How easy/hard is it to make friends? (Denver: motel, houses)

[vegaspilgrim]

I've always had a hard time making friends, too. I had a bunch of friendly acquaintances growing up, up until the end of high school, but I've never had a group of "buddies." Since then though, everybody has gone their separate ways, and everytime I come back to Denver (I'm here right now, for one month) I have nobody to see or talk to other than my family, pretty much. The people I knew from high school never respond to my phone calls, emails, or facebook messages. And it's not just Denver. In my four years in Phoenix, I found people there pretty much the same as they are here. Well actually, native Arizonans are slightly friendlier people (and a lot more welcoming-- or at least, not vocally opposed to newcomers) than native Coloradans (although yeah, if you complain it's too hot down there people there will also tell you to get the **** out), but overall, the two societies aren't much different when you get down to it. In fact, who knows if I'll see anybody I used to know at ASU again? And I'm not saying I'm better than everybody else-- a large part of it probably is my problem, but maybe there is something to the accusation that people in the western US aren't very friendly? I think in general, people in large western cities lack character. Believe it or not, I think some of the most sociable people in the US are New Yorkers. True, they can often be rude and they talk fast, but I think a lot of westerners incorrectly mistake rudeness for unfriendliness and meanness, when actually they are two different things.

[rosie]

Originally Posted by Quicie

Question, How far is Colorado Springs from Denver? Do you miss Texas at all? and compared to Texas would you say you like Denver better? Sorry so many questions.

Quicie, Colorado Springs is approx. 1 hour South of Denver. No I do not miss Texas. Actually I was very unhappy in Texas I grew up in the mountains and was used to 4 seasons! Dallas - where we lived - is so flat and the summer months are terrible hot and humid. We are big into the outdoors (skiing and biking). We considered Boulder (but that was too expensive for us) then Denver...but Denver seemed too big for us (we like it smaller)...we then decided for Colorado Springs (despite it being very conservative)...we love that the mountains (espcially Pikes Peak) are so close. We live in a new neighborhood with lots of young families and kids.... I think this really helps to make friendships! So far, we are very happy here

[One Thousand]

Originally Posted by vegaspilgrim

I think in general, people in large western cities lack character. Believe it or not, I think some of the most sociable people in the US are New Yorkers. True, they can often be rude and they talk fast, but I think a lot of westerners incorrectly mistake rudeness for unfriendliness and meanness, when actually they are two different things.

It's interesting because I call that "being direct" which is the polar opposite of the reason it's hard to make friends out this way. I think at the root of friendship is trust. Out this way, people are indirect, so you really never know where you stand with them so you can never really trust them. As you get into the Mid-West and East, we have a tendency just to tell you how it is. You know where you stand and you're able to build a relationship on a real foundation.

I've come far enough where I can just shrug it off when the flakiness surfaces, but there's always a sense of isolation and mistrust. I miss being call arse hole when I say something offensive. Here, or the West Coast, if you offend someone, they just act wierd and it's never really settled. Back home, you do something or someone does something to you, there's a confrontation and the person in the wrong apologizes and everyone moves on. Not out here... atleast not in my experience.

[Luke9686]

I agree with Vegas Pilgrim and One Thousand. It's hard to make "true" friends almost anywhere. I've lived in 6 different states, made lots of friends, but none like my few good friends back home. My friendship with my home buddies is a lot different. It's just hard to build that comaradarie (sp?) like I have with my childhood friends. And honestly, most people aren't that interested in making new friends.

Midwest and East Coasters are very direct. My parents friends are building a new house in the country outside of Des Moines, Iowa. The neighbors came over and started talking to them. They straight up told the neighbors, in these exact words, "we don't neighbor." Basically telling them they aren't looking for friends. Sad but true.

