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Old 01-16-2017, 10:26 AM
 
1,791 posts, read 1,140,724 times
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So I moved here 10 months ago for a new job and just got cut loose unexpectedly (no written explanation, reasoning, etc.) I'm 29, male, straight & single and was courted here for a new job and a fresh start. Let's just say I may have a potential feeling it's not working out so far.

I'm from NJ originally and moved here from Southern California. I would say I was probably bored out there, but content. I would only say since I moved here have I been just angrier deep down and constantly bogged down by job changes. It was a big process to move into an apartment with no furniture and start all over again. I will also say I need to do a better job of getting out more and joining sports clubs and go snowboarding, but all of that takes a back seat to work. But overall, I'm less relaxed and angrier than I was in California. I also feel the high altitude is screwing with my digestive system a bit.

I've met guy friends (drinking buddies per say) just fine. But the dating scene is grueling even compared to L.A. Not because it's the lack of women here but because I don't think they "jive" with my overly sarcastic dark personality type. Without going too much into specifics, it's wearing me down gradually.

I don't know if 10 months is enough, but has any transplants moved here and feel like it's a bit overrated? Are there people who have moved here and went somewhere else because they didn't like it? The only 2 places I would consider moving to are Florida or back to SoCal.


PS: I know 10 months isn't enough time to judge, but it could be a good barometer. So I'll hang in there until the 1.5 year mark when lease is up and make the ultimate call - just looking for perspective.

 
Old 01-16-2017, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
760 posts, read 590,159 times
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Denver is overrated (for others), but for me personally, it's still my favorite place to live.

Honestly, Denver isn't for everyone. And I'm not just saying that to convince you to move away, or to prevent others from coming here. Life in Denver really comes down to fitting the template, taking advantage of the Rockies, and really devoting all of your time in mountain sports. I can't imagine living here without being into mountain sports. All other aspects of urban living take the back seat.

In cities like Chicago, NY, LA, Atlanta, etc, there is so much more diversity in culture and things to do. "Day to Day" life is more universal in those cities. People from all walks of life can have a fulfilling lifestyle, meet like minded people, and take part in their hobbies.

In Denver though, there really is only one way of life, at least one way that takes the lead. If you aren't into mountain sports, beer, or MJ, everything else is very secondary. Couple that with the relatively low population of the metro, and you leave anyone who doesn't fit the template in the dust.
It's a sad reality, but unfortunately I don't think this will change any time soon. It's getting better with the emergence of neighborhoods like Lodo, Highlands, etc but I don't think it's enough to keep people here.

At the same time, it has only been 10 months...It's actually been exactly 10 months for myself since I moved here. I'm in my upper 20s myself, so I know how you feel when it comes to meeting people.

I actually have the "sarcastic dark personality" myself! And I know EXACTLY how you feel when interacting with some people here. But to be honest, most of the friends I have made have begun to appreciate it because they think it's refreshing and unique. Just flaunt it
 
Old 01-16-2017, 10:41 AM
 
911 posts, read 531,216 times
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I think you are not alone. I lived in So Cal for years and it's a very unique place to be in spite of the very high COL. I could see how Denver could disappoint. If you are out of a job anyway and are unhappy why not see what jobs might be available back in So Cal? In a way if you got another job here immediately there would be the stress of starting over again and then leaving again once your lease is up wouldn't look good on a resume either.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,238 posts, read 24,433,481 times
Reputation: 13010
Quote:
Originally Posted by N610DL View Post
PS: I know 10 months isn't enough time to judge, but it could be a good barometer. So I'll hang in there until the 1.5 year mark when lease is up and make the ultimate call - just looking for perspective.
Below, my story.

I'm nearing the 10 year mark (June 1, 2017, if you want to be exact), and feel like I've given it the old college try.

I'm from Southern CA originally. Haven't really looked back, and have no regrets.

My Denver experience has mostly been clouded by becoming upwardly mobile, and then becoming even more upwardly mobile once a plateau is reached. I've been chasing money, career, and now own a business.

