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I wanna see you two get -at least- hald naked in a puddle of mud and wrestle while arguing on the same retarded topic.
I would pay to see that but reading you two go on about it has become visually tormenting at this point.
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Originally Posted by sportsfangal
I think my point has been missed completely here. I used the laundromat scenario because it was neutral, not a bar environment. Wtme says we ALL send out "vibes". I walk into a laundromat, I see a m OR f doing laundry, I don't study them and wonder what "vibe" they are sending out or what they went through that day. I simply see a "person" any gender, doing laundry. Simple. Nothing else.
...and that is perfectly normal. I am the same way, I simply do not do any kind of deep or even superfacial thinking about random people I see on a daily basis, what is the point of that?
The only time I may wonder or analyze someone is if that person is interesting or freaky looking. Basically, something about them catches your eye whether it is a guy or a girl, and of course has nothing to do with relationships or sex of anything like that. It is an observation, possibly driven by human curiosity due to whatever. At your example, in a laundromat, there is hardly anything interesting happening, ever so I could find myself even staring at the clothes in a dryer like a cow looking at a passing train. At a night club, it might have the exact opposite on people where there might be too much going on where you feel like a hyper kid with ADD, can't focus on anything, always wondering if you are missing out on something better, more fun that could be happening downstairs, upstairs, on the dace floor, in the bathroom, etc., you get my point, right?
To some, the relationship is the same thing. They always think they might be better off with someone else while some people I know are stuck in a lame or downright miserable relationship because they think what they got is good enough or they don't think they can do/deserve better. Do I try to help them or feel sorry for them, absolutely not, to each his own. I got my own sh.t to deal with, I can't help every person with low self-esteem issues or those who can't be happy with what they got. They have to learn for themselves, even it means they will suffer.
No one here can tell you what is wrong with the picture you are painting SFG, only you can determine that. Heck may be there is nothing wrong, may be you are alwaready happy but being single you think you are missing out? Would you rather be single and bored or with someone and miserable? Ok, a little joke there. I had to joke after all that 'free' preaching!
Ok, back with the serious stuff, do you think you need someone in your life? May be you are not ready for a relationship hence your responses (yes I have been quietly reading and analyzing) on this topic. May be all you need is some bedroom action because you are sexually frustrated and that is corrupting your personal assessment/judgement on this (you wouldn't be the only one believe me!)?
May be you were burned once so you are twice shy now even though you know you still would like to be with someone but can't quite break out of your shell that you sub consciously built to protect yourself because you were mentally hurt?
What you may need is a booty call or new batteries, I dunno but you need to clear your thinking which might be clouding your thinking (I feel).
Anyhow, this is all the free advise I can spare, with a little joke take all this with a grain of salt, let it all sink in. Take some time and think about this in a peaceful environment, try to feel what your heart is telling you.
Grow up, no really, grow up mentally and emotionally, move pass what is holding you behind, otherwise you will never find what is waiting you on the other side.
Again, you are saying "Turco (I like the way you say my name btw), I have no problem getting men, the problem is keeping a decent one around for more than a short time" and I hear you, that is why I took the time to type all that mumbo jumbo in the previous paragraph because to me, it seemed like you really didn't know what YOU were looking for. May be due to that you are undecisive or may be it is causing you to mingle with the wrong ones?
Are you confident about your taste in men and the type you are looking for?
If so, I will move this painful post to the next chapter; you tell me at what number your previous attempt ended:
You met John, he is cute, you guys did chat for a short while at Laundromat while he was folding a few 'Hello Kitty' undies. #1
You guys really did hit it off, now you believe there is some level of attraction and it seems to be mutual.#2
You exchange names and even numbers, or you are cautious so you take his number or he is so darn cute you lower your defenses and paranoia and give him your number, whatever. He is done with his thing and fixing to leave but you still got more to do so you are staying, you two say your byes and he takes off. #3
A few day later John the Stud is ready to ring your bell so he gives you a ring, you guys meet up at some local joint, quite casual. You are still a bit nervous but having fun and definitely enjoying your time with him. You start to connect with him on a more intelectual level than you initially expected. At this point you stop picturing him naked or wonder if he is a good lover too or not cause you are enjoying yourself way too much and on an emotional level. You are quite surprised because you do not often experience this with a man. You go on a few more 'informal' dates like that or may be even get physical at least once and get to rock each other's world but then he doesn't call as often or doesn't seem to have the time or the intension to hang out with you as much or he stops calling you altogether or he tells you his wife/GF was getting suspicious and he couldn't see you any more. #4
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Turcoloco-You're funny! (I like men) Thank you for your candor in your post. You posted that when you see a cute girl, you don't know anything about her personality, but she obviously must have been sending out a "vibe" that made you want to approach her, right?
No, no vibes other than catching my attention with the 'basics', nothing more, why because at that point nothing more had happened and I am no fortune cookie to predict anything further. I can't even hit more than 2 numbers on the lottery so my guessing capabilities are what the bird left on the rock, mmmkay?
