Question About Making Friendships In Denver.. Strange Encounters (Highlands Ranch, Littleton: how much, luxury)

[TCHP]

Working 10-12 hours a day every day is a big impediment to meeting people and doing things. Sure you can work in a few hours a week at a bar or museum or something, but it will limit where you can go and what you can do. Making friends does take effort and it isn't always paid back, especially in a mobile city like Denver. So expect a number of false starts.

The suggestion to work a part time job is interesting. Volunteering at others places can do this, as can taking some fluff classes at a community college. I think 90% of the volunteers I've meet at the local animal shelter were all women, fwiw. Heck, even lookign at clubs, groups, and facilities around things you already like to do can get you in front of like minded people.

While Denver does have a very active outdoor culture, it does have other things to do within the metro as well. Flag football, pickleball, basketball spin classes, softball, etc are all things that can help with face to face interaction, and can be done within minutes of many locations.

[Norrov]

Originally Posted by BarryK123

Other employees or customers?

Other employees, usually college students that are working part time. At the time I was basically working from home like 15-20 hours a week. I’m either out of town working ridiculous hours, or I sit at home and take phone calls and respond to emails, both pay the same. Ha

Back then I didn’t know anyone here and I was bored. I’m still friends with 3-4 of them that have went on to their careers.

[NinjaHitsAWall]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

I also notice people tend to not say hello and turn their face.

Before I moved, this song described my life:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sSabHEWbmc

Only to find out that it was in fact meant to describe the alienation of urban life through a metaphor of the London tube.

But yeah, I think this is a general modern-day city thing now. At least above the Mason-Dixon line. So far, anyone I've asked that moved here from somewhere in the southern US thinks Denver is less "friendly". My perspective is the opposite coming from the northeast.

My understanding of Colorado "social etiquette" was that there kind of isn't one? haha. I suck at meeting people too. But I've lived here once before and always found friends best by basically not trying. I think there is a common mentality (or maybe this only applies to certain parts of the US) that if you want to make friends as an adult you need to make an effort. In my mind, if it feels like an effort it's not a real foundation for a friendship so you're wasting your time or you're not in the right environment. Or that's my lazy introvert brain talking.

The phone number thing is odd, can't say I've encountered that. And it's other men doing that? Whenever I've exchanged numbers with someone, it was because we were potentially going to make plans to meet and do something - not that it ended up happening every single time. My situation may be different because I met people through a Master's program.

I also wish I could make male friends more easily. I think because our program is majority female (with the exception of the concentration I'm in which is either 50/50 or more male, but also pretty small and according to one of my friends, I never really connected with them because they just like to get trashed every weekend, lol). So, that might be part of it...

Originally Posted by otowi

I think it can be hard to meet people to form lasting friendships when you're an adult in general. The best ways to do it almost always seem to be through getting involved with others in something you like doing - whether that be a sport, gaming, book study, church, hobby, volunteering, etc. It does take a bit of time, usually.

I think this is even more so the case in Colorado, people seem to connect a lot around liking similar activities. Not necessarily outdoor ones, because if you're talking about Denver, there's stuff around the city as well that people like to do pretty regularly. Also, as an adult I think friendships (especially genuine ones) just form more slowly. There are more layers to a person. (Well, with some exceptions, lol.) So it just takes longer to know someone well.

[oping00]

Originally Posted by Mike from back east

IMO it's the same in most places. People are pre-occupied with THEIR stuff, they will converse a while then that's the end of it....just small talk to most of them...a pleasant moment while out and about. I do this in the grocery checkout line, a quick chat, then ta-ta and cheerio old chap.

Its like that everywhere nowadays, I live in CA and people are nice and polite, but busy cause of Cost living and sprawl. Condensed cities are better for social activities like chicago\ny.

[Radical347]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

As I say, my mind is boggled. No where have I been where someone acts that friendly and then just blows you off like yesterday's garbage.

Somewhat off tangent, but this sounds exactly like San Diego.

[Count David]

Originally Posted by Radical347

Somewhat off tangent, but this sounds exactly like San Diego.

I have noted cultural similarities between the two cities myself.

[pikabike]

Originally Posted by Count David

I have noted cultural similarities between the two cities myself.

A CO native friend who had moved to SD for career reasons told us, on a return visit to Denver, that people in his new home area were more like activity buddies than all ‘round friends. They would go with some people to do certain things but not really hang out with them otherwise.

I suspect that people are so busy with work, long commutes, and family that they just place high value on squeezing the most out of their downtime. Ergo, socializing just for the sake of getting to know people may not make it onto the schedule. And I totally get it, remembering how I used to schedule my offtime in increments as small as 15 minutes sometimes. That doesn’t leave time for people, who often have a way of taking up lots of other people’s time.

However, I still say that spending hrs in a bar with the goal of making friends is still time used up. Being too goal-oriented with respect to “making” friends is a big turnoff.

[daprara]

middle age, early retirement the bet is you have lost the insecurity of high school. That person knows his skills. If the individual is not too self limiting will continue to develop.


It is important to be the confidant and approachable individual but the family is #1.

[N610DL]

Originally Posted by Radical347

Somewhat off tangent, but this sounds exactly like San Diego.

San Diego is Denver with a beach and the same types of people.

[Mach50]

Originally Posted by Radical347

Somewhat off tangent, but this sounds exactly like San Diego.

Originally Posted by Count David

I have noted cultural similarities between the two cities myself.

Originally Posted by N610DL

San Diego is Denver with a beach and the same types of people.

I never really thought about it but you guys are dead on.

I would add that south Denver (Highlands Ranch, Littleton, Cherry hills village) feels identical to Orange County.