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Old 02-13-2019, 01:34 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado
3,256 posts, read 3,999,225 times
Reputation: 4189

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Port Pitt Ash.. I feel your post is pretty condescending and that is sad because I kind of thought of you as a friend up until this point.. I never said I was anybody special, perfect or tried to elevate myself.. But since you are crapping all over me now I guess i better try to stand up for myself a bit and address somethings you have wrote.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
Charlotte & Denver are "easy setting" for getting a date.
Well, as you told me you are a decent looking hockey player build type with a lot of game so I am sure you can do well anywhere you live. I am not so great looking anymore and not so well to do and don't have a lot of opportunities to meet women.. I am also not pursuing any relationship either.. I didn't even want this thread to dive into the relationship realm as that always gets into dirty and emotional discussions. I don't really care much about women right now when I am working night and day trying to survive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
I think I took for granted giving you good dating city options when I didn't even know if you could. Maybe you should just go to SE Asia to live like a rockstar for a bit or...strikeout and not have to pine over women at all anymore? At least that way you'd know if it was the crap place you came from or if it's you.
I didn't move to Denver thinking it would be a good dating city. I came here because I was fearful I would end up in another awful situation like I was in Charlotte. I was kind of running out of time and I figured never living in Colorado in my whole life it would be worth a try. I thought I should give Colorado a try and appreciated the more Libertarian laws and the fact that I could have access to legal cannabis to help with the nerve damage I suffer with in my neck. It also helps me sleep better at night as I suffer a bit there. Charlotte was actually very restrictive in ways I had no idea and the cost of living was just as high as Denver and had many less job opportunities. Not that with my issues, I feel I can necessarily hold a full time software job in an office space with poor ergonomics and managers who will get upset with me taking frequent breaks; but, it is good to have them available, nonetheless.

Why would I want to go to SE Asia and marry a gold digger? I wouldn't mind being in a place with friendlier women, but it is not going to destroy my life not having one. I lived half a year in Africa and had women running up to me asking if they could have my baby, asking me for marriage and treating me like a rock star. I was to be made chief of a village. Yeah, whoopie.. I've spent enough time in third world countries and know taking advantage of less fortunate people is pretty pathetic. As well, I know many will try to take advantage of me to get ahead. I rather not have a relationship with a foreign woman unless I am permanently living in that country, speak the language and know the culture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
I'd skip TN completely now. Southern social life is difficult to navigate. Sure people will be friendly, but that's it. You'll just be on here in the fall talking about how you don't get southerners & how they are weird or whatever.
Wow, pretty condescending, insulting and hypocritical from a guy who spends quite a bit of time complaining about where he lives and places he lived and always looking for another place to live . You have probably lived and moved more times than me and you are insulting me for moving and having issues where I live? Why don't you take a look at yourself before you sit there and spit all over me. Thank you.


There is no place on this Earth where social life is easy to navigate. But, being in a place with friendlier and more genuine people will be a step up. Many people think Asheville, where you live, is heaven on Earth. But you seem to be complaining about the women, the people and pretty much have as much of a cynical view of the place as I do of Denver. But, of course you are so special and I am just a pathetic loser so what I think doesn't matter, right?

And, for what it is worth, if I am going to be stuck in a place with cold, unfriendly people, at least I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for it. As well, I would prefer the lush green scenery of the Appalachian mountains over the dry and barren scenery here in Colorado. I also am not loving the altitude that much and didn't realize how brutal the sun gets up here.

