Runaway Teen Laws

[TurtleCreek80]

I am glad she is home! I don't think any of us were judging you and I'm sorry you read the posts that way. We just don't want parents to give up on their kids, no matter how hard it gets.

[loves2read]

this run-away situation can --and likely will-- happen again from what I have seen of situations like this before

no one here is in position to make any judgements about what is right/wrong in this particular situation

I would suggest if you have the resources/desire that you get family counseling--if you have a church, a minister might be able to offer some free 3rd party insight --there are some social service agencies that might be able to help too
but without accepting attitudes and the conscious desire to look at yourselves--adults and teen--through that objective lens you won't do anything differently...

and frankly some teens are just bent on self-destruction...
I have known several (not mine thankfully) who just seemed hell-bent on doing whatever they could to screw up their lives and those of people who loved them...
some of them came out of the furnace as decent adults-----and some did not come out at all...

[LQQKOUT]

Originally Posted by TurtleCreek80

I am glad she is home! I don't think any of us were judging you and I'm sorry you read the posts that way. We just don't want parents to give up on their kids, no matter how hard it gets.

Agreed! Glad she is home-

[Grainraiser]

I think 3rd party intervention is a great idea. When teens get the notion is the parents way or no way they really don't feel like they are being heard. Find a young adult that both parties respect and you can began to open a line of communication. She has to feel her side is also being heard. Good luck to you. Raising kids can be very difficult at times.

[ArcalisH]

I left my 19 year old daughter with my husband as I had to visit my parents to slove some of their family issues. I contracted a lady to stay with my daughter when my husband was at work. We let our daughter use our car to go to and from college.

When I returned home after a couple of months, my husband met me at the airport. My daughter wasn't with him. I sked where a daughter was and my husband said she was doing her homework at the house. When we arrived home we found it starnge she didn't greet us. My husband went upstairs and found a letter on the table that she had left.

In the letter she put that it was time for her to be more indoendent, study and work. I felt very bad. I called a close friend and also called the police explaining what happended and asking for advice on what we could do. The lady police official wasn't interested in helping at all as our daughter was more than 19 years old. I was upset at that response because its better to try and prevent problems than let them occur. The official was very impolite with me. From respect to the police I didn't take it any further but I don't believe that this is the best way to deal with the issue.

We looked for our daughter that night and the following days. NO ONE WOULD HELP not the college, not the police, not her boyfriend, not her friends. The only glimmer of hope was the church.

After about 2 months she came home, ill (bronchitus) with tattoos, had started to smoke, piercings in her tongue, navel and ears. She quit college, came back home depressed. We keep trying to help her find the right path in life but its been difficult to find any sensible counseling or other assistance. Her friedns have been useless, her boyfriend is abusive (to her and us)

Our long time friends are amazed at what's happened with our daughter. She's lost her way, doesn't eat, doesn't keep up her personal appearnce, she believes more in her friends than her parents. (But her firends don't help her)

We believe that a lot of the ideas she believes in come from the trashy shows on MTV especially programs like SKINS and JERSEY SHORE.

All this has put a lot of stress on my husband and I. We hope that other parents that find themselves in similar situations don't lose faith and keep trying to help their sons and daughters in anyway they can. Don't abandon them

[mjt68]

It is quite obvious that some of the replies below have not had this sort of thing happen to them and is so quick to judge you.

I am a mother of three girls 26, 17 and 14 years old and we have always done really good things together from a vacation to a walk in the park, read books, talked over family dinner the list goes on. I am mother that teaches very good morals, never did drugs was always having a positive outlook on many things.

My 14 year old started running away when she was 13 and has been reported by me to the police 7 times. Even as I write this post at 3:41 a.m. she is not here. The moment I realize she has simply walked out (like in this case when I came out of the bathroom) I called the police. My 17 year old frantically runs around looking as I jump in my car searching.
I have spent countless hours in therapy, spent $5000 on those behavior placement centers, sent her to live with her father and family (where she managed to do the same stuff) until people their refuse to deal with it anymore and she had to come back home where she continues to do the same.

I UNDERSTAND how you feel because I live it with this girl everyday. She wants to be the person in charge of my home it seems and as long as I am alive it will NOT happen. Your child, your child, your child is what the responders are saying and I know you more than anyone knows that. Like anything else in life enough is just enough. This sort of behavior eventually results in not so healthy relationship, that sometimes over time can either heal or not. Doing all the running around I have done and having a good support group haven't seemed to have work at all for me, so what I have done is given her to God and pray for her to survive out there where she thinks she wants to be. I don't have anymore money and it trying to keep a roof over our heads because we were headed down the road to being homeless and realized that despite all my efforts of reaching out to the church, friends, co workers, therapist, psychiatrist, family she has no plans on stopping. So for the people out there who probably have no children and certainly does not have a clue of what a sistuation like this is like up close and personal but can write those stupid comments....
Walk in my shoes or better yet provide detailed information on how to fix it if not shut the **** up!

[AllenEllen]

I know parents who bust their buts all day and their ungrateful teens do nothing but criticize, complain and cause grief. I say sometimes backing off a little and letting kids have a bite of bitter world is not necessarily a bad thing.

[bencronin04]

Originally Posted by AllenEllen

I know parents who bust their buts all day and their ungrateful teens do nothing but criticize, complain and cause grief. I say sometimes backing off a little and letting kids have a bite of bitter world is not necessarily a bad thing.

Agreed. I ran away from home when I was 16. My parents as well knew where I was(staying at a friends house) and did not try to pursue me or file any type of report. I eventually went back home after a few days. I never ran away again, but my behavioral problems still persisted. I wasn't a "bad" kid by any stretch of the imagination when I was in HS, but I would but heads with my parents from time to time like all teenagers do.

When I went off to college, I went a little off the deep end. Failed my first semester of college(I didn't think a GPA that low was even possible), partied all the time, ran up over $5000 a month on my parent's CC. They brought me home for a year to go to CC, then I went back off to college again and fell right back into my bad routines. My parents did the hardest thing they have probably ever had to do(though at the time I didn't see it) and cut me off. I'll tell you want, going from an privileged life style to nothing over night will put a little shock into anyone. My parent's did not abandon me, they did what they thought they had to do for me AND them. We didn't speak to each other for almost 6 months, which was hard on all of us, but it gave us all time to grow tremendously. I now have the most incredible relationship, friendship, partnership, etc with my parents that would not have been possible if they wouldn't have cut me off years ago. They made a lot of mistakes raising me but we all understand and say that cutting me off was the best decisions ever.

Looking back 6 years ago to where I am today is really unbelievable to see how much has changed for the better. I wish you luck with your daughter, every child is different and the same thing doesn't work for everyone.

***Oops, just realized how old this thread is.