Gay couple seeking to escape the desert HELP (Wilmington, New Castle: sales, home)

[restoguy]

Ok so we are desperately looking to escape the desert - anything with culture, water and reasonable to low cost living would be great. We would really like to get some input from other couples / people who could put real thoughts to our relocation. We have been together for 4 years and not tied to a bar life - in fact we never go so...

He works for an international airline and I am a grad student and work at restoration hardware which I love.

We are considering Mass, CT, NH, Delaware, are surrounding areas.

[Jimrob1]

I would imagine you would want to live within range of where this Int'l airline flys into. I am from Mass originally. If your considering Mass the cost of living is anything but, especially the housing. THere are many places near the coastal areas, but again very pricey. Cape Cod and both the North and South Shore some beautiful coastal communities. Provincetown is at the tip of the Cape, and as you know popular with the gay community. NH is beautiful for a number of reasons, besides the georgraphy of the area. If you live in southern NH, Boston is within an hour drive, and a good choice for someone working at the Boston airport. Also as a plus NH has no income or sales taxes, however property taxes are very high. The cost of living though is high in NH for housing but cheaper than Mass. Ct also very expensive but the northern end towards Mass is a little cheaper. Where ever one lives in New England one has to consider the cost of heating, it is a huge bill each winter season. Many properties still heat with oil. There is alot of beautiful countryside and both small towns and big cites. I love all the towns still have a main street with the shops and little restaurants in many of them. I don't know much about Delaware, though I hear it is drawing many for lower cost of living and taxes. Rehoboth Beach Delaware and the communites around it are very popular living areas for the gay community. Good Luck.

[huntinFF72]

Well, If you choose Delaware if I were you I would consider moving to Rehoboth Beach. It truly is the a mini San Fransisco. It's was and still is a tourist attraction during the summer months but is also a gay community by large. Unfortunately (then again i don't know you financial status) it is an expensive area in my standards.

[Joe84323]

I'm going to be completely frank with you. In New Castle County, although gays aren't shot at, they aren't tolerated to the extent they would be just up the street in Philadelphia, New York, or DC.

Although the county resembles areas of PA or NJ, it thinks differently, and one of those thoughts is homophobia.

Look at Philadelphia if possible. It has a great gayborhood, is cheap, and has a ton of stuff to do.

Take it from family - Delaware can be very bigoted outside of Rehoboth (and I'm almost especially including Wilmington - it's not big enough to be cosmopolitan, and is not gay-friendly (except for Trolley Square-Pennsylvania Ave corridor.)

If you want to test it out, go with your bf, and hold hands and walk down the street in Wilmington. I could probably guarantee you won't be holding hands for long.

Now, Rehoboth is the anomaly. It's liberal in every sense of the word. Check that out of you're gonna check out DE, if not, check out DE, or just live in NCCO, but no PDA.

[kelsie]

I agree with the last poster about Wilmington De. Philadelphia or Raleigh, NC would be my choice. Both places have culture, airlines, water an hour or so away & much more tolerant and less expensive. Go onto the State forums and get honest opinions. Good luck in your search. kelsie

[doctorjef]

My partner and I have done alright in the Wilmington suburbs and HAVE NOT experienced any evident homophobia. But it's not San Francisco, of course. I agree that Philly could be a better place for a young gay couple. The problem we have with Wilmington is that it's rather boring. And Rehoboth Beach is small town, even if gay friendly. I see Rehoboth as a good place for a second home or to live if you're older, probably retired or can own a small town business of some sort, and if you're reconciled to driving to get anywhere else. In Wilmington we can at least hop on the train up to Manhattan and be there in an hour and a half. Really, we moved to Delaware basically for retirement purposes and for its good central location on the east coast. I like it here ok, but I wouldn't recommend moving here to a gay couple who were still working and younger than us (we're in our 50's -- lucky to have been able to retire early). Also, we'd spent 3 years overseas and didn't want to move back to Austin, TX where we'd previously lived for many years (but I'd recommend Austin for many reasons, even if it has certain geographical disadvantages), so I don't think ours is really an example to follow. Still, the more gay people who settle here the better.

[restoguy]

Dr. Jeff - UGH not austin - I lived there when I was in the military... I appreciate your input as we were beginning to wonder if shy of rehoboth it was a little dullsville - I am in my 30s and he is 22 so we are no where near retirement.

Kelsie - I am going to look at Raleigh NC but isnt that where that sheriff is that is supposed to be like Arpaio [who claims to be the toughest sheriff in all the land] It is his mentality and fear based politics we hope to avoid.

The NE sounds ideal, culture, beautiful oceans etc almost perfect until you have to turn on your heat in the winter...

[doctorjef]

What about Baltimore?

[crandolph]

Dr. Jeff -- can you elaborate on Wilmington being boring? What is it lacking? (No sarcasm, but an earnest question as we may be relocating there from DC and this is a fear my husband has. Not that we take a lot of advantage now of DC's offerings, but we do go to the Kennedy Center a couple times a year, etc. and have gotten used to having a nice diverse set of friends, neighbors and colleagues.)

[doctorjef]

Well, in truth Wilmington has many more cultural offerings than we take advantage of. I guess I'd sound absurd if I said it compares unfavourably to London, which is where we moved from. But on a more mundane level, let me say that I dislike having to use the car to get everywhere, and there's an absence of moderate priced cafes and cool bars. There are some good more expensive restaurants here - Moro and Krazy Kats, to name two of them. However, if you aren't into franchises and shopping strip locations, you are rather SOL here in terms of moderately priced, casual restaurants. There are a couple of local joints we go to habitually, but I wish we had more choice.

Part of the reason we moved here indeed was that I really didn't want to have to learn a new big city, and Manhattan which we know pretty well is too expensive. We wanted to be on the east coast and near an international airport. We didn't want to be in the South, nor to deal with the severity of winters farther north. This pretty much left us D.C. (too expensive and crowded), Baltimore (don't know the city well enough) and Philly (murder capital of the known universe outside Mogadishu) -- no, seriously, not sufficiently familiar and now that we've lived here, neither of us has any real interest in Philly. We should perhaps have considered one of the smaller cities in Connecticut or maybe Providence. I love Boston, but too big, unfamiliar and too far north in terms of winter.

On the good side, you can take the Acela Express up to Manhattan in an hour and a half, and same distance to D.C.; closer to Baltimore. The DE beaches are less than a two hour drive. Lewes, DE is absolutely charming, and Rehoboth Beach is fun.

Shopping in Wilmington is pretty dull. It's not that you can't get stuff, but rather that there aren't many charming shops, and again you have to drive all over kingdom come.

A big plus for me, however, is that Northern Delaware is beautiful, especially the "Chateaux Country" north of the City of Wilmington. And actually, I enjoy the flat farmland in Sussex County on the way down to the beaches, at least in summer when the land is thick and verdant with crops.

If you appreciate suburban life, you would probably like Wilmington ok to very well indeed.