If it wasn't for the insane politics, exorbitant cost of living and large migration of outsiders to Oregon, I would have never left my home state. I was actually happy enough in Oregon , even though it was far from perfect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
Being 40-something and wanting to age-gap date in the states is already a strike against you.
I open to many age ranges actually.. I judge a woman more on her character and morality than her age.. Any woman 21 to 49 is a viable option for me if she is good hearted and honorable person. Once, I was even was kind of in love with this lady who was in her late 50s. She was a former model and quite gorgeous and was big into health food and nutrition stuff I was into and we had lot of long conversations and enjoyed each other company. No, she was too old for me, but I still liked her a lot and she was pretty damn hot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
What are you bringing to the table that is making up for it?
I am bringing me and that is good enough.. What are you bringing to the table, studmuffin? I am not chasing around bunch of young chicks if that is what you are thinking. Just because i prefer younger ladies, doesn't mean that's all I want or even what I would attempt to get.. In fact, Iam not pursuing any relationship or woman at all right now.. I guess you are inferring I am a pathetic loser.. Yeah , I know young chicks want gold or fresh meat and old ones want morals and honor and I must not have much of each.. Uh huh..


Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
You keep talking about wanting to get in shape, but so far that's all it seems to be.
Yeah, well I have struggled in my life.. When you get hammered with nerve damage and are in horrifying pain and can barely move for 6 months and then have to slowly rehabilitate to yourself it is kind of a struggle. One day you may become disabled and then maybe it will be others laughing at you? Easy to sit there and mock somebody else who has suffered. I could give two craps less what you think actually.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
You seem to feel the need to live in a nice area, but then lowball the price. No wonder you end up with bad neighbors & think no city is affordable. At the somewhat nice end most things are run by corporations that more or less price the same no matter where you are.
It is kind of worthless getting into discussion with you. You were sending me lots of friendly direct messages and be nice and then getting all crazy , insulting and tearing me down on this post.. You are in no better shape than me and a big hypocrite. Where have you lived? Where have you settled? You are not happy where you live now and whine and complain about all the same crap , so why don't you just go fix yourself and get off my backside. I ended up with a convicted felon /methhead as a neighbor cause that is just who I ended up with.. He lived in his mom's garage and I had no way of knowing until I moved there. My current neighbors suck but I can live with them. They just whine and complain about any little bit of noise.. NOt a great situation, but completely acceptable, unlike the violent felon who tried to murder his girlfriend in front of me when I lived in Charlotte. He also carried a stolen gun around with him despite having several felonies. Didn't make for a nice cozy atmosphere.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
Speaking of money you're working all these hours at a decent job, but never seem to have any money. What in the world are you spending it all on? Surely you can't be drinking, shooting, and smoking all of it away.
Really, it is none of your gosh dang business.. But, let's just say I made lot of bad decisions and spent years working in family business that is falling apart.. I worked years trying to help the family, working night and day, but our business went bankrupt and I wasted many years working for nothing trying to save it. Yeah, I made mistakes. I apologize for not being so freakin perfect like you and making all the right decisions in life. Gosh, if only I could be as freakin perfect as you. Well, the past is the past and I am working a full time job and studying full time. That's why I am working so long and not making very much money. Since you really have to know.. You don't know jack crap about software market I am assuming and probably don't know the kind of hours a lot of people have to put in. I have not been on the job market in 15 years, it takes a bit of work to ace the challenging interview questions that require a lot of sophisticated algorithm and data structure knowledge in addition to being proficient in various technologies. I am having to learn several new cloud technologies after being a desktop developer for many years. Yeah, it is a profession that keeps evolving and it is hard to keep up at times.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
Anyway, I'd just worry about getting your own personal stuff sorted before looking for someplace you want to be. Make a list & tackle whatever you feel you can most handle first.
Speak for yourself

Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash View Post
Why are you talking about Pittsburgh if you don't know anything about it?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? You must have found that post I made in the Tennessee forum. A number of Jews were massacred in a synagogue in Pittsburgh.. I have every right to discuss that issue and when Jewish blood pours like a river in a synagogue and Jewish holy books are covered in blood I can speak all about it. You also took what I wrote there out of context. Somebody was saying how they were afraid of Anti-Semitism in Knoxville and I was making a point there is Anti-Semitism everywhere. I used Pittsburgh as an example, because many people don't believe Pittsburgh would be considered a place with racism. I am not saying Pittsburgh is racist place, but the worst Anti-Semitic attack in the history of USA happened in Pittsburgh. That was my point.

