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Old 08-02-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Irving
12 posts, read 14,218 times
Reputation: 25

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Quote:
Originally Posted by frenzyrider View Post
Now that is harsh! Human being is a social animal. But I agree with you. It depends on how much you are willing to give and whether the other person is already a part of a friend circle. It is a statistical fact that humans cannot maintain more than 5 "close" friendships on average...

I have myself lived in several continents and cities, I think it is really difficult particularly in a "car" commuting city like Dallas. Heck lot of people don't even see their neighbors for days (back alley garage house owners.. i am talking to you specially).

Hobby or an activity is THE most important way to meet people who share your likes and dislikes in this area.

You are so right on! When I lived in uptown, I didn't have really close friends but I had some really good acquaintances because we all met at the park with our dogs. Here in Irving, we live in a gated community with those alley garages, no common area and no dog park. There's a couple of neighbors I've bumped into that I want to know better and unless I knock on their door I don't see it happening.
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Irving
12 posts, read 14,218 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah View Post
So odd to me that I met my first friend here at a public event. We both attended a Water Expo and were sitting near each other. She is not native English-speaking and asked me to help her with a word. We started talking and are now friends. As the above poster noted, find a hobby/activity - but it sounds like the meetup groups may be that for you?
Thanks for your response! BTW, what in the world is a Water Expo?
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Irving
12 posts, read 14,218 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
How long will it take for someone to suggest Meetup?

I've tried Meetup, it's a total bust; most of the groups there are pyramid schemes or meat markets.

I don't have an answer for the OP; I grew up here and I still haven't found my tribe. Doubt I ever will.
Thanks for your response! I love that you used the term tribe b/c that's exactly what my husband said, "you just need to find your tribe". I am sorry you've not had a positive experience with meetup, but i've found it to be a pretty good way to find people to do things with. (OK, now i'm giving advice! )

I agree with you that many groups are meat markets or somebody trying to sell something. But, when i first moved here I knew not one person in the south! I'd always wanted to rock climb and never had anyone to go with. So, I joined a rock climbing meetup (in fact, I joined not to meet people but to find SOMEONE to hold the dang rope for me as i climb). That group was what kept me from being severely depressed my first 2 years here. (My friends from the group moved, went back to their countries, got married, left the group or whatever). Anyway, good luck finding your tribe!
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,639 posts, read 53,524,973 times
Reputation: 18554
Quote:
Originally Posted by glespaul View Post
Thanks for your response! BTW, what in the world is a Water Expo?
My town put on a day of exhibits and talks at the park on things like drip irrigation, plant list from the Master Gardeners Club of plants that survived 2011, the Dirt Doctor lectured about soil amending, etc. Very interesting and I got a ton of literature to help me conserve water.
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Irving
12 posts, read 14,218 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilah G. View Post
I was in 2 successful meetup groups. Made some great friends. When one joins meetup, it really is what YOU make if it. Just joining one and not putting yourself out there to meet and communicate with others will not work.

Op, have you looked into the Buddhist Community?
Would you be interested in Yoga?
Volunteer where you have a passion. Animals, people, nature, local politics, some sort of Advocacy.
Have you checked out the Random Acts of Kindness Meetup?
Ever signed up for one of those Community center classes they offer every season?



What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies?

maybe you were just destined to have acquaintances and not close friends?
Thanks for your response!! I'm looking into volunteering and have signed up for the food bank. But, honestly I don't have a passion for anything. I joined Junior league of Dallas as a way to learn more about the volunteering opportunities in the city. It's too early to tell how that will turn out.
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Irving
12 posts, read 14,218 times
Reputation: 25
BeenThereDunThat, thank you so much for your post. Your experiences are almost identical to mines. The religion thing is always a problem for me because I've been approached on multiple occasion by acquaintances who want me to join their church. What I would like to say is, "thank you for the invite but I am a practicing Buddhist who do not share your beliefs". However, i've read all of the research that says that atheists are the most feared group in America. So, I keep my mouth shut and mumble something about "not being that religious". This is where they renew their efforts to get me to attend their church and I start to distance myself from them. (This scenario has played itself out with multiple co-workers.)
The annoying thing is i've been practicing this meditation technique for more than 10 years, so for all intents and purposes it is my "religion". But, there's no organized group and no tribe!
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:58 PM
 