[Quicie]

Originally Posted by rosie

Quicie, Colorado Springs is approx. 1 hour South of Denver. No I do not miss Texas. Actually I was very unhappy in Texas I grew up in the mountains and was used to 4 seasons! Dallas - where we lived - is so flat and the summer months are terrible hot and humid. We are big into the outdoors (skiing and biking). We considered Boulder (but that was too expensive for us) then Denver...but Denver seemed too big for us (we like it smaller)...we then decided for Colorado Springs (despite it being very conservative)...we love that the mountains (espcially Pikes Peak) are so close. We live in a new neighborhood with lots of young families and kids.... I think this really helps to make friendships! So far, we are very happy here

GIRL, I know what you mean! I grew up in Cali and I miss the West sooooo much. I have never been able to be happy here in Alabama. I miss the mountains, I miss hiking, camping, etc. I can't wait to move. That's all I've been talking about for the longest and honestly that's all I care about. I know, sad right?! I'm just ready for a change, a good change.

[rosie]

Originally Posted by Quicie

GIRL, I know what you mean! I grew up in Cali and I miss the West sooooo much. I have never been able to be happy here in Alabama. I miss the mountains, I miss hiking, camping, etc. I can't wait to move. That's all I've been talking about for the longest and honestly that's all I care about. I know, sad right?! I'm just ready for a change, a good change.

Quicie, if you are able to....move! The sooner the better! Life is too short to live somewhere unhappy! There is no perfect place.....you have to set your priorities in life! For us it was nature/outdoors/seasons etc. We had a great house in TX..but what is a great house if it is like a castle in the "desert"? And there is nothing around it (no mountains to climb up ) and you feel very secluded (if you choose not to be part of a church!). We live now in a small simple house outside Colorado Springs...but spend most of the time enjoying life and the outdoors ...and starting to make friendships

[Katiana]

I have struggled for years with this issue of 'are people in Place A different from those in Place B" re: friendliness and other desirable qualities. Part of me says, people are the same everywhere, and part of me says that people are friendlier (or not) in different places. I think there are cultural differences. I'm not sure if it's so much western US vs eastern US, though. I've found that when it comes to true friendship, as in the people you know who you can call on in an emergency, and so forth, that it's pretty much the same everywhere.

People in NY are more outgoing, it seems to me. When we went there on vacation and were riding the subways, looking at a map and trying to figure out where to get off, people were very helpful. I can't imagine that happening in Denver. When we lived in Albany, people didn't have high fences around their yards and worry so much about their privacy as they do here. Just my 2 c's.

[Katiana]

I have struggled for years with this issue of 'are people in Place A different from those in Place B" re: friendliness and other desirable qualities. Part of me says, people are the same everywhere, and part of me says that people are friendlier (or not) in different places. I think there are cultural differences. I'm not sure if it's so much western US vs eastern US, though. I've found that when it comes to true friendship, as in the people you know who you can call on in an emergency, and so forth, that it's pretty much the same everywhere.

People in NY are more outgoing, it seems to me. When we went there on vacation and were riding the subways, looking at a map and trying to figure out where to get off, people were very helpful. I can't imagine that happening in Denver. When we lived in Albany, people didn't have high fences around their yards and worry so much about their privacy as they do here.

A complaint I have heard about Pittsburgh, my hometown, and some places in the midwest is that everyone has family and isn't really looking for any new friends. So while people may be willing to give you directions or something, they don't usually invite you over for dinner. Just my 2 c's.

[wanttomoveeast]

interesting Katiana. I do think there is a cultural difference in diff. parts of the U.S. The coastal cities are def. more progressive but yet the east coast is much more fast paced than the west coast. But yeah, deep down people are people. There is also the size of the town which as someone else noted, they thought the smaller towns were more friendly. And yeah, it depends on your attitude too.

I thought about what you said about the NY subway and how people in Denver aren't like that. So true. I ride the 16th St. Mall shuttle several times a day and there are always tourists looking for a street or something. Maybe I'll change my ways now. I see them looking, everyone else sees them looking and just stares. How helpful.

[Katiana]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

interesting Katiana. I do think there is a cultural difference in diff. parts of the U.S. The coastal cities are def. more progressive but yet the east coast is much more fast paced than the west coast. But yeah, deep down people are people. There is also the size of the town which as someone else noted, they thought the smaller towns were more friendly. And yeah, it depends on your attitude too.

I thought about what you said about the NY subway and how people in Denver aren't like that. So true. I ride the 16th St. Mall shuttle several times a day and there are always tourists looking for a street or something. Maybe I'll change my ways now. I see them looking, everyone else sees them looking and just stares. How helpful.

They would really appreciate it. We did. Great idea.