Last edited by RotseCherut; 02-13-2019 at 02:14 AM..

 
Old 02-13-2019, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
757 posts, read 580,580 times
Reputation: 1476
Holy hell, this thread is getting sad.

Honestly, if we were all in a bar right now at a social event, and this were a real conversation, I would totally ghost out on this situation...

I am seeing a common theme here. It seems like people are feeling sorry for themselves, and have gotten into such a rut of disappointment, that they have grown to expect poor results. They are blaming their lack of friendships on a generalization of a metro area of some 3 million people. That kind of mind set is a turn off for many.

Here are my tips for life:
- Learn how to have fun alone
- Be an interesting person
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself
- Go into every situation as if it's your first day in town
- Give everyone you run into a chance
- Be vulnerable
- Accept that online apps and bars suck
- Remind yourself you are living in a place that millions of people around the world are envious of
- If you really, really, are not happy where you are, try somewhere else
 
Old 02-13-2019, 08:23 AM
 
Location: denver, co
101 posts, read 130,767 times
Reputation: 183
good thread
 
Old 02-13-2019, 10:17 AM
 
5,302 posts, read 2,747,578 times
Reputation: 9807
If you have no hobbies, you will come across as either “bland” or trying to get other people to be your hobby. The most interesting thing about you might be how much you complain about every place you live.

The “dry and barren scenery” has existed since long before you decided to move to CO. It is your own lapse in failing to know about it beforehand. There is no place in CO or near it that has the PNW lush greenery you want. NO place. The southwestern US is an arid or semi-arid region. Surely, in your long history of reading C-D you saw how many other transplants yelped, “I did not expect it to be this brown and dry!”

Last edited by pikabike; 02-13-2019 at 10:26 AM..
 
Old 02-13-2019, 12:38 PM
 
1,433 posts, read 1,279,165 times
Reputation: 1279
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
Well, as you told me you are a decent looking hockey player build type with a lot of game so I am sure you can do well anywhere you live.
Because I got myself in shape & learned. If that weren't the case do you think I would've spent a fraction of the time I've spent responding to you or even be on CD at all?

These are two things you have control over and will take you a long way toward your goals.

Nerve issues are going to make it hard, but you're no stranger to hard I'd think.

You were a bodybuilder at one point so you understand hard, pain, dieting, discipline, and so on. What happened?

Why can't you so much as join the Y & spend your lunch hour or after work in the pool for an hour or doing some other low impact thing instead of bars?

Know what else helps you sleep? Doing a few laps in the pool or a long walk.

Can't do much about your looks going, but that's all the more reason why you have to have your other areas working.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
Why would I want to go to SE Asia and marry a gold digger?

I lived half a year in Africa and had women running up to me asking if they could have my baby, asking me for marriage and treating me like a rock star.
Nobody said anything about marry. Okay so now we have a baseline. Most people lacking confidence would gain some superficial benefit to getting that attention at least. But now we know, at least in your prime, you could get a date.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
Wow, pretty condescending, insulting and hypocritical from a guy who spends quite a bit of time complaining about where he lives and places he lived and always looking for another place to live .
I think you've misread me then. I like a lot of places I've lived including the current area. Big difference between turning damaged women away, having done everything there is to do within a short timeframe & wanting to check out something new.

I'm not a cheerleader type. It doesn't do anybody any good to gloss over negative aspects of a place. I give both the good & the bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
There is no place on this Earth where social life is easy to navigate.
Oh, I don't know about that. But I do know Denver is easier from a social standpoint than midsized cities in TN & many other places in the south.

I've successfully navigated the social culture of the south and it's not my cup of tea.

Big difference between that and "I don't get these weird, flaky people in X city" thing you're talking about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
Many people think Asheville, where you live, is heaven on Earth. But you seem to be complaining about the women, the people and pretty much have as much of a cynical view of the place as I do of Denver.
Just the cheerleaders, people who vacation there for a short bit, and some of the people who come in with money. Oh and the people who believe all the hype they read in the magazine articles too.