Nonetheless, I've been here a pretty long time. I've made friends and enemies. Work has always come first for me too, but that's been the case anywhere I've lived (but it has taken a bigger % of life every minute I've lived here). I've been content here at different points, but never butterflies happy.

I lost 85 lbs from January 2012 to November 2013. My only digestive problem is putting close to 30 lbs of that back on since then. I'm 33 now, FWIW.

Very few people "get" my personality here, I don't think I'm overly sarcastic, but I can be pretty shy in certain situations. I don't get people here either. It's either blah blah Broncos or SuperYuppie. Or somewhere in between.

I still don't think Denver is overrated, and if it is, it's only a little. 5+ years ago, this place was a lot more real. Had more of an identity about it.

I have no business leaving Denver in any foreseeable future, but I daydream about it all the time. If the opportunity ever presented itself though, I could probably look back and forget I was ever here.
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Old 01-16-2017, 11:11 AM
 
1,791 posts, read 1,140,724 times
Reputation: 1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by MN_Ski View Post
Denver is overrated (for others), but for me personally, it's still my favorite place to live.

Honestly, Denver isn't for everyone. And I'm not just saying that to convince you to move away, or to prevent others from coming here. Life in Denver really comes down to fitting the template, taking advantage of the Rockies, and really devoting all of your time in mountain sports. I can't imagine living here without being into mountain sports. All other aspects of urban living take the back seat.

In cities like Chicago, NY, LA, Atlanta, etc, there is so much more diversity in culture and things to do. "Day to Day" life is more universal in those cities. People from all walks of life can have a fulfilling lifestyle, meet like minded people, and take part in their hobbies.

In Denver though, there really is only one way of life, at least one way that takes the lead. If you aren't into mountain sports, beer, or MJ, everything else is very secondary. Couple that with the relatively low population of the metro, and you leave anyone who doesn't fit the template in the dust.
It's a sad reality, but unfortunately I don't think this will change any time soon. It's getting better with the emergence of neighborhoods like Lodo, Highlands, etc but I don't think it's enough to keep people here.

At the same time, it has only been 10 months...It's actually been exactly 10 months for myself since I moved here. I'm in my upper 20s myself, so I know how you feel when it comes to meeting people.

I actually have the "sarcastic dark personality" myself! And I know EXACTLY how you feel when interacting with some people here. But to be honest, most of the friends I have made have begun to appreciate it because they think it's refreshing and unique. Just flaunt it
Thanks for both of your quick responses - I really do appreciate the perspective. Really good stuff!

MN_Ski - I'm assuming you're from Minnesota? I've been up there like 5x for work so I know how there are a lot of people out here from there that couldn't wait to get out. Otherwise it seems like vast majority of people from MSP just stay there.

I would say Mountain life takes a back seat for me because of my job. I'm a consultant and work tough hours. I know nurses, freelancers, and teachers got it good because they get more flex hours, but I don't unfortunately. The "Template" you mention is totally real. I also feel a lot of girls that move here with a lot of baggage from other cities (divorces, bad break ups, new starts) that really affects the dating scene and for me personally my self esteem. I've been on some real burner dates since I moved here and wasn't expecting it at all. I like drinking and all but feel I'm doing it way too much since I moved here.

Coloradomom22 - forgot to mention that I got a new job right away in Denver as I was doing freelance consulting with an offer in my back pocket. There is a lot of turnover in my industry, hence my looking into not renewing my lease if it doesn't work out. I can also transfer between offices which is nice. The HQ for the company is in San Diego.

David - I feel what you're saying, just feel like I'm pretty polarizing and "rub people the wrong way" out here more than SoCal. Call it just a feeling, but it's more of an issue with dating than getting along with guy friends. I also feel Denver is more 'adolescent' in vibe compared to cities in California - as smug as that sounds.

