Dating - Are there a lot of good guys? (credit, centers)

[sportsfangal]

BS-that would be great, I'll "pick up on your vibe" and we'll talk!! ha! :-)

turcoloco- I guess I'm in the mindset of: "hey I had a fight with my bf, but I still need to do laundry and need a break!" isn't that a plausable idea? (life doesn't end just because of an argument!)

One bad thing about this forum is all this writing doesn't really let us express our true emotions, body language or thoughts. so many things can be taken out of context or missed completely.
But it's fun to discuss these and other issues. I guess wtme and I will always disagree about auras, it must be painfully clear that I don't believe in them,(or don't notice) I don't "study" people that in-depthly. I don't sit there and stare at the laundry person (m or f) and wonder how their day is going, their body language, etc. Am I to assume you would do this if it was someone you were attracted to and wanted to approach?

[BlueSimple]

BS-that would be great, I'll "pick up on your vibe" and we'll talk!! ha! :-)

Sounds good, though just to warn you, I am not a Parker Brother, I have no game!




A "vibe" is something you feel I agree, and it is important. Unfortunately though, it is not the same as or informative as a subtitle, so people simply need to be cautious when they are convinced it is. I myself have made that mistake in the past.

[wanttomoveeast]

hahaha, you are funny about the in depth thing. I spent years studying humans and human interaction, so I find it interesting. I didn't know you didn't believe in the aura thing and really I don't mean the weirdo psychic aura, just the vibe if you will. I thought you weren't understanding me, which yeah, is the bad thing about forums lol!

Oh and just for clarification, I'm not talking either about staring at someone and analyzing them. The vibe that people get off of other people is a split second thing, happens so fast no one really realizes it's happening.

It's ok if we disagree, we were able to have a respectful conversation about it and that's what I think really matters.

Hey Blue, what do you mean by this, I'm not sure I understand: "Unfortunately though, it is not the same as or informative as a subtitle, so people simply need to be cautious when they are convinced it is. I myself have made that mistake in the past."

[BlueSimple]

Hey Blue, what do you mean by this, I'm not sure I understand: "Unfortunately though, it is not the same as or informative as a subtitle, so people simply need to be cautious when they are convinced it is. I myself have made that mistake in the past."

No problem I should have been more clear, I thought of that while writing. First, I agree with you on the "vibe" thing. It seems an odd way to define it, but maybe not, I am sure it can be defined many ways. I believe though, there is a difference between a vibe/aura and body language, and of course, confusingly, they are often used at the same time.

I simply meant that the "vibe" is just that. A feeling. Hard to define and compartmentalize, and I think, often times subconcious, because often people are thinking the complete opposite of the feeling that is being put out. I have been guilty of taking that vibe as being an almost implicit statement from that person, sort of a person-to-person closed-captioning or subtitle. (I should have used "closed-captioning" initially)

Most people have been there, you have a feeling about one thing from a person but the reality may be the total opposite. I know I have, and awkwardness and unintentionally bruised feelings can sometimes result in these misinterpretations. So take the feeling as a feeling, and go from there, do not confuse it with cold hard facts.

...I think I may have confused myself more...

[TurcoLoco]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Turco: LOL!! Well, this thread is entirely too long, but I've been trying to explain the aura thing to Sports since page 1 or 2.

I'd actually say this entire thread is silly and pointless but if I really had anything better to do, would I be reading and replying? Besides, I have been reading/posting in a silly way too, not taking it too seriously, but if the OP was serious about her question, then dayum (good luck to her!)

The laundry person wasn't named in gender. Vibe is another good word for it. Sports said person, which could be either woman or man. Really, it was just an example to work with.

I don't know if the laundry person was a male or female, I didn't check to see if that 'person' had an Adam's Apple or not but the person who mentioned it sounded like a lady so I automatically assumed the person in the laundry room was a male, but hey, if she is into girls and she meant the person in the laundry room as another girl then great. Let me grab my camera and hide in the corner... people relax, I am only kidding....



....or may be not.