Why wouldn't you want to know about the damaged women?

Denver is a nice city. Asheville is a nice city. Socially Denver is much easier & the people seem to have fewer issues (but that could just be because the metro here is so much smaller so it's easier to spot).

People in Denver being flaky? So what? Most of the west is this way. Portland certainly is. You of all people should know that. And it's a bit of a moot point since cell phones & the sheer abundance of media options people have today is making a lot of places into this way of life.

You can't really do anything about people who are truly addicted to their phones, but you can offer more than the rest of the things people mindlessly consume. That is assuming you have something more to offer. I'm sure you do, you just haven't given it much thought. Most people don't. But when things aren't working for you have to "debug the code" in your life.

Yeah, it sucks Oregon changed, but you deal and move on in every sense of the word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I would prefer the lush green scenery of the Appalachian mountains over the dry and barren scenery here in Colorado. I also am not loving the altitude that much and didn't realize how brutal the sun gets up here.
That's understandable. You're kidding yourself if you think being at elevation in Colorado and being at elevation in the Appalachians is different when it comes to the sun. You're just trading dry for humid the rest is more or less the same on a hot sunny day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I open to many age ranges actually.. I judge a woman more on her character and morality than her age.. Any woman 21 to 49 is a viable option for me if she is good hearted and honorable person. Once, I was even was kind of in love with this lady who was in her late 50s. She was a former model and quite gorgeous and was big into health food and nutrition stuff I was into and we had lot of long conversations and enjoyed each other company. No, she was too old for me, but I still liked her a lot and she was pretty damn hot.
Have you ever heard the term white knight? What about the term nice-guy syndrome?

So let me get this straight. You had a woman you were interested in, and the way you tell it, was interested in you as well, but suddenly age mattered. Way to be an a-hole and lead her on in what sounded like a good match for you. It really is true we are our own worst enemies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I am bringing me and that is good enough.
Is it a secret?

You certainly can't tell what you're offering from your posts.

All I see are excuses from a lonely guy who sounds desperate when it comes to making GUY friends, never mind dating. Someone who's letting fear run the show.

It's odd how you keep referring to yourself as a "pathetic loser" in this post.

If you need any more evidence that you're not in a good place mentally I don't know what you're waiting to read.

You want to know what I think?

I think you're not willing to put in the work to get back to a good place. I think you work too much, but if you have time to spend at the bar then you at least have enough time to take the first steps doing something more productive with what little free time you have.

Forget about TN and just go to wherever it was you said you had a friend. Even though it'll suck at least you'll have support from them while you address the issues in your life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
Yeah, well I have struggled in my life.. When you get hammered with nerve damage and are in horrifying pain and can barely move for 6 months and then have to slowly rehabilitate to yourself it is kind of a struggle. One day you may become disabled and then maybe it will be others laughing at you? Easy to sit there and mock somebody else who has suffered. I could give two craps less what you think actually.
As have most people. You got dealt a crap hand, but you also struck me as someone who's tougher than the average person. Nobody's laughing at you or mocking you. If that's what you honestly think then perhaps CD isn't going to help you no matter how much people here go out of our way to help you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
You were sending me lots of friendly direct messages and be nice and then getting all crazy , insulting and tearing me down on this post.. You are in no better shape than me and a big hypocrite. Where have you lived? Where have you settled?

You are not happy where you live now and whine and complain about all the same crap , so why don't you just go fix yourself and get off my backside.
It's called getting tired of you not listening, but then finding out and parroting things back to me like you're telling me something you weren't already told.

I've lived lots of places. I like to share my experience (both good & bad).

I've settled in a few places, but the point is I was tried of moving around as much & was looking for someplace that fit me better to live for awhile. Kind of the point of CD, no?