**The silver lining of Denver compared to Los Angeles is it's really easy to make new friends. Super unique and I love it. L.A. is pretty cliquy which got me to be lonely, but certainly not angry per say.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,238 posts, read 24,433,481 times
Reputation: 13010
Quote:
Originally Posted by N610DL View Post
David - I feel what you're saying, just feel like I'm pretty polarizing and "rub people the wrong way" out here more than SoCal. Call it just a feeling, but it's more of an issue with dating than getting along with guy friends.
I've never had the opportunity to properly date here, because I brought a California chick here with me (we married 2.5 years after moving here together). So I can't judge whether it's a Denver thing per se, but it could be if you haven't had these issues elsewhere.

But I know the polarizing/rub feeling well.
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Old 01-16-2017, 01:00 PM
 
1,791 posts, read 1,140,724 times
Reputation: 1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar View Post
I've never had the opportunity to properly date here, because I brought a California chick here with me (we married 2.5 years after moving here together). So I can't judge whether it's a Denver thing per se, but it could be if you haven't had these issues elsewhere.

But I know the polarizing/rub feeling well.
That's ideal - I feel like Denver is perfect for couples wanting a change of pace. The amount of aloof and flighty chicks in this city is ridiculous. Many don't dig guys with the "funny/smart/sarcastic" personality types. They just want a bearded mild-mannered plump stoner.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,238 posts, read 24,433,481 times
Reputation: 13010
Quote:
Originally Posted by N610DL View Post
They just want a bearded mild-mannered plump stoner.
You're on the right page.
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Old 01-16-2017, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
760 posts, read 590,159 times
Reputation: 1482
Quote:
Originally Posted by N610DL View Post
Thanks for both of your quick responses - I really do appreciate the perspective. Really good stuff!

MN_Ski - I'm assuming you're from Minnesota? I've been up there like 5x for work so I know how there are a lot of people out here from there that couldn't wait to get out. Otherwise it seems like vast majority of people from MSP just stay there.
I was actually born/raised in Milwaukee, but spent some time recently living in Minneapolis. Milwaukee is blunt yet friendly city. We don't go out of our way to socialize with new people, however all you need to do is say hi to us and you instantly made a new friend.

It's kind of weird, because when I moved to Minneapolis I was always looking for a reason to hate it. I was also very negative and always using the "Minnesota Nice"/Passive Aggressive behavior of Minnesotans as the reason why it was difficult to make friends. After about 6 months living there, I realized that I was actually extremely happy and had more friends there than any other time/place in my life. I thought I was some outcast, until I realized I had a huge friend group and support net. It's something I've never experienced before in my life.

Denver also has the cold, passive aggressive vibe to it, but it's different. Here it seems to come from the transient nature of residents, as well as peoples devotion to their hobbies. I also see it with the wealthy transplants who moved here from other major metros. A lot of the "It's not a good as LA, NYC, DC, etc". When you make a new friend here, they are very unlikely to go out of their way to include/invite you to hangout with them. It's very, "Well I am going to run X amount at ___ around 5:00am....you could come with if you feel like you can keep up, I guess".

It was extremely difficult to find climbing friends. Everyone was either brand new to climbing, or they already had a set group that all knew each other for years. It took me about 5-6 months of getting burned over and over before I found a few people I could rely on.

How are you dating BTW? Do you use websites or apps? I've found that the best way to date in Denver is to try to make friends first, and then network throughout your friend groups. There is something funky about people who use dating apps here in Denver. I can't exactly pin point what it is, but everyone knows about it. Either people have no friends and only use apps, or they do not use apps (or even Facebook), and only exist within their friend groups.

Also tip...try to make friends with Texans! I don't know what it is, but every Texan I have met was extremely friendly, down to earth, and they make such an effort to include you into their social circle. I don't know what it is, but wherever I have lived, the Texans were always to first ones to be my friend. I also feel like they appreciate a more dark, sarcastic kind of personality.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 02:23 PM
 
1,791 posts, read 1,140,724 times
Reputation: 1121
Quote:
Originally Posted by MN_Ski View Post
I was actually born/raised in Milwaukee, but spent some time recently living in Minneapolis. Milwaukee is blunt yet friendly city. We don't go out of our way to socialize with new people, however all you need to do is say hi to us and you instantly made a new friend.