I just feel that sports is wayyy into thought about "why can't I form a relationship" with a guy. She claims to not be giving off any type of body language or idea that she's looking for a relationship, but I think she is and doesn't know it.
As far as relax and don't think so much about it, sports says that's exactly what she's doing. So if that indeed is true, then I attribute her problems to aura, vibe or subconscious thinking. I feel that sports is mainly taking things at face value: "I'm not mentioning marriage, so why would I be giving anything off?" I've also pointed out the theory of doing something different, choosing to approach guys sports normally wouldn't go for so to avoid picking the same type over and over. But sports says that isn't the problem. She says she meets lots of nice guys and they have nice conversations but that it never goes beyond that.

Right, I was trying to say the same, she is either too relaxed for her own good or she is uptight and she is BS'ing us! Sports, which one is it girl?
Can you read my vibe?

I enjoy discussing this topic, the subconscious stuff. I don't feel like I'm not relaxed, I'm actually happily married and remember the dating times (ugh) and the issues I had with dating when I felt I was ready to settle down. We've been nothing but polite and have stayed on topic, just are expressing different views. Which actually is quite nice. So thanks.

Yes, as long as I got nothing better to do and this is not costing me any $$, I could continue to do this...

Oh and I'm assuming you are a guy Turco?

Only Monday thru Friday, on the weekends, it all depends on my mood!


lol...ok crazy joke...really.

So when you approach a girl, think about what it was that made you approach her. Of course there's the body language, eye contact and all that. But have you ever approached a girl, had a conversation that was fine enough, but received a vibe, an aura, that made you think, nah, I'm not going further with this one? That's what I'm talking about.

I don't approach a girl thinking anything or planning anything ahead. Man are not that intelligent to pull that off, at least not successfully and not all the time!
I guess I am blessed with being naturally charming and cute. I do not have to drive a Mercedes SUV (BS no pun intended) or convertable BMW to pick up girls. I never really had hard time finding girls, not even this one time I was in jail.....ok, another bad joke but seriously, I do not take this issue too seriously, may be that is why I am relaxed and comfortable enough to talk to any girl (except really fat or ugly ones, I am a little crazy may be but not stupid or desperate). If I see a girl, I don't care about her personality, how could I? I've barely just seen her, right? At this point, I go with basics, does she have a cute face and legs/hooters/butt. A girl has to have a cute-enough face plus one from the 3 I mentioned, when I complete the physical, if all is well I move on with my sneak attack, depending on where we are and what we or she is doing, I will say something. 99% of the time, I will know where it is going depending on her response/attitude. Odd thing is, during all this time, I am not thinking about ANYTHING other than "she is cute and she got really nice legs, I wonder if she works out regularly?". I make 'pick-ups' like this almost everyday but really never follow through because I am still together with one of those that I did follow through....

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

BS-that would be great, I'll "pick up on your vibe" and we'll talk!! ha! :-)

<romantic music playing in the background>
I am the only one who noticed the halfass flirting between BS and SFG?

Right on BS, right on SFG! (of course they both will try to play it off and deny it....whatever).

turcoloco- I guess I'm in the mindset of: "hey I had a fight with my bf, but I still need to do laundry and need a break!" isn't that a plausable idea? (life doesn't end just because of an argument!)

One bad thing about this forum is all this writing doesn't really let us express our true emotions, body language or thoughts. so many things can be taken out of context or missed completely.
But it's fun to discuss these and other issues. I guess wtme and I will always disagree about auras, it must be painfully clear that I don't believe in them,(or don't notice) I don't "study" people that in-depthly. I don't sit there and stare at the laundry person (m or f) and wonder how their day is going, their body language, etc. Am I to assume you would do this if it was someone you were attracted to and wanted to approach?

