11592
Update:
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Old 04-23-2019, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Michigan
2,175 posts, read 1,402,642 times
Reputation: 4954
Wow, 5 hours in an MRI machine. I don't think I could survive that, much less a fall from that height.
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Old 04-23-2019, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
4,512 posts, read 3,610,008 times
Reputation: 8324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Sorry, I just don't think holding a small child by the hand when you're out and about town is a big deal. It can actually be a nice bonding experience. It doesn't mean anyone's wringing their hands, but kids can easily get lost in a big, crowded department store, or wherever.

Oh well. Diff strokes for diff folks, I guess.
I agree if you're talking about a busy place like a mall, but I don't think holding a five or six year old child by the hand is always necessary out in public. Say a parent takes a child to a park -- does he/she sit on a bench and watch the kid play, or let the kid have some time bonding with peers, meeting other children, and getting a first taste of safe independence? One of the principle tasks a five year old needs to be learning from a child development perspective is how to be his/her own person. It's a part of developing healthy attachments with the caregiver. Helicopter parenting interferes with that process - and there's a lot of that going around these days. Like I said, you have to know your own children: I was a kid who stayed close to my parents, and if anyone had approached me I would have screamed bloody murder. My stepdaughter was the same at that age. Other kids may need more attention.
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:12 AM
 
Location: SWFL
22,648 posts, read 19,075,966 times
Reputation: 20665
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
So the mother was "too busy and self-centered" that's why this happened? WTH...Please quote where anyone said a parent should not hold a child's hand? I said it was pathetic to insinuate it was the parent's fault, and that one cannot hold a child's hand every second, very tightly, to keep a crazy full grown man from grabbing him. It is the fault of the man who did this. What's so hard to figure out?
Ummm, did I name you in my post?
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Honolulu, HI
6,083 posts, read 1,744,251 times
Reputation: 8613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hapa1 View Post
Sad. Why would anyone do that to a young kid? Mental illness, or maybe just plain evil?
Both. Sadly, we live among millions of people in this country who had very crappy, abusive, violent, and dysfunctional childhoods so a long with adult mental illness disorders and criminality, they take out their frustrations on innocent people.

You could be assaulted, robbed, threatened, or murdered by these people all because they just felt like it.

Reminds me of the story of the woman who went into the wrong car she thought was Uber, so the lunatic driver locked the doors and killed her.
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