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You went with the "basics"-legs,butt. whatever. So now my million dollar question-and the one that started this snowball effect of posting-is What was it about her (besides the "basics") that made you want to CONTINUE the relationship you are in now?
This is the million $ question which you want me to answer for free? Are you nuts?
Not even a kiss or a hug?
hehe... Ok, back to your million dollar question, the basics gets things rolling, it is better if the basics are same for both but as WTME stated, one of the parties may not be as much physically attracted if at all as the other one but as long as there is some 'chemistry' then things have a fiar chance of rolling but I know, you do not have a problem thus far. Afterwards, it is up to both of you, both parties will continue living their life as normal but now that you are sharing time together, there will have to be some sacrifces from both sides or at least some re-organizing your day.
For me the cute face and the great legs & rack still there but I'd have said bye to them even before getting jiggy with it if I didn't like her attitude and her personality. She is very easy going, doesn't smother me at all, doesn't ask too much or ask for too much, perhaps because she was married before and couple of rugrats so she figured she would have to be low-key to not give any more reasons for a guy to be scared and run away? May be due to her situation she has not been able to go out and socialize much and since she is fairly hot, most retards around were too chickensh.t to even talk to her or talk right. May be she has been with goodlooking losers and wised up enough to give this average joe a try?
I guess, my $0.02 answer to your million $ question would be: what made us click may not be applicable to you, it differs from person to person but my current hunny and I were happy-enough with each other, at least for the time being. And honestly, that is the best you can do, no one can predict the future so I don't believe in looking for Mr/Ms Right because you do not know if you found him or her until you actually spend some time with him/her. In its purest form of my thinking, I believe you create 'Mr./Ms. Right', like creating a vase out of clay, the difference is, in a human relationship, the reshaping occurs on both sides, so each person is a piece of clay shaping the other. Again, you have to know yourself, know what you want out of your life and out of a relationship, at least for the time being, what is right-enough can actually become right in due time.
It is up to you, this is your life, no one can give you the answers, you discover them on your own.
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That is where I can't seem to get answers. I don't have problems meeting men, I flirt, I think I have decent "basics", haven't cracked any mirrors, love sports, pleasant conversationalist, good job, a car, the list goes on and on...(ok, maybe not that long)
Do you realize that all these you'd listed are irrelevant to some random guy you never met before? This is true until they get to know you but since you mentioned it, it is good to know that you would not be a financial drag to them so the reason for them could not be that however you mentioned:
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the problem I have is that it never goes any further. I guess the men I'm meeting are either: 1) married, 2) just don't want a gf, 3) have a gf, or 4) just not interested.
#1 and #3 are players, sounds like you are getting played if you actually are going out with these types after the initial meeting. They are dogs, so next time, do not throw them any more bones once you find out if they are affiliated with another person.
#2 and #4 did sounds like the same to me. Anyhow, if they are really not looking for a GF or not interested ina relationship at all yet they went out with you anyway, then again you could be messing with a dog who just wants to hump your leg (if you know what I mean) and then leave you just as fast. If I was not interested in a girl or even having a GF, I would not agree to go out with her in the first place so again, either they just wanted nookie or something you had done or said turned them off, plain and simple.
Major turn off to most men:
~ Talking about girly crap (shopping, shoes, other chicks) on your first date (or ever really).
~ Nagging/b.tching about your ex (a major 'Hell No').
~ Flirting/eyeing other guys while you are with your date.
~ As mentioned before, talking about kids, marriage, etc.
~ Lying/hiding or even sharing too much critical info such as having kids, being married before, doing drugs/smoking, having herpes, etc.
I hope this provides some insight and help to you...cause this is all you get for free!
Yeah you got that right. Why are women so afraid to stick something out and work at it?
well lets see,
shall i sit here and listen to old baldy yap about my credit card binges or
shall i call the lawyer and get my 1/4 million cash out.
think winnie the poo think think think
well lets see,
shall i sit here and listen to old baldy yap about my credit card binges or
shall i call the lawyer and get my 1/4 million cash out.
think winnie the poo think think think
Sounds like you're half the problem with women today.
My parents came from a time when divorce wasn't an option. The only way out was death. Why is it so easy for men and women to just walk away from each other these days? Nobody wants responsibility, they just want to run away like cowards at the first sign of trouble, instead of working things out.
thanks turcoloco- no mud-wrestling for me either! it seems most of my recent encounters have ended at about #2. mutual attraction, phone number exchange, casual dates, great conversation, then poof! never hear back. But oddly enough, some guys DO call back after several months. why is this? did he break up with his gf and now trying creep back in my life? if you disappear, then don't call back ever, unless you really intend to follow through.
sex isn't mentioned in these posts because I think you could get that anywhere, anytime. It's relatively easy to get sex if that was all I cared about. But since I am a quality woman looking for a quality man, I expect the relationship to flourish before sex happens. If the guys decides he can't wait or that was his goal then he vanishes, then I don't have any need for a jerk like that.
