Denver may be the most friendly city in the US-what does it say about other places? (Boulder: house, neighborhood)

[MasonInBoulder]

It may be perturbing to some, since it can seem like the snottiest place on earth, but I'm beginning to agree with all of the Forbes Travel etc lists that put the Denver area in the top five as Friendliest City in the US. I used to dream of moving out to some romantic fanciful place where it is easy to chat with people and make friends. I thought that, since I'm Asian, that Denver was more likely to cater to Whites in regards to desireability and acceptibility factors. But I realize now that it was probably my attitude inviting ching chong comments and rudeness. For years I planned visits to Seattle to seek a better life, thinking the demographics would likely have changed people's outlooks on race. Thank God I didn't just run out there. The racial situation is markedly worse in Seattle than in Denver. The only racism here in Denver that I notice (overtly) is the occasional Black guy who calls me Bruce Lee in a perjorative tone, the Latinos who make stupid noises or racist comments when they are in big groups, and Asian women (strangely) who avoid other Asians like the plague. In Boulder we had a Black guy who was attacked and called (N) and when they finally caught the guy--it turned out to be a Mexican illegal--??what gives??
My last visit to Seattle was dismal--rainy and boring. I did have a nice time walking around the city. The only person I heard yelling in a mock Asian voice was a crazy homeless guy at the waterfront. And when I finally looked at him he shut up. There were a lot of plastic types, of which we don't have many here, even in Boulder. Maybe they're all in H-Ranch, I don't know--but it wasn't the same kind of snottiness. It had rancid bitterness mixed in.
All of that rain made me really glad to be back here in CO. It's pretty boring here with all of the youth obsession and shallow thinkers, but it's home, and people talk to you on the street.
Forget about LA. In that place, I think you can spend the rest of your life there without having a single person speak to you. And my Hispanic relatives there have shunned me for my Asian half. They are very ashamed to have me over for visits. And like most racists, they deny their bias.
I've heard people say that Denver is the most unriendly place. And I have to agree that it takes much effort to make a friend here. My X girlfriend used to have to have a schedule of gift giving for her friends. It was a huge expense for her, but she always said it was better than not having friends. And she is definitely a desireable type as afar as looks go. So materialism aside, I think it is friendly if you are willing to make the effort.
I've met a few people who complained about having no friends--but when I offered to take them out for a few friendly frinks, they refused. So maybe we all get what we ask for.
My neighbors are friends with me, though I do have a schedule of favors I must complete. Some require me to pay their kids to walk my dog, because they need money--I do it to not make waves. And some of them seemed very friendly when I moved in, but they were only wanting information, because after the initial tea party, they never answered any of my calls, and now they avoid me (and everyone else) like the plague.
What do you guys think? Where is an honest to goodness, no strings attached, friendly place in this country? If you think it is Denver, then I will agree. And will lament the times when people were nice.
For anyone who assumes I am an ugly person--I'm five ten, have angular facial features, 160 lbs, employed, very loquacious, and handsome. I'm Hapa, and most times forget the whole race thing even exists until some homeless person reminds me.

[JrzDefector]

Ya know, I think Denver is a mixed bag with regard to friendliness. Surprisingly, I find Jersey to be very friendly, though I could be biased since I grew up there. But I've found myself being caught up in friendly conversations with strangers far more frequently back home - at a bar, the luncheonette counter, the laundromat, the flea market, etc. Here, my neighbors aren't that friendly, and I've never really gotten caught up in a conversation just hanging out somewhere - unless I had one of my dogs with me. Dogs are the ultimate icebreaker in this city

Yet here I have experienced some isolated instances of extreme friendliness that I'd probably never experience back home. For example, a couple who struck up a conversation with me at a concert are now very dear friends. Another time, while hiking with a group, we added a young woman to our group who was by herself and simply incorporated her into the fold for the day. Basically, I think there are greater obstacles to making friends here, but that they tend to be more meaningful interactions when they do happen. I also think that in general the people behind the counters and waitstaff tend to be much friendlier than on the East Coast.

[Snikt]

Go to Orlando if you want to see angry, nasty people

[Mach50]

Originally Posted by Snikt

Go to Orlando if you want to see angry, nasty people

As someone who spent many years in Orlando, I 100% agree oh and Tampa is even nastier in my opinion.

Contrary to popular belief, I thought NYC had some of the most openly friendly people I have ever met.

