How easy/hard is it to make friends? (Denver, Colorado Springs: environment, transplants)

[Charles]

Originally Posted by LoveBoating

We got involved with Squaredancing while living in Colorado, but the ONLY thing Squaredancers want to do is Squaredance!!! There is more to life than hearing "Square 'em up!"

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[wanttomoveeast]

I've had a hard time meeting friends here. I'm a native. About 8 yrs. ago I decided to go back to college and finish my degree. I spent every minute doing that and working 40 hrs. a week. I did get married and my DH is also finishing up his degree. I finally finished, last year, and thought, whew, now I can do social things! But all of my old friends had moved away out of state, and I found myself with no friends! So I tried, talking to strangers, and going to online local groups. I joined another forum where everyone seemed really friendly, but what it really was was some kind of high school clique, ran by adults. It was really disappointing. And the women I met turned really witchy and I backed out. So here I am, back to square 1! I do have one coworker friend and we get along quite well. She's a single mom, although her kids are grown. So often I go with her to outings. It's just hard. People really aren't all that friendly here.

[downtownnola]

Originally Posted by LoveBoating

We will say this, Denver metro area isn't the only place where it is hard to meet/make friends......so is the "so-called" friendly South! We now live just above Charlotte, NC and we find that it is as unfriendly here as it was in Denver. I truely believe that it is just a "sign of the times we live in". With all the crime and crap that goes on today, not too many people want anything to do with strangers. One of the only ways to meet people/make friends is to have kids that are in school (elementary or high school).
We got involved with Squaredancing while living in Colorado, but the ONLY thing Squaredancers want to do is Squaredance!!! There is more to life than hearing "Square 'em up!"

I don't think that people's unfriendliness is necessarily a "sign of the times" everywhere. There are still alot of friendly places, but I don't think that there are any truly friendly big cities.

Like I stated in my previous post, I have lived in VERY friendly places where making friends is easy, but these places were smaller towns of less than 100,000 people. I think that often times, people who live in large metro areas feel the pressure of traffic, commuting, higher prices, less breathing room, amd the constant aggrivation of crowds. People who live in large metro areas are constantly surrounded by strangers, and I think that as humans we become naturally territorial when we are in overcrowded environments. I think that this explains why people in large metros typically keep more to themselves and are less friendly than people living in more rural environments. Just my theory.

[wanttomoveeast]

interesting downtownnola. With that said, who's up for a city-data happy hour? I'll start my own thread instead of hijacking this one.

[Quicie]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

I've had a hard time meeting friends here. I'm a native. About 8 yrs. ago I decided to go back to college and finish my degree. I spent every minute doing that and working 40 hrs. a week. I did get married and my DH is also finishing up his degree. I finally finished, last year, and thought, whew, now I can do social things! But all of my old friends had moved away out of state, and I found myself with no friends! So I tried, talking to strangers, and going to online local groups. I joined another forum where everyone seemed really friendly, but what it really was was some kind of high school clique, ran by adults. It was really disappointing. And the women I met turned really witchy and I backed out. So here I am, back to square 1! I do have one coworker friend and we get along quite well. She's a single mom, although her kids are grown. So often I go with her to outings. It's just hard. People really aren't all that friendly here.

All of my true friends have moved out of state except for two and they live about an hour from me. It sucks because it's so hard to find people who are actual gems these days. Anyway, Denver still sounds like a wonderful place.

[wanttomoveeast]

Yeah, don't get me wrong. There are lots of pluses about Denver. And perhaps a change in scenery could do me well. It is like anything too, you have to try to meet people, they don't just come to you. And don't give up even if you are blown off by a flake. Sooner or later someone will turn up!

[Charles]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

interesting downtownnola. With that said, who's up for a city-data happy hour? I'll start my own thread instead of hijacking this one.

I'd be up for it....We tried to get one going on the Colorado Springs board about a year ago...the idea went over like a led zeppelin - we cancelled. Our plan was to make it sort of a neutral family friendly thing like at a park where everyone's kids could goof off. I didn't think a restaurant sit down thing would work - too confined and rigid. Happy Hour would work if the place was loose enough for people to mingle - not too loud, but I'm sure that wouldn't be too hard.

I think City Data forums are appreciated by people who really like anonymity and perhaps find CD as an outlet for expression they wouldn't otherwise have in a non-virtual environment.

I'd love to meet all the regular posters and see how different they are in real life compared to my perception of them.

[wanttomoveeast]

Charles: I agree about the anonymity of city data. Well, we shall see if others post. I started a new thread titled Happy Hour.

[LoveBoating]

Yea right.......no thanks!!

Originally Posted by Charles

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[TropicanaRose]

it's so hard to find people who are actual gems these days

Ack! This thread has started to really chap my hide.

Things to stop:

-expecting people to befriend you in line at the grocery, the bank, etc.
-pigeon holing everyone you meet (common interests are important, but you'll stagnate if you're only willing to associate with your twin)
-meeting people through meet-up groups (a bunch of people who are otherwise having trouble connecting will not usually connect with one another)
-constant fault finding

Things to start:

-join
-join
-join
-did I say join?

Are you a person of faith? Start trying the appropriate places of worship and join the one you like the best. Join a small group. Are you a fraternity, sorority or other collegiate organization alum? Join your alumni group. Your college or grad school may have an alumni group here. Volunteer for groups that help children, the zoo, maxfund, whatever you care about. Book clubs are a great way to get to know people. Organize a neighborhood garage sale.

-take a class that interests you
-be Doris Day for awhile (everyone has problems and no one wants to listen to yours- until they get to know you- sow before you harvest)
-find things to like and admire about the place you live and the people around you

I've lived in places that I really did not like, but I had friends, and I had them quickly. I focused on positive aspects of places that weren't my cup of tea. I participated in my community.

As for this gem business, I just don't think that's true. When I've experienced difficult times, I've been overwhelmed at the kindness, compassion, and generosity of many- all over the place. Friends. Friends of friends. Strangers. Gems.

-smile