I am confident in my looks and in men that I find attractive, I'm not picky, per se, but I want a financially secure guy, takes care of himself-exercises, eats well, likes to travel, likes (loves) football, if he's an "average joe" fine, as long as he treats me with kindness, respect and decency. The same way i would treat him.
this is a fantasy I know, but I still have some hope. I just go on living and don't worry about it. I brought it up a zillion pages ago as a general observation I was noticing about the latest guys I seem to be encountering-ones that don't want anything further than a conversation or 2 dates. It wasn't meant to be huge psychological analyzation, it turned into one, unfortunately. I just wanted to ask guys out there what makes them date long term or marry, etc.
wtme-I'm sorry if we are not getting through to each other, if we were to have this conversation face to face, over coffee or preferably, martinis-I think we could hash it out rather quickly.
sports: yep, face to face definitely clears things up rather quickly. We have had quite a few city-data happy hours, and you are more than welcome to attend.
I've been following this thread from afar, and would just like to make a few politically incorrect points (as is my nature.)
Sportsfangal, I hate to break it to you, and I'm not trying to be mean, but if you're hot, you will have no problem getting a guy. Period. Whenever I hear a woman complain that men aren't into her, but that she's attractive, not hard on the eyes, doesn't break mirrors, whatever. That's code for "I think I'm attractive, why don't guys think so?"
Sorry, we can't all be hot. That's life. Hot is how other people see you, not how you see yourself. Maybe you're shooting above your attractiveness level. It happens.
Point 2: This notion that a man of quality will wait and get to know you before going for sex is nonsense. We men NEED sex, we must have it. We have, on average, ten to twenty times the testosterone level that you women have. And testosterone is the androgen primarily responsible for sex drive in the human species.
Put simply, no matter what women say, they do not have a sex drive even close to a man's. There is so much scientific data, as well as common sense anecdotal evidence for this, I wouldn't know where to begin. You, as a woman, are more into what sex can get you from a man (love, security, etc; ) we're more into sex for sex's sake.
Also, since women today are not as interested in sticking with a guy and building a family and home with him (think divorce rates,) as their ancestors were, taking sex off the table offers a guy basically nothing. So if someone dates you, they get a woman to watch sports with. Why should they date you, when they can already get that from you at the local bar and date someone else?
My current girlfriend of 1.5 years tried to pull that "no sex till we get to know each other" B.S. We broke up over it, and I ended up going out with another girl. And when she finally realized things weren't going in her direction if she didn't meet my needs, she came back to me, we had sex, and have been together monogamously ever since. I would never cheat on her. Why? I don't have to, she meets my needs.
You have to give to get. You can't just think of what you want from men, you need to bring something to the table to barter with, your presence and sense of self-worth is not enough. Naturally, it follows that good judgment is a necessity whether you "give it up, or not."
But the bottom line is, that all relationships are exchanges of resources in some way or another. If you're not positioned to meet someone else's needs in exchange for your own being met, there's no reason for anyone to close the deal with you.
Very interesting stance Venusian; and thanks so much for piping up. After all, that's what sports has been asking for... a man's opinion.
One thing I thought of when reading your post, in particular this statement,
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Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
Hot is how other people see you, not how you see yourself.
I do think that the hotness factor starts from within. I've known some, shall we say, ginormous? women who looked very hot, I mean they were hot. And I thought, why? Because they feel hot. Others on the other hand, appear hot to me, but don't think they are hot, and therefore lack the attraction factor. I don't think anyone, men or women, are attracted to people who walk around being down and in the dumps.
This part I find hilarious but true, my DH tells me this all the time.
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Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
Point 2: This notion that a man of quality will wait and get to know you before going for sex is nonsense. We men NEED sex, we must have it. We have, on average, ten to twenty times the testosterone level that you women have. And testosterone is the androgen primarily responsible for sex drive in the human species.
I really never thought of things this way.
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Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
So if someone dates you, they get a woman to watch sports with. Why should they date you, when they can already get that from you at the local bar and date someone else?
I like your post. It makes a very good point in that dating and finding a mate isn't about me me me, it's about what can I bring to the table. Thanks again for speaking up, I was feeling alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist
But the bottom line is, that all relationships are exchanges of resources in some way or another. If you're not positioned to meet someone else's needs in exchange for your own being met, there's no reason for anyone to close the deal with you.
Very interesting stance Venusian; and thanks so much for piping up. After all, that's what sports has been asking for... a man's opinion...I like your post. It makes a very good point in that dating and finding a mate isn't about me me me, it's about what can I bring to the table. Thanks again for speaking up, I was feeling alone.
Thanks. I'd get creamed for this sort of post in the Portland forums. They're very sensitive about things over there.
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I do think that the hotness factor starts from within. I've known some, shall we say, ginormous? women who looked very hot, I mean they were hot. And I thought, why? Because they feel hot. Others on the other hand, appear hot to me, but don't think they are hot, and therefore lack the attraction factor. I don't think anyone, men or women, are attracted to people who walk around being down and in the dumps.
Could be. I generally differentiate between "hot" as in "damn she be fine," and "sexy." Sexy being an amalgam of qualities, including looks and attitude. We basically agree, though. Thanks for the rep.
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Ok, a little joke there. I had to joke after all that 'free' preaching!