[cory81]

As someone from the east coast (DC), Denver is far and away the most laid back place I've ever been, and I've also lived in the SF Bay Area, Atlanta, upstate New York and Dallas. The people just seem more secure in themselves.

[vegaspilgrim]

Originally Posted by Mach50

Contrary to popular belief, I thought NYC had some of the most openly friendly people I have ever met.

I agree 100%. NYC is frequently misunderstood. A lot of people mistakenly confuse friendliness with politeness (I'd agree that New Yorkers are not very polite) when they are two totally different things.

I'm a Denver native, and I don't think Denver is a particularly friendly place. This is a place where people pretty much everybody minds their own business, where starting conversations with strangers is considered weird. The friendliest people in Denver are those who have recently moved here from somewhere else, not the natives and long time residents.

[ca-ut-??]

I think Denver is SUPER friendly, especially the work force. I was really taken back by how willing to help the staff is at stores and restaurants.

As for racism in other places, I'm from the silicon valley, that's as Asian as it gets. You'll still get dumb people being racist. Then i lived in a really small white town in Utah. I still got dumb people being racist. Some people don't even know they are being racist. My sweet white grandmother in law once said to me after I sat down with my plate of food at a buffet, "I knew you would get rice." I suppose it was because I"m Asian. I could have been offended but why bother?

My mom sometimes likes to think she gets mistreated because she's asian, but I always think they are jerks and it has nothing to do with me.

I don't know why asian girls here avoid asians here like the plague, maybe they are adopted and feels more comfortable with white people. Because that certainly is not that case in silicon valley. Asians like to stick together, like most ethnicity.

dumb things are going to happen everywhere, but I really do think Denver has nice people, where ever they might be from originally. Who could be upset with all these sunshine?

[tfox]

Originally Posted by vegaspilgrim

I'm a Denver native, and I don't think Denver is a particularly friendly place. This is a place where people pretty much everybody minds their own business, where starting conversations with strangers is considered weird. The friendliest people in Denver are those who have recently moved here from somewhere else, not the natives and long time residents.

I agree with this, and I'll add that Denver ranks high on politeness. Ever been to one of those places where the locals give you a scowl and a huff just for existing and crossing their path? Denver is NOT like that -- people here are unfailingly cordial and polite, at least in an introverted sort of way.

But Denver is NOT a talk to strangers kind of place. NY is way more friendly than Denver on that scale -- surprisingly.

[Radical347]

Originally Posted by ca-ut-??

My sweet white grandmother in law once said to me after I sat down with my plate of food at a buffet, "I knew you would get rice." I suppose it was because I"m Asian. I could have been offended but why bother?

Lol. I'd say that's more "stereotyping" than "racism".

[redjan1225]

First off, to the OP, I am sorry that you have had to endure slurs and that you have been ignored by your family. I just can't imagine not loving a member of my own family because they are a mix of a different race. I can't imagine someone yelling out a slur for any good reason at all. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone yelling anything rude out to anyone else for any reason. People are just thoughtless and crazy sometimes.

That being said, I grew up in Orange County, CA. While my city was predominantly white, like me, surrounding cities were far more diverse. I often found myself in situations where I was the minority. The Asians and the Hispanics stuck together. I guess the white people did the same. There were probably times that I was uncomfortable, maybe more because I didn't know anyone than the fact that I was surrounded by people of different races. Never, at any point, did the thought cross my mind to treat someone rudely because of their ethnicity. I did read a funny post on CD awhile back. An Asian man from Irvine posted an article about Asians leaving Irvine because there were too many Asians there. I guess the Asians living there wanted a more "American" experience.

But in regards to Denver, I can only say that I have visited a couple times and I found people to be fairly friendly. The kind of friendly where the neighbors wave at you but you don't know their name and probably never will. Being from CA and now living in AZ, I've been longing for a sense of a closer knit community and Denver has been a city up for my consideration.

The key is finding a balance. Do I want neighbors in every aspect of my life? No way. I don't want to have to duck out of my house to avoid being stuck at the mailbox for an hour. But I would like it if I knew my neighbors enough to trust them to watch my house if I'm gone, or to alert authorities if they sense something is wrong with my family or property. I'd like an occasional neighborhood block party, with the knoweldge that I'll return to my privacy when it is over. I haven't found a city or neighborhood with that balance yet. I wish you luck.