I've already put in the work to improve myself physically, mentally, socially, romantically, religiously, introspectively, and am working to fix my situation financially (even though I'm in slightly better shape for my age going by those clickbait articles). I've already started my own business. I already have had a history of living & enjoying many places and social/romantic situations.

There's a big difference between not being satisfied with the options you have and proactively doing something about it and not having options.

If you think we're even remotely in the same boat you haven't been paying attention at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I ended up with a convicted felon /methhead as a neighbor cause that is just who I ended up with.. He lived in his mom's garage and I had no way of knowing until I moved there. My current neighbors suck but I can live with them. They just whine and complain about any little bit of noise..
I still say it's because you're rushing into these things and trying to afford a level of quality that you just can't manage resulting in other issues like bad neighbors.

Still, I've had crackhead neighbors before. Once a gangbanger lived across the street. Other than having them beg for food & having to watch them sell their daughter's things every weekend we got along. Same with the guy across the street.

Thinking back the only neighbor I've had that I didn't get along with (I think) was this really religious pack rat guy I had to share a bathroom with who was also a hypochondriac. Never understood how you could be both. Point is I just avoided him & for the time I was there and things worked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
That's why I am working so long and not making very much money.
I'm sorry to hear your family screwed up your life & you're working so many hours for minimum wage. Oh wait...

Maybe a change of career would be a better option?

It seems like the only area of your life where you're putting in the work is your job, which you've said you're physically no longer able to do and not making much money at doing.

At this point why not go on disability, work PT at a head shop, & freelance on the side? Maybe move in with one of those cougars you've had luck with in the past until you can get your business up and running. Even if you fail your quality of life should improve by leaps and bounds.

Life just isn't as hard as you're making it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
A number of Jews were massacred in a synagogue in Pittsburgh.

Somebody was saying how they were afraid of Anti-Semitism in Knoxville and I was making a point there is Anti-Semitism everywhere. I used Pittsburgh as an example, because many people don't believe Pittsburgh would be considered a place with racism. I am not saying Pittsburgh is racist place, but the worst Anti-Semitic attack in the history of USA happened in Pittsburgh. That was my point.
I'm aware of the synagogue massacre. I'm also aware of how out of character that was for the city. It has a large and growing Jewish population & people in the city are usually favorable or neutral towards Jewish people there.

It is also unfortunately a place with a lot of racism directed at the black community (mostly in the NYC elitist style of withholding opportunities).

You don't have any of the southern racial strife in that city. These days the crime is very low as well for its size.

The thing that surprises most people about the south is it does have a LOT of racial stuff AND a fair amount of race mixing, which you don't see as much in some of the Midwestern and northeastern cities.

I guess I just don't see your point when you pick out one thing from a city you haven't spent time in and compare it to another city you haven't spent much time in with respect to how the day to day living is for entire groups of people.

Which is doubly surprising since I provided you with first hand accounts of information a tourist wouldn't know about from my extensive time spent visiting/living in both. It's kind of like you ignored everything I said...

I know other people on CD talk out of their asses too, but I figured I'd point it out for your own edification in case you wanted to be a better version of yourself by addressing your fuzzy thought patterns.

Last edited by Port Pitt Ash; 02-13-2019 at 12:58 PM..
 
Old 02-13-2019, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Mars City
5,091 posts, read 2,101,797 times
Reputation: 7491
No amount of chatter and talk above will change the fact that people are more introverted and exclusive in Denver than in warmer and more open and social parts of the US. The OP hit upon something undeniable. There's no way to talk it away, or talk it out of existence.
 
Old 02-13-2019, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado
3,256 posts, read 3,999,225 times
Reputation: 4189
Im bailing on this thread which was good up until this point, even if people didnt agree with me. It looks like PortPittAsh has to go on the personal attack and i got a lot more important things to do than get in futile arguments here with people or explain myself and justify my whole life, especially to a guy who cannot look at his own flaws and has done his share of kvetching to me in personal messages.
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