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Old 01-13-2012, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248

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OMG, I want to kill my husband so badly now!!! He is dying and has become a mean know-it-all who knows not much of anything right now. He argues with me about everything. Everything I try and do to help him is wrong and I have to unbdo everything I've done, now I find a fry pan on the stove when I came home from work with oil in it and asked him what he cooked, "I didn't" he says. He wouldn't know if he had or not now, his brain is so much mush. So now I'm scared as well as angry/frustrated. Is he going to burn my house down and all my animals with it? He has the heat up to 80° and is still freezing and whines if I turn it down to a "cool" 70°. I'm sick of sweating and then freezing when I go anywhere else!

I know this is NOT my husband. It is the cancer and the meds. I know what he was like before and it was the opposite. I keep my mouth shut as much as possible and try and let things pass. My BP is sky high, I'm having chest pains and my MS is trying to act up with all the stress. I sometimes think I will die before him from all this.

I hope Our Lord will forgive me for my wicked and angry thoughts.
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Old 01-13-2012, 04:27 PM
 
9,719 posts, read 7,070,333 times
Reputation: 6044
caretaking is difficult and you need someone to help you. can you find someone to watch him for awhile while you get a much needed break. hugs to you.
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Old 01-13-2012, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
caretaking is difficult and you need someone to help you. can you find someone to watch him for awhile while you get a much needed break. hugs to you.
TY, dear. No, I'm lucky he allows the hospice nurse into the house. The nurse being a longtime friend and fishing buddy of his, doesn't hurt. I have no family except a kid in Texas and his father is too old, his sister too self-centered. I take my break by going to work. I cut my hours down because as much as I moan and goan and get pi$$ed off, I can't be away from him too long becuase the end is very, very near. Every day I am surprised he made it to another day. LOL, I get a break and I wouldn't want to come back!!!
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Old 01-14-2012, 04:49 AM
 
548 posts, read 351,857 times
Reputation: 875
Tami,
So sorry for all you're going through...being a caregiver is such a demanding job. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're only human. Hugs to you!
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248
TY, art. You people here are great.
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Providence, RI
4,037 posts, read 5,444,887 times
Reputation: 2961
quote: I can't be away from him too long becuase the end is very, very near.


Remember, this too shall pass. Soon you will be missing him very much.
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Old 01-14-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollytree View Post
quote: I can't be away from him too long becuase the end is very, very near.


Remember, this too shall pass. Soon you will be missing him very much.
Yes, I know. I already miss the man I married, soon I shall miss him physically also.
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Old 01-15-2012, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248
Woke up verbally "abused" by this stranger" living in my house again and realized I was letting myself be his "victim" because I am in search of the man I married and constantly trying to get that man to reach out to me. He is already dead and gone. I am coming to grips with this stunning revelation and have started to "take back" my house and me.

I've turned the heat down to 70° and hope he can't stand up straight enough to see the thermostat. That was a major move on my part. I've been sweltering for 7 days and it feels so good to actually feel cold now! LOL 70° feels cold. It will take a few days for my blood to thicken up.

I have done everything in my power to help him and he has rejected it all so my conscious (sp) is clear. There is nothing left for me to do except wait with him.

Thank you, C-D for having a place I could vent kinda annonymously and talk thru my anxiety.
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Old 01-15-2012, 11:42 AM
 
5,520 posts, read 6,118,671 times
Reputation: 5517
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Yes, I know. I already miss the man I married, soon I shall miss him physically also.
Sorry for your tough times. Is there a way to turn off the stove while your out of the house?
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Old 01-15-2012, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,615 posts, read 8,203,419 times
Reputation: 11248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
Sorry for your tough times. Is there a way to turn off the stove while your out of the house?
No, Gies, it's gas. Yesterday I was out of the house more hours than I generally work and nothing happened, so maybe he gave up on that idea. I hope.
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