Again, you are either reading too much into it, not at all or reading it wrong. You seem like a nice girl, if you are not mental and hideous looking then you should not have any problems meeting men that would compliment your personality, lifestyle and soul. Eyes are the window to a person's soul, believe that, that is probably why eyes are the only thing that looks the same from 7 till 70+. You will know when you meet the right person but like I said in my previous post, it should not take you to meet the right person, heck you should be meeting 1 or 2 in every few days, if not, you are either a house cat (get your butt out the door more often) or the places you hang out at are barren, change your routine!
If you eat beans all the time and it gives you gas, would you waste any time wondering "Hmmm, I wonder if the black beans do not like me? Is that why I am gassy? I wonder if I should switch to red beans? But I do not see any red beans around...hmm, how about brown beans, they should be ok, I think I could get along with..." cut the crap, beans are beans, it will give you gas regardless, what you need to do is drop the beans and go eat rice instead, or something other than beans. Just like this lousy example, you need to eat, you can't deny that but change your diet to fit you if you can't change you. Find something that you will like eating and also won't make you cut the cheese, simple as that!

Love, peace and chicken grease.

[wanttomoveeast]

omg turco I'm now laughing out loud at my desk and my coworkers are giving me funny looks. You made me think of something when I was trying to trap my now husband. haha, joking. But seriously, I wanted more but didn't want him to run away. I had a good friend, male roommate at the time and I was wayyy overthinking things. He sat me down and said, I'm going to give you the secret to men. It was really simple. Men are simple. Women are the ones that complicate things by thinking too much. Men just want a companion like we do, but not so much on the intellectual level, although that does seem to come after being together awhile. They aren't picking every moment, every word apart like we do.

Here's exactly what sports said: "If I saw a person sitting in a laundromat, folding clothes, I have no way of reading anything off that person besides "they are doing laundry-maybe their washer is broken, maybe they don't have a washer, or whatever." Interesting on how different perspectives can be. I don't see anything in here that would imply man or woman, but you inferred woman, maybe because of the fact men don't do laundry? (lol, my husband does laundry but he's banned from washing my clothes.)

Oh and Blue? Thanks for clarifying, I get what you are saying now.

[BlueSimple]

Oh for sure, this is a thread to be taken with a huge grain of salt no doubt! The back and forth I do find entertaining and can sometimes be informative. And as stated above, I have the time to do so these days.

I do not have to drive a Mercedes SUV (BS no pun intended)

That was funny. If a girl is expecting me to pick her up in that ride she'll be sorely disappointed! It is however, my personal dream vehicle.

<romantic music playing in the background>
I am the only one who noticed the halfass flirting between BS and SFG?

Right on BS, right on SFG! (of course they both will try to play it off and deny it....whatever).

Also funny. Sometimes I can be a shameless flirt, I'll happily admit it.

turc- Not only was your post inciteful (despite the rather odd examples..).....it's one of the few on here that has actually made me laugh out loud. That's always a good thing.

maybe because of the fact men don't do laundry? (lol, my husband does laundry but he's banned from washing my clothes.)

I am hopeless with laundry. Oddly enough, I don't mind washing and throwing them in the dryer, for some reason it is just against my DNA to deal with them properly after that.

I'd rather do the dishes.

Oh and Blue? Thanks for clarifying, I get what you are saying now.

Anytime!

[sportsfangal]

I think my point has been missed completely here. I used the laundromat scenario because it was neutral, not a bar environment. Wtme says we ALL send out "vibes". I walk into a laundromat, I see a m OR f doing laundry, I don't study them and wonder what "vibe" they are sending out or what they went through that day. I simply see a "person" any gender, doing laundry. Simple. Nothing else.



Turcoloco-You're funny! (I like men) Thank you for your candor in your post. You posted that when you see a cute girl, you don't know anything about her personality, but she obviously must have been sending out a "vibe" that made you want to approach her, right? that's my point. You went with the "basics"-legs,butt. whatever. So now my million dollar question-and the one that started this snowball effect of posting-is What was it about her (besides the "basics") that made you want to CONTINUE the relationship you are in now? That is where I can't seem to get answers. I don't have problems meeting men, I flirt, I think I have decent "basics", haven't cracked any mirrors, love sports, pleasant conversationalist, good job, a car, the list goes on and on...(ok, maybe not that long) the problem I have is that it never goes any further. I guess the men I'm meeting are either: 1) married, 2) just don't want a gf, 3) have a gf, or 4) just not interested.

BS-don't worry, I don't have "game" either, it's either let's have a drink and chat, or not. See? simple, painless. No games.

wtme- i'm not a picky person, I freely chat with all types of men, so when you say- go for men I wouldn't normally go for, I know what you are trying to say, but it doesn't really apply to me because I talk to all different types of guys. Do you mean looks, job, clothing style, hair color?? what do you mean specifically?