It's kind of weird, because when I moved to Minneapolis I was always looking for a reason to hate it. I was also very negative and always using the "Minnesota Nice"/Passive Aggressive behavior of Minnesotans as the reason why it was difficult to make friends. After about 6 months living there, I realized that I was actually extremely happy and had more friends there than any other time/place in my life. I thought I was some outcast, until I realized I had a huge friend group and support net. It's something I've never experienced before in my life.

Denver also has the cold, passive aggressive vibe to it, but it's different. Here it seems to come from the transient nature of residents, as well as peoples devotion to their hobbies. I also see it with the wealthy transplants who moved here from other major metros. A lot of the "It's not a good as LA, NYC, DC, etc". When you make a new friend here, they are very unlikely to go out of their way to include/invite you to hangout with them. It's very, "Well I am going to run X amount at ___ around 5:00am....you could come with if you feel like you can keep up, I guess".

It was extremely difficult to find climbing friends. Everyone was either brand new to climbing, or they already had a set group that all knew each other for years. It took me about 5-6 months of getting burned over and over before I found a few people I could rely on.

How are you dating BTW? Do you use websites or apps? I've found that the best way to date in Denver is to try to make friends first, and then network throughout your friend groups. There is something funky about people who use dating apps here in Denver. I can't exactly pin point what it is, but everyone knows about it. Either people have no friends and only use apps, or they do not use apps (or even Facebook), and only exist within their friend groups.

Also tip...try to make friends with Texans! I don't know what it is, but every Texan I have met was extremely friendly, down to earth, and they make such an effort to include you into their social circle. I don't know what it is, but wherever I have lived, the Texans were always to first ones to be my friend. I also feel like they appreciate a more dark, sarcastic kind of personality.
Great post! I'll break the responses up piece by piece - I think you're dead on here.

First, interesting about your perspective about Minneapolis. I used to work for a company based there while in a remote office in L.A. There were some great people that worked there, and then also some very passive aggressive P.O.S. types. I feel like all the good people got forced out or left, and all the toxic managers and V.P.'s are still there. Sad but true. Wisconsin people seem much friendlier and different and not so much passive aggressive (maybe a little but on a small scale.) The "Minnesota Nice" thing is so true - I think even some of the locals go out there way to avoid the stereotype and others don't even know it exists. Like some are like "Oh MN nice means we are just nice people!" Then I point them to the wikipedia page for MN nice and they get it. Certainly the weather up there doesn't help the situation.

Now I'm from New Jersey and I'll be the first to say that people from there aren't necessarily direct either. I would say people from there are pretty nasty and psychotic with a streak of negativity rolled up right into it. Not good.

I think you are right on Denver's view on passive aggression. People are cold until they start drinking or do drugs and then they'll open up to you. Most of my friends have been met via the bar scene. I can text them to meet up but it's not like they'd invite me over to house parties or directly into their friend circle. Hence why I do need to get out there and start joining one of those sports leagues. Probably volleyball is a good one when it warms up a bit.

Dating has been all via the apps. Now I'm really not sure if this is the standard but it seems like many single guys are on it if they aren't dating someone and are new to town. I think you are correct that there is a stigma as to who goes on those apps. In L.A. the quality was better, here the girls are worse in looks and personality and generally have an attitude problem - like they've been damaged or something.

As far as climbing goes I have no idea. I'm actually also feel like I'm at a loss because people here seem to wake up at the crack of dawn for some reason and I'm more of a night owl. It was customary in L.A. to start work around 10am, not so much out here.

Actually one of my closest friends since I moved here is from Texas so you're right on about that!

Last edited by N610DL; 01-16-2017 at 02:44 PM..
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