Location: North Texas
23,611 posts, read 31,169,837 times
Reputation: 26678
Even if you attend religious services regularly (as I do), you can still find yourself alienated from people your age if you're in a different 'stage' of life. Being in my late 30s, the vast majority of people in the 30-50 age range at my synagogue are settled down and married with children. Married people with kids simply don't befriend single people. Just doesn't happen often enough to be worth mentioning.

As for volunteering...been there, tried that. Gym, yoga classes, meetups, etc. Check check check, nada nada nada.
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Old 08-02-2013, 03:35 PM
 
Location: US
643 posts, read 565,669 times
Reputation: 209
I know what you mean, when i moved here, at first i did not know too many people. But now I have made few acquaintances, with whom i can take the it to the next level. I have been here for just over a year. But my problem is most of them are not around my age group. They are slightly older than me. 4-5 years on average. Although i have no problems with that, I would love to have friends in and around my age groups as well. Dont know, i guess the youth here are not open enough! Sometimes i do get the outsider treatment. But i don't mind, just move on.

@OP: You are an agnostic. Think about me, I am an atheist. But i dont think that is the real concern. Most of the people i have known are mostly people i met in bars. I do not like attending meetups and all that stuff. I like to build relationships on my own, not in a controlled environment like a meetup.

I would say go out, give people a chance, see what happens. In 7 years if that is the case, i am sorry to say this (don't bash me please), problem is not with the people, maybe its with you.

If you were not in Irving, i would have stretched my hand of friendship myself! Even though I am not that far away, I am just too lazy to drive. I hate driving automatics. Maybe if i get a stick shift, i would come over sometime!
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Old 08-02-2013, 03:45 PM
 
974 posts, read 1,760,433 times
Reputation: 780
Quote:
Originally Posted by glespaul View Post
BeenThereDunThat, thank you so much for your post. Your experiences are almost identical to mines. The religion thing is always a problem for me because I've been approached on multiple occasion by acquaintances who want me to join their church. What I would like to say is, "thank you for the invite but I am a practicing Buddhist who do not share your beliefs". However, i've read all of the research that says that atheists are the most feared group in America. So, I keep my mouth shut and mumble something about "not being that religious". This is where they renew their efforts to get me to attend their church and I start to distance myself from them. (This scenario has played itself out with multiple co-workers.)
The annoying thing is i've been practicing this meditation technique for more than 10 years, so for all intents and purposes it is my "religion". But, there's no organized group and no tribe!
The thing about some religious beliefs and "Church People" is that there is the "mission" to convert/recruit, etc. I have had nice folks just bug the heck outta me to come to church when they know full well that I'm not the churchgoing type and they relent like a bad Amway multi-level member who's on the bottom rung. Instead of making a positive impact, their continual "recruitment" turns me off, only serving to alienate. I explain there are many paths leading to the same destination and to please allow me to stumble along mine. Some understand while others don't, won't and probably never will.

I always lighten things up by saying when asked about my faith: "Some topics I've learned never to openly discuss are politics, money and the Great Pumpkin." Sometimes it works...sometimes it don't. I've learned to smile politely and thank them for the invitation but I'm learning to find my own way, thank you.

Good Luck! and Ooohhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
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Old 08-02-2013, 03:47 PM
 
Location: US
643 posts, read 565,669 times
Reputation: 209
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeenThereDunThat View Post
I always lighten things up by saying when asked about my faith: "Some topics I've learned never to openly discuss are politics, money and the Great Pumpkin." Sometimes it works...sometimes it don't. I've learned to smile politely and thank them for the invitation but I'm learning to find my own way, thank you.

Good Luck! and Ooohhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
I always reply saying my religion is football (soccer) and science. And that irks many people. Its like Christian, Hinduism, Muslim, Buddhism etc are the only religion in the world. Well it is, but for an atheist like me?? What do you expect!
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