[wanttomoveeast]

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

I think my point has been missed completely here.

No, I think we get your point. Funny though, I don't think you get mine! It seems to me that you are saying that when you come across a person, you don't think about their vibe.

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

...I walk into a laundromat, I see a m OR f doing laundry, I don't study them and wonder what "vibe" they are sending out or what they went through that day. I simply see a "person" any gender, doing laundry. Simple. Nothing else.

See, this is not my point. I'm not saying that you come across someone and study them. In fact, earlier I said that it was less than a split second. I've said that vibes, auras are not physical. No one stops to study people and then try to feel their vibe. Also, I don't think this (dating and relationships) are simple at all. In fact, I think the opposite. If it was so simple, we wouldn't have all of these single people wishing for and longing for a mate.

Think of it this way. It's like what some people think of God. They say he's always there. A presence. That's what I'm saying about auras, they are always there. Of course you don't spend your day to day life looking for a guy's aura and then assessing their stance. What I'm saying is that the aura is there and does affect how people deal with you. It's an energy of sorts that is surrounding you, at all times.

Do you understand now what I'm saying?

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

What was it about her (besides the "basics") that made you want to CONTINUE the relationship you are in now?

I totally understand that was your initial question, we just got stuck on the vibe. I started out by answering your question with what I thought had to do with what "aura" you are putting out, but then it involved into this long discussion, mainly because I feel that my explanation is just not being understood.

I know one thing for sure, my girlfriend has this problem. She is very clingy and smothering. So while she meets tons of men and initally hooks them, after a very short time, say a month, they are running. She drops everything to do whatever the guy wants. She blows me off entirely for that month. She starts talking kids, marriage, etc. after about 2 weeks. She'll do just about anything. This is a huge turnoff. I think that if she just continued to live her life and have her own life, some of these guys would stick around.

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

wtme- i'm not a picky person, I freely chat with all types of men, so when you say- go for men I wouldn't normally go for, I know what you are trying to say, but it doesn't really apply to me because I talk to all different types of guys. Do you mean looks, job, clothing style, hair color?? what do you mean specifically?

ok, some of this requires deep thought, perhaps thinking outside of the box (I hate that term). Think about this: Do you think that people often pick the same type over and over again? Have you noticed that some women always end up with the same type of guy, whatever type that is? I believe it is because they are choosing that type. Some of it is looks, some demeanor. I used to always pick the same type of guy. He was good looking, but always less intellectual than I wanted. OK, he was pretty clueless. He was not interested in politics or arts or philosophy. Mainly interested in clubbing. It wasn't his fault. It was me choosing these types. Because I was attracted to that type for whatever reason. So one day I met someone who was not like that at all. Of course I wasn't attracted. But I continued the relationship anyway. And then I began to find the types of guys I was really looking for -- thinkers, loving, kind, honest, loyal. Does this make sense?

[sportsfangal]

wtme-Yes you make sense. I am defiantely not clingy and don't like guys that are clingy. I am independent and I'm looking for a partner in life, not a "kid" to raise.
I, too, have a friend who picked terrible guys, she would buy things for them, I mean expensive things like jewelry, cameras, cell phones, etc. I would never do that. Only when I was with my one serious boyfriend that led to engagement, did I buy him an expensive item, it was a leather jacket for his birthday after 3 yrs of dating. perfectly reasonable. (of course I got him little inexpensive trinkets along the way)
But, enough rambling about that...I guess it just comes down to what I've said all along, I enjoy life, continue to do things I like, and if a guy wants to approach me, fine. If not, well, I still have to go on living!!! :-)
as for the split second vibe thing, I just don't think that much about it, when I see someone, I just take it for what it is, whatever they're doing. I don't give it a second thought.
I'm obviously doing something wrong by just sitting there, minding my own business. I make eye contact if a guy seems to be interested, I chat, I flirt-if appropriate, watch a game on tv, etc, etc, guess these things aren't good enough, since I'm giving off "something".